𝗚.𝗖.𝗙

PLEASE READ THIS NOTE BEFORE READING!

***This is fiction. Remember that the thoughts and feelings of a character does not represent my own beliefs. I'm not going to sensor a characters thoughts or development so that you're not offended. It's a book...fiction... I refuse to put a sensor on creativity. I hope you can respect and understand that. If you don't like it, then don't read it. But please- don't give up on the book as a whole because you don't agree with what a character says or does.

“O.C.D”

_Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviours that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions).

_

(Y/N) was confused, to say the least. She wasn’t completely sure of how she got herself in this kind of predicament, seeing her weekend was already thoroughly planned out in her head—sitting in her flat and doing nothing at all sounded marvellous—in order to make her holiday, worth it. She made sure to stay away from anyone that could influence her into to going out during her well deserved break, however she still couldn’t draw herself away from Jeon Junghyun when he came knocking on her door. He lived in her building, same floor and all, and though they’ve never had a real conversation, he asked

(Y/N)

to babysit his brother anyway, which of course, she felt obligated to accept. By the looks of it, he was desperate and if

(Y/N)

counted the egg Junghyun loaned her once, perhaps this whole thing could count as returning a favour.

“Can you at least tell me his name, and why he needs to be watched?”

(Y/N)

frowns, a bit confused, another bit curious. ** **

“His name is Jungkook, and he needs to be watched because he doesn’t like being alone,” Junghyun sighs, hurriedly packing his bag with the needed necessities. “Look, he’ll probably be in his room the whole time staring at the ceiling, you have nothing to worry about, thank you so much again,” he pulls

(Y/N)

in for a hug, yet she finds a way to hug him back, even if it’s in the most awkwardest way possible. Maybe the Jeon’s family are a bunch of huggers. 

“It’s no problem,” she tells her once she’s gained her breath, and then the hug is over.

(Y/N)

watches as Junghyun walks out of the flat, leaving her alone in the sitting area. The living room resembled her own, same furniture and placement. It wasn’t until the door was shut and locked did

(Y/N)

realise she didn’t even know the age of this boy, Jungkook. 

She wasn’t sure if she should go to his room and introduce herself, or if she should wait for him to come out himself. After a few more seconds of ridiculously self debating all her options, she sighs, removing herself from the couch and walks to the room Junghyun introduced as his. The closer she got to the door, the louder the voice got. It was hoarse. It sounded as if it was under a simulation. It sounded like a man. 

“Seventy-two, seventy-three, seventy-four, seventy-five, seventy-six...”

She enters the room with furrowed eyebrows, slightly scared of what she might see. She didn’t know what she was expecting, when she opened the door. Maybe a little boy under the covers as he played a video game or at least something along those lines, however she’s met with something else. The boy was much bigger than she imagined, sitting at the edge of the bed. His hair was straight. He wore a plain white shirt and from the looks of it, black briefs. 

When he sees the small girl enter his room, he stops counting. He stares with his eyes, as he curiously examining her. “Are you my baby-sitter?” he asks, and it feels like the world stopped.

“Uh,”

(Y/N)

looks around the room with books scattered all over the floor. There were posters stamped on the wall too from various boybands. “Yeah.” 

“Well,” he smiles a little and suddenly all the awkward tension is over. “Hello.” 

His face cringes, “Hello.” 

“Hello.”

He coughs awkwardly, “Hello.” 

“Hello,” he sighs, “again.”

(Y/N)

breathes out a laugh. It was slightly amusing, the whole thing. “I’m

(Y/N), I live across the hall.” 

“You have a beautiful smile,

(Y/N). I’m Jungkook.” 

“Was there a reason you repeated yourself four times, Jungkook?”

(Y/N)

asks, eyebrows knitted together. She looked at the boy waiting for an answer, thinking to herself that he was completely mesmerising. 

“Yes and no.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Yes, there was a reason. And no, because the reason is dumb.”

“Well, what was the reason?” 

“Do you want me to be honest? It’s a bit ridiculous,” he rubs his left arm nervously. 

“Yes,” she nods. 

“Well,” he starts unsurely. “The first time I said it, my voice sounded hoarse and I didn’t like it. The second time was too rough and I didn’t want to seem rude. The third hello was fine, really. I just don’t like odd numbers.”

“Oh,” she says, but still didn’t understand where he was coming from. He sounded fine each time, in her opinion. “Well your voice sounded the same to me.” 

“Are you insisting I greet you again until it comes out perfect?” 

“No, I just think it sounded perfect the first time.” 

“If it was perfect I wouldn’t have repeated myself,” he argues, a bit aggravated.  

“I don’t understand,” she rolls her eyes, leaning on the wall for support.

“Neither do I,” he sighs. “But it’s normal for me.” 

“Are you a perfectionist or something?” she chuckles. 

The question makes him smile a little. “Something like that.” 

“That’s kind of impracticable, you know.” she shakes her head because of how ridiculous the boy is being. “No one can be perfect all the time.” 

“Well,

(Y/N), you’d be surprised to know how exact I am.”

The moment she came in his room, everything in Jungkook’s head went quiet. All the tricks, all the constantly refreshing images in his head just disappeared. It was hard, having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder because you never get a quiet moment, there’s always something ringing in your head, there’s never anything right. There’s always something out of place. Because nothing was perfect, ever, and Jungkook needed things to be as perfect as possible — always. Even in bed you’re listing things in your head. He asks himself if he washed his hands before climbing into bed, if he made sure to set the alarm — did he put the toilet seat down after using it, or did Junghyun do it for him?** **

Jungkook thinks about (Y/N) and the hairpin curve of her lips. Also the eyelash on her cheek. He noticed it, even in the faint lighting. It was stuck there to her plump cheek; even after she smiled and her face ensued it didn’t move. There was an eyelash on her cheek, and Jungkook wanted to remove it so badly, but he didn’t. He couldn’t.

“Jungkook?” Junghyun barges into his room, dismissing his thoughts.

“Hyung,” he says, staring at his wall. 

“Are you okay? You’re hitting your—”

“I know what I’m doing,” the boy rolls his eyes. When his anxiety rises, he taps on things persistently or rather counts in order to settle himself. Sometimes he has no control over it, and sometimes he’s able to mere his actions, even if it’s only in the slightest. His eyes shut as he stops hitting the side drawer to turn to his brother. “Why didn’t you tell her?” 

“Who? (Y/N)?” his brother goes to sit next to him, “I-I’m sorry.”

“Why are you so ashamed of me?” Jungkook asks, hurt.

“I’m not ashamed of you,” he rests a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, but he’s quick to brush it off. “I didn’t know you wanted me to tell her.” 

“You’re lying! You already know how hard it is from me and you let some girl come in, completely unaware of what she’s getting into. I can’t control how I act around people and you know that. She looked at me like I was crazy!” he yells, tears forming in his eyes. “I hate you so much.” 

Junghyun ignores the hateful comment, because he knows Jungkook doesn’t mean it. He’s just angry and this always happens — he says all the wrong things when he’s angry. “She doesn’t think you’re crazy.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re ashamed of your own brother.” 

“I’m not ashamed! I love you Jungkook, you’re my little brother.” 

“(Y/N) is never going to talk to me now and it’s your fault. You should’ve told her.” 

“You could’ve told her,” Junghyun fires back.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” he closes his eyes once more. “Please leave.” 

“You’re angry.” 

“I’m not angry. I want to be alone.” 

“Yes, you are. Your hands are shaking and you’re shouting at me. That’s anger.” 

“Get out hyung!” he shouts—and okay, he’s angry—once more and he feels like he’s on the verge of exploding. 

“Jungkook—”

“Please?” he repeats once more, his voice much more softer, more weaker.  

“I’m not ashamed of you,” Junghyun mutters under his breath before leaving the room. 

“You are ashamed of me!” he exclaims once the door is shut. His whole body shakes and he’s not sure if his head is on straight, or if his legs are able to function properly. 

“You are ashamed of me.” 

“You are ashamed of me.” 

“You are ashamed of me.”

He closes the door, re-opens it again, then searches for anything hiding in any of the creaks and corners. After fifty times, he re-opens it to check if all the lights are off, so that he will not be wasting energy; not once, not twice, but twenty-five times. Jungkook checks to make sure the alarm is on so nothing bad happens while he departures. He checks this thirty-three times. 

He’s going across the hall today. He wants to visit (Y/N), and Junghyun is letting him — not that he had much of a choice. He checks the alarm once more, just in case, before marching out the front door. He closes it three times before he hears a click! signalling Junghyun locked it. He has the sudden urge to fight him, tell him that it didn’t sound like the door didn’t close properly, but he tells himself it’s all in his head. The door is shut and locked, and he’s only overreacting. The new pills he takes allow him second guess his actions. But Jungkook hates his pills. 

He reaches her flat door within seven steps. He took four steps on his right foot and three steps on his left. It was uneven; he had to start again. He walks back to his front door and starts his quest again. He walks from and to her door five times to get it right. 

Jungkook was never the one to reach out to people. No one ever did it for him, and he was just returning the favour by never doing it back. But he really wanted to talk to (Y/N) more, even if this'll be his last time. Nervously, he knocks on her door four times. After a second, he knocked another four times, then another. It took twelve knocks for her to answer the door. 

She wore boxer shorts with a baggy t-shirt. Jungkook noted how adorable looking she was in messed up ponytail. 

“J-Jungkook? What’re you doing here?” she looks down at her outfit and her cheeks flush, “I was studying for some of my classes.” 

“I wanted to see you,” he grins widely. 

“Oh,” she smiles. Jungkook wanted to think about that smile forever, which was quite possible with his condition — he wouldn’t mind it at all. “How about you come in and I make myself presentable?” 

Though Jungkook wants to object and say she looks beautiful whether she was wearing a wrinkled shirt or an ironed one—that wouldn’t get him where he wants to be. He wants to know more about (Y/N), he wants her to be comfortable with him in whatever she’s wearing, if she lets him. “Sure,” he responds respectfully. 

While she changes, Jungkook walks into the fairly similar flat. He closes the door, re-opens it, closes it, re-opens it and closes it back — Jungkook does this five more times. He locks and unlocks the door fifteen times before he feels someone behind him. 

