The only times he'd ever told you he loved you was when you weren't supposed to hear him. Whispered confessions when he thought you were sleeping. Or soft grunts that should've been covered up by your moans.
But the way he looked at you conveyed his feelings 98% of the time. That's why you had been so shocked to hear him brag to his friends about easy you were. How what you considered to be a loving relationship was nothing more than good sex in his eyes. How you meant nothing to him. How all of it was fake.
His friends knew he was full of shit. Too stubborn to admit that he'd fallen for you. But you'd always been taught to take people at their word. And if that man says he doesn't love you, who are you to call him a liar? The break up was relatively easy. You told him you were done and he pretended not to care. Though, he was very surprised and confused. Unlike him, you were always very vocal about your emotions. Telling him you loved him every time you so much as thought it. He had half a mind to ask why you wanted to end things, but he decided against it.
It was almost 6 months later when his facade finally crumbled. Ironically, it had been in front of that same group of friends. One of them had mentioned seeing you out and about with another guy. He asked if you liked happy. When the answer was yes, it broke him. He had never really admitted it before, but the word vomit couldn't be stopped. He told them how he loved you. How he still loves you. How he doesn't know where he went wrong. Doesn't know what he did to make you leave him. How all he wants is to have you back with him. Where you belong.
One of his friends (who ended up being a mutual friend by the time you're relationship ended) explained to him how you'd heard what he said that day. How you'd confided in him that it broke your heart to hear him say out of his own mouth that he didn't care about you. His friend had tried to tell you not to believe what you heard. Everyone knew that you two were in love. Even if you were the only one in the relationship who would admit it. You cried about how you wanted to believe that he loves you, but how could you when he flat out admitted he doesn't? His friend tried so hard to make you understand that it was just a bunch of bullshit to make him seem tougher. But you wouldn't take his word for it.
You were just getting home from hanging out with your friend when your phone rang. You look at the screen and your heart pounds when you see his name. For a split second, you consider ignoring the call. But your finger moves faster than your mind can decide. You answer with a Hello, but he doesn't say it back. For the first time, he says it with the intention of making sure you hear him.
"I love you. I know it's not fair for me to say this after all this time. I should've told you when we were together. I know you've probably moved on and I want you to be happy more than I've ever wanted anything. But I'd hate myself for the rest of my life if I don't at least admit this to you. I tried so hard to pretend like I don't care, but I can't do it anymore. You're all I think about, day in and day out. Everything reminds me of you. Nothing makes sense without you. I know you heard the fucked up shit that I said and I'm sorry. Really sorry. It was all a lie because I didn't wanna admit how I felt. How I feel. But there's no point in lying about it anymore. I love you."
You don't say anything and he can just barely hear you breathing. He doesn't say anything either. He's finally gotten all of that off of his chest. He'll accept any response you have. Even if your response is just to hang up on him. But that's not the response he receives.
"Do you mean it?"
Your desire for verbal confirmation that this isn't just some fucked up joke or something. And for once, he's more than happy to give you that verbal reassurance.
"Yes. I mean it. I love you. I'll always love you."
He can't see the tears that make your eyes shine. Or the smile growing on your lips. But he can hear the deep breath you take to calm yourself and he prepares himself for the worst. He knows he deserves to have you curse him out. To tell him how awful he is and how you'll never forgive him. He prepares for you to go off on him and then hand up. Maybe even block him. His mind races with thoughts of how he's supposed to heal and somehow get over you when you're the best thing that's ever happened to him.
"I love you, too."
The breath he was unknowingly holding rushes out of him. You still love him. Even after all the shit he said. Maybe he has a chance at forgiveness.
"Could we maybe try again? I understand that I don't deserve a second chance but-"
"Yes. It'll take time for me to fully forgive you. But I want to."
He smiles. Time. Of course it'll take time. But he'll spend the rest of his life working to make things right if it means he can be with you again.
"I miss you."
A laugh bubbles out of you at his admission. One that he rarely ever gave you before. The sound of your laugh brings joy to his heart. A sound he used to hear every day but hasn't heard in months.
"I miss you, too."
"I miss you more."
"Impossible."
You both smile at the simple conversation. The conversation that's going to lead to your new beginning. Both of you more than happy and ready, excited even, to try your relationship again. He swears he won't fuck it up this time.
