Goofymuses' RP Memes

“It was nice to talk to you last night. Kind of felt like old times again.”

“I shouldn't have come here.”

“You know, if there's ever anything you want to talk about, like, no big deal, but you can talk to me.”

“You shut the hell up about what's in my head.”

“That is a lie! Liars do not get food.”

“And if we don't do anything, everyone is going to die.”

“They also pulled my hair. It didn't hurt, though. I have strong roots.”

“If they were a pet bird, I would leave the cage door open. And the ceiling fan on.”

“Why are you acting so weird? Wait, are you high?”

“I'm not a thief. Not really. I mean, I do steal a lot of shit...”

“Oh, um... yeah, I made all that stuff up.”

“This is a bad idea. I do not like children.”

“I have got this. I can be a good parent. I've seen a lot of television.”

“Now you're pretending to care about other people.”

“Looks like you already lost one fight today. But keep playing with me, and we'll make it two.”

“It would be the honor of my life to lay your ass out.”

“Is this... is this what we have now? Is this us? We just gonna fight all the time?”

“This is missing something. What is it? Oh, right, flavor.”

“Did you forget that, or are you purposely trying to kill me?”

“How do you even get within ten feet of that creep without ripping his face off?”

“I guess I'm just somebody who doesn't like watching their best friend ruin their life.”

“Oh, no. Why is there a murderer here?”

“But you're my family. I was hoping that'd be enough.”

“I will win myself a prize. And consider giving it to you.”

“This isn't spicy food. This is the stuff they put a tiny bit of in to make spicy food.”

“We can't both be messes at the same time. Otherwise it's chaos.”

“You know, I wasn't around when all that stuff went down, but I'm here now. And I always will be. You know that, right?”

“Just take care of yourself. At the end of the day, you can't depend on anyone else but you.”

“I'm glad we got to spend time together. I might even miss you a little.”

“I can't do this anymore. It's gotten way out of hand.”

“Hmm. Not sure the sarcasm is necessary.”

“Where the hell did you get all this money?”

“Look, I appreciate mystical creatures, all right? I really do. Well, except for mermaids. You know, where do they get off sitting up on the rocks all high and mighty, expecting you to ask them out on a date?”

“This is awful. Too many people. The last island that had this many humans on it was Atlantis, and that did not turn out well.”

“Let me guess, cartoons and cereal for breakfast, cartoons and cereal for dinner. Ah, definition of a perfect day.”

“What's the point of being married if you can't fart around your wife?”

“Oh, shoot. Gee, I didn't know things were like that... for you.”

“I'm sorry that I kissed you that night. I shouldn't have done that. It was a shitty thing to do. Sorry.”

“Try to be inconspicuous, okay? Blend into the background, avoid attention.”

“So what is this, huh? Let me guess. You're upset with me 'cause I yelled at you earlier today, right?”

“You need to tell me what's going on with you. We're not leaving until you do.”

“You don't give yourself enough credit. I wouldn't even be here right now if it weren't for you.”

“I mean, this is somebody I laughed with until I cried and cried with until I laughed again, you know? And then, uh... and then they’re just... They’re just gone... forever, you know?”

“It's my fault that they’re gone... It's my fault that they’re dead, and I just... I can't...”

“Pray you never wake to find reality knocking at your door.”

“Oh, I swear, if you turn that thing on any of us again, I will not hesitate. I will kill you.”

“Hate to burst your bubble, but we can't just stomp through the front door.”

“I am not cute. I mean, I am. Extremely. But not like you mean it.”

“You're always saying I'm annoying. Well, let me be annoying!”

“And, ___, try not to get yourself killed.”

“I was dead yesterday, remember? Can only improve from here.”

“You're weak. You're small. And in this world, that means you lose.”

“If you harm them, I will end you. Let them go and we can discuss a future where you're still breathing.”

“Oh... you seem to think this is a negotiation.”

“This will teach you not to shoot my friends!”

“I realize it's a long shot, but... any chance for a private lesson?”

“And you. You look like you need killing.”

“We trusted you... We would've done anything you asked. And you betrayed us when we needed you most.”

“You're the face I saw when murder entered my heart.”

“Running away was never my strong suit.”

“The flames will burn away your falsehoods and reveal the truth.”

“We do not choose. We walk down a path.”

“I just got done being a big bad hero, and I'm down for a little ugly bumpin'.”

“Of course it's zombies. Yeah. Because fսck me, that's why.”

“In case I wasn't clear before, the undead freak me out.”

“We get it. You're smart. Just do something!”

“Hey. You... you know I'm in love with you, right?”

“Uh... Wait. What?! Now?! I mean, this is, like, the worst time!”

“We must accelerate our plans. They've left us no choice.”

“Congratulations. Your name isn't on my list.”

“Don't play dumb. It won't end well for you.”

“And here I thought you were the intelligent one.”

“Your concerns are appreciated, truly. But we must press forward.”

“At the moment, you are the luckiest person in the world. 'Cause you're at the bottom of my list.”

“Well, I had things I needed to figure out. And once I did... Let's just say I know who I am now.”

