Phantom of the Opurrah

gay culture is being attracted to someone with your body type but hating it on yourself

hewwo! i will be youw suwgeon today! intewnal bweeding you say? let’s make ouw fiwst wittle incision 

Dowcto , wewre loswing him!!! (´・ω・｀)

quick! hand me the defibwiwatow!!

Please. turn off my fucking life support

[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.

you took this from a fault in our stars augustus does the same thing only with a cigarette ok ok

i don’t know what you’re talking about this is an excerpt from my upcoming 100% original novel “the fart in our stalls”

wolfgang amadeus mozart has been dead for 226 slutty, slutty years 

hi yeah what the actual, literal, GENUINE fuck does this mean

a millenial trying desperately to describe a loving and healthy relationship: my heart… cum…. my umm… my feelings… nut… big cums… in my chest….. ummm….. the feeling where i have a big nut cum in my feely weelies

If you step on a person’s foot, their mouths open. Just like trash cans.