I'LL PONDER YOU.

    –––  exhausted and at wits end, he knew that just getting a cup of COFFEE into his system could fix anything in a moment. finally being sat down with his daughter across from him, he passed her the place mat that doubled as a menu. though, the it was passed to no one as he looked around, trying to find his JUNEBUG. though, the sight of something sparkle in his peripherals was a place to start. “ goddamn it, ” he muttered, getting up from the booth he was stuck in, rushing to the ( now ) pair. “ JUNE RAI. ” he scolded, picking her up from the ground. “ you can’t just go around touching people clothes, june. ” granted, he was never very STRICT with him, never having the heart to yell at her. “ i’m so sorry, really. ”

    –––  fingers hooked around the back of his shoes, he let his feet feel the ground, walking along the sand, occasionally KICKING the water out of his way as the grains filled the spaces between his toes. it wasn’t long before he found a spot to just sit and watching the waves rise and fall against the dried sand, the tide only growing with each wave. seconds of waves turned to minutes and maybe a full hour. greyson always seemed to lose track of time whenever water was around. yet, there was just something itching at him, seeing a female only meters away from him. “ h-hey ? ” no response. “ hey, you’re starting to BURN. ” moving to his hands and knees, he crawled over to her, shading her body with his own. “ hello ?! ” he called, waving his hands in front of her, as if it were to wake her.

     –––  arms were outstretched above his head, letting his arms and back crack, making sure the pressure that gravity had weighed on his back. he decided that this was going to be one of those sets that would make it easy for him to sleep later that night; relaxing music that he knew the chords off by heart. simply lyrics that he didn’t have to spend time remembering. japanese denim was by far a favorite of his, playing just before they began the bar music once again. raising from his chair, he crouched down, leveling with the man who approached him. “ uh, yeah, thanks. ” in reality, it wasn’t something he heard often. a few of the people he considered friends had said it, but they were obliged to say so. “ any requests ? ” steele asked, soft grin on his lips as if it were more a joke than anything else.

      –––  a hurricane of swears swirled around in his head, knowing that he needed to lift his feet from the ground and move away from him. go back to his shitty apartment and never leave, NEVER see the sky again because it wasn’t worth it if he had to look at jasper everyday and not stare at him with eyes that were silently BEGGING for him to come home with him. just come home with him and curl up together only to catch up on show about cops in brooklyn. if only to see him SMILE with him around, hear his loud and booming laugh. “ no, no, jas –– per. ” nearly letting the nickname pass by his lips without a filter, as if it were allowed yet. “ i can’t do this. as in, talk to you and pretend like i can say something to you without my heart aching. it’s BULLSHIT.  you might be over me, but it’s not mutual. ” that’s too much, steele. too much, too soon, too far.

    –––   towering over the other was quite a familiar feeling, of course, he towered over most, but for some reason, their height difference ( of ten whole inches ) seemed like there was a WHOLE WORLD between the two. the feeling of distance between them made steele’s body work before his brain as a few long stride and he was already millimeters away from brushing shoulders with jasper. picking a book from the shelf he shrugged softly, “ not sure, half a year ago, i believe. ” answering his question, not a question he cared about, in all honesty. though, the next few came as a surprise. not knowing how to answer, but definitely not with a lie. “ seeing as am back here, not that great. ” he muttered, shutting the book with a great CLAP ! only to look down at jasper, “ i was lied to, so, i guess i know how that feels now. ” a fleeting smile appeared on his face, almost as if he were saying goodbye once more. “ i’m sorry, jasper. but i don’t want to do THIS. ”

     –––  fingertips raced across the page, turning it with a soft grin on his lips as the story was just hitting it’s climax. finding out that alex had just been tossed into jail for fourteen years, of course, reading his FAVORITE book of all time. though, a voice rung, obviously far too close to be talking to anyone else but himself. brows furrowed as he looks up at him, frowning. it was only until he heard the name of the popular site that he shut his book, a mental reminder of what page he was on. “ twitch ? yeah, i do ! ” a grin appeared on his lips, someone actually RECOGNIZING him doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s like finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. “ do you –– are you a viewer ? ”

   –––  pearly whites cover his bottom lip as steele watches the boy move around the shelves. it hurts to see him move without feeling an ounce of DISCOMFORT, unlike himself who was feeling tension in the air. whether it was one-sided or not, he hated how it made his heart race. there was a just a moment that steele had to take for himself to simply look at his silhouette. memories flooded back, pictures etched onto the inside of his eyelids, taking a moment to look at each flashing image that matches his body. the legs that he held onto whenever he felt the boy hop onto his back, the waist he held as the slow danced to no music, the chest he left marks on so he remembered him once he left, hands that were engulfed by his own, and a face that could make ANGELS CRY. looking back at the books before him, he whispered toward them instead of the boy, “ and neither have you, ” his voice was gentle, pushed from his throat as if he choked on them instead.

    –––  narrowed eyes stared at the smaller of the pair, nearly scoffing at how and why she was offer to do something so juvenile or rather, STUPID. though, he stuck around and watched her as she spoke instead of breaking off and giving up on the conversation all together. it honestly worried him, how her mind was constantly overflowing with ideas of adventure, adventures that could get her arrested. “ you know, ” he began, shoving his hand in his pockets, “ that’s called TRESPASSING. it’s a crime. ” a temporary shrug in his arms just mumbling, “ ‘sides, i spent all of middle school in graveyards with my hair covering my eyes. i’d like one cringe-less night. but the thought was there. ”

    –––  it was the exact reaction he expected, or at least close to what he expected. though, he deserved more of a PUNCH in the face or pouring salt in the wounds jasper deserved to leave in his skin. it would’ve hurt LESS than the words that were shared between the two. it would’ve been less traumatic then leaving a note to tell him that not even JASPER could make him stay in edinburgh. “ i had nowhere else to go, ” he muttered, pulling a book from the shelf, just wanted to see more of his face, wanted to feel some sense of pain between the two. he wanted jasper to be ANGRY at him. steele wanted to see that anger in his face. “ and i knew i’d find a home here. –– even if wasn’t where i wanted. ” it’s not that easy steele.

   –––  there was something about this shared banter that could always keep him entertained, which is something steele craved. it was unbelievably easy for him to get bored quickly, only to move on to the next thing that might entertain him for a little bit; as the cycle repeats. though, hunny, he seemed to be the one entertaining thing that stuck around. he was like a leech, but in whatever GOOD way that could be taken. perhaps it was because the company was nice, but steele highly doubted that. even he knew his company was horrible, so it was a mystery why he could always fine hunny around. “ nothing ? really ? i’m sure i could CHANGE YOUR MIND about that. ” he flashed a toothy grin, paired with a quick wink; eyes focused on him as she tipped his glass back.

   –––    a glass was handed to him, filled with a darker that average liquid. a good guess would’ve been scotch, but far too generic for steele to ever enjoy. nope, it was just a glass of straight crown royal. the only thing that felt good going down and made his anger subside as best as it could. though as he sipped at it, SAVORING the taste that it held, he looked at the only person he could refer as friend in the entirety of the bar. “ oh, yeah ? ” a concerned expression passed over his feature, a finger coming up to the other’s face, thumb passing over his nose. “ one sec’, there’s something on your nose, it’s brown, ” a grin replaced his lips, “ probably because you’re kissing my ass. ”