“Stop! If you value your lives, you'll let my ___ go!”

“Maybe they’re gone. But the people in this room, we're not. We will never abandon you.”

“If you're lucky, you've earned another hour of life.”

“Let any who would stop us shatter against what we have built.”

“I'm afraid you overestimate my willingness in this endeavor.”

“I've no time for your weakness. There is work to be done.”

“I know you're there. And holy shit do I need your help.”

“Don't ever do that to me again. I was ready to kill you just now.”

“No. I know what you're doing. Don't try and seduce me.”

“If I don't know where I'm swinging, then neither will you.”

“Real men hug!”

“I broke the world for us...”

“You can do this. We're right behind you. Plus, the whole world is at stake, so try not to fսck up.”

“I'll see you suffer for what you have taken from me!”

“I know you're in there... Darling, take off the mask...”

“Which is more powerful, the desire for revenge or the ability to forgive?”

“I was only gonna chop him a little...”

“Yes, hate feels good. It drowns the pain. I've seen how easily it consumes you.”

“So, that was the most fucked-up thing I've ever seen...”

“How fitting. Even in your moment of triumph, you still managed to fall short.”

“Losing one's family is a wound that cannot be mended.”

“Besides, you need to get punched in the face now and then... to know you're alive.”

“Why do we always play drinking games with a guy twice our size?”

“The greatest? I heard you couldn’t even rescue a cow from a burning barn.”

“Let’s keep things civil, friend. We’re not looking for trouble.”

“La, da, da, my lady’s rose I will pluck.  My love, it’s time for us to–”

“Does this mean we’re officially banned from every tavern in town?”

“We’ve got no money, no place to live and fսck all for prospects.”

“I mean, if protecting carts from swindlers and killing goblins for gold isn’t getting us anywhere, I don’t know, maybe… maybe we could try doing some good this time?”

“Have you ever thought maybe we’re not really meant to do this?”

“Honestly, why are we even together?”

“This is our purpose. Fighting for justice, for glory, protecting the kingdom and stuff. And most importantly… Lots of money!”

“Yeah, yeah, nobility and heroism is fine and all, but we’re in this for the money.”

“I suggest we run. Right now!”

“Fuck that! We fight!”

“Uh, I mean I’m not gonna lie, I’m terrified out of my mind. But I’m in.”

“I wouldn’t say “kill,” really. We’re still kind of working on that part.”

“Please, with the way that man dotes on you, I’m sure you can work something out.”

“You have entered a realm of mystery, of magic, of marvel.”

“If we survive this… I owe you dinner.”

“Really? ‘Cause they told me you have “dick for brains,” which doesn’t seem possible.”

“You’ve been lucky so far, but you have no idea what you have gotten yourself into.”

“Those are pretty. But also… ominous.”

“I must say, I’m impressed. To tell you the truth, I was certain you would die… But it seems some vermin are harder to kill than others.”

“I would like to… rage!”

“Huh. You know, you’re a lot smarter than we give you credit for.”

“Oh, how I’ve missed respectability.”

“I never agreed to this stupid game.”

“I’m simply suggesting you could all benefit from some well-practiced restraint.”

“I say you just walk over, say hello to break the ice, then punch them in the face.”

“You got a sword. Oh, that’s cute.”

“No! I had them! And you let them slip away.”

“You fool… Now your soul is forfeit.”

“I know we have a lot to talk about, but I’m not turning into a vampire, am I?”

“I wasn’t aware that you were owed information about my past.”

“When your past comes to kill us, I’d say we deserve a heads-up.”

“Hey, I don’t take orders from you, asshole.”

“Oh. Well, do you think they’re mad at you? I mean, maybe… maybe you should just say sorry.”

“I don’t get to go home until I prove myself worthy. Which might not happen, so…”

“I’m just saying, I know you think you’re alone. That we don’t know what you’re going through. But you don’t have to be.”

“But there’s a world of difference between your struggle and mine. Whether you succeed or fail, your family is still alive.”

“Everybody up! Creepy shit incoming!”

“You intend to stop those that did this? Then go. Give them hell.”

“Oh, but… what if I need you?”

“You can always talk to me. Even if I’m not around, you’ll feel me there with you.”

“Ugh. I don’t want to know. No, that’s a lie. I absolutely want to know. What’s this all about?”

“We kind of pissed off a vampire.”

“Oh, is that what you’re doing? I thought you were practicing your resting bitch face.”

“And for the record, I have a magnificent bitch face.”

“Oh. Thank God. 'Cause what I was picturing was, like… whoa.”

“Yeah, no worries. You’ll probably get your shit together eventually.”

“But I know you. I know you care about others. That’s what makes a great leader.”

“Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. Shh! Shh! Shh, quiet. Quiet. Go to sleep.”

“Violence doesn’t burn away the clouds. It only makes more smoke.”

“It’s you. Oh, but you’re not the same. ____, what have you become?”

“I am what they made me.”

“I do hope you and I can engage in a stimulating conversation. Because you’ll find the alternative to be most disagreeable.”

“You think too much. All we got to do is… kill everyone and leave.”

“Those were bad ideas and you should feel bad.”

