Jesus Christ, but British style

(this is just an attempt at making some content for Gods Mad Lab. Go Check put Gods Mad Lab on tiktok, also you could call this a light Carlson and god ship )

“Carlson!” The room was quite so perfectly quite before the literal embodiment of unstoppable power came in the room. Carlson never quit understood God. God had all control, power, and knowledge at the tips of his fingers yet he was a totally dumb ass. It kind of made sense how god was a totally dumb ass, for better content.

“Carlson are you even listening?” God winded once again computer in hand. Being snapped out of Carlson’s inner dialog he looked up from his work, it was less work and more of tutoring humans until something interest happened. “what is it?”

“Not even a hello? Someone’s moody have you been hanging out with Lucy? Anyways do you know what a ship is?”

“that was way to many questions, slow down”. This was another thing he didn’t quit understand about God at first. You would think God would command respect, be the type of person who could get what they want with a glance. But if anyone was picking it up by now god was not that at all. Who ever wrote the bible sucked at their job.

“first of all, i don’t care. Secondly I haven’t seeing that theirs no breaks from work in heaven. And I thought you remembered what a ship was, you were the one who made them to carry diseasea .”

“No no no, I’m pretty sure that’s not what it means” God puzzled shoving the computer in Carlson’s face. On the screen there was some type of sharing site. Some place where one can share content and ideas seeing at the top of the screen there was a user name and icon. The icon was of some green figure with a blob on top of it, oh wait that’s Shrek with Danny Davito throwing in back on him.

“how did you get a computer?”

“I’m God”

Oh right

He looked at the computer again. There user seemed to of posted some ligature. It seemed like it was meant for simple intellect. At the end of the post there was art of two humans holding hands while looking into the sun.

The post didn’t make much sense. At the top it read “I made some art of InkTober!!?!?? Uwu. I tried very hard :))) today’s prompt was favorite ship and hand holding! So i did insufferable husband’s! owo” Then there was the fan art of what was the “insufferable husband’s”. The name sounded like a comedy special on free form from some single women about her cats. Under the text its self was the art.

Carlson could now see why it was confusing. What’s this site? What’s InkTober? Is it a knew cult? Who are these insufferable husband’s? Who wed them? What was a ship? Why was it called that? why do humans hold hands? whats an Uwu, actually its probably something cursed”

“any ways this human was talking about a ship, but not the disease kind. Just look at it”

“I have since you shoved it in my fac-”

“Okay Jesus I get it”. And on que “yes Father?”. “Can’t you see were doing something here? why do you always have to come when somethings important”. You would think after God saying Jesus so many times he would learn not to say it since it summoned “the biggest disappointment ever”.God could do many things, but having parenting skills was not one. Poor Jesus. Carlson probably taught and supported him more then God did in the short time he knew him.

“Wait he might know something. Jesus do you know what this is?” Carlson gestured to the computer.

“the people? No I do not know them. Are you doing the thing again we’re you make everyone I know try and murder me.

"No you fool I mean what a ship is. Like in this context.” God became more agitated by the second

“oh I don’t know how to read you disabled me from reading because you didn’t want me to interact with people so i would become an outcast to society”

“ughhh you’re so annoying” with a snap of Gods fingers Jesus could read again.

After scanning the post for a minute Jesus figured out the jigsaw puzzle. “I believe they mean ship as in relationship, and the husbands are the ship.”

“and InkTober?” Carlson was amazed how he didn’t realize that sooner, but ashamed of him self for being on the same brain cell as God.

“Oh it seems like a type of festive tradition”

“Carlson write that down, I want a holiday after me were people just draw me”

“its not like people do that already, by the way thanks Jesus” Carlson was probably the only one who dare thank Jesus in Gods presents.

“okay now scram, you’re upsetting my vibe by just being here”. Just like that, Jesus was gone.

“oh so god why were you looking that up?”

“oh well because apparently someone shipped us”

“wait what-”. Then it happened. God pressed the back button to show smutty smutty fanart of Carlson and God on the same cursed sight. How and why where running through Carlson’s head. Why him? Why can’t the world spare him. He knew he needed to put his eyes in bleach ASAP.

Carlson tried to move his head in an attempt to not take in anything else, but it was to late. His brain already memorized everything in exact detail to haunt him for life. The art itself was him, Carlson was sinning in sin with sin. sin with more sin under sin. AND THEIR WAS GOD SINNING. 

Carlson was actually going to throw up.

“HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, JESUS”

 On que “You needed me Carlson-”

“LOOK AWAY BEFORE ITS TO LATE”

Hope you enjoyed, dont forget to subscribe to Gods Mad Lab of TIkToK