나를 사랑해

     Yes. Yes, it is her fault that he’d punched a hole into the wall, bloody fist staining both the wall and now the carpet as he caught his breath. It’s her fault that he’d managed to get angry enough to do so. This time anyway. He can’t even remember what had worked him up now that he’d released the built-up tension in his body. He wants to leave it at that, that she shouldn’t have made him angry but, then again, it’s not the first time he’s punched a hole in a wall in his lifetime. And it wouldn’t be the last. Aaron’s aware that he’s angry and he struggles with it, so, he can’t exactly place the blame on her when he was the one who couldn’t keep his emotions in check.

            ❝ No, it’s not your fault. ❞      The sigh finally leaves him, pulling a hand through his hair to get the few strands back out of his face again.              ❝ Don’t worry about it. ❞

it’d  just  been  an  argument  ;    aaron  had  a  habit  of  talking  back  to  her  .    yan  did  her  best  not  to  raise  her  voice  ,    but  she  had  a  temper  too  .    she  just  wanted  him  to  stay  inside  today  ...    where  she  could  look  after  him  .    where  she  didn’t  have  to  worry  about  the  police  or  anyone  else  at  all  !

still  ,    she  looked  at  his  hands  sadly  ,    (  dripping  blood  on  the  nice  grey  carpet  ,    it  shouldn’t  have  made  her  eye  momentarily  twitch  ,    but  it  did  )  .

.                          ❛❛    come  here  ,    let’s  clean  up  your  hands  ,    okay  ?    ❜❜

her  voice  is  sugar  ,    laced  with  the  poison  of  love  as  she  lets  her  trembling  fingers  rest  upon  his  arms  .    she  wants  to  hold  him  ,    but  like  a  feral  dog  she  knows  he  can  bite  sometimes  ,    so  she  settles  for   pressing  a  soothing  kiss  to  his  temple  .

               STARTER CALL   //   @girlaxed·       STARTER FROM: ROBBIE

            ❝ Urh… not… J-Jack. Robbie. ❞     The corpse attempts to clear up the confusion, dirty nails picking at scrabs on his hands and fingers, matching other fresh wounds. He’s not sure how anyone would confusion him with Jack. HE knew they were different, so surely others did.

he’s  ...  purple  .    &&  really  pale  &&  sickly  looking  .    that’s  ...  not  ...  right  ...    what  happened  ?    as  quick  as  she  looks  him  up  &&  down  ,    russet   eyes  snap  to  his  grey  ones  .

.                          ❛❛    don’t  scratch  at  your  hands  .    ❜❜

her  command  comes  out  harsh  ;    m̶̸̷̸á̡͘͝s͡͏̷͏̧c̴̢u҉͠l̵͝i̷̡̕͟͠n̡̧e̴͟  inflection  makes  her  grimace  ,    rolling  her  shoulders  awkwardly  before  forcing  it  to  soften  .

     He doesn’t understand. He can’t process it. Even if he had been fully conscious during the event, it was unlikely he would’ve been able to fully process it still. A wall in his brain to make an attempt to protect him from the trauma of it all. It’s doesn’t rid of everything though. He can make assumptions, though he refuses to let those surface to the front of his brain. Merely a foggy acknowledgement, legs pressed tight together, nails dug into palms.

    Eyes are stuck on the window, aware that he couldn’t reach it currently, and also he’s probably be caught before he even had a chance to run. How long was he even going to be here? A side thought wonders if he’ll actually get to leave at all, but he strikes it down quickly. Of course, he will! People are looking for him right now he’s sure!

yan  should  be  on  cloud  nine  ,    but  she’s  on  ...   cloud  seven  at  the  highest  .    her  hair  is  slightly  mussed  as  she  pushes  the  door  open  with  a  quiet  shattering  squeak  .    she’s  still  in  the  same  clothes  from  yesterday --  unwilling  to  wash  the  smell  of  him  off  her  skin  .

.                          ❛❛    good  morning  ,    my  love !    ❜❜

the  inflection  makes  it  sound  forced  .  she  sets  a  tray  of  pancakes  &&  sausage  down  as  she  takes  a  seat  on  the  bed  .  it  sags  with  her  weight  .

      Despite the care that’s given he’s so scared. Limp in the arms of his kidnapper, simply out of fear of another possible attack, he can’t muster the will to fight anymore. Not right now anyway. His limbs shook with a mix of fear and shock, adrenaline wearing off faster than it had been engaged. The pain of the wound starts to kick it, and all he can do is whimper pathetically into her, like a child in the hands of a mother.