“You know, if you keep opening the door, I’ll have a bunch of intruders.”

“What do you like to do, Jungkook?” 

“I don’t really do much,” the boy shrugs. 

“You’re lying,” (Y/N) hits him, playfully. “I saw a bunch of books in your room.” 

“I guess,” he scratches the back of his neck. “I like to read books a lot. But it takes me a while because I have to count each line in each paragraph first.” 

“Have you ever tried getting someone to read to you?” she asks. 

“No, why?”

“It’ll be easier for you to read more books, don’t you think?” 

“What are you suggesting, (Y/N)?” 

“I can read to you sometime, if you want.”

“That would be nice,” he then thank her. “What do you like to do?” 

“I dunno,” she moves her shoulders back on the couch. “Read?” 

“Other than reading. Tell me something interesting,” Jungkook inquires. The two of them have been talking like this for the past hour. At first he felt bad for distracting her from her work, but he started to not mind at all after the conversation got going, and she told him she was looking for a distraction anyway. 

“I like to write poems.” 

“Really? About what?” 

“Stuff that makes me feel something, I guess.” 

“Can I read one?” 

“They’re not that good, really,” she flushes. 

“I don’t know why you underestimate yourself, (Y/N). You are very enrapturing. Very enrapturing,” Jungkook tells her fondly, his eyes locked on her. 

“I can say the same thing about you, Jungkook,” the girl replies, and it feels like they’re so much closer—physically.  

“No, I’m quite problematic. I repeat just about everything I do.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with that, we all have our quirks.”

“I actually came over so we can talk about Jungkook.”

(Y/N)’s eyes pop at the mention of Jungkook. She’d be lying if she said the boy hadn’t popped in her head occasionally these passed two days. “What about him?” 

“I finally got him to talk to me,” Junghyun rests his coffee down. “He finds you interesting.”

“Well, he’s very captivating,” she laughs. “He wasn’t talking to you before?” 

Junghyun sighs and looks around the small living room. “That’s also what I wanted to talk about,” he says. “Jungkook is.. special and smart, he’s a good guy, amazing, even. He got upset with me because I allowed you to watch over him without consulting you about his disorder.” 

“Disorder?” she quirks. It was her turn to rest her coffee down. “What does he suffer from?” 

“Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — OCD. He’s had it for a couple years now. At first we thought he was joking around, but one day we take him to the doctor and find out he’s suffering from that and manic-depression. He’s been in the hospital so many times, he even went to rehab for a while. Look, I’m just saying that he hasn’t really had a real friend, or any friend at all in a long time. I just wanted you to know because he seems to really like you, and I don’t want him getting hurt.” 

(Y/N) listened intensely as Junghyun spoke. It made more sense to her now, why Jungkook acts the way does. She understood why he repeated his words, why he would lock and unlock the door consistently. When he told her that he has to count the lines of a book before he actually read them, she didn’t think it was because a damn disorder, more like a bad habit. “I always thought he was special, but I didn’t think he had a disorder as serious as that. Does he still have manic depression as well?” 

“It’s complicated with him. He gets angry and frustrated really quickly, over the simple things, but he doesn’t take his pills anymore. The doctors said it wasn’t fully necessary, so Jungkook stopped taking them. For his OCD though, he still does.”

“Oh,” (Y/N) looks down at her lap. “He hasn’t always been living with you, though. Where was he before?”

“He was with my eomma in Busan, b-but there was a little... accident, and he was in an institution for about a month, until I practically forced him out. He didn’t want to leave, but God, he was rotting in there. So I said he can live with me here, in Seoul.” 

“He was in an institution? What did he do?” 

“It’s Jungkook’s story to tell,” he bites his lip. “I’m not even sure if I have the full details.”

“You’re right, that’s fine,” she gives him a small smile. “Thank you for telling me about this,” (Y/N) reaches out for Junghyun’s hand and squeezes it. “I can only imagine how hard it’s been for your family,” she whispers. 

“I hope this doesn’t change how you look at him,” the man exhales. 

“It has,” (Y/N) nods. “He’s even better than I thought he was.”

His life was made up of fours and eights and sixteens stacked on top of each other, so much like lego pieces to get him through the day. Jungkook was diagnosed with OCD and manic depression when he was only sixteen years old. He was twenty-one now, and was still very stupefied on why he had so much issues mentally. 

Jungkook remembers the beginning days—or what he considered—the worst days of his life. It was terrifying, going from being an ocean of emotion to a dry, parched riverbed in a matter of days. His ribcage, one filled with whirlpools and life, was stagnant, iced over. A dead wasteland; no signs of life or happiness or sadness anywhere. But, Jungkook was getting better with his bipolar disorder. Some days were better than others, he still had off moments, but he was still recovering, and it was his new normal.

Jungkook sat in his bed tapping on his side drawer and counting in tens. 

“—fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety, one hundred, one hundred and ten, one hundred and twenty, one hundred and thirty, one hundred and forty, one hundred and fifty...”

It was one in the morning and Jungkook couldn’t sleep. His mind was stuck on many things. He was very cautious, not knowing if the bathroom light was on or not, so he had to get up to check. It was off, of course, and Jungkook knows he was being too vigilant. He sits on the edge of his bed now, his mind fully alive, wandering. It’s fine though, because it’s usually this time of night when he thinks of (Y/N). He really liked when she’s in ponytail. He also liked when she smiled because her small dimples on the corner of her mouth, even when she talked they were there. Her hair was always out of place, and it usually would have bothered him, but he also loves her hair the way it is, and that’s not even the confusing part. 

Jungkook got upset at Junghyun earlier because he wanted to tell her himself, about his disorder. (Y/N) is never going to talk to him again. She’ll soon realise exactly how hard it’ll be to cope with someone like him, that it isn’t easy. He repeats things, has ridiculous rituals (he doesn’t even understand why he does them), and soon she’ll give up (if she hadn’t already) and leave—which isn’t fair because she was barely in his life as it is. 

It was one thirty in the morning when Jungkook got out of bed.

“Jungkook, what are you doing here?” (Y/N) asks, softly. It was very late, and the last person she would suspect was at her doorstep, his legs shaking furiously. “Are you alright?” 

“I-I-I couldn’t sleep,” he stutters. His eyes are soft and have dark circles, and his hair, it’s scruffy.

“Do you want to come in and talk about it?” the girl offers. Jungkook is glad to accept, telling the girl thank you four times after walking in. 

(Y/N) wore pajama pants and a plain blue tank top. She tried to ignore how chilly it was in her flat at this time, but only because she wanted to focus on Jungkook and what he had to say. She also couldn’t exactly wrap around her finger how beautiful he was at almost two in the morning, but she tells herself it’s only an observation.

“Junghyun-hyung said he told you about my disorder,” he sits smugly on the couch. “Do you hate me?” 

She almost laughs at his quick assumption, “I could never hate you, Jungkook.”

“Do you hate me?” he asks again. 

“Do you hate me?” he repeats himself. He looked so oblivious to what he’s doing, as if he’s under a compulsion to iterate his words. (Y/N) can’t help but wonder how people are cure themselves from their mind, when the mind is the most powerful thing of all. 

“— because I really like you. I know it’s crazy because I met you like a week ago, but it’s true. I wanted to tell you about my disorders myself, but I didn’t know how without you running away or labelling me as a freak so I stayed quiet. I mean, when we first met I guess it was evident I had problems—”

“You don’t have problems,” she cuts him off.

“I get stuck on things. I get stuck on too many things. I can’t go to sleep, let alone leave the flat, without making sure everything is locked and shut, and the lights have to be off so I don’t waste energy... my brain is like a damn script. Half of my thoughts don’t even feel real,” he groans loud. “I’m stuck on you! I’m stuck on you. I’m stuck on you. I’m stuck on you,” he recites with his fingers gripped in his hair. 

“I hate my thoughts. I hate them and then you come along and now I don’t hate them as much as I used to. I hated my thoughts, all of them. But I like when I think about you because it gives me an unexplainable joy, something I can’t put into words, but I like it. I like.. you.”

There was an undeniable connection with the two, she realised. Jungkook was sitting right there breathing heavy, their legs brushing each others—and all she wanted to do was to calm him down, make him smile. And she didn’t know what it was but it felt like more of an honour to know someone like Jeon Jungkook in her life.

“I understand. I understand. I understand. It was far fetched for me to come here so late and dump that on you. Goodnight, (Y/N),” Jungkook gets up, looking to the ground. 

“No,” (Y/N) pulls his arm. “Don’t go. I’m terrible with my words, like, utter trash, alright? But I could never hate you, not when I care about you so much.”

His eyes widen. “You do?”

She smiles a little, pulling him closer, and cupping his cheek. “I do, a lot.”

He responded by kissing her once, which lead to kissing her twenty-three times exactly, but once more for an even twenty-four. However, he had to redo two of them and when (Y/N) asked why, he responded with: “Our mouths hadn’t been quite aligned.”

The moment felt so perfect. He knew it had to mean something when he stroked her stubbled cheek only once. Not twice or three times, just once. He didn’t even feel the urge to make it the perfect four because the first time was perfect enough. After their kiss (which Jungkook found to be completely euphoric) he went back to his flat. He didn’t want to, of course. he wanted to stay and cuddle into (Y/N)’s arms, but she was already so tired, he decided to leave for the night.

Though it didn’t stop him from coming to morning after with a book in hand. And he didn’t want to be annoying. 

“Jungkook,” (Y/N) greets the boy at the door. “Come in.” 

He smiled, walking into her home. Jungkook realised that (Y/N) was always home. Always. He made a mental note to ask why she spends so much time at home with him instead of going out, especially when she had no class.

So, they read the book together. They’re sat close, Jungkook’s hands wrapped around her shoulders, and her head on his chest. There was another eyelash on her cheek, and this time he gently removes it away. It catches (Y/N) off guard and she stops reading, jumping a little. 

“There was something on your cheek,” Jungkook explains. He strokes her cheek a little longer.

“You weren’t listening to me at all, were you?” she shakes her head. “Listen.” 

She clears her throat before reading again. Jungkook tries to follow her as she goes, and he can’t help but count the lines in the paragraph first. But once he’s done she’s nearly through the whole page, so he’s behind. When he tries to listen again he’s not only confused on what’s happening, but frustrated about not knowing how many lines she’s read. 

