(siren)

I don’t even know what I’d do if I actually got what I want lol

so ***** but have only met two ppl in the past 4 months that I wanted to **** ahhhhh!! 30 flirty and dying of thirst let me tell you (I’m 33)

finally cleaned my room after a month of letting it get to a state I was so embarrassed over - not bc of depression I just work so much that I never have the energy to clean it. Bought a tripod so I can start taking pictures of myself/build up my confidence. Got a prf facial with microneedling today and was pressured into buying medical grade skin care I didn’t really need lol. We’re so back.

hate that I feel so down on myself after such a great weekend. I went to go see Manual Cinema’s Dream Delivery Service with two friends on Saturday. It was phenomenal and I’m looking forward to taking a road trip up to Madison to see their production of Frankenstein in October. After the play we went and got al pastor tacos and dairy free ice cream sundaes. Then we went to the thrift store where I scored so many good bottoms. Then we ended up at 88 Market for gluten free gyoza and some other miscellaneous things. A beautiful day!! I picked up an overnight shift last minute that paid me $40/hr and slept from 7am-noon on Sunday. Sunday afternoon I got ready/pretty and met my friend A for drinks at Babes and we stayed there for a good hour and a half talking about lover boy/lover girl shit before hopping on their bike and getting burgers. We ended up at Hi Lo and they kind of pissed me off by screaming at their friend MK that I thought they/MK was sexy. Just them on some Aries venus shit and it’s not the way I operate at all. I felt tired and a little shut down after that. Whether it was the ~healing journey~ MK seemed to be on, or just a lack of attraction, nothing happened other than conversation. But they did invite me to the next event they’re hosting this upcoming weekend so I’ll probably go to that. We’re both from the bay area and both 33 and both interested in figuring out how to live half our time in California and half our time in Chicago. Idk new friends never hurt anyone. I think I’m feeling down bc of how much I drank. Even spaced out it was like three more cocktails than I’d usually imbibe in especially in a social setting bc I get such bad hangxiety. I know I’m shy and maybe move slow but fuck I didn’t like how A just shouted my business like that. Especially bc I had made the comment without intention on acting on it. Like I was sleepy and not my best conversationally bc of it and ready to go home. I’ll get over it. Ultimately it was a great weekend. Life moves on…

finally got the nasolabial filler I’ve wanted for years!!! And it looks incredible. It instantly took 5-8 years off my face. I booked with her immediately afterwards for a touch of lip filler and under eye filler next month so let me work my ass off real quick bc there’s no way I’m not getting it. Ooooh my god I’m in love with my face again? Wow…

it’s incredibly important to me to be sexy intentionally. The more the culture turns sexless - both through the puritanical anti-sex panopticon and the too-starved-to-be-horny heroin chic renaissance - the sexier I feel. Like you just can’t take this from me. I’ve got DD cups, a 14 inch difference between my hips and waist, and i have a healthy relationship to sex. I’m 33, Ive got botox in my 11s, a signature scent, and my hair is nearly waist length when straight. Oh godddd.