volunteer firestarter

and of course, as thousands of tehranis develop cancers and autoimmune diseases or come into the world with preventable birth defects in the coming years, die and are disabled en masse, the effects rippling outward to their dependents and loved ones, because today there is black smoke cloaking the city and chemical rain coating the ground—will this tally be figured into the many murders of the united states, or will it be swept away like millions others? i am angry.

i overthink….therefore….i overam….

it probably feels good as fuck to have the energy to live

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

I'm in favour of people getting weird with pronouns, but nobody gets grammatically weird enough with pronouns. You can mess around with the declensions if you want. Yeah, my pronouns are 'she/she'. That's right, I don't have an accusative form. I refuse to be an object, direct or otherwise.

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

anywhere you go i'll Frollo you down

Frollo me down to the Los Angeles County Child Support Services office you fucking decrepit leech your son needs shoes

DJ keep the music volume the exact same

the sinister sniler

hey its me your doctor. idgaf