“(Y/N), how many lines does this paragraph have? I’m sorry, I just need to know.” 

She looks towards him and sees the anxiousness written on his face. “There’s six,” she smiles at him. 

“Here’s to all the places we went. And all the places we’ll go. And here’s to me, whispering again and again and again: I love you,” the girl looks at him when she recites those last words. 

“Can you repeat the last sentence?” Jungkook asks. 

“Mhm,” she looks down at the book once more. “And here’s to me, whispering again and again and again: I love you.”

“I like that line,” Jungkook says, when really, he just liked the way her lips curled when she said I love you. 

“Me too,” she agrees. “Let’s read later. I wanna talk. How’re you feeling?” 

“I’m good,” he pulls her even closer, inhaling her scent. “How are you?” 

“I’m good, too.” 

“So... we kissed last night.” 

She chuckles slightly, “Yes we did.” 

Jungkook’s not sure where he’s going with this conversation. “Did you, uh, like it?” 

“Of course I did. Did you?”

“You already know the answer to that.” 

Jungkook asked her to be his girlfriend six times in thirty seconds. 

She said yes after the third one but none of them felt right so he had to keep going. 

He was always turning the lights on and off, opening and closing the room door, counting as he went.

"—thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine.."

(Y/N) grew used to it, it was something normal to her now. She laid in bed, under the covers as she awaited for Jungkook to join her. They were sleeping together. And not in a sexual way, they just liked to be close to each other.

She wasn't sure which was more intriguing to watch. Jungkook in the mornings, or Jungkook in the nights. He had his own mental schedule. In the morning, his routine is as follows: he makes the bed (and it has to be perfectly done. No wrinkles allowed, he says), goes to the bathroom (the first thing he does is wash his hands for about five minutes. Then he showers and uses the toilet, then washes his hands again), after he changes his clothes ((Y/N) realises that the boy only owns black and white shirts), then goes to check the alarm and stands in front of it for five minutes, contemplating if it's truly working.

At night, Jungkook makes sure all the windows are locked. The alarm is on. He makes sure the door is closed, that there's nothing creeping around. And he does all these things multiple times, mind you. He counts while he does these things, but only because his anxiety is most on edge at night. 

When Jungkook finishes his procedures, he cuddles into (Y/N). That's the newest part of his routine, and his favourite.

"Goodnight baby," he whispers, kissing her forehead. 

"Goodnight Jungkook," she leans and kisses his pink lips. He kisses back, slowly; passionately. 

(Y/N) wakes up with Jungkook's arms no longer around her. He wasn't anywhere in the room. She hurriedly got out the bed and saw Jungkook sitting on the floor, repeating the word "fuck" over and over and over. 

He had stubbed his toe on the bathroom doorway and couldn't stop cursing once he started. When he sees her, he doesn't stop repeating the foul word. He goes on, ignoring (Y/N)'s questions. "What do you want me to do?" 

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." 

"Jungkook," she pleads. "Talk to me." 

"—please, go back to bed. I'm coming right now."

Sighing, (Y/N) listens to him to avoid argument. She falls back asleep after staring at the floral print pillow.  

Jungkook apologises to (Y/N) the next day. “The new meds make me feel like shit all the time, so I took myself off of them.” 

“You can’t just stop taking them,” she sighs. “It probably made you feel that way because it was working.”

Jungkook frowns. “You’re not going to give up on me, are you?” 

“No,” she shakes her head furiously. “Of course not. I'll never do that.” 

Jungkook spots a difference in (Y/N). She was giving up on him, and he knew it. He could already tell all the disparate actions that occurred when they were together. She was easily irritable, it was as if everything he did bugged her. (And he understood that because he could be rather annoying, but still.) For example, he was taking off his sock (Jungkook felt like it was on the wrong foot) and (Y/N) snapped at him, saying they’d be late for their movie if he kept on taking his time. And when they were walking home from the movie, Jungkook stopped at a crack he saw in the sidewalk, but she kept walking. (Y/N) would always wait, but no, she continued to walk. 

Jungkook’s thoughts were going rapid: she didn’t wait. She didn’t wait. She didn’t wait.

Now the two sat in his bedroom, in complete silence. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Jungkook asks, truly curious—and very much worried—on why she’s acting like this, praying it isn’t the reason he’s been thinking off. 

All she does is sigh, which isn’t a very good sign, from his eyes. “No.” 

“I understand if you want to break up with me. Just do it gently—” 

“I don’t want to break up with you,” she rolls her eyes. “I’m just confused.”

Now Jungkook was confused. “About what? You know you can talk to me. Talk to me.” 

“You’re rather confusing. I mean, you take up a lot of time and then I have class to worry about, but I also have to worry about you,” she places her head in her hands. “It’s very stressful.” 

“You don’t have to worry about me, baby. I’m fine,” he pulls her into a hug. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.” 

“Are you really, though? Because you repeat things when you’re nervous or scared or your anxiety levels are high.”

This girl knew this boy too damn well, and she was completely correct.

“I love you, Jungkook. And I have the right to be concerned,” she tells him. This leaves Jungkook flabbergasted to the fullest. She loved him. (Y/N) loved him. 

“You love me?”

“More than I should, probably.” She shyly chuckles.  

“No one has ever loved me before,” he whispers, being barely audible but he knew (Y/N) heard, anyway. 

“Well now you have someone who will love you no matter what gets in the way.”

“But I have so much—”

“I love you and all your non-existent problems, Jungkook.” 

“I love you so much more, (Y/N). So much more,” he kisses her forehead, trailing down to her lips, then collarbones. repeating the words I love you each time. He lays her down slowly on the bed, his lips never leaving hers. 

Their kisses fasten, her hands tangled in his hair, his hands tight on her waist. He presses himself against her petite body, sucking on her neck. a moan escaped her mouth, causing Jungkook’s whole body to tingle. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” 

The girl nods. “I’m sure,” her hand traces on Jungkook’s chest. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Are you sure you want to do this, Jungkook?”

“Are you—y-yes.” 

They make love. And Jungkook can’t wrap around how he forgets that he’s meant to swallow. Or breathe. Or touch the headboard. Or touch her at all because the joining of his body to hers renders him incapable of coherent thought. 

“You never told me why you were staying with Junghyun-oppa,” (Y/N) brings up as they ate. Well, as she ate. Jungkook was much more distracted with organising his vegetables by colour. 

“Oh,” he looks down at his food. “It’s a long story—we don’t need to talk about that.” 

“I think we do.” 

It’s not like Jungkook didn’t plan on telling (Y/N) the real reason why he was staying with his brother, he just wanted to at the right time. And to (Y/N), that time was now, but he just assumed... that he’d do it some other time. “Fine,” he inhales. “I guess I should tell you from when I was first diagnosed, shouldn’t I?” 

She squeezes his hand, reassuring him. “Please.” 

“When I was sixteen, the doctor told me I had OCD and bipolar disorder. It explained a lot. I mean, before that, I thought it was normal to wash my hands after touching everything or repeating my words and to count in sequence, stuff like that. But I used to get angry so quickly when I was younger, I still do sometimes. one second I was happy, the next I was crying over running out of a bar of soap.” 

“Anyway. He prescribed me pills and told me everything will be fine. That was a lie. I hate when people lie,” Jungkook frowns. “Liars. Liars. Liars. They’re fucking awful.”

“Maybe he was being optimistic?”

“No, he lie—ugh. Whatever. The first incident happened when I was eighteen. I was still living with my mom and my dad. I was incredibly unhappy, but I had nowhere to go. One day my mom was talking to me, saying I should consider moving out. She kept on touching me, trying to make me leave, saying I was too old and I couldn’t believe it. I know now she was just being motherly, but I felt so betrayed, so angry.”

“I started having an anxiety attack.” And he goes on to tell her about that it felt like everything around him was moving, like it was all out of place, and he couldn’t make it right. He started to throw things to the floor, his eyes clouded with tears, ignoring his mom’s protests. He was trying so hard to stop, telling his mom to leave him alone—but in the end he just pushed her. Pushed her to the ground out of anger, breaking her wrist and everything, all because of feeling out of control with who he was. 

“I spent a few years in rehab. I made my own mom hate me. She hates me. She hates me. She hates me. She hates me,” he repeats, his eyes watering. “But I got out. And when I did, I got my own place. I didn’t talk my mom or dad or Junghyun-hyung for six months. Then one night, I don’t know what happened. My alarm stopped working and I kept trying to call the company so they could fix it, but they told me they wouldn’t be able to send someone until the following day.”

“I was scared. I thought someone was going to come and kill me—no, I was sure someone was going to come and kill me. I was shaking and crying and calling just about everyone I knew, telling them goodbye. I was throwing things and I couldn’t just, just leave. I had nowhere to go.” 

“I called my mom last. I told her sorry for being such a pain. Sorry for hurting her, sorry for making her hate me. She lied to me after that, said she loved me no matter what. She told me I was overreacting, but I wasn’t. I told her I wasn’t safe. I wasn’t safe. I wasn’t safe. She came to me that night, apologising and trying to calm me down. It’s—I knew I would only be fine if I checked myself into rehab again, so that’s what I did. I wanted to go.” 

“If Junghyun-hyung didn’t take me out, I’d still be there.” 

(Y/N) didn’t know what to say. She knew his story was rough, but she didn’t imagine anything like this. To hear how broken he was, how damage— it broke her heart. She didn’t say anything, rather just pulled him into a hug while they shed tears. If she was close to Jungkook before—well, she was even closer now.  

“I love you so much, (Y/N). Thank you for not leaving yet,” he sniffs. 

“I’m not leaving you, Jungkook. I promise.” 

(Y/N) never thought of the possibility of him leaving her. 

“I just,” he sighs. “I just get so scared that one day I’ll do something to harm you.” And that day couldn’t have been any sooner.

“But you won’t. I know you won’t.”

It happened on a Wednesday. 

(Y/N)'s classes had already started again. She was heading back home, completely mindless. (Y/N) had a surprise for Jungkook. He was still continuously nagging her to read one of her poems, so she thought of a fair deal. She'll let him read one of her poems, yes, but it would be one she wrote for him.

