Golden Gun's Blog

Earlier this year, Ms. Jaime Lee Kirtz wrote an article called “Beyond the Blackbox: Repurposing ROM Hacking for Feminist Hacking/ Making Practices,” published in issue no. 13 of Ada New Media.  (link: https://adanewmedia.org/2018/05/issue13-kirtz/)  While I’m not familiar with the publication itself, I’m always surprised to see any mention of ROM hacking outside the wacky tubes we call the Internet.

Now, I’m sure many of you are expecting me to tear into the article and go on the attack; but really I’m not.  Now, it’s been a while since I was in college and reading peer-reviewed texts, so the extremely verbose writing style is a bit difficult for me to comprehend.  The fact that political musings on the philosophical nature of feminism are constantly included makes comprehension even more of a challenge, at least for me.  But that being said, I do appreciate that Dr. Floppy and Popehentai were quoted and given at least a somewhat fair shake considering the publication’s nature.

I do want to challenge the writer’s interpretation that women are unwelcome in ROM hacking, or that the very nature of ROM hacking is anti-female.  While I do, to some extent, agree with Dr. Floppy that the very nature of ROM hacking itself may not appeal to women; however, I do not think that women as a whole would find the hobby to be unenjoyable.  Hacking, whether it be ROMs or any other media, is a subculture to begin with.  As the article implies, hacking itself generally has a negative connotation in society, thanks to a poor representation in pop culture.  So, it’s no wonder that few men, and many fewer women, become a part of a hacking community.

All that being said, I really do wish that more women and girls took part in ROM hacking.  In fact, I wish that more folks in general took part in ROM hacking!  As in any creative medium, there is no greater joy than planning a project, putting in the effort, and seeing the final result to completion.  With ROM hacking, the end result is a playable game, customized to your own wants and specifications.

For me, one of the greatest joys of my life was seeing the completion of “Donner Party,” a group-effort ROM hack that I had a small part in its completion.  That hack’s second level was completed by Bobbie Doll Blue, a first-time female ROM hacker who is still a part of the BHDN community today.  It’s a great level, and an amazing effort for any hacker - even moreso for a first-timer!  

I do wonder what the article’s author would think of our site’s current plans for upcoming ROM hacks.  “Subway the 13th” is set to have half of the playable characters be women; and “Donner Party 2″ is planned to have Agent Felicia King as a player character in one level (the level I’m currently planning, tentatively titled “F.U.C.King Wet!”).  

While I can’t address any potential feminist concerns about the other two female characters in “Subway the 13th,” Felicia King is a character of my own creation who is set to appear in both hacks.  I won’t go into detail describing her here, both to save space and to avoid potential spoilers.  But in short, she’s a character who’s strong in spirit and in body, and also quite attractive.  She’s a tough action heroine, inspired by my own favorite heroines - such as Lara Croft, Samus Aran, and Nikita.  While she’ll face great challenges in both hacks, and can potentially take a lot of damage (depending on how good a player is at the controls), Felicia King will likely be one of the most powerful player characters in both games.

I recently had a chat with Dr. Floppy on BHDN about a certain feminist video game critic, her views, and her objections to certain aspects of video games.  I will refrain from naming her here, but you can probably guess who she is.  In our chat, I thought of how many modern games have lots of great, well-written female characters who offer much more than just sex appeal.  Indeed, I doubt that many would be popular were it not for a great personality to go along with looks.  And for characters like Mei from Overwatch and Tali from Mass Effect, they’ve gathered huge fanbases while being completely covered and clothed (and, for Tali, without even having a visible face!).

I brought up a character that I’m writing and developing for future hacks, Felicia King.  I wondered what that video game critic would think of Felicia.  After all, the character is a strong fighter, able to dispatch foes with relative ease, and wears an attractive (but practical and unrevealing) outfit.  Would not that meet the requirements for an acceptable female video game character?  Of course, Dr. Floppy pointed out that no, it would not satisfy the critics.  And that got me thinking... what would be enough to satisfy them?  When is enough “enough”?

I’ve considered this topic many times before.  I’ve tried to bring logic into the situation - which was perhaps my fatal flaw, but humor me for a bit.  I even looked through my current-gen video game collection and counted the number of games that have both male and female protagonists, as well as strong female NPCs.  There were a lot of games that fit that criteria!  The Mass Effect, Borderlands, and Saints Row series all allow you to play as a man or a woman, and have great writing for their female NPCs, too.  Who could forget Subject Zero, or Lilith, or Kinsie Kensington?  One of my favorite video game series, Tomb Raider, stars the indefatigable Lara Croft who has battled countless foes across numerous games for the past 20 years.  And who could forget Samus from Metroid, the female bounty hunter who has destroyed entire planets’-worth of evil?