     Her words fall on deaf ears. He doesn’t care anymore. And even if he did, her words wouldn’t help at all. She didn’t love him. He’s not even sure she lusted him. It felt like there was only obsession. Obsession that was already suffocating and dangerous. He couldn’t breathe through it all. Chocking, gasping. He failed to get air, failed to grasp at hope again. He didn’t want to sleep, he was too scared to, worried what would happen if he left himself unguarded for that long. He feels so pathetic. Despite wanting to avoid it, it seems his body has other plans. Eyelids feeling heavy in sudden exhaustion.

it’s  a  morbid  quiet  they  share  ;    the  threat  of  death  hanging  in  the  air  like  cobwebs  .    felt  faintly  under  every  movement  .    her  calloused  hands  continue  to  rub  circles  into  a  tense  ,    bony  back  .    rhythmical  murmurs  of  apologies  &&  compliments  followed  by  a  quiet  chorus  of  agreeing  whispers  .    both  real  ,     &&  imagined  as  she  holds  her  senpai  so  close  .    close  enough  that  he  would  be  able  to  hear  her  heart  beating  .

she  can  fee̜͙͍͉̭̻͚ĺ̬͚̭̜   his  under  his  skin  .

    Her words, her touch, they leave him panicking all the more. He aches. He can still hear his heartbeat in his head, in his ears. He wants to scream for his mum or dad or ANYONE to come and save him. It was a childish instinct, to want to call for his parently figures. Even if they were here, he doubts they could even do much at this point. Yan would hurt them. Yan would KILL them. He knew. He knew she would. If he was her senpai and he was being treated like this then how would she treat those who opposed her?

   He doesn’t hold back his tears anymore. Sobs choking from his throat, despite her shushes and touches. He was back to square one, plus with a wounded leg now. He’d acted impulsively and instantly and it had ruined any possible progress that could’ve been made. All he can do is hope that he’ll be left alone soon enough.

    Pathetic begs and protests, and his small, tired physical protests are all he can muster at this point against her. Even as his heart picked up speed again, panic racing through him as his pants are moved, he finds himself light headed with it all. He can’t even manage a decent phrase of words to protest whatever was happening.

she  all  but  ignores  his  squirming  ,    focused  on  the  task  at  hand  .    she  should  wash  her  hands  first  --  she  remembers  ,    but  it  seems  unwise  to  leave  jack  alone  now  .    with  a  sigh  ,    she  pulls  the  medical  kit    (  it’s  considerably  sparser  than  it  should  be  )    from  the  same  set  of  drawers  by  the  bed  .    it’s  always  good  to  have  this  around  for  when  ...  her  senpai  gets  a  bit  rambunctious  .

she  creates  a  make  shift  tourniquet  to  stop  the  bleeding  ,    pressing  a  soft  kiss  against  his  thigh  all  the  while  . 

.                          ❛❛    i'm  sorry  .    ❜❜

    Everything in him is tense now. But in a different way than before. Before it was like cornered prey looking for an exit, any opening point at all, but now, simply anticipating what would follow it. Waiting for the knife to make the final cut or for something else to happen. Anything at all. His vision swarms from pain, he feels sick. his stomach churning up whatever his last meal had been, though he holds himself together for now.

   The next touch hitches his breath. All he feels is that mix of pain and fear. Muscles tensing but he doesn’t move away this time. Scared of what would happen if he continued to reject her. Especially now. He can’t risk it. Not again. Jack knows he’s losing blood. And probably quickly too. He just has to hope he’ll get patched up and not left like that. He’s not sure if he’d be able to save it himself.

   The words hit his ears in a way that make the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Most likely because he was still on edge. The kiss has him flinching but forcing himself to keep still as best as he can. Eyes closed tightly shut as tries to catch his breath, trying to quieten his whimpers as best as he can. He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. He won’t be. He’s not sure if he will be but he has to keep telling himself that or he’s going to fall apart. And he can’t now. He has to wait. Holding himself together long enough until he’s alone.

  He can’t help the panic that rises in him again as he’s laid down, quickly moving his head from the sheets so he could breathe, a weak attempt to push her from him, though it fails with his already shaking, weak limbs.         ❝ N-no! D-don’t! Please! ❞    Everything is working in him to preserve himself for as long as he can, but his tears are starting up again, mainly out of pure panic and part anxiety as his thoughts swim and swim and swim and he squirms and squirms and squirms.

as  yandereiplier’s  fingers  clasp  the  red  rope  ,    her  mind  swirls  with  visions  of  jack  swinging  from  it  .    his  voice  ,    his  protests  ,    the  feeling  of  his  body  wriggling  against  her  thighs  is  all  too  far  away  ,    sizzling  like  static  .    it  would  be  so  easy  to  wrap  this  thick  cord  around  his  slender  throat  &  pull  it  taut  herself  ,    kiss  him  &  show  her  love  to  his  warm  ,    pliant  body  .

she  deserves  to  be  happy  .    not  just  for  a  night  ,    or  a  few  weeks  --    but  forever  .    forever  &  ever  &  ever   &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever   &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever   &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever  &  ever .

jack’s  crying  .    his  soft  sniffles  cut  through  her  thoughts  &  she  moves  her  gaze  away  from  the  rope    (  &  all  the  thoughts  that  come  with  it  )    to  her  senpai  .    gently  ,    she  reaches  into  his  hair  &  rubs  softly  .