Jungkook had a surprise too. He was going to make dinner for (Y/N), even if he spends half the meal distracted due to his plate not being coordinated properly. He didn't know what to make her and after much discussion with Junghyun, they both decided that steak was the way to go. 

Once (Y/N) reached back to her flat, she quickly changed into more comfortable clothes before heading over to Jungkook's. The girl made sure to knock four times on the door, and even number, so it wouldn't bother him. Jungkook opens the door straight after, a nervous grin on his face. 

"What are you doing here?" he asks. He wore a plain white apron, (Y/N) thought it was very cute. 

"I wanted to give you something," she tells him. "Why do you have that apron on?" 

"It's nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing." 

"Sure about that, JK?" 

Jungkook folds his arms, defeated. "I wanted to make you dinner but you ruined the surprise!" 

"I ruined the surprise," she says in a mocking tone, resting her arms around his neck. "How about I come back later, and I'll pretend I didn't see anything." 

"Do you promise to forget?" 

"Forget what?" 

Their lips brushed for the last time, and this one was perfect. Jungkook didn't have to correct it this time.

"You know, I'm almost done. You could stay, but you have to cover your eyes." 

Jungkook helps (Y/N) to his room, covering her eyes for her. He wasn't ready for her to see just yet. "Don't come out yet, alright?" 

Once (Y/N) nodded her head, Jungkook headed back to the kitchen, making sure to shut the door closed. The two steaks were in the oven and he had some potatoes boiling in the pot. Everything had to be perfect. He needed everything to be perfect, quite literally. For some side vegetables, he started to cut up a few carrots and broccoli, humming a tune while he did so. 

The boy couldn't leave the carrots unless he was sure them being perfectly cut. He heard the bubbling from the pot, the steam right above it. (Y/N) was calling him as well and he looks up too quickly.

"I couldn't wait in there forever. Do you—oh my God." 

And Jungkook was always so clumsy. 

"Jungkook," (Y/N) ran towards him. "It's just a small cut, it's okay."

And he was never good with chopping vegetables. 

"Junghyun-oppa!" she called. "We're gonna take you and get that stitched. You'll be fine." 

"What about our dinner?" 

"When we get back, I promise. You'll be alright." 

He wondered for a brief second if she forgot or if she was just scared by the amount of blood leaking from his wrist that the boy was known for hating uneven numbers.

"But our dinner, I was going to make you dinner! And we'd be happy! And. And I-I can't." 

"What do you mean?" her eyes were glassy.

"I love you, (Y/N). I love you. I love you." 

"I love you too. Jungkook, you're scaring me—I don't understand."

(Y/N) didn't get a lot of things about Jungkook. 

"Thank you for not leaving," he says, picking the knife up once more. 

"Jungkook, what-what-what are you doing?" 

His shoulder tenses, his jaw locks up. his mind bends as Jungkook watches his blood erupt. All he could do is rub the palms of her hands. 

He hears Junghyun on the phone with the ambulance in the background. He hears (Y/N) telling him to keep his eyes open. 

It's blurry. Everything is blurry, but not her.

Jungkook was afraid to love. He was afraid to love (Y/N), but she happened to turn out to be the most beautiful thing he's ever been stuck on. She listened and understood. After everything, she was still there, and Jungkook loved her so much. He doesn't think he's looked at her so magnificently until now. He knows she'll hate him now, she'll hate him for lying to her, she'll hate him for hurting himself purposely. He's scared she'll hate him for leaving. 

Jungkook was losing so much blood, he could feel himself dying. "Thank you for not leaving me. I'm so sorry for doing this. I hate myself for it. I'm too weak. Weak. Weak. W-Weak. I stopped taking my pills again, and I really fucking hate the number one just as much as the number three." 

It wasn't Jungkook's fault. His mind was twisted. So if he accidentally cut his wrist with a steak knife once, nothing could stop him from doing it twice. 

She hated spring because the remnants of the past grew, they stirred in the air from the warm breeze. 

All around, everywhere, all she saw was their love. A love that died, but still lingered around, begging to become alive again. She tasted him on her lips, breathed him in her lungs. She used to love the feeling after winter went away, but now she couldn’t bared it. It was as if their love was meant to die, just so it could haunt her forever. 

There were always days, days when she missed him more than others. Sometimes she would just sit and reminisce of the better times.

Their first kiss together was on her couch.

She read to him on this couch.

Jungkook asked her to be his girlfriend on this couch—six times. 

She remembers the first time they made love. He was so gentle with her, making sure she was comfortable at all costs. She never realised how beautiful a person could be before she met Jungkook. His features had to be made by God himself, and those eyes and bunny smile. His body, all his quirks—the way he talked, the way he perfected things, the way he was always... safe.

He stopped taking his pills. Even after (Y/N) told him to start taking them again, he didn’t listen. He would still be here if he wasn’t so damn stubborn, and (Y/N) could blame herself and a part of her did. She should’ve insured that he was still taking his medication, maybe if she just stayed home that damned Wednesday things would be so much better than they were now. 

But Jungkook couldn’t really help it, could he? He was the victim of an ungodly disorder. A disorder that took control of him on the inside, turned him into someone filled with a too big conscience. Nothing could ever be perfect in his world. Not even (Y/N) would be enough—she couldn’t help him escape the things that ran in his head. The mind was the most powerful thing, after all.

"I'm your wife, Jungkook.” I blurted out. “We’re married.”

I expected him to scream at me, tell me I’m crazy, or even cry. I don’t even know why I said that. I just desperately didn’t want him to leave, and I felt like it was the only way I would get him to stay.

However, he just froze in his position, looking like as if he was trying to process the words I just said.

"This would be the best time to say something?" I gave him a crooked grin. God, everything about me was awkward. I would probably just inhale oxygen and I would look awkward.

His mouth was still half open while slowly sitting on the couch without moving another muscle. "I'm... married?"

"Yes..."

“How old I am?”

“You’re twenty-two.” I answered nonchalantly.

“And what’s your name?”

“I’m Y/N. But everyone just calls me Y/N.” I said. “Including you.”

“Fuck, I can’t remember anything.” He grunted, burying his head in his hands. “What happened? Please tell me what happened.”

Crap. I haven’t exactly planned how it happened. A few minutes ago, I had no idea I was going to end up telling him that we were fucking married.

"We were on our way to... the movies," I crossed my fingers behind my back. "And it started to rain pretty hard, so the road was slippery. The next thing I knew, we crashed into a pole. I was fine, but you hit your head on the wheel pretty bad."

"Was I on a comma? Did I come from the hospital? Did I get some sort of operation? My head fucking hurts," he blabbered. "I kind of want to die right now. It keeps throbbing. And where am I? Is this our house? Do we have kids? When did we get married? Do I have a family? When was I born? What's my last name?"

My mouth dropped open. “Um, well-”

“No, nevermind. Don’t answer. I need some time alone.” Jungkook headed for the door, completely brushing me off.

“Wait, no!” I said, running in towards him and covering the front door with my arms. “You can’t go.”

“Why not?”

“No.” I crossed my arms. “You’re staying here, and that’s final. You need to rest and let your wound heal.”

To my surprise, he grabbed the bandage wrapped around his head and pulled it off, not too long before he screeched out loud in pain. Blood started to come out of the wound again, making me run to my drawer in panic.

“What the fuck, JK!” I said while grabbing the first aid kit.

He just sat on the bed without saying anything, but he looked like he was in complete pain.

“Don’t do that again.” I warned softly, sitting beside him with a new roll bandage in my hands. I poured the medicine on a clean cloth, before dabbing it on his wound, making him flinch a bit.

"Fine," he winced. "You can tell me everything. I will listen."

"Okay," I gulped. Looks like all those years and months of background research on this guy will be put to good use. "Just one at a time, alright?"

He didn't say anything, but I felt him nod.

"Does it still hurt bad?" I asked.

"Yeah, it hurts internally actually," he nodded.

I felt an instant pang of guilt. I can't believe I drove him straight to my place instead. "I'll drive you to the hospital."

"You don't have to –"

"You have to," I insisted. "It will just be for a while. Just so the doctor can check if there's anything else wrong with you."

He looked up at me with his dark brown eyes. I wanted to melt right then and there, but I had to act normal. Geez, this was a chore.

"Hold on, you didn't bring me to the hospital right after the accident?"

I started to panic deep inside. Sometimes I wish Jungkook was just some dumb gullible kid.

"I did, but they weren't so good. They just put a bandage on you. How stupid is that?" I let out a faint laugh. "I'll take you to a different hospital."

It took a couple of arguments before he finally agreed to go. He looked a bit skeptical, but he dragged himself along with me anyway. He was completely silent during the entire car ride, just staring out the window, watching the cars pass by.

I thought he was going to start questioning me on the way since I'm an absolute fucktard of a liar. But I guess he was sort of gullible. Either that or he's still in a state of bewilderment.

"Hi. We're here for a checkup, please?" I greeted the nurse once we got to the receiving area, while slowly pulling Jungkook behind me. He literally looked like a child who did not want to get his yearly shots.

"For him?" she glanced at Jungkook.

"Yes."

"Relation to the patient?"

"Fri-, I mean... husband," I stammered. "He's my husband."

I saw Jungkook cringe at the mention of the word husband. It kind of crushed me inside, but I chose to ignore it.

The nurse gave us a weird look but shrugged it off before giving us a sheet to fill out. "Please fill this out. I will call you inside in a few minutes."

I took a glimpse at the paper and started to fill out the information, like address, the reason for check up, and the like.

After submitting our form, we sat down on the couch and waited for our turn. There was an awkward stillness for a few minutes when he decided to break the silence.

"How long have we been married?" he asked.

"Nine months," I spat out.

"When is our anniversary?"

“On August, twenty,” I answered. That was actually the day I first saw him a couple of years ago. I could never forget it.

Complete silence. Again.

“Jungkook?” I spoke up.

“Yeah?”

"Why did you flinch when I told the nurse you were my husband?" I asked, hoping the answer wouldn't break my heart. What if he says something like, 'Well it's because you look like a complete freak with that hair of yours, and I wouldn't want to have babies with you.'