But I get it - it’s politics.  Asking “when is enough ‘enough’” is an exercise in futility because, honestly, it will never be enough.  There will always be some issue, some “trigger,” some “problematic” detail in a game.  This is an immature and childlike way of looking at a work, to try to sift through the details until you find something that offends you.  Looking past the good to find the bad is an extremely hostile, pessimistic mindset that results in extreme toxicity.  Or, to put it simply, “Stop having fun, guys.”  

So, if the politically-obsessed critics are implacable, why bother trying to please them?  If any concession is deemed insufficient, why concede?  I say, just make the games you want to make; write the stories you want to write; paint the pictures you want to paint.  And don’t be concerned with how critics view or respond to your work.  You yourself are the only critic that matters!  If the work you create pleases you, then that is all that matters.  

And I say that to the feminists and other critics as well!  If you dislike the current crop of games, I encourage you to go out and create your own games.  I don’t say that with sarcasm, either!  I say it from my heart, and from my experience on Badhacks.  I’ve seen hackers learn the ins and outs of ancient video game peripherals, systems, and games.  I’ve seen Dr. Floppy teach himself ASM in less time that it takes to earn a college degree.  I’ve seen Kyo raise himself up from being just another Mario hacker to being one of our most respected and creative hackers on the site.  I’ve seen MG create amazing 8-bit art, beyond what I thought was possible on the NES.  I’ve seen Rotwang decipher Final Fight to a masterful degree.  And, I’ve seen a group of ten hackers take Monster Party and turn it into a game that was wholly other.  This was all done by amateurs, not professional programmers or artists.  Folks who wanted to see something made, and were dedicated and determined enough to stick with it and see their project through to completion, even if it meant learning something new and complicated.  Even if it meant nights full of frustration.  

This is, essentially, an excerpt of the history of BHDN - a little series of anecdotes regarding my involvement with Kyo and his creation of the NHM series of hacks.  My involvement was fairly minor, so don’t think I’m trying to take credit for his masterpiece; however, it has been one of the most interesting episodes in my time with BHDN.

It all started very close to the beginning, on the original Bad Hacks Dot Net around 2008 or so.  The site’s original owner (name redacted), who had seen many an offensive hack, was completely blown away by the content of NHMFTDN.  The original hack was of the Super Mario Bros 1 & Duck Hunt ROM, so finding a file to patch the .ips to was a little bit of a hassle, but completely worth it.

I was a big fan of the original hack when it came out.  Expressing my awe, I ended up emailing Kyo directly.  He turned out to be the coolest, most easy-going guy, in stark contrast to the contents of the hack.  That’s something that I would come to find out more and more as I spent time on BHDN - that the hackers themselves would always have personalities at direct odds with the bizarre or offensive nature of their hacks.  

It was around this time that Kyo revealed that he was working on a new hack, a sequel to NHM, based on Super Mario Bros 2.  He was looking for playtesters at the time, and offered to send me the beta ROM to try out.  I leapt at the chance to try out the latest game before release, and I ended up playing more of it than I ever had of SMB2.  

I gave Kyo some feedback on the hack, as well as some questions about the characters.  I suggested that the weird, robot-looking outline character be given some sort of contrasting color, as the outline was hard to see when in the mirror-verse areas of the game.  Kyo told me that this character was actually “Crazy Grama,” a character he’d created in childhood who existed in a world of incredibly violent kids’ doodles, killing nazis and terrorists with thanks and planes and machine guns.  

For my efforts, Kyo immortalized me by adding several hidden “golden guns” throughout NHM2.  The easiest one to see is hidden in the curtain on the character select screen.  

This was the beginning of a long-lasting friendship that continues to this day.  Kyo has released plenty more hacks since then; and while I haven’t always had a chance to do any play testing, I’ve continued to offer my support never I can.

Now, after NHMFTDN2, Kyo began plans for the third installment of the series.  Knowing Kyo, he had to chose something big.  Instead of the logical choice of hacking SMB3, or even SMW, Kyo jumped two consoles forward and proclaimed that he would be hacking SMB64!  This was an incredible thing to hear, since up until that point anything but NES or SNES hacking was virtually unheard of.  But, true to his word, Kyo began to produce a few alpha builds here and there.  I can’t even remember how many builds he created, then started fresh from scratch (mostly due to hard drive or computer failures), but it was at least two or three.

