Glowfishhh

BLUE EYE SAMURAI (2023)

Killing Eve’s finale has devastated our fandom.

From the moment the last episode aired, I’ve been in shock and despair. In the immediate aftermath I was numb. Then I’ve been alternating between shutting down and feeling such crushing tidal waves of emotion. It’s hard for me to eat properly. I’m having trouble sleeping. I still burst into uncontrollable tears.

I cannot get the horrific images of Villanelle’s death out of my mind. They flash behind my closed eyes. I also cannot keep Eve’s soul-shattering scream from ringing in my ears. I have not re-watched the final minutes of the finale and I refuse to.

Over these past few days, I’ve seen similar effects on others in our fandom: I can’t go to work, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I’ve withdrawn, I’m crying, I feel hopeless, I feel sick, I feel physical pain, I feel like I’ve lost my family member, my best friend, my partner. I feel betrayed. I feel devastated.

The common thread of these experiences is that we’ve been traumatized. Literally.

I wish I could hug you all. Over time, I know that we will all get better. The outpouring of support already, of us celebrating Villaneve’s love and happiness, of us creating from a place of defiant positivity, has helped immensely. So we will all be here for each other as we get better.

In the meantime though, we must process our pain. We must grieve.

It’s okay to mourn the loss of fictional characters. It’s okay to lament the death of possibility. It’s okay to be enraged at what happened and to be disturbed by the disgusting homophobia in the post-finale interviews.

Most importantly, it’s important to not minimize and dismiss your own feelings.

Because no, Killing Eve is not just a television show.

Killing Eve is a lived experience. It is a show embedded in popular culture. It is a point of reference for women around the world, from all ages and walks of life. It is an artistic statement-now a troubling one, at that.

Along these lines, Eve and Villanelle are not just fictional characters. And their relationship is not just an imaginary one. Eve and Villanelle are a frame of reference, a piece of our identities, a possibility for self-recognition as well as interpersonal recognition. Eve and Villanelle represent the power and the freedom of women to live on their own terms. To be messy and complex, and to still find whole acceptance and unconditional love. To believe in soulmates, in fate.

So the implications of Killing Eve killing Villanelle (and Eve, in a horrible sense) then gaslighting us into thinking their relationship was only ever toxic and obsessive is deeply disturbing.

So yes, your pain is totally valid.

And your pain is important. Because it’s calling attention to the harm of queerbaiting.

Make no mistake, Killing Eve’s queerbaiting is deeply harmful. It has traumatized us.

The harm of queerbaiting is very real. It’s been studied and presented, for example, by Ricky Hill, PhD. He’s a research assistant professor at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, and a faculty member of the Institute for Sexual and Gender Minority Health and Wellbeing.

Hill outlines the real harms of queerbaiting as follows:

“When we’re talking about communities that maybe don’t see themselves reflected back a whole lot, these relationships mean something,“ Hill says. “And they are not simply characters, they are possibility models. And so when you have those possibility models taken away from you, it is a loss.”

These types of bait-and-switch tactics compound mental health issues, like depression and anxiety, that queer folks are already more likely to face. “To never see yourself reflected just is another form of social isolation,” Hill explains. “We know that social isolation just increases depression, increases anxiety, and those have very real biological implications.” Queerbaiting can also continue the stigmatization of the LGBTQ+ community, as it prevents society as a whole from seeing “LGBTQ people as just normal, everyday folks operating in a culture where they can live happy, healthy, normal lives out in the open,” Hill says. In baiting but never fully showing queerness, media creators “imply that there’s something not worthy there of being fulfilled, that there is something not valid about these expressions and these identities.”

So I emphasize: do not let anyone, from Laura Neal to someone in your own life, minimize the pain you’re going through, the love you have for Eve and Villanelle, and the emotions you’re feeling in the wake of Killing Eve’s finale.

The ending of this television show is a historical event in television, in pop culture, in our own personal histories. It is intrinsically important by virtue of its impact and especially because it has been part of our lives for years.

female awesome meme: lead female characters ♡ eve polastri