He looked down on his shoes while awkwardly tugging at the end of his shirt. "I just..."

"You just what?"

"I just can't believe that I'm married," he finally said.

"Well, Jungkook, don't be surprised," I sighed. "You didn't even know your own name when you woke up."

He opened his mouth, prepared to say something when the doctor called out our names. We both reluctantly got up from our seats and followed him inside.

"Good evening," he greeted warmly. "I'm Dr. Lee. it's nice to meet both of you. So lovely to see such a young married couple."

Jungkook raised an eyebrow while I tried my best to look enthusiastic. "Thank you, Dr. Lee. It's lovely to meet you too."

"Now may I know the details of what happened before I do an x-ray?" he asked.

I let out a deep sigh, before repeating the incident that I invented to Jungkook earlier, adding another invented information that I had already brought him to another hospital. As much as I didn't want to tell him that Jungkook lost his memory, I knew I had to. I was just a bit scared that Dr. Lee might ask him too many questions that could possibly worsen the situation. Well, my situation.

After I telling him the whole story, Jungkook was brought into another room for a special x-ray. A couple of minutes later, both of them came out with a photo of the x-ray in Dr. Lee’s hand.

Jungkook was just completely quiet the entire time, except when Dr. Lee was asking him questions about the kinds of pain that he felt.

"Looks like the concussion just resulted to severe memory loss," he said, handing me the x-ray results. "Thankfully, nothing else was affected. However, it might take awhile before he gains his memory back."

"How long?" Jungkook suddenly spoke up.

"Probably from a few months to a year," he answered. "But that's already maximum. It wasn't that bad of a collision. You will do fine, don't worry."

He turned to me. "In the meantime, your lovely wife here can help you gain your memory back by, say, telling you your love story? Showing some pictures? Maybe a wedding video?"

I felt a knot form in my stomach for I did not have any of those. Shit, what the hell did I get myself into? Maybe I should just run away right now and never show my face to any of them. I needed to get us out of her before this damn doctor gave Jungkook any more ideas.

"Anyway, we will go ahead now," I said, completely ignoring what he had just told us. "Come on, honey, let's go. Thank you so much, Dr. Lee.”

"You are most welcome," he grinned. "I'll see you soon."

God, I hope not.

During the car ride back home, Jungkook looked a lot more attentive. His hands were roaming around the interior of my tiny, red Honda Jazz.

"Do I have my own car?" he asked.

"Yeah, you do," I nodded, keeping my eyes on the wheel. It's a good thing I called the repair shop to have his car picked up from the place of the accident earlier. "It's in the shop, I had it fixed."

He nodded.

I hope he hadn't noticed, but I kept glancing at him while driving. This was the longest I've ever been with him, and if I get to pull this off, I will get to spend even more time with him. I felt like I was actually living my fantasy. I felt the need to pinch myself from time to time when he wasn't looking.

Even with that bandage and pale, bruised lips, he still looked utterly handsome. I hope he wasn't wondering why someone like him ended up with someone like me. If anyone actually looked at us, I'm sure they would wonder. Dr. Lee was probably just trying to be nice and all.

When we got back to the apartment, he went straight back to the bedroom. "I'm taking a nap. My head hurts. Maybe we can talk later?"

"Okay," I said. "I'll wake you up in an hour for dinner?"

"Sounds good," he agreed, laying back on the pillow after kicking his shoes off. I saw him rubbing his fingers before glancing at me one last time.

"Hey, Y/N?”

“Yes, Jungkook?”

"Where's my wedding ring?"

Of course he had to have a wedding ring. What kind of stupid couple didn't have a wedding ring? Fake ones. That's right.

"Oh, darn it!" I exclaimed, trying to sound as convincing as possible. "We must have left it in the first hospital that we went to. They asked you to take it out for a while. I will go back there, and grab us some dinner on the way, sounds good?"

It took a while before he answered. I already thought the jig was up.

"Yeah, sure," he finally responded, before turning around the other side of the bed and facing the window.

I let out a sigh of relief before grabbing my car keys, my wallet, and his wallet and keys, which I kept in my drawer. He would soon look for some clothes, and wonder why he didn't have anything here, so I had to go to his apartment to get his things.

I rushed out of the apartment, before locking the door behind me. I wonder how much a Class A gold ring would cost? He probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference. God damn it, this was a lot harder than I thought.

My stalking skills have been put to good use, since I found it pretty easy to go up to Jungkook’s apartment and get all of his clothes. Some of the tenants gave me a weird look, but I just told them that my boyfriend was moving in with me, and they left me alone. I didn't take all of his things though since that would have required a moving van because damn this guy had more things than a girl.

I just got enough to last him a week, and then maybe I'd go back again after that. Plus I didn't really want to look suspicious, carrying all of his things up and down the stairs of the building.

My next stop was the mall, to get his damn ring. I already had a gold ring in my hand, though it was obviously anything but a wedding ring, it would do. I didn't have enough money to buy two right now. Since he was gullible enough to believe that I was his wife, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't think twice when he sees his ring. And he's a guy. Guys don't care about jewelry.

When I got to mall, my first goal was to find a store that actually sold cheap wedding rings that didn't rust. God, did that even exist?

"Good evening!" greeted the lady at the counter. "What may I help you with?"

"Um, hi," I said. "I'm looking for an affordable wedding ring to...uh...replace the one my husband had. He uh... he lost it."

The lady pouted. "Oh, how unfortunate! What happened to it?"

"Our cat swallowed it," I shrugged.

"He didn't... you know, poop it out?"

My eyes widened. Girl you better stop asking me questions and just hand me a damn fifty-dollar ring.

"He ran away," I randomly blurted out. "It's so sad. We miss him a lot."

"Awwwww, poor kitty!" she made a little purring sound while imitating a cat playing with its whiskers. I swear I want to strangle this girl why does she even exist.

"So, a ring?" I cleared my throat, ignoring her eccentricity. I mean, I knew I was weird but then this girl definitely lived in a planet of her own.

"Oh right! Of course!" she clasped her hands together like an idiot.

I spent quite a long time choosing the perfect ring, even if I had no idea what Jungkook' size was. I mean I've stared at his fingers for a long amount of time already so I guess this should be an easy guess.

I ended up buying one that cost ninety dollars, which I had to pay using my credit card, for like, three fucking months. This whole stunt was going to make me bankrupt by the end of the year.

While I was on my way out of the mall, I suddenly remembered I still had to buy dinner so I had to go back. As I picked out some Japchae takeout from my favorite restaurant, I saw Hanna enter, with a huge smile of relief on her face when she spotted me. Oh dear.

“Y/N!” she exclaimed. Her eyes looked red and puffy, and I suddenly remembered Jin and his stupid proposal. I wonder how that went. "Are you feeling much better now?"

"Mhmm," I nodded while taking the paper bag with food in my hand. "You're grabbing some dinner?"

"Yeah," she said. "Hey, I have a favor to ask..."

Uh oh. No favors allowed. Not tonight please.

"...I was wondering if I could stay with you tonight?" her voice nearly squeaked.

Shit, I knew it.

"Why?" I asked coolly.

"I had a huge fight with Jin," she mumbled. "It's a long story. But I really don't want to stay with him tonight."

"Wait, you guys had a fight? Didn't he – " I stopped when I realized that Hanna looked somewhat clueless. " – oh, nothing. Nothing."

"Do you know something that I don't?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Nope," I innocently shook my head. "Anyway, I really need to go now."

"Wait! I can't stay with you?" she frowned while pulling me back.

Oh right. She just asked if she could stay for the night. My A.D.D was kicking in.

"You can't," I bit my lip. "I'm sorry, but it's complicated. You should sort things out with Jin, okay? Stay with him tonight. The boy is crazy for you."

“Bish! There is something you are not telling me," she crossed her arms below her chest. "Spill."

"I will!" I nodded eagerly, before stepping back from her. "But not today. I promise I will tell you soon. See you tomorrow!"

Before she could even say anything, I pushed myself against the door and ran out of the restaurant. Yes, I literally ran.

Hanna wasn't the type who'd just let things go. She would nag the shitload out of you until you tell her your secret. It's like she has to know everything. And I can't tell her everything. Not now, at least. I didn't have a plan yet.

“Jungkook" I softly called right after entering the apartment. No answer. He was probably still asleep.

I quickly dragged the box filled with some of his clothes right behind me and stuffed them inside my closet before he woke up. He was still sleeping soundly in my bed, like an angel. I wanted to jump in and cuddle with him so badly.

I stood there staring at him for a few minutes, careful not to drool, before deciding to have a quick shower before waking him up for dinner. I went back to doing my usual facial routine that I have neglected in the past few months, along with actually using conditioner for my thick frizzy hair. Knowing the situation I was in, I had to start looking good now. I mean, I'm actually living with Jeon Jungkook, what the actual fuck?

It still hasn't sunk in, and I wasn't really sure when it will.

When I was done with my quick shower that ended up lasting for half an hour, I tiptoed to the end of the bathroom, dripping wet, as I rummaged through the small cabinet for a clean towel. I was about to wrap myself with it when the door suddenly burst open.

"Oh my god!!!" I shrieked, dropping my towel on the floor after I saw Jungkook standing in front of me looking quite stunned himself.

His eyes widened at the sight of my naked body, before quickly looking away. “Aigoo, Y/N. It's nothing I haven't seen yet... right?"

I hurriedly picked up the towel and covered my body with it. It's not like I was going to walk around naked after hearing him say that.

"Uh, of course," I blushed. "I was just surprised, that's all. I thought you were still asleep."

"I just woke up," he yawned, which looked so cute. God, Help me. "I need to use the bathroom if you'd let me."

I awkwardly stepped outside the bathroom to let him go in while struggling to keep my towel on. When he locked the door behind me, I quickly dashed to my room and shut the door closed.

He just saw me naked. Jeon Jungkook just saw me fully naked. I was an idiot for reacting that way, but it was my natural reaction. I know it should be normal for him to see me naked since we were supposedly married, but oh my goodness he just saw me naked. And I haven't even shaved down there yet.

I haven't even shaved, good lord. Now he's going to think I was some unhygienic freak with a hidden bush down under. But who was I kidding, I bet he didn't even want to fuck me nor touch me down there. He was probably thinking of ways to get away from me already.

