Finally nice enough to walk around in an unbuttoned coat. Still working on walking around with no music, it’s exhausting to let my mind wander in circles, dbt hasn’t sunk in even after a couple years of half-assed practice. The snow is still here, but it’s dripping off the roofs, but it’s pooling into ice where it meets the ground. In the same way that I am so happy and so sad. Another reminder to be thankful I am not in fact bipolar, because the amount of mood swings I already experience coupled with how intensely I feel everything is already a lot to bare. I look at bumper stickers. I look at the shards of a broken mirror on a corner. I look at the homey porches and simultaneously daydream about a Home while remembering I don’t know where I’ll live when my lease is up. It’s crushing my brother and his friends got an apartment without me, without telling me. But I’m still so happy for him because he’s the one that’s been with my parents this whole time. Spring is how I am feeling. It’s complicated. I’m thankful to feel and feel as deeply as I do. I’m thankful to be somewhat at terms with this transitional stage in my life. Change is a funny thing. Like, morbidly funny.
