…

your son and presumed heir what’s-his-name has been kidnapped and is still at large. last you heard he was in the vale maybe? but you haven’t checked and you’re not planning to

this is low priority because your daughter (derogatory) has launched a coup to kill her drunk husband the king and seize power. she accidentally gets a two-for-one deal when her impulsive and suspiciously blond son has the second most powerful man in the country killed for shits and giggles on the steps of the westerosi vatican. now your house is fighting a five-front war.

Arya is a small child. She’s nine, she’s skinny; she would probably never excel at being a knight, so instead she learns a different type of fighting. She’ll never overpower anyone, but she can be quick and sneaky and use her left hand which most people don’t know how to fight against. Also, I would argue that Syrio’s teachings about “looking with your eyes” were far more important to her than the physical part of water dancing. Most of the time she isn’t using her skills to directly fight people, but to run away, to spy on people, to catch food and survive. Syrio is her friend, Needle is Jon Snow’s smile, etc. Arya learning how to use her stature to her advantage is part of a greater connection to her identity and the people who helped her.

Brienne is stronger than most men, but she faces constant misogyny because of that (which is all too realistic). She constantly faces internal battles with her own self-image and harassment wherever she goes. She gets taught to use men’s pride and anger to her advantage:

“Old Ser Goodwin was long in his grave, yet she could hear him whispering in her ear. Men will always underestimate you, he said, and their pride will make them want to vanquish you quickly, lest it be said that a woman tried them sorely. Let them spend their strength in furious attacks, whilst you conserve your own. Wait and watch, girl, wait and watch (AFFC Brienne 7)”

Finally, “no chance, and no choice” is her most memorable line for a reason. It’s not her martial prowess that makes her a great character; it’s her bravery and honor.

Cultural ties are also so important to the reasons many women in the series fight. Asha is Balon’s last remaining child when all her brothers are dead and gone. Of course she knows how to fight and sail. Her tension with Theon is less about her showing off and more about her proving how much she actually knows her people while he doesn’t (of course that isn’t Theon’s fault but that’s a whole other post). The Mormont women learned to fight because they historically had to fight off invaders; the Sand snakes’ skills show their connection to Oberyn, etc.

The Starks *do* have uncle/neice marriages in their family tree but I think its important to note that the 2 examples here of Sansa and Serena Stark marrying their half-uncles Jonnel and Edric were done in the context of a succession crisis where the North was staring down the possibility of its first female ruler in 8,000 years. And they decided that actually incest and allowing half uncles and neices to marry and letting the men's (weaker) claim supersede the women was the best option instead of just. Having a ruling Lady of Winterfell.