Why couldn't it have been the other way around? I would have loved to see him naked. Oh my goodness. If I had a dick it would be hard by now. Maybe I should plan and find a way to accidentally bump into him naked after he showers. Then that would involve serious planning, which I could maybe work on tomorrow.

I quickly changed into clean clothes before he saw me naked again. Not that I didn't want to. I just wasn't a hundred percent prepared. And by prepared, I mean I don't look completely fuckable yet. Not that I ever will.

When I heard him come out of the bathroom, I rushed out to the kitchen table to prepare our dinner. Like as if I actually made it, but whatever.

He walked in and sank on one of the chairs, like as if he was a robot and he was doing it because he had to.

"Don't you cook?" he asked while trying to grab the noodles in the box using his chopsticks.

"Yeah, I do," I lied. No. Of course I don't cook. I was a horrible cook. I never had to cook for anyone but myself. I would always have takeout, microwaved pizza, or meatloaf. Or sandwiches and cookies. But of course, I couldn't feed that to my husband. "Just not now, because I had tons of errands to do."

"Oh," he shrugged as he munched on his food. He looked happy with it anyway, so that was good.

"So do you want to talk now?" I asked. I didn't really feel like eating anymore.

"Yeah..." he nodded hesitantly. "... I don't know where to start, though."

"Maybe I could begin by just telling you basic things about yourself?" I suggested.

He nodded again, “Where do I work? And what do I do?"

I froze. I couldn't just tell him where he worked. If he found out, he'd probably go back and ask his boss questions or something.

"You resigned right before your accident," I lied. Again. I'm probably going to be telling him more lies than I had planned. "You worked as an assistant manager in a recording studio."

"Why did I resign?" he frowned.

"You hated your boss." Another lie. His boss was amazing, from what I've heard. Jin and Hanna have worked with him a couple of times.

"Really? Is he an ass?"

"You bet," I nodded.

"So where am I going to work now?" he asked.

I drummed my fingers on the table while thinking of a decent answer. "You haven't actually decided yet. You told me you wanted to take a break and do some...uh...soul searching." What the fuck Y/N?

He let out a soft snicker and took a sip of his juice. "Okay. So how long was I planning to do some, um, soul-searching?"

"Like a month," I answered.

“A month?” He nearly choked on his drink. “Do I even have enough money to sustain myself for a month?”

"You mean us," I corrected. "Like, to help sustain both of us. We're married."

"Yes. I meant us, sorry," he blinked and shook his head.

“And yes, you do.” I say. Now that was a complete guess. I may know everything about this guy but definitely not the amount he had saved up in his bank account.

"Well, it looks like I'm really going to have to do some soul searching anyway," he mumbled. "If you know what I mean."

I reached across the table and held his hand while feeling like screaming deep inside. Not that I haven’t touched him in the past few hours, but I am still touching him and that’s enough to give me butterflies. “You will be okay. I’ll help you and I’ll be with you the whole time.”

“I know,” He said almost in whisper. “I just think it’s unfair.”

“Unfair? What do you mean?”

He wrapped my fingers around my hand and squeezed it. “It’s unfair for you.”

I’m pretty sure I just peed in my pants.

"W-why is it unfair for me?" I tried my best to form actual words. Of course I knew what he meant by this whole thing being unfair for me. I just wanted to hear him say it.

"Because we're married. And I'm sure everything was perfect before the accident," he said. "You have these feelings for me that I unfortunately can't reciprocate right now. I wish I could remember everything right this very moment, Y/N. I really do.”

As much as what he said just felt like a knife through my chest, I knew it was a good thing. He may not feel anything for me now, but at least he's open to the idea of maybe feeling something for me sooner or later.

"Don't feel bad about it, Jungkook.” I reassured. "It's okay. I'm going to be patient. I'm not giving up on you until you remember everything."

You have no idea how much I did not mean that last part. I didn't want him to remember everything. Because I wasn't part of any of his memories before all of this happened. I can't possibly remind him of his old life. I had to make new memories with him. Memories where I exist.

Then that's when it hit me.

He can't live here. He can't stay in this city. The longer he stays here, the more chances of him remembering everything. This is where his life is. His job, his boss, his colleagues, his friends – everything. The moment he steps out of this apartment, he could totally find out about everything, including my huge ass lies.

I had to get him out of here. I had to move us out of this city. I just need to find a way to make him agree. Holy shit, will this be considered as kidnapping?!

Today was just like any other morning. I just gave the barista my order of cranberry juice, which was one of the only few things I could order in this café since I hated caffeine with a passion. I kept checking my watch literally every second while waiting for Jungkook to enter the door.

This was the usual time that he would come in here, and as of this moment, he was a couple of minutes late. I hope he would come. I could feel myself starting to panic, thinking of all the reasons he might not show up today. What if he decided not to go to work? Would that mean I wouldn't be getting a glimpse of him across the street the whole day?

When the barista finally gave me my order, I heard the glass door’s chimes open. I instantly looked up, my face ready with a hopeful smile.

There he was, looking even more handsome than he did the day before. This time he was wearing a plain white long-sleeved shirt, which made him look so hot. It was simple, yet appealing. Hell, the guy could wear a potato sack and he'd still look so damn attractive.

Say hi, Y/N. Just say hi, I told myself.

Before I could even step an inch closer to his table, a girl with straight, long blonde hair walked up to him and kissed his cheek.

My whole world stopped for a moment and I just froze there in the middle. A couple of seconds later, I realized I looked kind of stupid so I grabbed the newspaper nearest to me and tried to cover my face with it while sitting on the table across them. Why did she kiss is cheek? Were they dating?

It was hard to see everything while covering my face with a damn newspaper. Maybe I should cut small holes in this shitty thing.

I saw Jungkook touching her hand and smiling at her. Later on, he leaned over and kissed her on the lips. Wait, what? I squinted my eyes. They were still kissing.

No. This can’t be happening. Jungkook doesn’t have a girlfriend. He can’t have one. The last time I saw him this sweet and cozy with a girl was almost two years ago when I first moved here. I never ever knew of this girl’s existence until today. Did she just magically appear in his life? Can I magically make her disappear as well?

Oh god, I felt like throwing up. I stood up and left my drink untouched on the tables as I rushed out of the cafe. I looked back for a second...he didn’t even notice me because he was too busy with that girl.

I rushed straight to my car and drove to my apartment as fast as I could. I was supposed to go straight to work after, but right now I didn’t care. I felt like my world was just shattered right in front of my eyes and all I wanted to do right now was drown myself in a bucket of tears in my bed while eating everything in the fridge.

I go to my apartment in just five minutes and nearly broke down the door when I burst right through it, almost forgetting to unlock it first.

Right next to my bed, I had a full-length mirror - and that’s where I was standing in front of right now, wondering what the heck that bitch has that I didn’t . She was everything that I wasn’t. She was slim and beautiful. Her shiny blonde hair looked flawless, as much as I would hate to admit it.

Just by staring at her for a few minutes I already saw the perfection in her face and body - everything I didn't have.

I mean look at me. I was fucking short. I looked like dwarf in Cinderella. Well fine, I was a lot taller than them but that was a good comparison. I didn’t have blonde hair like her. In fact, I had the opposite. My hair was messy wave of highlight purple. Not to mention the roots of my natural black hair were starting to grow back.

Though I liked it that way, Jungkook probably didn’t. Maybe that’s why he never even dared to ask me out, because I was too different for him. He only liked slim whores who looked like they were willing to strip anytime and anywhere for him.

I sat on the edge of my bed and pulled out a large of treasure box. It was filled with two years worth of photos, and he just seemed to look better in every shot. There were a couple of pictures of him where he was just walking out of their studio, or where he was just sitting by himself on a bench while texting. The best ones were the ones where he was in his car because he just looked so hot whenever he drive.

Everyday before I would go to work, I would always look at some of the photos because they would make me happy. Right now though, they made me feel miserable. This perfect and gorgeous guy finally gave his heart to someone - and that someone wasn’t me.

I thought I was going to pig out and watch sad films all day, but instead, I just laid there on my bed and cried myself to sleep.

Most days it sucks to be me.

----

The sound of my phone ringing made me fall of my bed in surprise. Oh God, what time was it? When I looked at the screen, I saw I had only been asleep for an hour. It ridiculously felt like the next day already.

“Hello?” I groggily answered.

“Hi, Y/N!” Jin chirped on the other end of the line. “Are you coming in today?”

No. I don’t want to go to work. Not now. Maybe not tomorrow. Or maybe never. I’m just going to lock myself inside my goddamn apartment until I’m old and gray since no one would ever want to be with anyway.

“Uhh, I’m feeling a bit under the weather today.” I lied, faking a groan. “I’ll probably come in tomorrow.”

Or a week from now on.

“Oh, alright. Well that’s fine I guess.”

“I’m sorry. I hope you guys won’t need me too much.”

"It's fine, go rest. I know how to operate the equipment in case someone comes in for a shoot. I'm not a professional like you, of course, but I'll do my best."

"I'm sure you can nail it," I assured, before covering my mouth and letting out a yawn.

"Yeah, thanks. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow Y/N.”

"See you, Jin.” I mumbled, before throwing my phone on the bed.

I walked back to the mirror and straightened my shirt while using my other hand to comb my tangled hair. I looked too stressed out.

Fresh air - that's exactly what I needed. I grabbed car keys and headed out of the room.

It took only a few minutes to get to the park where I would always hang out at whenever I felt shitty - which was almost everyday. When I was about to step out of my car, I saw a familiar face just a few feet away from me.

I looked closer and saw that it was that slutty blonde girl...talking to no one else but Jungkook of course. Wow, what were the odds that I'd see them here again after I went out to get some fresh air because of them.

They didn't look like they were just talking. They looked like they were yelling at each other. The girl was flinging her hands wildly in the air while Jungkook seemed to be pushing it down. He had a furious look on his face, almost as if he wanted to hit her.

Go hit that bitch, baby. Hit her!

But of course, he didn't. Just minutes later, I saw him stomping back to his car, without her. I saw her marching away like some whore in her ten thousand inch stilettos while flicking him the finger.