.                          ❛❛    shhhh  ,    i’m  just  gonna  tie  you  up  because  you  hit  me  .                                     men  shouldn’t  hit  girls  ,    seàn  .    ❜❜ 

the  last  bit  is  spoken  with  bite  as  she  pulls  the  rope  a  little  too  tightly  around  his  slender  wrists  &  ties  it  into  a  bow    (  after  double  knotting  it  for  security  )  .    she  needs  to  take  care  of  the  blood  ,    &  reaches  around  his  waist  to  pull  his  pants  down  over  his  thighs  .

     He didn’t expect to get far. He really didn’t, but he thought he’d at least get a chance to get to his feet and try the doorknob before he was captured. ( What if it wasn’t locked? What if he’d made it? What would he have done? ) Despite these thoughts, it’s clearly too late. The pulsing in his ears blocks out her words, making her sound further away than she actually was. But the seconds tick tick tick away as he continues to struggle with himself.

                         S  C  R  E  A  M  !!!

     He can’t help it, tears suddenly from his eyes as his hands make one last desperate attempt to crawl away. Another shout of pain as the wound is increased, everything in him is screaming and he can’t stop the tears now. Fuck, he feels like he’s choking, his head pulses. But it’s too late, fingers in his hair and he’s yanked back, knife at his throat as he whimpers. God, he’s not sure he’s ever felt anything like this before. This pure amount of fear and adrenaline and pain all at once.

     Perhaps if the knife wasn’t at his throat ( he’s getting memories, flashbacks to a certain som̴̫̝͈̫̤e͎͙͓͍͝o̗͎͎̭̰n̹͉e̼̜̺̪̖͚͓͟ ) he’d continue fighting, even as the blood pools from him. but now, he finds himself pinned. The tight hold, only confirms his fears. He’d failed. And he’d pay for it. He swallows as heavily as he can, leg throbbing along with his head, he tries to suppress his cries, but he can’t help the small whimpers. Fear and reality of the situation settling in his stomach like a solid piece of lead.

there’s  an  unsettling  silence  that  falls  ;    after  all  the  screaming  &&  clambering  &&  stomping  of  feet  there’s  only  jack’s  whimpers  &&  yan’s  slow  ,    even  breaths  .    she  needs  to  calm  down  .    she’s  only  had  him  for  a  day  --    he  looks  right  ,    he  feels  right  ,    he  even  smells  right  .

she  doesn’t  want  him  to  be  another  skeleton  in  the  closet  ,    another  bag  in  the  freezer  .      she  doesn’t  want  to  do  this  again  !      her  breath  hitches  tangled  up  in  her  chest  like  a  bunch  of  snakes  .    a  shaky  ,    blood  covered    (  it’s  his  blood  )    hand  comes  up  to  sweep  the  hair  out  of  his  face  ,    pushing  it  away  from  where  fearful  sweat  it  starting  to  collect  .

.                          ❛❛    don’t  do  that  again  .    ❜❜

it’s  a  warning  ,    but  it’s  spoken  with  such  desperation  that  it  sounds  like  a  plea  .    she  presses  a  kiss  to  his  temple  ,    letting  it  linger  for  a  few  seconds  before  standing  up  with  him  in  her  arms  still  .    she  carries  him  back  over  to  the  bed    (  if  her  brain  were  in  a  nicer  place  ,    she’d  think  it  was  sweet  ,    like  carrying  him  across  the  threshold  ,    but  now  ,    her  mind  is  nothing  more  than  a  blackened  swirl  of  dark  thoughts  .  )

     Her laughter seems to echo in his head. Something haunting about it. This off tone that everything she did or said seem to carry. Something airy. An uncanny valley esque situation. He can’t put his finger on it but something is wrong. Something is off. Maybe it’s just his head being confused that she carried the face of one of his best friends. There must be something in him that was still confused and in shock about that. The egos, dangerous or not, were something that one never fully got used to. At least not him. He can’t speak for the others.

