Hey.

“Most common deaths in the summer include drowning heat strokes fireworks and other deadly accidents.”

“I had an acquaintance who nearly died from heat stroke.”

“Oh?”

“Most common deaths in the summer include drowning heat strokes fireworks and other deadly accidents.”

“You know what we gotta do after work right?”

“…. No?”

“Bar crawl until our livers beg for mercy.”

“Goodness me!”

“I’m going to do that but you don’t have to. I don’t want you to feel like you absolutely have to drink.”

“You know what we gotta do after work right?”

“…. No?”

“Bar crawl until our livers beg for mercy.”

“You know what we gotta do after work right?”

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

Alastor offered the phone to the cat while the woman continued, half expecting them to yowl down the line and scare her off.

The cat pressed the button to hang up before plopping himself in Alastor’s lap

Alastor snorted. “Good kitty.”

“Mrow.” The cat snuggled into Alastor and started kneading on his lap

Alastor squeed.

Oracle popped up for lunch and looked stunned “He has never done that ever! You must be special.”

“I have been chosen….”

“Call your husband you’re taking him home.”

“Yes ma’am-“

On her break Oracle played a game called the mortuary assistant

Alastor was still talking to Lucifer about the car. Lu is mainly worried about how he’ll interact with Keekee.

Oracle’s ear twitched and she heard noises in the cemetery nearby spotting a hunter stalking across the cemetery grounds after a rabbit “Oh damn it.”

“Un moment Lu- That’s not legal is it?”

“Not only that but dangerous too.” Oracle marched out the door furiously “OI! THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” The hunter garbled out drunk Cajun nonsense about Oracle scaring the deer off “Fuck the deer you are on private property and people are here to mourn the dead! Show some respect!”

Alastor discreetly waved the deer on.

The deer nodded towards Alastor and moved on

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

Alastor offered the phone to the cat while the woman continued, half expecting them to yowl down the line and scare her off.

The cat pressed the button to hang up before plopping himself in Alastor’s lap

Alastor snorted. “Good kitty.”

“Mrow.” The cat snuggled into Alastor and started kneading on his lap

Alastor squeed.

Oracle popped up for lunch and looked stunned “He has never done that ever! You must be special.”

“I have been chosen….”

“Call your husband you’re taking him home.”

“Yes ma’am-“

On her break Oracle played a game called the mortuary assistant

Alastor was still talking to Lucifer about the car. Lu is mainly worried about how he’ll interact with Keekee.

Oracle’s ear twitched and she heard noises in the cemetery nearby spotting a hunter stalking across the cemetery grounds after a rabbit “Oh damn it.”

“Un moment Lu- That’s not legal is it?”

“Not only that but dangerous too.” Oracle marched out the door furiously “OI! THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” The hunter garbled out drunk Cajun nonsense about Oracle scaring the deer off “Fuck the deer you are on private property and people are here to mourn the dead! Show some respect!”

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

Alastor offered the phone to the cat while the woman continued, half expecting them to yowl down the line and scare her off.

The cat pressed the button to hang up before plopping himself in Alastor’s lap

Alastor snorted. “Good kitty.”

“Mrow.” The cat snuggled into Alastor and started kneading on his lap

Alastor squeed.

Oracle popped up for lunch and looked stunned “He has never done that ever! You must be special.”

“I have been chosen….”

“Call your husband you’re taking him home.”

“Yes ma’am-“

On her break Oracle played a game called the mortuary assistant

Alastor was still talking to Lucifer about the car. Lu is mainly worried about how he’ll interact with Keekee.

Oracle’s ear twitched and she heard noises in the cemetery nearby spotting a hunter stalking across the cemetery grounds after a rabbit “Oh damn it.”

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

Alastor offered the phone to the cat while the woman continued, half expecting them to yowl down the line and scare her off.

The cat pressed the button to hang up before plopping himself in Alastor’s lap

Alastor snorted. “Good kitty.”

“Mrow.” The cat snuggled into Alastor and started kneading on his lap

Alastor squeed.

Oracle popped up for lunch and looked stunned “He has never done that ever! You must be special.”

“I have been chosen….”

