Gold

You chained yourself

Together, you walked to a stop a few feet from the riverbank’s edge. Reluctantly, you took your hand out of your only safety net’s grip, immediately missing the calloused warmth as you made way to the water on your own. You finally lowered yourself onto the grassy edge, as close as you could possibly manage to the river.

The fresh water was taunting you, or so you thought it was.

It made you feel better that you could easily see the bottom of the river’s floor where smooth stones and patches of moss flowed with the water. It wasn’t bad. The water surface may get up to your chest if you went deep enough, which you wouldn’t walk to willingly for any reason. Though, you could see how children would be able to drown in these circumstances, especially when you weren’t exactly the tallest when you were a kid.

“We’ll start small,” Silas spoke behind you as if reminding you what you were doing there in the first place. “Touch the water.”

You nod, whispering some reassurances to no one other than yourself.

You lean forward, gently dipping your fingertips first, finding the water cool and pleasant enough. You proceed further until your entire hand is submerged. A strange electric sensation raced briefly up your arm before disappearing just as quickly, leaving behind nothing but coolness.

“It.. doesn’t seem that scary.” Confidence was now emerging, especially when the temperature of the water was pleasant against the hot beatdown of the afternoon sun.

Pulling back, you move a little closer to the water after taking your slippers off. You lowered your feet into the water, shivering when the slightly mossy surface of the river floor touched the soles of your feet.

You sit on it for a moment, just feeling the moving water, until a smile graces your lips. “This is actually really nice..” The soft laughter of your companion is barely audible to you.

“Ready to go further?” You hear Silas speak, now a little closer to you. “Don’t worry. I’ll be right here.”

You chose to believe him.

Nodding, you took your eyes off the water and peered over your shoulder. “Okay, I’ll go up to my wais—” The rest of the sentence disappeared as you suddenly choked on air. You almost looked away upon instinct, but your gaze held firm at the glistening ridges of Silas’ abs.

What.

Silas had undressed down to his underwear. Firm arms raised overhead to tie his hair back, making his biceps flex from the movement. Silas’ body was a sight; built and lean and perfectly golden with freckles generously speckled in every surface. Every movement he made was effortless as muscles made from years of farm work rippled. If you thought Silas was attractive then, he’s ridiculously fucking hot now.

You shut your gaping mouth before you embarrassed yourself any further. You find yourself unexpectedly grateful for the cool water submerging your toes, mostly because you were sure the heat from fluster was going to make you overheat.

“What? Feeling shy?” He taunted in a tone that suggested he knew he looked good and was making use of it to his advantage. “You don’t have to take your shirt off.”

“Or do,” He placed his arms on his hips, amusement still dancing along his tone. “it’ll dry quickly anyway.”

Your eye may have twitched.

Right, you were swimming, not just admiring the scenery.

Tucking your feet back up from the water, you turn from him to hide your heated face. Slowly, you pulled your jean shorts open and lowered them down to the floor, grateful that your oversized shirt hung all the way to the middle of your thighs. You folded your shorts before placing them beside Silas’ clothes on the picnic blanket.

When you finally look back, Silas was already standing knee-deep in the river. He had a hand lifted towards you, his smile was every bit as inviting as before.

“Come on!”

“Coming, coming.”

You were already reaching out to take his hand before the water could even touch your feet. Silas kept you steady as you slowly stepped into the water, shivering at the cool feeling creeping up your legs. You held onto him tighter.

Stepping carefully, you move towards Silas while being mindful of sudden drops anywhere by your feet. He watched you closely as you did so, trying and failing to hide how unsure he was when you weren’t making a sound. “So, how is it?”

“This isn’t so bad,” You mumble. “The water feels nice.”

Satisfied with your answer, he lets you both stand at a point where the water would reach your hips. The anxiety was still very present, but as long as you could feel the floor of the lake under your feet and your hand in Silas’, the panic wasn’t surfacing. When the tension completely dropped from your eyebrows, Silas took note immediately.

He smiled. “I’m glad you faced your fear.”

Your face heats up and your grip on his hand tightens. “Well I wouldn’t say I faced it completely, but I am trying. And I hardly call this swimmin—”

The rock you stepped on turned out to be covered in so much moss that it slipped from right under you. Your heart stopped as the sky spun overhead. Instead of feeling the icy shock of the water, strong arms caught you before your hair could even dip the water surface. Silas had his arms over your middle, keeping you afloat while also holding you close.

Silas was peering down at you with a beautiful blue sky behind him, a smile so fond that you swore your heart stopped again was stretching his lips. “I’m so proud of you.”

“.. thanks..”

He was still holding you by the waist even as he leveled you back to your feet, his fingers absentmindedly stroking your skin under your soaked white shirt in an act you assume was supposed to be reassurance. His touch was sending sparks up your spine, recreating the needy feeling that bloomed when you laid side-by-side the other night. Damn.

You’re really not getting out of the day unscathed. Emotionally or physically. However, you surprise yourself when you manage to keep going. Maybe you’re even a little proud.

You interacted with the water for as much as you possibly could; wading through the water by walking, picking up interesting stones from the river bank, lowering yourself down until your backside met the floor while still being able to keep your shoulders and head above ashore. Silas had a hand on you the entire time, one way or another. By your shoulder or your waist, he actually kept his promise this time.

As soon as the skin of your palms began to wrinkle, you decided that it was enough for the day and tugged on Silas’s hand to walk back to shore. The cold wind bit at your skin as soon as you left the water, making the fact that your shirt was soaked, cold, and sticking to you painfully abundant. It almost made you want to run back in. Almost.

“I’ll start a fire since it’s getting dark.” The sun overhead was indeed starting to set, bathing the valley in a warm orange glow. The following darkness wasn’t as scary as you thought it would be, especially when the valley was still full of life.

“Okay.”

You walked over to the edge of the blanket and tugged on your shirt, making it unstick from your skin. In an act that surprised not only Silas but also yourself, you gripped the edges of your wet shirt, pulling it over your head in a careful slow motion. You held it away from the blanket and the other clothes and wrung the shirt as tight as you could. Streams of water spill onto the grass below.

“Hey Silas, where should I hang this?”

You turn around, catching Silas whose eyes were transfixed at you with wide eyes while his hands were frozen over a pile of sticks. A spectacular shade of red spread all over his face, reaching the apex of his ears as he tore his eyes away to somewhere else.

“The tree over there uh, has low branches.”

“Thanks.” You might have sounded a little too triumphant then, like it was your payback for his little show earlier.

By the time you’d hung your shirt over one of the branches, Silas had managed to recover enough to coax a fire to life. How he managed to do so with just a bunch of sticks was kind of astounding, but nothing unexpected.