I shifted my attention back to Jungkook, who just stepped on the gas pedal like as if he wanted to kill himself. He sped out of the sidewalk in just seconds, leaving me staring there with my mouth open.

Follow him, Y/N. Follow him.

Without hesitating, I started my car again and drove as fast as I could to keep up with him. Where was this guy going? It wasn't the route to his workplace, or apartment, which I would know, of course.

But I didn't care. I just continued to drive behind him.

I saw him make a quick left turn, so I followed. This was the way out of the city.

A few more minutes have passed, and here I was following his every turn. All of sudden, the rain started to pour really hard. I could feel my wheels gliding on the highway as I chased his car. I hope he didn’t notice I was following him.

After following a couple of his left turns, I realized we were the only cars in the road. I squinted my eyes and tried to look through my misty windshield. I could see him really speeding off in front of me. It was actually almost too fast that I was tempted to beep at him and make him stop.

Was he trying to kill himself??

Just as I was about to attempt to cut in front of him, his car suddenly lost its control and smashed right into the post.

What the fuck just happened here?

I left my car parked right in the middle of the road and ran towards his car, which had smoke already coming out of its engine.

I saw his head leaning on his steering wheel, with his eyes closed. My heart started to race. I had nofucking idea what to do. His door was locked, so I ran to the door of the passenger seat to check - and thank God, it was open. I crawled inside the car and pushed him off the wheel. There was a small cut on his forehead, but it didn’t look that deep. In fact, there wasn’t much blood, but he was definitely unconscious.

This was probably the closest I ever got to him, and as much as I wanted to stare longer, I knew I would be an idiot if I didn’t call an ambulance as soon as possible. So I dug my hands in my pockets, only to realize that I didn’t have my phone with me.

Damn it, I left it on my bed, of course. How stupid of me. I paused for a second before deciding to put my hand inside his front pocket to get his phone. Geez, these jeans are fucking tight.

When I finally had it in my hand, I immediately pressed the home button - only to find that his phone was dead.

Great. I was stuck here in the middle of a storm, with the love of my life. It was almost the perfect scenario to a great movie, except he was freaking knocked out.

So I did what I had to do. I gathered every single strength that I had in my body and pulled him out of the car. Fuck, he was quite heavy. I would always have daydreams of him carrying me, but I didn’t think I’d be the one carrying him first. I nearly fell on the ground trying to open my car door with one hand, and thankfully, I was able to open it and push him inside the backseat.

I took one last look at him before driving away. Holy shit! Here I am driving my car with the absolute man of my dreams lying unconscious at the backseat.

I think I need someone to pinch me.

---

I’m a selfish, obsessed moron. That’s what I am. It took me forever to decide whether to bring Jungkook straight to the hospital or to my apartment.

Of course I went for the latter.

I’ve been staring at him for the past hour, just watching him sleep on my bed. I never thought the day would come when I would actually see him sleeping on my very own bed. In my daydreams, I would be sleeping with him but then of course that’s a different story.

He was so beautiful. I could stare at him for days, maybe even for the rest of my life. I could just sit here and literally just watch him sleep. I wanted to wake him up, but then I was afraid that if I did, he’d just leave.

I started to feel hungry, so I brought my food in the room with me and ate it while watching him. I was so tempted to take a nap, but what if I woke up and he was gone?

When I was about to take a second bite of my pizza, I heard a loud knock on the door. Oh God, I barely knew anyone, so it could either be Jin or Hanna, two people I didn’t really want to see today.

I tiptoed outside my room and closed the door behind me. It took me forever to walk to the door, and the knock kept getting louder.

“Oh god, what do you-” I said, before seeing Jin’s impatient face in front of me.

“Great.” I muttered under my breath. “What is it?”

Jin stormed inside the room, looking like he was about to faint. “I can’t do it.”

“Do what?” I staggered. The thing with Jin is, he was probably the weirdest person I’ve ever known. I know I’m weird in my own way too, but he’s just really - different. Hanna thinks it’s cute and adorable, but I just think it’s plain peculiar, end of story.

He sank on the couch and gave me a pathetic grin. “I can’t propose to her without shitting bricks, Y/N.”

“Wait what?! Propose??? You’re proposing to Hanna???” I gasped softly, making sure I wouldn’t wake Jungkook. “What the actual fuck, Jin? You never told me about your plans of proposing!”

“I told you a million times.” He pointed out, giving me a weird stare.

“You did not.” I crossed my arms while raising my eyebrow.

“I did.” Jin rolled his eyes. “You were probably just too busy daydreaming or whatever it is you do when you completely snap out of reality.”

I slowly sat on the empty space next to him, still trying to process what he just told me. “So….you’re proposing to her today?”

“Tonight.” Jin nodded. I could see the beads of sweat forming in his forehead and neck. “But fuck, I just keep thinking of delaying it.”

“Why? She loves you and she will obviously say yes.” I whispered.

Jin gave me a puzzle look. “Why on earth are you whispering?”

Because Jungkook is lying unconscious in my bed and I wouldn’t want you to find out and possibly force me to bring him to the hospital or wake him up. Hah.

“U-uhmmm…” I started. “I’m just not feeling well, remember? My throat hurts, so I’m trying not to strain it.”

“Oh.” Jin blinked. “Okay, anyway, so yeah. What should I do?”

I paused for a moment, trying to think of decent answer to give him.

“You’re seriously proposing?” was all I could say.

“Yes I am, God! I need opinions.” Jin groaned, leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes.

I sighed. “Okay, okay. Well, I’m not worried about what Hanna will say. I know he loves you more than anything and she will definitely say yes.”

“But?” Jin asked. “I know there’s but, so just get on with it.”

“But I just can’t imagine you getting married at this age.” I blatantly said.

“The fuck? Getting married at the age of Twenty-Six is perfectly normal, I believe.”

I got up the couch and put my hands on my hips. “Yes, but you don’t seem so mature yet. God, the other day you were having a conversation with a drunk, homeless man about ponies, and when we asked you to come back in, you stomped your fucking feet in front of everyone and-”

“Oh wow. Let us not name each other’s peculiarities okay, because I have a long list of things I can say about you.” Jin made a face, looking slightly offended.

“And that one time when you totally ruined my dress by putting food coloring in the washer instead of soap.” I went on, lifting a finger to make him shut up. “Like who the fuck mistakes something liquid for powder???”

"How does that make someone not ready for marriage? It was an accident," he snapped. "Let's not even begin with you and your silly obsession with Jeon Jungkook.”

My eyes almost popped out before I hissed at him. "Keep your voice down!"

"Huh?" Jin said, looking baffled. "I thought only you had to whisper because of your voice?"

Before I could answer, I heard the sound of a glass crashing from my bedroom.

Uh-oh. Someone's awake.

"What was that?" Jin asked, turning around to face my room.

"Nothing. You need to go," I said while pulling him towards the door.

"What was that, Y/N?” he repeated curiously.

"It's none of your damn business – "

Jin frowned at me and held my hand down. "Of course it's my business too, you're my sister-in-law. Who the fuck is in your room? Is there something you're hiding?"

"Exactly, Jin. You’re only my brother-in-law, not my dad.” I retorted. "Now go and propose to your girlfriend, I don't care anymore."

“Don’t change the topic, Y/N.” Jin smirked at me.

"It's a fucking cat, okay?" I lied. What the fuck did I just tell him? I did not plan that at all. "I found him on the streets and he looked really hungry and homeless and I just need to keep him calm and rested for a while before I let him go."

Of course I had to invent a goddamn story, holy hell. He better not look for the cat.

“I want to see the cat.” Jin said blankly. God, this boy. Someone shoot me.

“No. You’ll scare him away! You’re a giant!” I scoffed, pushing him out the door.

"Fine, whatever. Go and attend to that cat of yours."

"Thank you. Have a nice day," I beamed sarcastically, before closing the door in front of him and locking it.

I rushed back to the bedroom, slowly opening the door, only to find Jungkook standing by the end of the room, looking quite dumbfounded. Oh my god. Now I had no idea what to do.

"H-hi," I stammered. "Uh, are you okay?"

Jungkook looked at the broken glass on the floor before shaking his head. "I didn't mean to break it."

I swallowed hard. Okay, he wasn't wondering what the hell he was even doing here? Weird.

"That's okay," I nodded, trying my best to sound calm. "I'll clean it later. Are you feeling better? How's your head?"

He looked like he was about to pass out. He started to pace around the room while pulling his hair with his hands. His bandage was starting to come off, and I could still see a bit of dried blood on his forehead. God, did it bleed again or did I not do a good job cleaning it?

"Um, I'll clean your wound," I said, pointing towards his forehead.

"No, no, don't do anything," he placed both hands in front of him as if to tell me not to come closer. "I need to..."

"You need to what, Jungkook?” I asked softly.

“Jungkook?” he repeated, giving me a bedazzled look.

"Uh, yes?" I bit my lip. What the fuck was this boy saying? As confused as I was right now, I also felt like melting and screaming. This was probably the longest conversation we've ever had. I had to write down today's date.

He dropped on the floor, burying his face on his hands. "Who the fuck is Jungkook? Where am I?” he nearly yelled.

Oh...my...god.

No fucking way.

“You don’t remember anything?” I whispered, bending down to face him.

Jungkook shook his head. He was breathing heavily, like as if he was about to throw a tantrum, and I was starting to panic again.

What the fuck was I going to do? Think, Y/N, think. Of course, knowing myself, I had to think to my advantage. The love of my life was in my bedroom, and he doesn’t remember a single thing about his life. These were the kind of situations that I would secretly wish for.

“Who are you?” Jungkook finally said, looking up at me.

I felt the whole world stop right then and there. He didn’t know me. Holy shit, was that a good thing or a bad thing? Was this my chance to maybe act normal and cool like any other girl out there? Maybe he could finally like me this time? A million thoughts started to race in my thoughts, and I felt like the room was literally spinning around me.

He sighed and gritted his teeth. "Tell me who you are."

I took a deep breath before finally snapping out of my system.

"Um... I'm..."

"Tell me who you are," he repeated, sounding a lot more calm.

Illegal - JJK Fanfic

Prologue

Chapter 1

NEW FANFICTION!