“Call your husband you’re taking him home.”

“Yes ma’am-“

On her break Oracle played a game called the mortuary assistant

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

Alastor offered the phone to the cat while the woman continued, half expecting them to yowl down the line and scare her off.

The cat pressed the button to hang up before plopping himself in Alastor’s lap

Alastor snorted. “Good kitty.”

“Mrow.” The cat snuggled into Alastor and started kneading on his lap

Alastor squeed.

Oracle popped up for lunch and looked stunned “He has never done that ever! You must be special.”

“I have been chosen….”

“Call your husband you’re taking him home.”

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

Alastor offered the phone to the cat while the woman continued, half expecting them to yowl down the line and scare her off.

The cat pressed the button to hang up before plopping himself in Alastor’s lap

Alastor snorted. “Good kitty.”

“Mrow.” The cat snuggled into Alastor and started kneading on his lap

Alastor squeed.

Oracle popped up for lunch and looked stunned “He has never done that ever! You must be special.”

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

Alastor offered the phone to the cat while the woman continued, half expecting them to yowl down the line and scare her off.

The cat pressed the button to hang up before plopping himself in Alastor’s lap

Alastor snorted. “Good kitty.”

“Mrow.” The cat snuggled into Alastor and started kneading on his lap

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

Alastor offered the phone to the cat while the woman continued, half expecting them to yowl down the line and scare her off.

The cat pressed the button to hang up before plopping himself in Alastor’s lap

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“…. You’re welcome, ma’am.” Alastor is thinking about how this is another reason he doesn’t use a phone.

Another call involved an irate woman yelling about how her father had been wearing makeup during his funeral despite the fact that this was standard procedure for all the clients. An elderly stray cat entered and jumped up on the desk glaring at the phone

The first call was an older woman who overshared a lot “My name is Barbra June and I’m retired. I have been battling IBS since 1970. My nephew Shawn is a spina bifida warrior. I do not consent to letting facebook see my photos I love a number six from Wendy’s. Thank you, be blessed.”

“The basement is where I handle my clients. That’s another rule. They’re not corpses here, they’re clients.”

“Understood.”

“Alright let me orient you with the intercom system. The buttons are all labeled and I included a list of emergency code words in case things get hairy and you can’t speak freely. The only other rules are just keep out of my apartment area and be careful going down into the basement since there’s chemicals and sharp objects.”

“Alright. I’ll let you get to work.” Oracle went down to the basement and got to work

Alastor moved to the desk, humming a tune to himself

The first call was a young lady requesting to speak about her friend’s funeral arrangements “She was a trans woman and her family wants her buried under her dead name as a man. I’d like you to bury her the way she would have wanted.”

Alastor - who was most definitely buried with his own dead name and understands the frustration - nodded (I also make physical gestures during phone calls you see). “We can most definitely have that done! I understand how important it is.”

“I’ll stop by and I’ll bring a few things for her burial and viewing. What time would work best for you?”

“Hmm, I believe we have a free space at around 2 pm!” or any time that’s actually free haha

“2 pm works. I’ll see you then.”

“Take care now!”

The next call was a nursing home delivering a client who they claimed had been dead for a couple minutes but when the body arrived it was stiff and cold suggesting that it had been dead for much longer

Alastor’s ears flicked. “Suspicious….”

Oracle came up and signed for the decedent before leading Alastor through protocol “When you get a delivery like this you let me know and then once I give the all clear you bring the decedent to the elevator and I’ll take it from there.” She then muttered a few choice words about the nursing home staff being incompetent

Alastair nodded. “Yes ma’am!” he agrees, very incompetent. Why was that a common occurrence, people meant to care for others treating them like trash….

Oracle led him to the elevator and to the basement where a very elderly beagle with cataracts was waiting nearby “Important detail: You must say hi to Sugar.” Sugar yawned and waddled over to Alastor “I took her in when her owners got taken by Katrina. She’s an old lady now but still sweet as ever.”

Sugar sniffed his hand and gave a big ol sigh

Alastor pat her on the head.

Sugar wagged her tail and licked his hand before going back to her bed and falling asleep “Back to sleep nana.”

“How cute….”

