Welcome to the Horde

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, now in quarantine

You can dance, you can jive, but you can’t go outside

OOOOOOOHHH see that girl, watch that scene, but through your window screen

I know Nintendo is trying to simplify Super Mario lore (such as it is) by suggesting that the Koopalings are just Bowser Jr.’s friends from school, but if anything, them being Bowser Jr.’s school-friends raises more questions than them being Bowser’s kids – now we have to posit the existence of a Koopa education system. Does Bowser’s Kingdom have public schools? Does the King of the Koopas send his child to a public school? Or is it a private academy? If so, that’s potentially even weirder – if there are high-class Koopa academies, that implies a Koopa nobility. How deep does this rabbit hole go?