The fire crackled softly, producing a warmth that was a welcome contrast to the creeping night. Silas nudged another dead and dry log into the fire until it caught and he backed away, sitting on one of the bigger logs he dragged over to act as seats. “There, should keep us warm until everything dries.” 

You quickly held your hands up to the growing fire, enjoying the stark heat. You let the change of temperature settle before speaking.  “I didn’t think we’d stay out so long. I kind of expected to be home for dinner by now.”

Silas chuckled. “It’s great that you were having so much fun that you let time pass by.”

“Well, I don’t get to have many opportunities back in the city.”

Silas’ grin twitched. 

“More reason to stick around.”

You stuck your tongue out at him, earning nothing more than an amused laugh. Before you could retort, a cold breeze brushed along your shoulders, making you shudder.

“Come here.”

With an easy tug on your wrist, he coaxed you closer until you were seated beside him on the same log. The warmth from the fire reached your front, but the cold still lingered against your back. Even so, the nearness of Silas somehow made the evening feel warmer.

You kept your attention fixed stubbornly on the flames, unwilling to glance his way. It suddenly felt impossible to look at him now that you were sitting beside him shirtless, even though you were pretty proud of stealing his breath over it just a few minutes ago, but somehow that only made meeting his eyes even harder.

“.. This feels exactly like that day.”

His was so quiet you almost weren’t sure he said anything over the crackling of fire. You turned toward him, only to find him already watching you. The fading sunset nearly disappeared behind the mountains, painting his face in warm amber light, the reflection shimmering in his eyes.

He really was handsome.

“What day?” you barely mutter aloud.

Warmth spread across his face. “The day we first kissed.”

Was it? You wished you could remember. You didn’t expect that you’d have such a romantic childhood and the realization only made the empty spaces in your memory ache that much more. There were so many moments you had lost and just as many that refuse to resurface.

You wondered how many of them belonged to Silas.

Silas’s fond smile turned cheeky, but there was something underlying when he asked, “You feel something for me now, don’t you?”

Though his question caught you off guard, the answer was pretty simple. You couldn’t deny that Silas had managed to claw his way into your heart in the short span of three days. So, even if your current feelings weren't as strong as his, you were confident that making you fall in love would be an easy task for him.

You both just needed time.

“I do.” You almost laugh at your own honesty before continuing, unable to deny it. “Yes, I’m starting to feel something for you.”

Silas stared at you with wide eyes then. His lips trembled, opening and closing as if he almost forgot how to speak. “More than friendship?”

You smile bashfully. “More.”

Your smile was immediately swiped off your face when you saw something glistening at the edge of his waterline. “Silas? Why are you crying?” You searched his face in confusion, unable to understand where the tears could have possibly come from.

He hiccuped once before he slapped a hand over his wavering mouth. “I..” A few droplets had begun to roll over his face, cascading one after another without abandon. His voice cracked as he spoke, “I-I didn’t believe you could ever love me after what happened.”

“What are you talking about? What happened?” Your brows pinch together, your hands already reaching out for him. “You have to remind me.”

Silas swallowed hard, choking back what sounded to be a sob. “Well I.. I didn’t save you back then.”

For a second you couldn’t do anything but stare. You almost couldn’t believe it. Was this really what he’s been tiptoeing around the entire time? Your incident?”

“God is that what you’ve been worrying about?” you murmured in disbelief. You reached over without thinking, your hand finding his arm. “I would never blame you, Silas.”

The moment the words left your mouth, it seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Silas didn’t just start crying; he started bawling his eyes out. He dropped to his knees in front of you, his arms suddenly wrapped around your middle. His forehead touched your bare stomach, and you swear you could feel his tears trailing down your skin.

“Silas..?” You settled your hands on Silas’s shoulders, rubbing at his cold skin while another gently slipped into his hair, combing through his damp strands. “Are you okay?”

“It’s.. It’s because I’m happy,” he whispered through shaking sobs.

For a long while, you simply stayed that way, quietly stroking his tied hair as his cries gradually evened out to uneven breaths. It took you another minute before you tugged his strong arms off of your waist and you lowered yourself down on the grass with him. Silas immediately followed, apparently unwilling to put much distance between you. He leaned on your shoulder, nose buried into the junction of your neck, an arm securely wrapped around your body again.

You rested your head lightly against his.

He was warm, even warmer than the fire a few inches away from you.

Silas must have been internalizing that very guilt for years, for as long as you’ve been gone in fact. You can only imagine how much it ate away at him. What were you even supposed to say? If only you could remember that day, you’d be able to sympathize with him properly. But nothing is surfacing at all, not even when the very river you almost drowned in as a kid was within reach.

You can only let him cry it out. You suspect nothing you'd say would change his tears.

Another minute passed by. By then, Silas’s breathing had firmly evened out, leaving only the crackle of fire and the distant rush of the river filling the evening air.

“You lied, by the way.”

The words slipped out almost absentmindedly, breaking the quiet that had settled. 

Silas’s arms tightened around your waist, squeezing just hard enough to the steal the breath from your lungs before he realized what he was doing.

“I.. lied?” he whispered silently.

You hummed as if to affirm. “You lied when you said you’d make up a romantic scenario for our ‘first kiss’ again.”

Tilting your head off of Silas’s own, you try to take a glance at his face, only to be blocked by his brunette strands. “If I remember correctly, we kissed yesterday. And..” Your confidence was waning, but not enough to stop you from pointing out the missed opportunity yesterday. “It wasn’t exactly.. romantic.”

You felt Silas take a heavy swallow before his arms loosened slightly. His forehead, which had been resting against your nape, finally pulled away just slightly.

“I–” He stuttered, trying to find the right words. “I mean, I-I tried to keep it romantic—I said I love you and everything.” The hesitation in his voice was surprising. It felt strangely endearing hearing Silas fumble over his words.

You traced your fingers along the connecting freckles on his arm, suddenly finding a surge of confidence you had no idea you had.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

You feel Silas go completely still. Though you preferred that he’d say something, you did want to address something else. Something you’ve been thinking about since last night.

“But I do feel bad. Did I..” your voice dropped with every word you said. “.. did I rush you?”

“No!” His refusal came so quickly it started a laugh out of you. He finally dug his head out of your neck, his slightly red eyes pointed straight at you. His eyebrows were pointed down, almost like he was angry, but his glistening eyes were just making him look cute. Your laughter stopped short. “I-I just uh..”

You couldn’t help but want to tease him even further. “What? Did you want my hand in marriage first?”

Silence. His eyes averted to the side, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

Your teasing turned into slight shock.

Is he serious?

His pinched eyebrows moved uncoordinated, unsure of what expression to make. Embarrassment or confusion, even he wasn’t sure. “I mean.. kind of.”

Even more silence.

