The 10 Commandments of Dating/Living with HSV
1. Do not settle or become desperate. Do not get into a relationship with someone that you would not normally be interested in if you did not have HSV. If they find a cure for HSV, you really don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that isn’t your perfect match. Over time you will find that you are still the same person you were before HSV and if that person wasn’t right for you before they still aren’t the right match. Not fair to you and certainly not fair to him/her.
2. Learn to love who you are. Every morning that you wake up you have the choice of being happy with whatever circumstances you find yourself in. You often have no control over the circumstances in your life but you have 100% control over how you let it affect you. Learn to appreciate your good qualities and if there are parts of your life that need fixing why not work on that now? I think one of the most important aspects of personal happiness is being able to be happy being single. If you don’t feel this tremendous pressure to have a partner right now, you can take your time and find the right person rather than force someone into your life that fits a short term need.
3. Do not get discouraged if someone is not interested in you because of HSV. My defense mechanism was to expect the worst when I told someone I liked about my HSV. If I went in expecting to have the person run away and scream at the top of their lungs that they don’t ever want to see me again, then any other reaction less traumatic seemed ok. Of course the reality is that I never had anyone act anything but kind and caring when I told and every single person I told ended up seeing me again. The truth is, there are a thousand reasons why two people may not be right for each other, H is just one of those. Keep searching for the person that sees you for who you really are.
4. Take better care of yourself. Get in better shape, start eating better, get up earlier, go to bed earlier, read a good book, go for a walk, buy yourself a nice present.
5. Kick its ass. HSV can own you or you can own HSV. Chose to own it and put it in its place. HSV makes us all feel pretty awful when we are first diagnosed, but think about what it is that makes you feel that way and work to make the fear/shame less important in your life. Are you afraid of your friends/family finding out? Tell them and that fear will go away. Are you afraid of telling a potential partner? Figure out the best way for you to do it and try it. There is no right or wrong way, just your way. I put it in my dating site profile so the fear of telling is gone. That’s not for everyone but it works for me. You would be amazed how many people send me a note thanking me for my honesty and often wanting to get to know me.
6. Use available resources for information and support. There are a whole lot of smart and caring people on this site. Many have been on this ship for years and have lived everything you are feeling. Ask us how we cope, learn from our mistakes and you can feel better simply because you are not in this alone. Projectaccept.org is also a great resource for those that are new and looking for information.
7. After you get HSV you will go through periods of not enough sex ( I could write a book) and not feeling loved. Before you got HSV you went through periods of not having enough sex and not feeling loved. After they find a cure someday you will go through periods of not enough sex and not enough love. We call that LIFE.
8 . It is ok to grieve, but at some point you have to accept it. Be thankful it wasn’t something worse and take it as a hard lesson learned, pick yourself up and move on— It is not the end of the world.
10. Always give your partners the choice. Always.
**taken and slightly modified from one of the online fb support groups**