“Some folks you kill 'cause you’re ordered to. Them I killed 'cause I wanted to.”

“Let me say, you were the one I was least looking forward to.”

“It's gonna be nice to move on to something else.”

“Thank you. You've made me feel good about myself, so I'm open to what you're going to say next.”

“You're still a murderer.”

“No. I am a murderer murderer. It's very different.”

“What is wrong with you? Do you really have no empathy whatsoever?”

“That is not what is wrong with me. That is what is right with me.”

“Uh, you know what? Let's just lose the whole, you know, death theme.”

“I'm just trying to save the human race here.”

“___ was an idiot. Obviously, sexy. Very attractive... but so dumb.”

“Have you not watched enough "Law & Order" to know you don't just throw evidence into a trash can?”

“If I fix it... you'll leave?”

“It's, like, a party but with a decent chance of prison time.”

“I take it back. I don't feel bad anymore.”

“More importantly, you... you can't just use people like that. It's cruel.”

“It's a superpower... not caring what anyone thinks.”

“You know, next time a woman tries to tell you something, sit down, shut up, and listen. And if you feel the need to say anything, all it needs to be is, 'Yes, ma'am.'”

“Hey, there. Didn't recognize you not flat on your back.”

“When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

“Plants have the most complex biochemistry of anything in nature, yet humans give them to say, "I love you. Here are some flowers. You are dead."

“Why are you squinting at me? Why are you asking so many questions?”

“No, I don't make a habit of walking around with women's clothing. Although, I do like dresses with pockets. It makes the handbag optional.”

“It is nice to be somewhere that is untouched by human consumption and greed.”

“Oh, great. So you know I'm a disaster.”

“How do you still not get this? This is not just about me.”

“I love your confidence. You'll just wear anything, won't you?”

“I wanna go home!”

“You should’ve thought of that before you got in.”

“You can sing the song ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’ to pass the time. You are the spider because everyone hates you and you are itsy bitsy.”

“Turn around, stupid!”

“You’ve suffered fairly significant head trauma. Are you experiencing any issues with memory loss?”

“I’m here to kill everyone.”

“What the hell am I gonna tell their parents?”

“Well, you can’t run from this. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Okay… Thanks for coming with me.”

“Hell, no. I’m not going. I gotta cook eggs.”

“I heard there was a break-in last night.”

“Yeah, the police were here all night trying to collect evidence, fingerprints, stuff like that.”

“You ever looked down the barrel of death? Stared the devil in the face?”

“Yeah, there was… there was blood all over us.”

“See, I love how your mind works. You’re like a true crime podcast.”

“What if I got an extra set of arms I use to choke you out?”

“When we crashed, I blacked out. I woke up right here.”

“You know, when they left, I thought I was done with all this shit.”

“They’re so stupid. Who else thinks that they are so stupid?”

“___ threatened to kill them if they ever went near you.”

“Murder, you say? Now you are speaking my language.”

“Hello there, human idiot.”

“That’s nice. Closest thing to a show of affection anyone gets from you.”

“Why would I think about it if it’s painful?”

“I thought you were dead. So glad you’re okay!”

“You can pretend you don’t like me, but I know you do.”

“You can say whatever you want, but you can’t take back what happened. You saved me because you love me.”

“You know why? Because you are meaningless to me, you stupid little jerk.”

“Sometimes you gotta slay a monster for your best friend.”

“You know… you don’t really have to be related to be family. In fact, you don’t have to be like them at all.”

“Sometimes family is just the people in your life that you love, that you’d do anything for.”

“They’re dead because of you.”

“Cool. I’m just gonna put some cyanide in my coffee and call it a day.”

“You wouldn’t have to do any of this if you had just gone home like you were supposed to.”

“I saw it at a red tag sale for $5. I had to buy it.”

“Yeah, let’s get the heck out of here before she starts crawling around on the ceiling on all fours.”

“Oh, my God. Are you uncomfortable because you kissed me last week?”

“Oh, you’re touching my butt. You’re touching my butt.”

“My dreams have turned evil.”

“Sounds like a nightmare, the mind’s way of working out fear… or guilt. So what’s going on?”

“I wish you would have told me. I would have come running.”

“Anything happens to you, everybody on Earth is dead.”

“Obviously, your pea-sized brain is very lonely in that cavernous skull of yours.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. I was calling you an idiot in my head.”

“I prefer to eat with you. You order a lot of food. I like to forage off of your plate.”

“Hello again, stupid human.”

“I would rather die than be on this planet with just you.”

“I can’t live here if I have to live without all of them.”

“See? I knew you didn’t want me to die. You just took your damn time showing it.”

“No, he's not dead! Wake up! Come on, huh? Come on!”

“In one month we could be on our way to glory and riches none of us ever dreamed of!”

“I don't want glory and riches, I just want to go home!”

“A man can change his stars. And I won't spend the rest of my life as nothing.”

“Oh, I would hear you speak if it cost me my ears.”

“And what would you do with my name, Sir Hunter? Call me a fox, for that is all I am to you.”

“Oh, then a fox you shall be, until I find your name, my foxy lady!”

