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Friend: I have a job, a car and I’m doing really well in school, what about you?

Me:

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Bridesmaid to a waiter: What a beautiful wedding

Waiter, about to reveal that the poor groom’s bride is a whore: Oh you haven’t heard?

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inside your body is PITCH BLACK your cells do all of that in the DARK

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self care is swallowing lit matches every 5 minutes so that ur cells can see whatever the fuck they’re doing in there

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Trying win an argument on social media.

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