“I wanted to do the right things first.”

“.. I didn’t know you were so traditional.” Marriage was the sort of thing people from the city treated more like an event than a sacred tradition. Everyone who wanted to get married knew it would happen at some point so there wasn’t anything keeping people from engaging in ‘activities’. Couples dated, lived together, made commitments, and shared their lives without bothering to put a ring on a finger. Granted, that doesn’t always turn out well, but it happens.

You drew back from his proximity as you looked down at your joined hands. “Now I feel like a pervert thinking all these things about you.”

His eyes suddenly found yours, comically curious and cheeky. “What’re these things that you think about me?”

“Don’t ignore what I just said!” You pinched at his side, mostly to avoid having to explain yourself. He finally laughed. “You don’t have to be traditional with me, you know. Actually, you haven’t been traditional at all so, why start now?”

Silas’s laughter fizzled out, just as his playful expression slipped away as well.

He stared at you, seemingly searching for the right words to respond to you. He reached over himself, plucking the arm that had been wrapped around his middle and drew it forward until your hands rested between the two of you, clasping your fingers together. His hold was tight and firm, as if you’d slip away if he held any looser.

..?

Silas suddenly looked like he was at war with himself. He’d open his lips and make eye contact with you, and then slightly recoil as if your gaze burned him. A strange uneasiness began to settle in your stomach.

Finally, he whispered. “Would.. you believe me if I said that I was afraid?”

That wasn’t the answer you were expecting. “You were?”

You wanted to comment how he didn’t look like it. What he was sporting on wasn’t fear, but a profound blankness you couldn’t read. His features were stripped of the usual warmth and teasing that made him so easy to read.

However, you’ve seen this expression before. Relax. You breathed. Relax.

You can handle this.

“I.. I love you so much that the things that I imagine about you..” His thumb absentmindedly brushed along your knuckles, zeroing in on your ring finger.

The admission took you aback. Quite literally because Silas was now crowding you, tipping you back until your back hit the picnic blanket. Silas placed both of his hands beside your shoulders, effectively caging you between his arms. His face hovered above yours, peering down at you with an expression you couldn’t quite decipher. It was intense, demanding of all of your attention.

“They might scare you.” Cold sweat prickled at your neck. When you try to move your fingers, you found that they were still trapped in Silas’s hold, caged in by your shoulders. The new angle forced your legs to straighten out from their crossed position, but couldn’t close when Silas wedged himself in between them.

Heat began to bloom in the deepest part of you… are you actually losing it?

“I was scared that you might be afraid of..” He hesitated, eyebrows pinching just slightly as his eyes searched yours. “Me.”

Even though Silas was pouring his heart out in an off-putting manner, his facial expression was overflowing with vulnerability, one he seemed to be desperately asking you to accept. Raw, unguarded vulnerability. It was almost as if he was waiting for you to prove something to him.

But you don’t understand. You were sure you were forward in your acceptance of him; Silas was the one who was holding himself back. Silas was the one who was keeping things from you, the one who agonized at not being able to tell you.

“Why would I be afraid of you, Silas?” you whisper, mindful of interrupting him.

Silas gripped your hand tightly to the point of pain. He doesn’t say anything.

The swallow of saliva you made was audible.

Your thoughts immediately threatened to drag you back to everything that happened, but you quickly blanked out. You weren’t exactly awake enough to deal with that particular embarrassment just yet.

Then, the view of his face reminded you of something. An odd feeling tugged at the back of your mind the longer your gaze lingered on him. You just had an odd dream, one where you were underwater and Silas.. why was Silas a merman?

People would argue that dreams could be messages of some sort. While you’re not the type to rely on them, you’ve had your fair share of vivid nightmares where teeth would fall apart or where you’re incomprehensibly late for everything, which was a sign of too much stress. With how many you’ve been getting since your arrival, you don’t doubt that it was at least catering to your current mental capacity trying to make sense of everything you’ve been feeling. 

So, Silas as a merman. Hm.

.. best not to ponder it too long, actually.

You shake the remnants of the dream off, settling back to observing his features.

Silas really was handsome. Good-looking might be a better word because calling him handsome makes it seem like he was older than he actually was. Nevertheless, ‘attractive’ suited him the best.

Sharp nose, defined jaw, long lashes resting against his cheeks, kissable lips, freckled skin that felt warm from sight alone.

Your gaze trails down to the hand holding yours.

His hands were bigger than yours, calloused and a little wiry from the farmwork he’s probably done for way longer than you’ve worked. Clasped around his wrist was a frayed little bracelet. It was clearly old and well-loved, like he’s never taken it off even for a single day of his life. Just like the necklace hanging from his neck, actually.

You look back up to his face, then trail your eyes to his tousled hair. Thick and wavy, it framed his face in such an adorable way. And that long braided part of it was presumably another sentimental thing. Huh, Silas was more sentimental than you realized.

Actually, there were more things about him that you didn’t realize.

All of these little pieces of him were puzzling together to make an incomplete image of him. Every little thing had a story he had yet to tell. If he would even tell you.

Your eyes linger back to his face and zero in on the big scar on his chin.

Hm.

Where did he get that? Did he happen to mention it to you and you didn’t hear?

.. You’ll think about it later.

You chose to give in to your desires before you even realized you had any. Reaching out, you threaded your fingers through his hair and found that they were softer than you expected.

Your fingers slipped gently through the messy strands, carefully combing the knots away when you could. You expected his hair to feel coarse after seeing how thick it was but it was surprisingly silky beneath your fingertips.

Just a few seconds, you mused; it’s not like you wanted to get up yet. Oh, maybe a minute more.

You were so absorbed in playing with Silas’ hair before you realized that one of his eyes were half open, just watching you. Your hand froze awkwardly in his hair. Silas’s lashes flutter open, blinking just enough to take away the last traces of sleep before focusing square on you. Recognition bloomed in his glossy brown eyes. A fond smile graced the very same lips you were praising just a second before.

“What are you doing?”

His voice is only slightly raspy from sleep, and it woke you up from your little staring session. Your cheeks flush with heat, one that you hope isn’t visible enough with the sun glowing behind you.

“Oh uh, your hair was messy and I-I wanted to smooth it down.”

Neither of you believed what you just said for a second. Thankfully, Silas was gracious enough to let it go and not tease you. Instead, he smiled at you with a lazy chuckle.

As you hurried to withdraw your hand, his fingers closed quickly around your wrist before you could get very far. He guided your hand toward his face and, without the slightest hesitation, pressed a soft kiss directly onto your palm. The feeling of the kiss he gave your sensitive palm sent shivers up your spine.

Silas didn’t seem to be particularly bothered by the effect he’d had on you. In fact, he looked pretty content.