“Now, I got their attention, you go and win their hearts.”

“Love has given me wings, so I must fly. I can't explain it, they make me feel like a poet.”

“Well, you may feel like a poet but you sound like an idiot.”

“Next time I face you, you will look up at me from the flat of your back.”

“Please. You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.”

“Go on, begone, I'm done with you... except to exact my revenge.”

“If I could ask God one thing, it would be to stop the moon. Stop the moon and make this night... and your beauty... last forever.”

“Don't you ever get tired of putting on clothes?”

“A flower is only as good as its petals, don't you think?”

“A flower is good for nothing. You can't eat a flower. A flower doesn't keep you warm.”

“Better a silly girl with a flower, than a silly boy with a horse and a stick!”

“Hope guides me, it is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight it will not be the last time I look upon you.”

“I demand poetry, and when I want it. And I want it now.”

“There she is, the embodiment of love, my Venus. Oh, and how I hate her.”

“Your name makes no matter to me, just so long as I can call you my own.”

“I'll live, although it doesn't feel that way.”

"Oh, (___), this pain is my doing.”

“Well, all good things must come to an end. Let's end them together.”

“He that strives to touch a star oft stumbles at a simple straw.“

“In what world could you have ever beaten me? Such a place does not exist.”

“What a pair we make, eh? Both trying to hide who we are, both unable to do so.”

“Your friends love you. If I knew nothing else about you, that would be enough.”

“Wake up, my beauties. Rise and shine.”

“Just look at them. I pull one tiny thread, and their whole world unravels into chaos.”

“Did you catch that last move? Pretty cool, huh?”

“I thought you overworked it. Just a bit.”

“I've got things to do, places to go, stuff to steal.”

“See, now I just feel bad, because you're going to get fired.”

“It was fun, big fun. But, uh, we were kids.”

“A long time ago, you and I were friends. If that ever meant anything to you, prove it now.”

“You're right. That was a long time ago.”

“Well, I see you're busy. So, uh, stay in touch.”

“Wait! Wait! You're just going to run away?”

“No doubt you've seen my likeness on the temple walls.”

“Listen, I'm sorry about that. I don't suppose a heartfelt apology would do.”

“Heartfelt? From you? You don't have a heart.”

“Hmm. You let me live, you make me rich, I retire to paradise. So far, I don't see a downside.”

“So, where were we? Oh, yes. You were holding your breath.”

“S/He's so cute. And... so gullible.”

“You see? This is what happens when you use the front entrance.”

“So, which are you, a thief or a hero?”

“I don't want you to do this just because it's your duty. I'm asking you for myself now... Will you marry me?”

“I love playing pretend.”

“Here's the way this works. First, I actually commit a crime, and then you get to blame me for it!”

“I demand the right of substitution. Take me in their place.”

“Hey, look, I will not be responsible for your life.”

“Listen to you. You sound like my mother.”

“You're not a very complicated person. All someone has to do is imagine the most gutless course of action, and you're bound to take it.”

“You're really not going to lose any sleep over this, are you?”

“Because me, I'd be tossing and turning, knowing I'm alive, because I let my friend die.”

“I'm not responsible for this mess. And I didn't ask ____ to put their neck on the line for me.”

“Look, clearly I can't appeal to your honor. But I have other ways of convincing you.”

“I'd like to introduce you to your new bunkmate. Well, actually, you're their new bunkmate, as it's actually their bunk.”

“No, this is the nice ____, with lots of beaches and drinks. You know, with little umbrellas?”

“And, yes, you have my permission to stand there quietly.”

“Come with me. We'll speak of love.”

“Are you crazy? I saved your life!”

“Oh, I would've been fine. I always am.”

“All right, listen up. We're here for ten minutes. You get lost, you get left.”

“How nice to see some men haven't forgotten a little common courtesy.”

“Oh, great. Now I'm getting etiquette lessons from a bilge rat.”

“Honestly, you are the most boorish, pig-headed man I've ever met.”

“Hey, lady, I've seen the highborn boys your type hangs out with... and I'm the only man you've ever met.”

“At least I'm not repressed!”

“Repressed?! I'll show you repressed!”

“Bet you never thought I'd get us this far.”

“And boy, did we fight. It was like we'd rehearsed it. We were best friends from that day forward.”

“Enough talking. Time for some screaming.”

“Oh, get a shirt on before you poke someone's eye out!”

“...You're rescuing me!”

“But this going to cost you... Rescues aren't part of the usual tourist package.”

“Look, if you'd rather take your chances on your own, that can be arranged.”

“Yeah. Okay. See, in the hands of an expert, a good knife has 1,001 uses.”

“I've always loved the sea. I even dreamed of a life on it. But it wasn't meant to be.”

“You know, I've traveled the world, seen things no other man has seen, but nothing, nothing compares to the open sea.”

“Well, that's it. Time to go home.”

“Pray to the gods. We may be meeting them soon.”

“Gentlemen, it's been a privilege robbing with you.”

“Okay, I'm severely creeped out.”

“Bravo. No mortal has ever made it here before. Alive, that is...”