“She’s a senior citizen. 21 years old.”

“Oh thats old!”

Oracle nodded “She’s an old biddy.” She then wheeled her client into cold storage letting Alastor get a look at the body on the table in the meantime

Alastor’s ears swiveled. He didn’t look too close, but he seemed to be scanning for signs of death.

The body was a young man no older than 40 with pin prick pupils and track marks up and down his arms

“A car accident maybe….?”

“Mister Donovan here shoved two little kids out of the way of a semi. Ended up under the wheels.”

“How kind of him….”

Oracle nodded in agreement

“I would hope he gets into heaven.”

Another nod from Oracle who pointed out one of her favorite collections “Vintage embalming fluid bottles!”

“I believe I’ve seen some of them before!”

Nearby was a photo of Oracle’s mother, Ophelia “This is my mom. She’s in a better place.” She showed the latest post card from Shreveport describing her one night stand with a voodoo bokor whom she credited with her latest streak of poker wins.

Alastor chuckled softly. “She seems like an entertaining soul.”

“Oh she is.”

“The basement is where I handle my clients. That’s another rule. They’re not corpses here, they’re clients.”

“Understood.”

“Alright let me orient you with the intercom system. The buttons are all labeled and I included a list of emergency code words in case things get hairy and you can’t speak freely. The only other rules are just keep out of my apartment area and be careful going down into the basement since there’s chemicals and sharp objects.”

“Alright. I’ll let you get to work.” Oracle went down to the basement and got to work

Alastor moved to the desk, humming a tune to himself

The first call was a young lady requesting to speak about her friend’s funeral arrangements “She was a trans woman and her family wants her buried under her dead name as a man. I’d like you to bury her the way she would have wanted.”

Alastor - who was most definitely buried with his own dead name and understands the frustration - nodded (I also make physical gestures during phone calls you see). “We can most definitely have that done! I understand how important it is.”

“I’ll stop by and I’ll bring a few things for her burial and viewing. What time would work best for you?”

“Hmm, I believe we have a free space at around 2 pm!” or any time that’s actually free haha

“2 pm works. I’ll see you then.”

“Take care now!”

The next call was a nursing home delivering a client who they claimed had been dead for a couple minutes but when the body arrived it was stiff and cold suggesting that it had been dead for much longer

Alastor’s ears flicked. “Suspicious….”

Oracle came up and signed for the decedent before leading Alastor through protocol “When you get a delivery like this you let me know and then once I give the all clear you bring the decedent to the elevator and I’ll take it from there.” She then muttered a few choice words about the nursing home staff being incompetent

Alastair nodded. “Yes ma’am!” he agrees, very incompetent. Why was that a common occurrence, people meant to care for others treating them like trash….

Oracle led him to the elevator and to the basement where a very elderly beagle with cataracts was waiting nearby “Important detail: You must say hi to Sugar.” Sugar yawned and waddled over to Alastor “I took her in when her owners got taken by Katrina. She’s an old lady now but still sweet as ever.”

Sugar sniffed his hand and gave a big ol sigh

Alastor pat her on the head.

Sugar wagged her tail and licked his hand before going back to her bed and falling asleep “Back to sleep nana.”

“How cute….”

“She’s a senior citizen. 21 years old.”

“Oh thats old!”

Oracle nodded “She’s an old biddy.” She then wheeled her client into cold storage letting Alastor get a look at the body on the table in the meantime

Alastor’s ears swiveled. He didn’t look too close, but he seemed to be scanning for signs of death.

The body was a young man no older than 40 with pin prick pupils and track marks up and down his arms

“A car accident maybe….?”

“Mister Donovan here shoved two little kids out of the way of a semi. Ended up under the wheels.”

“How kind of him….”

Oracle nodded in agreement

“I would hope he gets into heaven.”

Another nod from Oracle who pointed out one of her favorite collections “Vintage embalming fluid bottles!”

“I believe I’ve seen some of them before!”

Nearby was a photo of Oracle’s mother, Ophelia “This is my mom. She’s in a better place.” She showed the latest post card from Shreveport describing her one night stand with a voodoo bokor whom she credited with her latest streak of poker wins.