“Want me to make you coffee?” The words came out mumbled against your palm.

Unable to meet his eyes anymore, you buried your face into your pillow before you mumbled a “.. yes.. please..” of your own.

…

The smell of pancakes quickly filled the kitchen. Making pancakes was as easy as brushing teeth for Silas, seeing as how he’d make it for his mother every Saturday. It was a little habit that they’d never moved on from. Coffee was already rolling at the side, and pancakes were basically done.

The only thing Silas had to worry about was you.

“You're such a good cook. I feel useless, so give me something to do.”

It was more of a demand than a plea, which was fair. If you asked any more nicely, Silas wouldn’t have taken your request seriously.

Hovering over someone who was working on the stove wasn’t exactly a good idea for any scenario, but he supposes it was the best way to make yourself impossible to ignore.

Silas chuckled, amusement dancing along his square shoulders as he flipped another piece into the plate containing a single flap of pancake. “You don't have to do anything. I can handle it perfectly fine myself. You could just relax and enjoy life.” He was being genuine, as he always has been with you. If Silas had it his way, he’d be the one to do all the work, be the one to make all the hard choices, hell he’d even dress you if you let him.

All you’d need to do is love him in return.

The idea is making his heart race, filling the empty space inside him.

He’ll have to admit though, seeing you stubbornly fussing to help for breakfast was an endearing sight. Your eyes kept darting from the frying pan to the ingredients scattered across the counter, searching for something, anything, to contribute.

He’s attentively picking at your nervous expression, finding your flitting eyes cute. He breaks eye contact with you and peers over your shoulder. “Buuut,” He drawled teasingly, “if you really want to help, whip the cream.” You followed his gaze to the counter behind you, finding a jar of cream, a container of sugar, and a beater.

It’s cute how you perk up.

“Oh, okay, yes.” Your walk was confident enough, only to stop the moment you faced the task.

You had overlooked one tiny thing. Your whipped cream always came from a can, and you never ever bake. So. Looking at these deconstructed ingredients, you feel like they looked more like resources just waiting to be wasted by you. You looked between the cream, the sugar, the beater, the empty bowl, and back to Silas in a couple beats.

“.. How do I do that?” You mutter, voice so low it mirrored your pride.

He holds himself back from any further teasing. “Add the cream to a bowl, then the sugar, and whip it until it's fluffy.” Silas laughed again. “Add the cream and sugar together, then beat until it’s stiff.”

“.. That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

You picked up the cream, carefully dumping out a quarter of the container into the empty bowl before hesitating over the sugar. Your expression turned intense.

Silas had to bite the inside his cheek to stop himself from laughing.

You were entirely measuring how much you were gonna put in, which in fairness did need great consideration. Like mentioned, he’s made thousands of these whipped cream pancakes enough to know the measurements by heart. He imagines you don’t, seeing as making whipped cream already has you stumped.

He watched you cautiously pour what looked like enough sugar to sweeten five cups of coffee.

The sound of the beater overtook the sizzle of butter. Silas continued cooking while occasionally glazing over to look at your concentrated face. By the time he’d finished another three pancakes, you proudly pronounced that you were done.

He looked over, finding the whipped cream stood in perfect stiff peaks. “It turned out well. Good job.”

You released a relieved sigh.

Silas took a whisk attachment from the beater, bringing it over to his mouth and taking a tantalizing lick up the metal. He spreads the cream over his tastebuds and nods. It was actually perfect, if not just a tad sweeter from his usual measurements. He doesn’t mind though, you made it after all.

After flipping the next pancake, he caught the intent stare you were giving him and grinned cheekily. “What?” He tilted the whisk toward you slightly. “Want to be in the whisk’s place?”

“SILAS!” You turned around abruptly, managing to hide the heat on your cheeks but not the heat creeping up your ears.

“Just kidding.” He almost wasn’t.

“.. So about the cows..”

Your denial only seemed to make him laugh out loud.

A perfect pile of perfect pancakes sat in between you and Silas, and you were basically glowing as you poured him and yourself a cup of coffee.

At some point in your stay, you’d become spoiled by his cooking. It was bad. Terrible even. Imagine how disappointing it would be to go back to the city where food costs over ten dollars each and where you’d need to sustain yourself with your own cooking. Not that your own cooking was terrible or even bad by any means, just that it wasn’t as good as his.

If you were back in the city, fancy restaurants would’ve snatched him up at the first chance they could get. For a brief moment, you wondered how he would fare over there.

You ask him with your eyes for a second, and you get the permission to eat first with a nod. You go for it, taking a chunk out from the top.  As you’re bringing the first bite to your expectant mouth, Silas suddenly reminds you.

“We’re going to the river today. We’ll work on your fear.”

Your hand froze in place. Your lower lip got caught by your teeth. “Nuh uh. I already made up my mind.”

“Yuh huh. You’re not getting out of it.” Silas’s brown hair swept over his face as he took a sip of the coffee, he was smiling. “Think of it as payment for the pancakes and the coffee.”

The sudden blackmail had you gaping your mouth at him. “Cheater! You let me take a bite first!”

“Well, you’re still going to keep eating, aren’t you?”

Your eyes flutter close in defeat, an even more defeated sigh pressing past your lips as you eat your first delicious bite, “yeah..”

“So, take the first step.”

You make an ugly sound in response. A pout settles on your face as you continue to eat the heavenly pancakes he made. The sweet pancakes paired with the slightly creamy coffee made it hard to hold onto any of the indignation you felt.

…

Silas agreed to gather the chicken eggs while you handled feeding the animals and opening the pasture gates for them after. Both of those tasks took longer than the chicken eggs. Admittedly, you did drag your feet a bit doing each task, mostly because you really wanted to put off going to the river while you still could.

But you weren’t going to admit that to him.

Unfortunately for you, borrowed time would eventually run out. Excuses were dancing along your tongue when Silas finally came up to you.

“Ready to go?” Silas called out to you from across the driveway. You looked up to find him already waiting by the gate, hands tucked into his jumper pockets while a picnic blanket hung from his arm.

Your feet stuttered as you walked. You sighed once more. “Yeah..” No excuse could sway Silas from making you go, especially not when you basically begged to finally be rid of your fear the other day.

“This is a terrible idea.” You groaned.

“It’s the only idea that could help with your fear of water.” It was odd how fixated he was on it. “The faster you get over it, the better it’ll be.”

Silas sighed as his hair obscured the sight of his eyes for a moment, “And we don’t know when you’ll be back after your vacation ends.”

You didn’t know what to say to that because he wasn’t wrong. Getting so caught up with Silas and the farm was making time slip by much faster, your one and a half weeks of break was almost over.

A hand was lifted up toward you. You only hesitate for a second from realizing what his intentions were before reaching over to slip your fingers into his. Warm.