“You humans are so predictable.”

“Face it: your heart is as black as mine.”

“It wasn't the truth. It was me trying to pass myself off as someone I'm not.”

“I've seen who you are! You don't need to pretend!”

“I can't watch you die! ...I love you.”

“How dare you?! Everything was going perfectly, and now you do this!”

“Maybe you can fool these people, but I know who you are. You're a selfish, unprincipled liar!”

“Well, well, well. This has got to be a little embarrassing for you.”

“Don't push your luck. You're cute, but not that cute.”

“What's the matter? No fun if you're actually invited?”

“That's a very long voyage. And it's very, very dangerous.”

“The biggest misconception humans have about the universe is that it’s enormous. It’s not. It’s tiny.”

“Ugh, I’m leaving. I can’t spend another night here with you.”

“Just answer me one question. Did you ever love me?”

“Why are you here? You’re supposed to be dead.”

“You had one simple mission. You completely failed.”

“Once you accept that you’ve got nothing, then you’ve got nothing left to lose.”

“I wanted chips, and it’s easier to break into your house than a grocery store.”

“Don’t be nice to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“You don’t respect me, and you never have.”

“True heroes don’t need statues. Maybe just a plaque.”

“What the hell are you?”

“If you don’t tell me what is happening, I’m going to lose my shit.”

“Yeah, to be honest, I’m not sure you’re the best judge of what women want, you know?”

“I’m glad you know about me. It’s hard to keep a secret.”

“I was taught that living things are connected, and that every being matters.”

“Am I ugly to you?”

“If you have a choice between life or death, you will leave me.”

“You know, I don’t even know your real name.”

“Okay, look at me. I’m right here.”

“I won’t let you die.”

“I’m dead. But if I’m dead, why do I feel so warm and squishy like I’m being hugged by a cloud?”

“I didn’t want to leave you alone after what you’d been through.”

“I know you too well. You’re lying.”

“But trust me, based on my encounter, I don’t think they’re monsters. I think some of them are here to do good.”

“I’ve always wanted to say, you know, 'Not on my watch, buddy.' But yeah, it was– it was on my watch.”

“They’re not coming back for you. They already got what they wanted.”

“There are no monsters. Beings do what needs to be done in order to survive.”

“The universe knows what you have done, even if nobody else does. And the universe will restore balance one way or another.”

“I can’t kill everyone on Earth with an empty stomach.”

“Look, I was gonna tell you that if you ever want to talk about… everything, anything, I’m here.”

“Love makes you feel connected to everything. Make you feel light-headed, you feel like you’re floating.”

“Yeah, well, I had a chance at being happy, but… it just went away, you know?”

“But sometimes I look at you, and… you’re so fearless. It makes me feel, I don’t know, less scared. You know, you make me happy.”

“If you touch my kid, I will kill you!”

“You are not running away from this. And you are not alone.”

“Okay, I killed him, but he started it.”

“Don’t go. It hurts!”

“It’s– it’s you.You’re the reason that I feel it– the joy and the fury all wrapped up.”

“Whoever you are, whatever you are, I never want to see you again.”

“I do not like this. I don’t like this place anymore.”

“If you ever touch ____ again, I’ll fucking kill you.”

“I know why you’re here. Don’t do it. Please don’t do it.”

“You could’ve left, but you stayed to help us.”

“If you kill everyone, you kill me.”

“Hopefully the further I get from them, the less I will care.”

“Evidently, I dream now.”

“This disruption is infuriating and very disrespectful.”

“Well, it must suck to get so much sleep and still look like shit.”

“All I need is an empty room, a spoon, and a pie.”

“So I also wanted to ask you what you are doing tonight.”

“And I will take your silence as a 'yes.’”

“I mean, we did tons of crazy shit when we were 17.”

“I wasn’t going to pay you. That would make you a prostitute.”

“What? No! Why can’t you just be getting a divorce?”

“As I recall, I don’t think we ever officially broke up.”

“Why are you being so nice to me? I tried to kill you two times.”

“Let me sum this up for you. I’m eliminating anything that gets in the way of this mission… which might be you if you don’t stop whining.”

“Just one of those days where you question whether you deserve to exist.”

“Trust me, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them. If they can’t see that, then that’s their loss.”

“You kept up a really big secret, and it’s gonna hurt a lot of people when it comes out.”

“I’m great with the heart as long as it’s not my own.”

“Yes. I made the right choice. I’m very good at this.”

“But I‐I kind of think we shouldn’t drag this whole 'will they, won’t they' thing out more than we need to.”

“Well, this has been fun. I’m just gonna go jump out a window real quick.”

“Good. Then they’ll be dead. I’ll find their tombstone and spit on it.”

“What about killing them? Can I still kill them?”

“Are you familiar with multidimensional space travel?”

“I felt exposed, vulnerable. In a way, I hated myself.”

“I guess they can live another day.”

“That shit there’s gotta be the devil’s work.”

“As far as humans go, I’m handsome. I’m even… what’s the modern word for it? Ravishing?”

“I’m just gathering my things before I leave. ...I don’t have things.”