In this interim time, roughly between 2010 and 2013, I began to discus the NHM-verse with Kyo: Who were the major players, and what were their motivations?  What would the plot of NHM64 be?  Who was the villain?  He offered me a few tantalizing details, essentially all he had come up with at that point.  I offered to write some ideas for him, to which he happily accepted.

I began to brainstorm answers to the biggest questions I had about the NHM series.  Who were the Dick Nazis?  Where did the come from?  What was their motivation to conquer new worlds?  Who was their leader, after HD was kicked out?  I began to sketch a rough outline of ideas.  The Dick Nazis were actual nazis who escaped from Earth in 1945 shortly before the defeat of the Third Reich by use of advanced, experimental portal technology.  Hitler’s Dick himself was to be an actual clone of the real Adolf Hitler - albeit an imperfect one.  My central character who helped pull all of this together was Ilsa Analverker - a female nazi scientist who created the Hitler clone and who designed the portal technology.

I was inspired by old exploitation movies like “Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS,” as well as the crazed nazi experiments in the PS2 game Bloodrayne.  I’d read several articles about German “wunderwaffe,” experimental wonder weapons that were supposed to turn the tide of war in their favor; this also inspired some of my ideas for nazi tech and experiments.  I wrote Ilsa as being pragmatic, resourceful, dedicated, and utterly bloodthirsty when needed.  

The idea for the Hitler clone was based around the old song “Hitler Has Only Got One Ball,” a British WWII song created to make fun of the nazis.  But, in doing further digging, I found that it was actually quite plausible that Hitler really did have only one testicle, following a groin injury he sustained during the Battle of the Somme in the Great War.  Indeed, the Soviet autopsy of der Fuehrer’s remains could only find one testicle!  This gave me the idea that Ilsa would mound a state-sanctioned expedition to France in 1941 to recover the missing gonad, in hopes of using it for a cloning project.  After all, Hitler was surely paranoid about attempts on his life, so having a biological clone would give some extra life insurance to both him and the Reich.  (Reichinsurance?)  

The idea was that, much like some modern cloning techniques where a single cell from an organ can be used to grow a whole replacement organ, Hitler’s missing gonad could be used to grow an entire replacement Hitler.  An outlandish idea to be sure, but the nazis were crazy for outlandish ideas.  Searches for ancient artifacts of power really did occur, and they even enlisted the help of occult masters and alchemists to try to bolster their empire.  So, in my concept, Ilsa would recover Hitler’s missing testicle (remarkably intact after over 20 years) and use it to attempt to grow a second Fuehrer.  However, being the first human clone, there were some... side effects.  The genitalia were a perfect clone, but the body itself... instead of being a human form, it more closely resembled humanoid genitalia with a face.  Oops...

It was around this point in the backstory concept that the Germans started to lose the war.  Fearing the worst, the real Fuhrer ordered Ilsa’s military and scientific force, dubbed the “Hodeninvasion” (rough German for “testicle invasion force) to mobilize to safety.  Ilsa’s side project, a long-range portal, was activated, and the Hodenvasion forces fled to a world on a far side of the universe.

Don’t think that I forgot to add any intrigue or dark moments to the story.  I came up with the idea that Analverker became strangely attracted to the Hitler clone, to the point that they were romantically involved.  I suppose that devotion to one’s Fuehrer knows no limit.  Based on real life-cases of German use of slave labor, I figured that the Hodenvasion base and portal would have been built by concentration camp laborers in deplorable conditions.  

As for what would eventually become the Dick Nazi homeworld, I had the idea that portal scouts had somehow found an exact duplicate of Earth somewhere else in the universe.  The same continents, maybe even the same vegetation and animals, but not humans for whatever reason.  This would surely be the best option for escaping nazis to flee to - even better than Argentina!  

But of course, a new world needs buildings, infrastructure, and all the benefits of a civilization in the midst of the industrial revolution.  While all the scientists can bring plans and designs and schematics for factories and buildings, you need labor to actually create all those things.  So, as you could imagine, the Hodenvasion/ Dick Nazis conscript Jewish concentration camp prisoners to build their new empire on the other side of the portal.  As awful as this would be, I intended it to have quite a bit of irony: Even in their new “aryan” paradise, they could not be free of those they considered to be “untermench.”  