This was another thing you were strangely getting used to. The addicting feeling of Silas’s hands. Maybe it was because you were trying hard to lean into reacquainting yourself with him after all these years, but every little gesture he did or made did something to your heart.

You focused on the warmth as you left the farm behind together, not really paying attention to the walk because you were psyching yourself up for the river.

Until you realized that the path was different.

“Silas?” You quickly looked around the trees and the road, finding nothing familiar. Not from your past walk nor from your memories during childhood. So you looked at somewhere familiar, at Silas, who had an unreadable expression on his face. You mutter, “Where are we going?”

A placating smile settled on his face, but something still felt extremely odd about it. “I want to show you one more place first.”

Why? Did it have something to do with your past with him? But you held your tongue from any further questions; he’d soon explain if he insisted.

The trail narrowed as the trees thickened around you, their branches weaving together overhead until the sunlight became a little more than scattered patches across the forest floor. The farther you walked and the farther you trailed from the usual path, the more dread seemed to fill your uneasy stomach.

The short walk ended when a small shack finally emerged from the trees. Its weathered exterior and unoccupied surroundings suggested that the area was uninhabited, abandoned. There were no windows to look into, just an unlatched door.

A knot of anxiety immediately tightened in your body, making it difficult to breathe. A sharp pain pierced through the entirety of your brain, making you raise a hand up briefly before you forced it back down to your side.

“Do you remember this place? It used to be the Shepherd’s shack.”

Your gaze snapped from the shack and back up to Silas. He was watching you closely.

You had this foreboding feeling that you needed to pace your reactions.

“Shepherd’s shack?” You echoed, disbelieving that such an uncommon term would still be used as opposed to just farmer. It was oddly specific. But you immediately shook your head. “No..” Nothing was coming up, and if there was, you didn’t know if you wanted to know. “but it feels strange.. like this place scares me..”

Silas hummed, his thumb brushing reassuring circles across the back of your hand placatingly. “No wonder. I used to scare you by saying ghosts lived here. You were terrified, so maybe the fear stuck.”

Would something like that really haunt you so primally? Even your fear of big bodies of water wasn’t this intense.

He was lying. You were sure. Or at least, he wasn’t telling you the whole truth.

But you don’t express that. He’ll tell you at some point, it would only be a matter of time before you wore him down. “Maybe..”

He remained silent for a beat too long, his eyes searching for something in yours. “And you don’t remember anything else?”

You shook your head again, more firmly this time. “No, I—” You tugged at Silas’s hand. “Let’s get out of here.” You were already walking away before the shack opened up and ate you whole. An irrational thought, you already knew, but that is basically what it felt like.

“Okay,” Silas softened his tone when he saw how insistent you were. “okay, we’re leaving.” He let you lead the way back, presumably trying to ease the tension by commenting on how fast your pace was or how tight your grip was.

You only relaxed again when your feet met the familiar path to the river. You had to admit, going to the river sounded so much better than going back to the shack, so much so that you were almost glad you were going. You glanced sideways at your childhood friend, seeing him smiling as you walked. It wasn’t like the smug grin from breakfast, but something more akin to satisfaction.

Did you really have to kiss him!? On the cheek sure but still!

It didn’t take long at all before his side of the bed finally dipped under a weight. All your racing thoughts came to a sudden stop.

The room was lit up slightly by the glow of the moonlight, spilling through your window and illuminating just enough of the room for you to imagine what the layout looked like.

You waited for a second before finally turning your head to look at him, and when you did, Silas had already settled onto his side. One arm was tucked beneat his head as he looked at you with a small smile. There wasn’t anywhere else for you to look aside from his eyes.

The bed felt even smaller than before, so much so that you could feel Silas’s breath on you. You placed your arm in between you two, not knowing if you should reach for him or anything.

For a second you both lay there staring before breaking out in giggles.

“For some reason,” He began between soft chuckles. “I just remembered the time we went camping for a few days and forgot to tell any adults.”

Your eyebrows shot up to your hairline. “We really did that?? How could we forget to tell anyone?”

“Because we were too excited about the idea of camping.” Even so, imagining yourself as a ten year old going off to the woods to spend a few nights camping was hard. Especially when the woods around looked scary after dark.

It felt strange. Not because, in all honesty of the fact that it sounded impossible, but because you couldn’t remember a single part of it.

“And nobody looked for us?” You tilt an eyebrow up.

“Of course they did. The whole village was turned upside down.”

You hummed and smiled despite yourself, wishing you could add more to the memory. That must have been the one thing Kyle told you about when you came back. At least it matches up.

“..Are you still scared after falling into the water?” He suddenly asked when you were silent for a second too long. It made you look away for a second, heat dancing along your cheeks. The fact that you were caught off guard was still fresh, but you were ready to let go of the embarrassment now.

“It’s getting better..” Better because you weren’t near the creek anyway.

Silas’s gaze dropped from your eyes to your lips, now looking concerned. “But your bottom lip is trembling..”

It was, but you don’t know if it was because of the fall or because Silas was so close that you could basically breathe him in.

You shake your head to placate him. “It’s fine. It happens.”

A small silence settled between you again.

Suddenly, he inched himself closer, testing your facial expression to see if you’d protest or push him away. He inched another when you didn’t say anything.

Then, he came close. So close that you could see Silas’s individual lashes as they brush over the warm freckles on his cheeks, the bump of the scar on his chin, the even smaller one on his cheek, the small bleached spots of his hair from when he was probably out in the sun. At first you thought he came close just to hold you and ease your anxieties. Right now, however, he was so close that you couldn’t help but think that he’d actually kiss you.

And you’re not sure what you would do if he doesn’t. Because right now, you can’t think about anything else other than that.

You don’t do anything.

He does it for you.

Silas leans his face into yours, gently slotting his lips over your eager ones as his hand reached over to hold your jaw in his hold with astonishing gentleness. Your lashes flutter to a close upon instinct.

Heat so hot that it made you sweat was now rushing down to your shoulders like a wildfire. Your breathing was shot and inhaling felt like it was a disruption to what you were doing.

You share a sweet peck, then another, then another, before the seam of your lips parted and the taste of Silas’s mouth was flowing into yours. Your breathing shudders but you don’t pull away. The bed suddenly creaked as you move closer to him, so close that your body was almost flush against his; your chest brushing against his and your legs almost tangling together.

The kiss was wet and filthy, nothing like who Silas was. Silas who was sweet and careful, if not a little pushy and confusing, was different from this Silas who was needy and demanding.

Actually, all those things may have been true at once, he just chooses when to show them to you.