••••

Hey guys! It's my first time writing on tumblr, I have plenty of my stories on other apps in which Wattpad. But like, I want to try a different app and I think tumblr is the best way to share up my story.

Anyway!

Yes, this time I'm writing about a story that is not really unrealistic, but like yall can bear with it since it's a fiction after all duh!

Enough babbling and I'm going to post it to the next level 😙🤘🏻

and yes, there would be smut ;)

~~~~~~~

Prologue

Your's POV

There he was again. He would always get his coffee at this time of the day, at around eight forty-five to be exact. He would stay there for about five minutes, then he would leave with his usual order, which always looked like a mint choco latte.

After he gets his coffee, he would go straight to the recording studio where he worked as an assistant manager. He would usually stay inside the entire morning, and then he would go out for lunch and return after an hour. Normally he’d go to Yoojung Sikdang for lunch.

Sometimes he would just go outside his workplace for a few minutes and just stand there, looking at his phone or sometimes just staring into space. I never knew what he was actually doing, but I always wondered what it was.

I kind of hoped he wouldn’t notice me from where I worked. Well, I did want him to notice me, but not while I was stalking him with the double lenses of my camera.

I felt the urge to take more pictures today because for some reason he looked extra good-looking. His dark brown hair was tousled up in a few different directions, quite messy, but it looked adorable. His brown eyes were practically radiating from where he was standing, and I couldn’t help but melt a little. God, he just looked so perfect.

He was wearing just a plain white shirt, which looked so good on him. He wasn’t that tall, but since I was quite short – fine, really short – we’d sort of look good together. I never really liked the typical, tall buff and model looking guys. I only liked him. It’s always been him since the day I moved to Seoul.

“Y/N?" said a voice from behind me. I nearly dropped the huge SLR camera in my hands in fright. I was quite a jumpy person. Every little thing would startle me.

I turned around only to see Hanna, my sister, giving me a strange look.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Probably stalking Jungkook again,” teased her boyfriend Jin, who just entered the room. His hair bleaching green to grey today, which looked really cute on him – except I wasn’t in the mood to compliment anyone today.

“Of course not,” I muttered, shooting him a glare. I hated working with Hanna and Jin. They would always put their noses in everything I was doing, as if they didn’t trust me.

It was my idea to put up a photography studio, not theirs. It just so happened that we used Hanna's money as our investment, so now she feels like she’s the boss or something, which is not true at all. The girl doesn’t have a single creative bone in her body.

“Whatever,” chuckled Hanna, as Jin leaned over to give her a kiss.

Now that’s another reason why I hated working with them. I didn’t like being reminded every fucking day that they were in a happy relationship, while here I was, falling head over heels for some guy who didn’t even really care about me. If there was a queen of unrequited love, that would be me.

I’ve never had a boyfriend. I think I’ve dated like once or twice in my entire life, but it never worked out. Probably because they would always think I was too strange and talkative. I would always say too many things at once and then end up stuttering.

“Y/N!” called Jin, causing me to snap out my thoughts again. Why must they always call my name like as if I was in the middle of a crime or something?

“What?” I groaned, almost snapping at him.

He didn’t say anything, except look at the door behind me. His eyes looked like they were trying to tell me something.

When I turned around, I felt my heart drop all the way down the floor and roll outside the street.

It was him… standing in front of me.

Don’t get me wrong. I do see him on a daily basis, and he would always drop by the store from time to time to have some stuff printed for his work. Sometimes he would come by with his boss for a quick photo shoot for their advertisements.

But every time he would come by, it still felt like it was the first time that I was seeing him.

“Hey, Y/N." he greeted with a warm smile.

“H-Hi, J-Jungkook,” I stammered, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. Just the sound of my name coming out of his mouth was enough to make my heart melt like butter. “Can I help you with anything?”

I could see Hanna and Jin in the corner of my eye, standing behind the counter, whispering to each other, like as if they were watching a movie – starring myself.

“I just need a couple of banners printed,” he shrugged, handing me his flash drive. “Just check the text file inside for the details.”

“Oh, okay,” I grinned, turning around to hand the flash drive to Hanna, who immediately got it from me while flashing Jungkook a big smile. The printing press side of the business wasn’t really my forte, it was more of Hanna's. But whenever Jungkook would come over needing things printed, I always wished I were the one handling it.

He tapped his fingers on the counter, looking like he was in a hurry. “How long will it take?”

“Well it looks like a lot of files,” said Hanna, looking at the computer screen. “Probably an hour or – “

“You can pick them up in half an hour,” I interrupted, while beaming at Jungkook. I felt that he was in a hurry, and I didn’t want him to think that we were a sucky shop that couldn’t comply with his needs. What if he tried looking for a different shop if he wasn’t satisfied with our work?

I could see Hanna glaring at me but I ignored her.

“Great!” said Jungkook, giving us a nod. “I’ll just come back for it again, since I’m in the middle of something right now.”

“No problem at all,” I nodded, still flashing him a smile.

“Alright. Thanks, Y/N.” he said, before turning his back on me and walking out of the store.

He mentioned my name again. He didn’t even say Hanna or Jin’s names! I felt like jumping up and down like a lunatic but I knew I had to contain my emotions in public.

“Half an hour, what the fuck?” exclaimed Hanna. “These are like ten huge banners!”

“Well you weren’t supposed to be talking to him,” I retorted. “You interrupted our conversation.”

“Oh, great. Thanks for jeopardizing the quality of our work just because of that puppy love crush of yours,” she rolled his eyes. “Now we’re going to have to rush everything.”

“Geez, I can help out you know,” I muttered. Truth be told, I didn’t give a flying fuck that Hanna was annoyed at me right now. All that mattered was that I had a conversation with Jungkook today! That didn’t happen quite often, so every time it would, I’d always cherish every second of it.

“Calm down, honey.” said Jin. “Let her enjoy her moment with the guy. They barely even get to talk all the time.”

“Why thank you, Jin.” I smiled, before rolling my eyes at Hanna, who was also rolling her eyes at me.

“Anyway, just follow me inside the room to help with the printing okay?” Jin said. I just nodded my head but I didn’t answer.

My mind was still too busy replaying everything in my mind. I know it was just a shallow conversation that didn’t even mean anything, but to me, it meant the world.

Jeon Jungkook was everything to me, he just didn’t know it yet. I know I might seem crazy acting like he was some Idol Group, but who cares? He was way damn cuter than every single one of them.

I just wish he’d take the chance to get to know me one day, and not just come by the store from time to time because of work. I was hopelessly in love with the guy for more than two years already, but nothing really happened. I would keep daydreaming that one day he would pass by the store and actually ask me out, and not just stop by for work.

But that day never really came. I guess I was just too different for him.

I sighed before following Jin inside the backroom.

Stop keeping your hopes up, Y/N. You’re nothing but an obsessive, immature hopeless romantic with a pathetic little crush, and he will never even know it.

***

CHAPTER 1

Today was just like any other morning. I just gave the barista my order of cranberry juice, which was one of the only few things I could order in this café since I hated caffeine with a passion. I kept checking my watch literally every second while waiting for Jungkook to enter the door.

This was the usual time that he would come in here, and as of this moment, he was a couple of minutes late. I hope he would come. I could feel myself starting to panic, thinking of all the reasons he might not show up today. What if he decided not to go to work? Would that mean I wouldn't be getting a glimpse of him across the street the whole day?

When the barista finally gave me my order, I heard the glass door’s chimes open. I instantly looked up, my face ready with a hopeful smile.

There he was, looking even more handsome than he did the day before. This time he was wearing a plain white long-sleeved shirt, which made him look so hot. It was simple, yet appealing. Hell, the guy could wear a potato sack and he'd still look so damn attractive.

Say hi, Y/N. Just say hi, I told myself.

Before I could even step an inch closer to his table, a girl with straight, long blonde hair walked up to him and kissed his cheek.

My whole world stopped for a moment and I just froze there in the middle. A couple of seconds later, I realized I looked kind of stupid so I grabbed the newspaper nearest to me and tried to cover my face with it while sitting on the table across them. Why did she kiss is cheek? Were they dating?

It was hard to see everything while covering my face with a damn newspaper. Maybe I should cut small holes in this shitty thing.

I saw Jungkook touching her hand and smiling at her. Later on, he leaned over and kissed her on the lips. Wait, what? I squinted my eyes. They were still kissing.

No. This can’t be happening. Jungkook doesn’t have a girlfriend. He can’t have one. The last time I saw him this sweet and cozy with a girl was almost two years ago when I first moved here. I never ever knew of this girl’s existence until today. Did she just magically appear in his life? Can I magically make her disappear as well?

Oh god, I felt like throwing up. I stood up and left my drink untouched on the tables as I rushed out of the cafe. I looked back for a second...he didn’t even notice me because he was too busy with that girl.

I rushed straight to my car and drove to my apartment as fast as I could. I was supposed to go straight to work after, but right now I didn’t care. I felt like my world was just shattered right in front of my eyes and all I wanted to do right now was drown myself in a bucket of tears in my bed while eating everything in the fridge.

I go to my apartment in just five minutes and nearly broke down the door when I burst right through it, almost forgetting to unlock it first.

Right next to my bed, I had a full-length mirror - and that’s where I was standing in front of right now, wondering what the heck that bitch has that I didn’t . She was everything that I wasn’t. She was slim and beautiful. Her shiny blonde hair looked flawless, as much as I would hate to admit it.

Just by staring at her for a few minutes I already saw the perfection in her face and body - everything I didn't have.

I mean look at me. I was fucking short. I looked like dwarf in Cinderella. Well fine, I was a lot taller than them but that was a good comparison. I didn’t have blonde hair like her. In fact, I had the opposite. My hair was messy wave of highlight purple. Not to mention the roots of my natural black hair were starting to grow back.

Though I liked it that way, Jungkook probably didn’t. Maybe that’s why he never even dared to ask me out, because I was too different for him. He only liked slim whores who looked like they were willing to strip anytime and anywhere for him.

I sat on the edge of my bed and pulled out a large of treasure box. It was filled with two years worth of photos, and he just seemed to look better in every shot. There were a couple of pictures of him where he was just walking out of their studio, or where he was just sitting by himself on a bench while texting. The best ones were the ones where he was in his car because he just looked so hot whenever he drive.