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I love generally being malicious and having ill intent. You can absolutely make a deal with me without any consequences at all.

I get so bored these days I just follow the kid around to see what he gets up to. It's a lot of the same old same old, but he makes funny jokes every now and again.

Sorry for being evil. Again. Or whatever.

Siiiiiiiiiiigh.

Married life so far has consisted of Wukong asking me to do normal, typical things married couples do and my looking at him as if he’s grown a third head only to clarify that we are, in fact, married, and I always go, “Oh yeah.”

I’ve decided I don’t like soda. It burns my snout.

I love getting high in the middle of the night and having split second flashbacks to a nothing spiral of darkness lit up only by the agonized screams of my soul in mortal danger of being erased from existence entirely it makes me feel sort of like mushed together too-wet french toast that didn’t cook well. 

Every day I wake up to this guy standing on top of me like it’s his job and when I ask him, “Can I help you?” He looks at me, facial expression completely blank, and starts thinking about it. Actually thinking of a response, like it was a real question. Then he says to me, “No, not really. Did you need help with something?” Like he’s about to shit himself at the prospect of me giving him a little task. This is every morning.

First time I come back here in a few days and I’m greeted with immediate penis.

To be honest, I just get bored extremely easily. I could be talking about something at length here, and then I’ll hear a twig snap a few feet behind me, and I’ll forget this place exists for like a week. Months at a time.

I may have passed out immediately after making those nonsense posts.

Whenever I used to get like this I would sit at a table and place my forehead to it and sniffle and sigh like some kind of dog that’s just bored while my brothers would sit around and wonder if I was dying.

I think the greatest discovery of humankind is definitely figuring out some plants make you experience what it’s like to be a mantis shrimp.