A quiet moan erupts from his throat while a small whine came from yours. The hand that was holding your jaw moved down your cold arm, to your waist, before settling on your hips. He gave your waist a squeeze, earning himself a jolt in surprise and a louder sweet sound from your vocal cords.

It encouraged him to take it a step further. His hands dipped under your shirt, dragging his palm all over your warm skin until it settled on your sensitive side. The contact made your thighs press together.

Your mind was swirling, your body was buzzing with sensations that were wholly unfamiliar but were somehow becoming quickly addicting.

When the slick sensation of his tongue dragged along your bottom lip, you didn’t hesitate to increase the gap of your lips. The wet appendage is welcomed and quickly filled the empty space of your mouth, amping the filthy wetness of the feeling. Your hand snakes up to his chest, gripping onto the cloth of his shirt.

You could feel his desperate emotions in every move of his lips and every desperate drag of his tongue along yours. It was as if he was devouring you, taking in everything you were offering and edging for even more than that.

Eventually, you needed to take a proper breath.

You pulled away first, only managing an inch away as you sucked a sharp breath in and breathed back out. Your eyes tracked down to his lips, feeling a certain way when you notice a string of saliva connecting both of your lips before breaking.

You could still taste the addictive taste of him, and you would’ve gone for more had he not spoken another word.

“I love you so much..” Silas whispered in a tone so delicate you almost couldn’t hear him over the crickets outside. Your heart stuttered in its pulse.

When his hand ghosted over your waist a bit too high, just below your breast, the thought suddenly came more alive.

Ah, you guys were really going there.

You didn’t mind; actually, you were more than eager despite your inexperience. A deep ache had settled over the spot between your thighs, so persistent and pulsating that it was starting to hurt. 

When you had moved your body a little, you were stunned to find out that you weren’t the only one so deeply affected by this.

Evidenced by the hardness poking at your lower belly.

Silas suddenly jumped out of the bed so quickly you thought he was pulled back by something strong, landing hard on the wooden floors you were afraid something broke. His bones or the floor, you were hoping it was neither.

“Silas!” You shout as you crawled over to the edge of the bed so quickly that the blankets tangled around your legs. Leaning over, you find the brunette sprawled awkwardly on the floor with his eyes staring straight up at you. His chest was going up and down unevenly and his face was practically red. “Are you okay?” You reach a hand down for him in an effort to help pull him back up.

For a minute he’s only quiet. Thankfully he takes it, but he immediately bolted for the stairs with speed so quick it looked like he teleported.

“I-I’m fine–!" You gape when he missed the first step. Luckily he managed to catch himself.

“I just need to go to the bathroom real quick. I uh..” He was already three steps down, wild eyes looking between the last step and back to you frazzled on the bed. “I just need to wash my–” He gestured vaguely at himself, his face somehow managing to grow even redder.

“My-My—” His hand flailed helplessly. “—face!”

“I-I’ll be a while so,” He disappeared over the stair railings. “so don’t wait up for me, goodnight!”

The sound of a door, presumably the bathroom door, slamming shut was the end of it, and the sound of the night slowly creeped back in.

You slowly turn to your back in disbelief, your gaze returning to the very interesting ceiling overhead. A cold heat creeped into your face, a different sort from the pleasant heat you shared with Silas not even 5 minutes beforehand.

Did that actually happen?

You raised your fingertips to your lips and found that they were still so warm.

You hid into the blankets in an attempt to run away, pressing your palms to your burning face and groaning right into them. The restless feeling in between your legs had settled abruptly, leaving only the slick feeling of another sort of wetness dragging along your thighs.

How you managed to get this riled up over a kiss was damn embarrassing. Feeling disappointed that it didn’t go anywhere else was even more so.

Whatever!!

Against every instinct and the fear of the water, he managed to coax you into trying once you got to the creek. The very first one you caught was sort of life changing, the second was invigorating, and third made you forget about that little fear of yours. But then you attempted to catch a fourth right on top of the pier where Silas had kissed you on the cheek the day before.

That was your mistake.

Truthfully, you didn’t even want to do the fishing at all. You were content with watching the man who claims to be your old friend do the work while you ate his spoils. A fair thing to say since he was the one who bribed you with the idea anyway. The primal fear of the water, the creek, was still too fresh in your brain and your body. Being anywhere near was like getting close to death that could drag you down and keep you there, helpless.

And yet you chose to forgive Silas. Because no matter how you looked at it, it had been your decision as much as it was his, and because you went on the pier yourself. He, admittedly, didn’t need to hold your hand the entire time.

That or maybe it was because it was impossible to stay upset when he looked at you with those painfully guilty eyes.

The walk back to your grandpa’s house passed in near silence. You let Silas hold onto your arm and the spoils you caught before you would’ve actually buckled, and when you actually did he slipped an arm around your waist. He managed to carry your weight just fine despite your dragging feet.

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him for long. The conflicted emotions in you were scary, and the fear of saying something wrong was just as real as your fear of the water. 

“I'm so sorry, Sunshine..” Silas finally broke the silence, earning him a wince from you. Not because he spoke, but because of the nickname. A sharp point jabbed into your temple when you tried too hard to think about it.

He settled you down on your grandpa’s porch table instead of bringing you inside, probably so that your muddy shoes wouldn't make a mess of the creaking wooden floors that were no less than five decades old.

“I’ll never put you in danger again.. I promise.” Silas reached over for your trembling hands that were settled on the table surface, cradling them with careful movement. And you let him hold you like that because your other senses were out of commission, you couldn’t even hear what he was really saying. All you could hear were your own thoughts.

Why why why..

Why did this happen?

How could you have lost it so badly when the water wasn't even that deep? It was frustrating to feel your body betray you and lock up when you needed it to move most. You had the vague idea that you might just be able to drown on a puddle if God permitted.

And now, Silas was looking at you with so much guilt that it was eating away at you. It wasn't all of his fault, yet here you are, soaking in your fear while you couldn't even say a damn thing to ease the tension.

You sucked in a breath, eyebrows pinching together in frustration as you looked down at your lap. “I want to get rid of this.” 

“Get rid of what?”

It was only a fraction of a second, but you didn’t see the cold look on Silas’ face before you looked back up and firmly stated, “My fear of the water.”

You were sick of water getting in the way of your nice vacation, in the way of your life even. You’ve been having such a nice time, an unexpectedly romantic one at that, with a man who seems to be moving at your beck and call if you truly wanted him to.

“It’s been bothering me since I got here. I just thought that avoiding it was enough but..” Life returned to your fingers and you gripped his hands in return. “I can’t keep running from big bodies of water anymore.”

A look of pleasant surprise crashes over Silas’ freckled face before he let an easy smile take over, looking even more handsome than before.

“Maybe we could try going for a swim tomorrow?” He mused, spoken a little too eagerly.

