☽☽☽

i feel like i’ve always heard of the ugly parts of life as one gets older. my mom still tells me things today that my perspective will dim and i will harden. i still haven’t hardened. if anything i’ve softened. for the first time in my life i have a true companion. a friendship that is sacred. the safest i’ve ever felt. i never realized that a lot of my troubled thoughts and angst stemmed from a deep feeling of loneliness. the idea of friends casts itself in many different faces and facets of life. often, they’re the people you laugh with. share fun memories and unfortunate times with. but with people comes expectations. people expect things from you. they want you to act and behave in a certain manner and if you do not fit the criteria... the judgement rolls in. living hasn’t always proved to be the easiest. but. this is the first time i’ve written in years. it’s dusty and confusing but it feels like something that makes the most sense to me. i’ve disappeared off social media, but this place feels quiet and safe enough for now. how the world has changed since i’ve last checked in.