Now, as for how the human Hodenvasion became dick nazis, I didn’t have anything that clear, but part of it all came back to Ilsa.  Being a scientist, I figured she’d have a bit of the Mengele in her, creating biological monstrosities in the pursuit of perfection.  The portal tech itself could have a bad effect, resulting in mutations.  And the new Earth could also have some detrimental effect to human life.  But, I think that perhaps the best idea I had was that the degeneration of the Dick Nazis/ Hodenvasion was self-inflicted.  That their lives became hedonistic, depraved, and inhuman, and that this lifestyle manifested itself physically like a role-reversed Portrait of Dorian Grey.  

For the longest time, I looked down on the horror genre.  Or, to be more precise, I did not really understand all that horror could be.  Growing up in the ‘90s, pop culture was still inundated with the popular slasher films of the ‘70s and ‘80s.  At the time, I thought that was all that horror really was - a lot of blood, gore, and killers going on rampages.  But, the genre really is so much more than that.

It’s funny that I had such disdain for horror when I was actually a big fan of the old “Twilight Zone” and “Outer Limits” shows from the ‘60s.  Those programs have some great examples of all different types of horror, from sci fi monsters and alien invaders, to supernatural entities (a possessed doll that says she hates you!), and even more psychological horror about being the only man left on Earth after a war.  

In high school, I got hooked on watching reruns of the old 1980s anthology series “Tales From the Dark Side” which, like the Twilight Zone and Outer Limits before it, is a great (if low-budget) horror anthology series.  One thing I picked up on from watching TFTDS is how, even on a very low budget, you can achieve a really great, scary story.  Many episodes contained just one or two sets, often with only a couple of actors and minimal special effects.  One of my favorites was about a crotchety old man who hates Halloween.  On All Hallow’s Eve, he refuses to give out candy to trick-or-treaters, and even pours glue into one poor kid’s treat bag.  In response, he’s tormented by goblins on a never-ending (literally, his clock stops) Halloween night.

When I joined BHDN and eventually became friends with Dr. Floppy, he began to encourage me to watch more films in the horror genre.  He pointed me towards several films that were much more of a “thinking man’s horror” than pure slasher smut.  It was then that I really began to enjoy and appreciate horror for what it is - a genre as diverse and varied as action, sci-fi, or comedy.  

I saw a bunch of great films that Dr. Floppy recommended; some of my favorites were Ghost Story, Cabin Fever, and The Frighteners.  I started to branch out on my own and discover new films I’d never seen before.  One film I happened upon, “Trick ‘r Treat” has become a real favorite of mine that I watch every year ‘round Halloween time.  

I’ve been thinking about the spirit of the Badhacks community, and specifically the humor of it, for a long time.  While it’s easy for me to understand, having been on the site since the beginning, I can also understand why other people might not get it; I can even understand why plenty of people find it offensive. 

 This morning, I saw a news article about a Belgian TV show that makes fun of all different kinds of people: Cripples, minorities, little people, etc., but does it right in front of the person in question.  It sounded crass at first, but reading through the article, it became clear that it was more a case of humor for humor’s sake.  Here’s a link to the article: https://www.expatica.com/fr/news/country-news/Entertainment-Belgium-television-Taboo_1803581.html

No topic should be off-limits to humor - even the most sensitive topics and issues.  In fact, those are topics that really ought to receive even *more* humor and jokes!  Humor is a uniquely human invention - a way of making light of things that are upsetting or just don’t make sense in the world.  It’s the reason why even the most learned and esteemed fellows can’t help but crack a smile at a joke about sex or flatulence.  

Humor is one of those things that’s so hard to explain; you either get it or you don’t.  It’s like trying to explain music to the deaf, or color to the blind.  Everyone has a different sense of humor, and what’s funny to you might not be funny to me.  And that’s fine!  But I think issues come up when folks take something like Badhacks seriously.  I’ve always found it clear that the content of some hacks is so ridiculously over-the-top that it’s obviously a joke.  But, as I said, not everyone has the same sense of humor.

Hi, I’m Goldengun from the site Baddesthacks dot net.  I’ve been an active site contributor (meaning I post absolute crap to the Internet from time to time) since 2008.  2018 marks the 10-year anniversary of my involvement with the site; I have a lot of old stories, recollections, and thoughts about the past decade in ROM hacking.  While I’m not much of a hacker myself, it’s been a privilege to take part in the site alongside many of the greats.