You jump in your seat as the refusal sat heavy on your tongue. “HUH? That’s too sudden I.. I’m still dripping wet here,” you gesture to your soaked jumper and soaked shirt, tracking how your shirt was still almost see-through because it stuck to your skin. Looking back at him, his eyes were looking below your collar before snapping back up to your eye level. “I don’t think I’ve fully recovered from earlier yet at all..”

The corner of Silas’s mouth twitched. He anchored your hands to the table when you attempted to pull them back in, figuratively anchoring your resolve as well.

He smiled. “You can start by just dipping your feet into the water. When it gets easier you can go a little farther.”

You groan. “If it gets easier.”

"Nothing gets easier if you don't even get started."

He’s not wrong, you won’t drown from just your feet, you won’t even slip in if you’re crawling in. It’s just that primal fear that you’re getting hung up over, and the fact that your memories still wouldn’t give you a clear and linear path as to why that was.

“Of course it will.” His urging is accompanied by an earnest tone. “I even promised you I won’t let you get into any danger this time. I’ll chain you to me if I need to.” That last statement earns him a huff from you, probably taking it as him musing you along with no other substance.

“You don’t have to give me an answer so soon. I’ll wait until tomorrow morning.” Silas watches you virtually think it over, itching to hear you say something else just to hear your voice.

He then looks over to the horizon for just a fraction of a second, and an idea immediately blossoms in his head. Whispering, he speaks.

“hey can i stay over tonight?”

“Yeah.” You were still deep in thought.

“and sleep in the same bed?”

“Sure.”

You pause. Wait what did he just ask? You were so caught up with your on thoughts that you didn’t realize what he asked at first. Heat crawled into your face despite your soaked state when you did realize, travelling down your shoulders and your body.

Memories of last night with just you and him in the same bed was running through your head all at once, and before that, promises of creating more romantic situations just to recreate your first kiss with him. Another memory that never seems to be able to surface just like the rest of them about this little town. You could still feel his warm hands caressing your side as you drifted to sleep, his lips on your cheek.

“Great!” Although the sun was now a quarter before fully submerging over the horizon, Silas was practically beaming at your response. Oh well, too late to back out now. And he looked so happy too; you may as well go along with it and indulge him. What’s another night?

He squeezed your hands once. “So, do you want to do the farm routine before we turn in for the night?”

You nod. The animals must be hungry by now. 

By the time you were both down at the barn, the sky was already more orange than blue, and the darkness of night was creeping at the edges. Small little specks of light were starting to appear from the long blades of grass out in the field; fireflies. So pretty.

You’re already reaching for the chicken coop latches when Silas suddenly blocks your reach. “Actually, I’ll do everything while you rest, okay?”

Again, you fluster. You had already asked him to pick up the eggs and take out the animals that mornin. Your conscience wasn't letting you agree to make him do everything this time. You shake your head lightly. “Oh that’s kind of you but uhm, I can at least go pick up the chicke—”

“It’s for your own good.”

The breath you had just inhaled came out unsteady going out. You looked up from the necklace that hung from his neck and back up to his face. Something about his expression made your stomach tighten.

Silas already had his easy smile on before you could comprehend his tone. “And anyway, don’t you want to get out of those wet clothes already?”

The change in tone gave you whiplash. The abrupt switch between his words was swift, and the puppy-eyed look he was giving you wasn’t really helping you in wanting to address whatever that was. It was odd, it made you want to distrust him, follow that little gut feeling you had of him since he popped in the chicken coop in your first day.

But you set it aside. 

“Yeah..” Your gaze shifted to the side, your arms dropping to your front to wring your fingers together. “I guess I could use a shower.”

He eagerly nodded in agreement. “Take a real nice hot one. I'll have to go home and process the fish we caught for dinner. I’ve got all the tools and the fish-cleaning table there.”

“Your house?” It was the second time he mentioned his house. “Can I come with you?”

You were curious. Aside from grandpa’s house and the creek, you haven’t really gone anywhere far. Not even when you were in town to visit grandpa at the hospital, you didn’t exactly go around visiting the place since the animals couldn’t be left alone for any longer than they did.

“No.”

Silas caught himself almost as quickly. “Wait for me here. I’ll be quick.”

Immediate rejection. It settled unfairly on you. The rejection would have been fine if only he hadn’t seemed so.. defensive.

“But why don’t you want me coming to your place? This is the second time you’ve said no.” You weren’t able to stop yourself from pushing back this time.

There was a brief tick on Silas’s eyebrow just now. “There's nothing interesting there.” Then he smiled. “Besides, to get to the village, we'd have to cross the bridge and you're scared.”

“But we decided I had to get over that fear!”

 “You still haven't recovered from falling in today.” His voice softened. “You need time to get yourself together.”

It was a considerate explanation, enough so that feeling so offended made you feel childish. But it just didn’t seem fair at all.

So you couldn’t go today but tomorrow is fine? Silas would tell you so many things about himself, about you, about you together. But he’d quickly draw a line when you try to get your own answers. It wasn’t even answers in this case, you were curious about him but he’s actually more secretive than you initially thought. And you originally thought he was odd to begin with.

You weren’t even asking for answers this time, so either he's being weird or he's hiding something. Maybe he's embarrassed about his house or his parents?

You shook your head as you stepped back, conceding. There was nothing you could do if he really didn’t want to, and there was no point in arguing about it any further. 

An arm wraps around your middle before you could start walking back, pulling you back into SIlas’s axis before you feel his lips land on the top of your head.

“I’ll be back soon.”

Silas then pulls away, leaving you stunned as he walks down to the fields to bring the animals in. You sigh, releasing the petty feeling of irritation over being refused. 

Honestly. He had a frustrating habit of making it difficult to stay mad at him. It was a little humiliating.

You don’t waste your time dawdling. You went back over to the table and gave your grandpa a call.

…

It's hard to imagine Silas being closed off when your grandpa told you how different he was before you came back. He practically glows all the time and looks like he could make friends with anyone. He smiled so easily it seemed impossible to imagine him as anything else.

Be careful with Silas.

You couldn’t shake off your grandpa’s words even as you showered and dressed up. The inner conflict of knowing something was off but still not really seeing any of it aside from a few tense moments was eating away at you.

Because for all the red flags that popped up, you can’t seem to drop the fact that you liked Silas. Or at the very least you found him ridiculously attractive. The man can cook, he hasn’t argued over cleaning, he insists on helping you with farm work.. You just couldn’t find anyone like him back in the city.

It was probably no wonder you worked so hard at your job, and that was probably why everyone else did too. There was never any time for any romance, save for maybe some bar flings that never end up going anywhere.

A quiet sigh left you again. You hadn’t realized how lonely you’d been until someone made coming home feel.. nice.

