crazy in alabama

I've been thinking a lot lately about a former friend who decided to sever ties with me last summer. She said she did not like seeing the sick version of me and wanted the healthy, happy version of me. It broke my heart. I loved her and cherished our friendship. Almost immediately after that happened, things started looking up. I landed an amazing job. I started to get healthier and finally gained enough weight to be deemed healthy (in that regard) by my GI doctor. I got married. I had one surgery, one hospitalization, and a few kidney stones, but I was able to continue working without that getting in the way. We've only spoken once since the friendship ended. She wrote me on Facebook and told me congratulations on my wedding and wished me a happy marriage. It felt sincere. I was grateful that she acknowledged this huge event in my life, especially since I always imagined she would be in my wedding, like I was in hers. It was nice to know that she still cared, even if it wasn't like it used to be. I thanked her and meant every word of it. I didn't find success in life because I felt inspired by her wanting the healthy, happy version of me. The truth is that I'd been trying very hard for a long time, and my patience finally paid off. I wish that she had been patient with me for a little bit longer, so that she could have been here for all of the wonderful things that have happened and will happen in the future. I wish I could be there for her big moments, too. It still makes me sad to think of it all. I've had moments where I want to pick up the phone and reach out, but I simply don't have the courage for it. I am fortunate to have other dear friends who are still around and who did not ever give up on me, so I feel that I should focus on what IS and not what I think SHOULD be. I still miss her, though. Maybe one day, things will come back together. Or maybe they won't. Life is strange and unpredictable. But, I can always have hope, and that will be enough for me. I have become the person she knew I had the potential to be. That's all that really matters.

This is how my brain feels today.

This is how my brain feels today.

Russell & Haley- 2013 in Instagram photos ❤️