Caffeine And Nicotine

Maybe something gets worse, or you recognise a new way it effects your life, or you remember something you used to be able to do that you had to give up, or maybe you're just reminded that this isn't how it is for other people. And like, I'm not going to say it never gets easier, but it definitely packs more of a punch some days than others.

In these posts you only see the sides of an ED that seem desirable (prominent collar bones, a thigh gap, reasons to keep pushing), but never the parts that would disgust and frighten you (inability to control your bodily functions, gaining and losing the same five pounds for years on end, pushing all of your friends and eventually yourself away).

Sometimes it seems attractive to be that “perfect broken person”. The one people look at and think “woah she’s so small” or “she needs help.” Sometimes you may feel like this is the way to show people that you are hurting. To give yourself worth.

But, sweetie, this isn’t it. It never will be. It’s not what people will tell you it is. Most of us will never be that “perfect broken person.” We’re not mysterious or tragically beautiful, we’re just hollow, wishing that we could go back to how things were before.

Wishing you have an eating disorder can be a sign you already have one. Please, talk to a therapist, a friend, a parent, anyone. Find someone that can tell you that an eating disorder cannot make things better. And listen.

I know that you are here because you are hurting. So, darling, let me tell you. I see you. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. You are so beautiful. You are amazing. You are deserving of life. Of food. Of happiness. Of everything you have tried to tell yourself you aren’t.

I know I can’t fix you. But, you can. You are so strong. You don’t have to let yourself go down this path only to look back years later and wished you’d turned away. Please leave these tags, go find anyone who can help you, and live. Just live. Please.