“Now, if there’s anything else that you’ve been keeping to yourself, now is the time to share it.”

“I would’ve said good‐bye, but I didn’t want to… I didn’t want to.”

“It’s good to see you’re still such a huge weirdo.”

“But I think I’m better having known you.”

“You don’t want to get on a horse and joust or arm wrestle or something?”

“Good morning, my nice, romantic husband/wife.”

“I know I should probably play it cool, but I think you’re kind of awesome.”

“The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, the sun warms the Earth. Somewhere. Not here.”

“If the universe had a scale for intelligence, humans would land right below lizards.”

“I’d say, from the smell, they’ve been dead at least six hours.”

“Yeah, no shit I’m not dead. I was sleeping.”

“This… is… awesome.  A good mystery, figuring out what happened, like ‘Law and Order.’”

“All right, look, that’s one creepy son of a bitch, right? That ain’t just me, right?”

“…I knew that. I was making a joke. I’m a very funny person.”

“Humans have a term for this: ‘Bad luck,’ and 'raw deal,’ and 'this is some bullshit.'”

“You want facts? Okay, I’ll give you two. Um… You’re kind of a dick.”

“Look, I know you really didn’t want to do this. So I just wanted to say that I appreciate you helping us. You‐‐you did a good job.”

“You okay to drive home or you gonna dance home?”

“I just spent a whole day with them and I fit in perfectly. Nobody could tell I was different.”

“I’ll say one thing about whiskey, it’s allowing me to make smart, rational decisions.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just going to kill you.”

“Stop! You’re killing him! Hey, it’s not worth it. Okay? It’s not worth it.”

“I also discovered that ‘tit’ is not the preferred term for breast.”

“It took me weeks to figure out how to get this body to work.”

“Don’t call me stupid… you little shit.”

“S‐H‐I‐T is a bad word, stupid.”

“She was sad. I could feel it. I should not be able to feel an emotion that is inside somebody else.”

“Human emotions are growing inside of me. I think the one I feel now they call lonely.”

“Well, you don’t have anything to worry about. I’m not an alien. Unfortunately. I hear they’re pretty cool.”

“Neglect. It’s your fault. And with that, you can go.”

“By meditate, do you mean sit peacefully and think of all the people I want to kill? …Yes. I like it very much.”

“The killer could be a woman. That’s sexist. You’re sexist.”

“Stress. Fear. No wonder humans can’t sleep at night.”

“I know, I know, and I’m very sorry and it sucks, but maybe to get your mind off of it, you come out with me.”

“We don’t halt justice just ’cause your tummy’s a little upset.”

“I thought they’d be better off without me, but what if that’s not true? What if‐‐what if they’re supposed to be with me?”

“Oh, my God! Are you insane? You killed them? We’re not supposed to kill people!”

“I don't want to fall asleep. Okay? Don't let me fall asleep. Promise.”

“You're a really nice person.”

"You are an awful judge of character.”

“I watched everything my parent(s) did, and did the exact opposite.”

“No you didn't ruin my life. I had a really long head start.”

“So, you're here to tell me all the things I did wrong?”

“You know all the things you did wrong.”

“Okay, you know what, I don't think I am who you think I am.”

“Well, might as well get comfortable. This is as good a place to die as any.”

“They're romantics. They understand.”

“I'm going to take a pottery class and eat whatever I want, and maybe spend a little time with someone special.”

“I couldn't live without you. No matter how long.”

“I just want to lay here with you. Just want to talk to you.”

“Is she the one that got away?“

“Well they all got away but... s/he was the first.”

“So, what are you doing with the rest of your life?

“That's beautiful. That's a beautiful name.”

“I wish I'd met you a long time ago. When we were kids.”

“It couldn't have happened any other way. It had to happen now.”

“But it isn't enough time.”

“I... am madly in love with you... You're my favorite, favorite thing.”

“I thought that somehow we'd save each other.”

Warning, some mildly N/W/F/W

Intro (The)

“Well met, young adventurer!”

“That day has finally arrived.”

“Because that’s what’s been foreseen by... THE PROPHECY!”

The Mystic Crystal

“Now gods and men and all between shall blow my necromancing schween!”

“Alas! For he was strong as fuck.”

“Search the forests, search the seas, search time and all realities.”

“Yes, my king/queen, it shall be done.”

“And that’s where our story begins.”

“Hey, ___, is that a mystic space portal behind you?”

“You've sailed across the sky and stars. The gods have brought you here unharmed.”

“My arms are broken, and I don't know why my chest is smoking.”

“I’m sure we’ll look back on this and laugh!”

“Ah, ___, do you think you could please warn me before you're about to light our righteous way?”

“Alright fine! Whatever man!”

“Then they ran straight away for they gave not a shit.”

“___, your heart is kind.”

“Stand back, ____, I'm going to hug them!”

“I probably should have brought some weapons.”

“I should have been in more pain than could ever be spoken...”

“Look, ___, the portal back home is opening!”

“Now fare thee well. It seems that our journey is at an end.”

It’s Bedtime

“Little child, close your eyes.”

“You’re like an angel in the moonlight.”

