Give Me Back My Point of View

in this calm, i am finally able to breathe...

Most of my entries are about love, unrequited and lost. Looking back, I can say that I was a pretty loving but sad person.  The depth of my raw emotions clearly manifested in writing. And maybe, I should go back to writing, I am not wishing for another heartache to seek comfort in words.  But just to be able to rekindle that need to write about my life, maybe someday, someone will eventually read about my existence and find inspiration in it.

these are words that i didnt tell you...it was an afterthought, after saying the words that must have hurt you...if the roles were reversed, the words i said to you, they would have crushed me, and i would have turned away from you and never look back...i would have told you that i dont deserve this from you, i would have said how selfish you are...that your words hurt me like hell, to the core, enough to see you for what you have become, my tormentor, the person i loved has become my ruin...i would have reminded you that after all we have been through together, i do not deserve to be treated this way...that all i did was try to make you smile and love you the best way i know how...and yet you couldnt afford me a drop of consideration i so need at this moment...i would have said all of these, if the roles were reversed...but its not, and all i can give you is an afterthought...

It is like I am watching myself wither in the sadness of the moment...there I was, eyes intent on something, nothing, mind drifting to somewhere, nowhere...this is it, isn’t it? This slow, excruciating downward spiral into the deep pit of loneliness...

Bye sun! See you again tomorrow #sunsetfeels #yangondays #beautynmadness (at Yangon, Myanmar)

I still wonder about you sometimes and what you’re doing now...how you are...I think a part of me is still there that first time I met you...and i still feel that certain kind of magic...even if our story did not have a happy ending, I think that first meeting still carry its own sparks when I remember it, like it was just yesterday.  And how we were together, for those few months, for those moments, I can still feel that closeness between us.  Sometimes, I feel like saying hi to you..but then i also remember that what we had was just that, a fragment of a beautiful past that I had to let go of...

Even if my life can be in utter chaos sometimes, like the noise of the world around becomes so deafening, I cannot even hear myself think...I am grateful for moments of clarity, moments like this...when I realize that above all else, I have a life that is constantly changing, and a life I can change if I choose to, a life with people who love me and I love dearly, a life still full of wonder...and adventure.  I feel like I am about to start another new beginning...and the journey will be worth taking...

Back to the old bedsheet...bed looks smaller but i think its just the right size...#grey #weekendchores #oldnew #ikealove

I watch as you gather pieces of yourself scattered across my wooden floor...sheets, plastic, metal, paper, breath, touch...and put everything together to where they should be...i wait for the inevitable...and necessary...it is quite dark outside, bleak...more like the way it feels every time i watch your back move towards my door...i reach for your hand...to hold them just a little bit longer...and maybe, just maybe, hope that this time, i wont have to let go...

Unexpected things happen, and when they do, for a moment, the whole world spins like crazy, and you almost feel like getting lost in that chaos...permanently.

Water, water...crazy happy pre-Thingyan office party :) #365moments #100daysmyanmar #makeitcount

Attending my first media event in Yangon...#notsoselfie #365moments #100daysmyanmar #makeitcount

Attending my first media event in Yangon...#notsoselfie #365moments #100daysmyanmar #makeitcount