“Sunshine!” Silas’s loud voice startled you. You see him walking up from around the house with a big smile on his face and a plastic bag full of gutted fish in his hand.

For a second the memory of the tension from earlier made you square your shoulders.

Then your eyes drift to his bright eyes then down to his smile. The knot in your chest loosened despite yourself.

“Miss me?” He asked cheekily.

Heat rushed over your cheeks for a moment. You huff, “Yeah, I wasn't sure I could last another minute without you.” Though you meant to say it a little bit more sarcastically, you couldn’t contain the unexplainable genuine feeling of joy of just seeing him.

He goes over to where you were sitting on the porch steps and stands there, looking down at your softly.

“Hehe. I knew you couldn't live without me already!” His words were confident but the light dusting of red over his cheeks made it known that you affect him just as much. “I cleaned the fish and took out all the bones so you wouldn't choke.”

An easy smile stretches your lips. “That's very sweet of you. So, how are we cooking it?”

“I was thinking of grilling it over an open fire.”

The idea of grilled fish over an open fire makes your stomach growl involuntarily. It sounds so so so good right now after the entire day of hard and emotional work.

“Yes. Do that. Right now.”

“Ordering me around?” The smirk on his face was adding an overwhelming feeling of butterflies to the hungry growling. “I like it.”

“Shush!”

“As you wish.”

Silas held out a hand, and you slipped your own into it without much thought. His fingers immediately folded around yours as he pulled you up from your seat. He didn’t let go as you begin walking off.

Your joined hands swung lightly as the two of you walked over to where grandpa had kept beside the porch. Time had darkened the metal and rust was creeping at the legs holding it up, but luckily the bars that were to be used were clean enough. You helped pull up the outside table where he placed down not only the bag of fish but also a bag of potatoes, tomatoes, and lemon.

“When did you get all of this?”

“We had a lot at home, figured you’d love some.”

“I do.” You immediately affirm.

Silas looked over the ingredients and nodded. “Could you peel the potatoes? I need to grab a few things from the house.”

“‘Course.” You nod as you picked up the knife he brought with him. The potatoes peeled surprisingly easily beneath your hands. You’d expected to be a lot more clumsy due to your inexperience but six potatoes later and you found yourself quietly impressed.

By the time Silas returned, his arms were full. Salt, pepper, paprika, mayonnaise, barbeque sauce, oil, rosemary, he must have rummaged through all of your grandpa’s cupboards because you didn’t even know he had herbs stocked up.

Your stomach growled loudly without your permission, making Silas laugh.

“Hungry?”

“.. Maybe..” You answered weakly.

Could he really blame you though? Dear Lord you could already feel your stomach eat itself alive. It did’t help that Silas was clearly experienced in cooking.

He made sure to put the potatoes in first to soften them up, only moving onto the scaled and cut fish when char marks were forming on the veggie. Salt and pepper were drizzled over everything, and while it was cooking, he whipped up a mouth-watering sauce with the barbecue, mayonnaise, butter, herb, and the lemons.

You really needed to get a few lessons from him instead of living off delivery and frozen meals. You may actually start loving life just a little bit more if you could cook like he could.

When everything was plated up and served, you were basically on the verge of tears.

“This is divine. I want to kiss you all over right now.” You were being extremely genuine. The dish was perfect and glowing. If you were ordered the same thing back in the city, it could have easily cost you twenty dollars for the fish alone, and an extra eight more for the drink you’d pair it with.

Silas was grinning as he leaned on the hand that was planted on the table. “I’m always up for that. If that’s what I get each time, I’d gladly cook for you again.”

You don’t acknowledge the rush of heat on your cheeks.

You picked up your fork, eagerly taking a chunk of fish and potato together before practically shoving it in your mouth. Actual tears were lining your waterline.

The fish was crispy on the outside and falling apart on your tongue. The potatoes were just right and salted to perfection, small grill marks were lining it to provide that grilled taste. The buttery herb sauce brought it all together into one cohesive taste.

You savored the first bite greatly, not aware that you had your eyes closed until you opened them to look at Silas immediately. He hadn’t taken a bite from his plate yet, his doting eyes were nowhere else but your own.

“I don't know who you sold your soul to for your cooking skills but this is incredible.”

A familiar cheeky look flashed over his eyes for a moment. “It’s all thanks to my secret ingredient.”

“Don’t say love.”

“Lov—”

Silas stared at you with owlish blinks. Then he broke out into a boyish grin.

Though you really didn’t want to admit or acknowledge it because it’s embarrassing to think about, there was just no way you could avoid it. You lowered your fork for a moment, muttering, “.. Looks like you really do love me a lot.”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” He stated it as if it was, and you almost believed that it was. “I love you so much it hurts sometimes.”

You’re almost indignant when you ask. “But why? What's so special about me that you never stopped loving me all these years?” It was just so unbelievable. You haven’t done much in your life to deserve such desperate devotion from someone you can’t even remember childhood with. Someone who clearly regards you so much that he can claim that he loves you even after a decade of not seeing you.

It made you feel guilty. You feel guilty for not being able to feel the same things he feels for you. You dropped your gaze, not able to maintain your eye contact. “I barely remembered you, I-I can’t help but feel like I’m duping you somehow.” The words tasted awful when they left your tongue.

You were afraid of the answer you were about to get.

The doting look on Silas’s eyes doesn’t falter, in fact, they just seemed to glimmer at the opportunity to be able to say, “Just you. All of you. You’re charming, precious and perfect.”

It’s too much. It’s all too much for you to be holding someone’s feelings that you didn’t know how to handle. Your mouth would open and gape, trying to find the right words that can never seem to form properly

“You don't have to say anything.” Looking back up into his gentle gaze was difficult. “It's enough for me that you accept my feelings.”

He could read you so easily, almost as if he could read your actual thoughts. 

You stared at him for a moment, taking all of him in all of his vulnerability. It’s like he’s bared his heart open to you and somehow seemed perfectly content simply letting you hold it.

It was frankly a little ridiculous of him to think so.

“I think there’s a fish scale on your forehead.”

“Huh!?” Silas immediately slapped a palm over his temple, trying to whisk away the imaginary fish scale from his hair. “I swear I cleaned up before I—”

You laugh. “I’ll get it.” You reach a hand over to his hair. “Just come close.”

He does so hesitantly, and when you cradle his cheek to steady his face you swear you could feel the heat that flushed over his skin radiating into your palm. Before he could comprehend what you were doing, you immediately leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek, barely grazing the edge of his lips.

“The fish.. really is delicious. So thank you.” You’re already pulling away before your nerves could fail you.

Silas was staring at you with these wide eyes that made you feel triumphant. “.. There wasn’t a fish scale on me, was there?”