“It’s bedtime! Fucking bedtime!”

“Let my army of demons rock you to sleep!”

“I see you’re still awake for some reason. ...Was it the demons?”

“There's a boatload of pirates and they're fighting police.”

“Do you ever think about how ghosts can't be stopped by anything?”

“Would you like to see a slideshow about where meat comes from?”

“Apparently lots of venomous snakes can open doors! Who knew?”

“Check out my airhorn!” *HOOOOONK!*

“Here's one last bloodcurdling scream!”

The Wishing Bear

“I’m gonna ask for world peace. There’s so much pain and suffering on this earth...”

“OH NO! AAHH!!!”

“IT’S NOT THE WISHING BEAR!!!”

“CALL THE POLICE!! THE POLICE!!”

“Oh, real fucking nice, dude...”

I Don’t Know What We’re Talking About (And I Haven’t for Awhile)

“My heart was racing, and now we’re on our first date.”

“Now it's 10 o'clock and the meal is done, but the conversation's just begun.”

“You're fascinating, I feel blessed.”

“I don’t know what we’re talking about. And I haven’t for awhile.”

“I've been daydreaming about a pterodactyl named Lamar."

“I’m not absorbing anything.”

“Smile and nod.”

“Is it my turn to talk?”

“You’re looking at me -- Oh, God!”

“Focus... Focus....!”

“How many Draculas are hiding in this room?”

“I’d make an awesome cop if I could stop committing crime.”

“Anyway, why don't you and I go back to my place and, oh, I see you left at some point...”

Welcome to My Parents’ House

“I know what's on your mind.”

“The look in your eyes says 'take me tonight.’”

“Well I’ve got just the place.”

“Welcome to my parents' house!”

“You seem like a keeper.”

“I got my very own room and tons of free food.”

“Can you believe this shit is free?”

“S-sorry, sorry, every-everything's fine!”

“You need to go to bed.”

“Let's use our inside voices.”

“Sometimes ___ just hangs around to make sure I make good choices.”

“Get out of here, I said I'm on a date!”

“You always do this when I have company over!”

Wondering Tonight

“Sometimes I think of you and I.”

“No time will heal a wounded heart.”

“When I look up at the stars I wonder where you are.”

“I wonder who you’re slamming hard tonight.”

“Who is looking deeply in your eyes?”

“I sit here underneath the moon, wondering how our cherished memories were gone so soon.”

“...You were all I'll ever know of grace.”

“I'm missing you like crazy tonight.”

“I'm sitting here just thinking about why I'm alone without you next to me tonight.”

Ninja Brian’s Kids’ Album

“I kinda feel like I owe them one.”

“Everybody dies alone!”

“You know what-- I’m not doing this.”

The Decision Part 2: Ten Years Later

“Well we're still freaking awesome and we're back at your house!”

“We're all grown up and ready for romance.”

“Now maybe we can help you out, ‘cause ___ and I are still single somehow.”

“Now we're so fucking mature!”

“But before we begin, let me tell you where we've been.”

“We've had so many adventures.”

“I’ve had almost-sex with like a hundred girls!”

“There were Unicorn Wizards and samurai.”

“Wow... since we last saw each other, we've grown so much. As people, as ___... and also as people.”

Do Math With U

“Hello, my love. I've been away so long.”

“Let me pour you some champagne.”

“I wanna do math with you.”

“And our division's been too long.”

“Finally we’re here alone.”

“If our love was two trains traveling opposite directions at thirty miles an hour, baby, we'd still feel the same.”

“I guess it must be fate.”

“Now give my sweet ellipse a kiss.”

“Between me and you, we've got nothin' to prove.”

“Your curvature turns me on.”

“Calcul-me and calcul-you, girl, that makes calcul-us.”

“You know, they said it would never work between us. We're from completely different worlds.”

“Also. You fuck good.”

“I’ll love you till the end of pi.”

Thunder & Lightning

“But when I woke the next morning, I witnessed something odd.”

“I now had a new calling: I was destined to fight crime!”

“So I bought them a little unitard and found them a tiny cape.”

“I ran to the the city's toughest gang and screamed 'There's no escape!’"

“First you hear that rumble baby and then you see the flash!”

“Turns out being struck by lighting doesn't give you any powers.”

“They caved my head in with a pipe and beat me for several hours.”

“I looked up to the blackened sky and said an ancient prayer.”

“Lord, if you're there... Please infuse my nuts with the power of a thousand suns.”

“Holy shit, you’re real!?”

Outro (Prophecy) 

“Congratulations, traveler!”

“___  is dead. One of God's great mysteries is his plan for each and every one of us...”

“They lived, they died, God rest their soul, Amen. There will be a buffet lunch served at two.”

“There's 'I'm in the same room as a prince/princess crazy', and then there's 'good old fashioned plain traditional crazy’.”

“They're not wrinkles. They're just crinkles.”

“Is your bedroom on fire? Because I'm searching for an explanation as to why you would be out of your bedroom and in here, and my first guess was fire.”

“Weakness is weakness only if you see it that way.”

“Ready to learn the price for using magic?”