                   ❛ Don’t you love me too? ❜ 

    Her words shatter something in him, this airy calm, this waiting that kept him still and docile for as long as it did, his instincts react before his brain even realizes what his muscles are doing, legs kicking up into her chest, the split second instinct of FLIGHT and he’s scrambling from the bed. Tumbling from it, tripping over himself as he spots the door. ( It’ll be locked. It’ll be locked. It’s not this easy. It’s not this easy!) And yet, the movements are already in motion. He can barely get up. His head disorientated with how hard and fast his blood is pumping. This might be his only window and he’s fucking it up!!                         OF COURSE! HOW FUCKING TYPICAL!

it  knock’s  the  wind  out  of  her  ,    but  worse  it  breaks  her  heart  .    she  jolts  back  ,    holding  a  hand  reflexively  across  her  midsection  as  tears    (  crocodile  tears  )    well  up  in  eyes  .    he  hit  her  ,    her  senpai    (  her  prince  )    hit  her  !    what  kind  of  man  hits  a  lady  ?!  

.                          ❛❛    you  hit  me  !    ❜❜

she  practically  screams  at  his  retreating  form  ,    letting  out  a  little  sob  as  she  takes  a  deep  breath  to  get  the  air  back  into  her  chest  .    she  went  through  all  this  !    all  this  effort  to  bring  him  here  just  for  him  to  act  like  this  ?!     she’d  kill  him  .

.                     ❛❛    GET  BACK  HERE  !    ❜❜

she  grabs  a  knife  from  out  of  the  pockets  of  her  skirt    (  she’d  used  it  to  help  with  the  ropes  from  before  )  .    she  rose  to  her  feet  ,    looking  angry  &&  hurt  but  more  than  that    dangerous   ,    russet  eyes  locked  onto  him  and  lips  twisted  into  a  scowl  .

.                          ❛❛    you  don’t  get  to  act  like  this  !    ❜❜

    Jack notices the bed sway beneath him under her weight. He can’t help it. Every hair on his body is on end. Everything is on edge. Everything is in fight or flight. His brain, attempting to figure out what would be the best route with the thumping heart in his chest. Fear, masked behind that cold anger. He’s afraid. And part of him wants to cry and scream and beg for her to leave him alone already. The anxieties building and building and building of what would happen in the time it takes for him to be rescued.

    The smile, the noise, catches him off guard, gaze softening for a split second, as his brain suddenly connects it to something childlike and innocent. But, he has to destroy that thought, quickly hardening them again, trying to keep his guard up. He can risk anything here. ( Was it already too late though? Would he actually escape? )

    Suddenly her fingers on his face, instinct makes him flinch away. Both not expecting the contact and not wanting it from HER. The second he had held her gaze is gone. Broken as he tilts his head away towards the wall beside them. Not wanting to look into the gaze of someone who seemed so… empty anymore. It seemed to suck him in. Something in him wanted to help. But, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Not when he’s in danger right now, like this.           ❝ Everythingis a lot to ask. ❞      Despite the break in gaze, and his best attempts to keep the facade up, his voice wobbles for a second. His racing anxieties getting the best of him.

his  cheek  was  warm  against  cold    (  dead  )    fingers  .    &&  while  her  smile  slightly  falters  at  his  initial  reject̢͟io͠n͏  of  her  affections  ,    she’s  still  happy  .    they  have  forever  to  try  !    she  has  forever  to  get  him  to  remember  !

.                          ❛❛    i  don’t  wanna  hurt  you  .    ❜❜

fingers  lift  up  ,    pushing  back  shaggy  ,    red  locks  of  hair  .    she  laughs  a  small  bit  ,    though  it’s  an  anxious  ,    frightening  sound  .    did  he  think  she  meant  that  selfishly  ?    she  wanted  to  be  with  him    (  again  ,    after  all  this  time  apart  !  )    she  wanted  all  of  him  !    all  his  good  parts  ,    all  his  little  habits  ,    to  feel  his  skin  against  hers  &&  tangle  her  fingers  in  his  hair  until  he  cri͝e͝d o̕ųt  .  

.                          ❛❛    i  want  to  give  you  all  of  me  ,    too  !                                     we’re  gonna  be  together  ,    forever  .    ❜❜

she  moves  forward  ,    a  little  more  confident    (  insistent  )    as  she  takes  his  chin  in  her  hand  ,    thumb  pressing  lightly  into  his  cheek  as  yandere  continues  to  grant  him  a  slightly  less  ...  genuine  smile  .

.                          ❛❛    i  love  you  .    ❜❜

she  wants  this  to  be  soft  ,    she  wants  this  to  go  the  way  she  always  dreams  it  will  go  !    but  if  previous  experience  is  anything  to  go  by  ,    (  &&  the  fingers  digging  into  his  thigh  )    a  part  of  her  knows  that  isn’t  likely  to  be  the  case  .    stupid  ,    stupid  boys  always  fucking  everything  up  .    she  brushes  her  lips  against  his  .