“The kiss of true love is what liberates someone from a spell.”

“She/He is not kissing anybody.”

“Who put you in charge of their lips?”

“___  did say you were crazy.”

“___ also said I was dead!”

“Well,at least it doesn't cause you to lose your pants...”

“Love is someone passing the potatoes.”

“I need you. I mean we need you.”

“Every person has magic in them, they just don't know they possess it.”

“Puppy love? What am I gonna do with puppy love?”

“Why do you have to be so darn cute?”

“I definitely have a happily ever after thing going on…”

“I'm impressed, you're not as pathetic and wimpy as I have always believed.”

“If I'm going to die, I might as well be with the one I love.”

“I am entirely a reflection of you. Well, not an exact reflection...”

“It pains me to say this but you’re broke.”

“I can feel you smiling.”

“Handsome and smart. How confusing.”

“Someone has been taking their confidence pills.”

“Wow.. Breaking all the rules today. That’s a punishable offense.”

“Wow, that’s the best thing you ever said.”

“No, not a royal. Just a humble servant.”

Dracula (1931):

“For one who has not lived even a single lifetime, you're a wise person.”

“Well, and with all this, I thought I was in the wrong place.”

“There are far worse things awaiting man than death.”

“Modern medical science does not admit of such a creature!”

“I may be able to bring you proof that the superstition of yesterday can become the scientific reality of today.”

“A moment ago, I stumbled upon a most amazing phenomena. Something so incredible, I mistrust my own judgement.”

“My humble apology. I dislike mirrors.”

“You'll die in torment if you die with innocent blood on your soul.”

“They're all crazy. They're all crazy except you and me. Sometimes I have my doubts about you.”

“Isn't this a strange conversation for men who aren't crazy?”

“I prefer to remain and protect those whom you would destroy.”

“All these will I give you! If you will obey me!”

“I can't die with all those lives on my conscience! All that blood on my hands!”

Frankenstein (1931):

“Oh, in the name of God! Now I know what it feels like to be God!”

“So if any of you feel that you do not care to subject your nerves to such a strain, now is your chance to, uh... Well, we've warned you.”

“You have created a monster, and it will destroy you!”

“Would you like one of my flowers? You have those and I'll have these.”

“Something is going to happen. I feel it! I can't get it out of my mind.”

“Have you never wanted to look beyond the clouds and the stars, or to know what causes the trees to bud? And what changes the darkness into light?”

“But if you talk like that, people call you crazy.”

“You're quite sure you want to come in?... Very well.”

“So far he's been kept in complete darkness. Wait till I bring him into the light.”

The Mummy (1932):

“He went for a little walk! You should have seen his face!”

“I loved you once, but now you belong with the dead.”

“It was not only this body I loved, it was your soul.”

“Put it back. Bury it where you found it. You have read the curse. You dare defy it?”

“My love has lasted longer than the temples of our gods. No man ever suffered as I did for you.”

“Oh, I know it seems absurd when we've known each other such a short time. But I'm serious.”

“You seem to think this thing has all the devils of hell in it. Why not burn it and be done with it?”

The Invisible Man (1933):

“We'll begin with a reign of terror, a few murders here and there, murders of great men, murders of little men - well, just to show we make no distinction.”

“And if you try and escape by the window, I shall follow you, and no one in the world can save you.”

“I always said you were a dirty little coward. You're a dirty sneaking little rat as well. Goodbye.”

“How many drinks did you have on your way home?”

“There is nothing left for you to do, my dear, except to go. I shall come back. I swear, I shall come back because I shall defeat them.”

“I wanted to come back to you. My darling... I failed.”

“I've no time now but, believe me, as surely as the moon will set and the sun will rise I shall kill you tomorrow night.”

“There's a way back. God knows there's a way back!”

“It's life and death that I should be left alone. You don't understand.”

“Don't you see what it means? Power! Power to rule! To make the world grovel at my feet!”

The Bride of Frankenstein (1935):

“It's a perfect night for mystery and horror. The air itself is filled with monsters.”

“Sometimes I have wondered whether life wouldn't be much more amusing if we were all devils, no nonsense about angels and being good.”

“Nobody'd believe me! All right. I wash my hands of it. They can all be murdered in their beds.”

“You think I'm mad. Perhaps I am.”

“Our mad dream is only half realized.”

“I'd hate to find him under my bed at night. He's a nightmare in the daylight, he is.”

“Look. The storm is coming up over the mountains. It will be here soon!”

“To a new world of gods and monsters!”

The Wolf Man (1941):

“To some people, life is very simple. They decide that this is good, that is bad. This is wrong, that's right.”

“I believe a man lost in the mazes of his own mind may imagine that he's anything.”

“Fighting against superstition is as hard as fighting against Satan himself.”

“There's something very tragic about that man... and I'm sure that nothing but harm will come to you through him.”

“Yes, but like most legends, it must have some basis in fact.”

“You think I don't know the difference between a wolf and a man?”

“As if dead men didn't have all eternity.”

“Just imagine having a stuffed werewolf staring at you from the wall!”

“Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and Autumn moon is bright.”