Barbara Coard Girlkisser

Firstly, when Anna drops her wallet in the car, the camera pans to the open wallet and we see that Anna keeps photos of herself and Lucie inside. Anna dropping the wallet and the camera focusing on the open wallet for half a second was intentional- we as the audience are meant to take note of its contents. On the left side of the wallet, Anna keeps a candid photo of herself and Lucie when they were younger, presumably taken by an orphanage staff member. You can argue that this photo alone isn’t proof because Anna might just have fond memories of their shared history together as childhood best friends, and I might even agree if we stopped there. However, the other photo in the wallet in combination with this one is extremely revealing.

On the right side of the wallet, Anna keeps a photo of just Lucie alone. In the photo, Lucie is wearing a silly birthday cone hat on her head and looking up at the camera and warmly smiling/laughing. To me, this is an inarguably intimate photo for Anna to keep in her wallet. Why? Presumably, Anna herself took the photo since she’s not in the shot, and if we place ourselves in Lucie’s shoes, we can then assume that she’s not only smiling for the camera, but at Anna herself as she takes the photo. The contrast between the silliness of Lucie’s hat versus the expression on her face radiates unadulterated love for the person taking the photo and a cozy sense of domesticity. For Anna to feel so connected to that photo of Lucie in particular to the point of carrying it with her at all times shows how much that moment with Lucie meant to her.

Secondly, after Anna and Lucie place the now (mostly) dead Belfonds’ bodies in the bathroom, Anna’s shock wears off after making eye contact with Marie Belfond and the reality of the situation they’re in begins to register. Alone in the bathroom, Anna breaks down and begins to cry as she kneels on the floor next to the bodies. Having heard Anna crying, Lucie returns to check in on her and kneels in front of Anna, then the two take each other in for an intimate embrace. As Lucie rests her head on Anna’s chest, Anna kisses the top of her head, and Lucie responds by tenderly kissing Anna’s neck not once- mind you- but multiple times. After pulling out of the embrace, Lucie gives Anna a small yet tender smile, and Anna responds to this by cupping Lucie’s face and kissing her on the lips. At this point, Lucie pushes Anna away and asks, “What are you doing?”

I’ve seen many point to this as Lucie rejecting Anna romantically and therefore an indication that they’re not a couple, but I disagree with this analysis. When Lucie pushes Anna away, she notably does so very gently and her tone when she asks “What are you doing?” was extremely calm. This indicated to me that it wasn’t Anna’s affection that took Lucie off-guard, but the timing of it. I would think that if it was a wholesale rejection of Anna’s romantic love, Lucie would’ve pushed her away more quickly/roughly and used a harsh tone.

As for why Anna kissed Lucie in that moment, I believe seeing Lucie’s smile brought her a moment of normalcy during an otherwise horrific event- something she desparately needed as the shock wore off, and something only Lucie could offer. Lucie’s smile reminded Anna of the intimate moments where she’s seen Lucie smile at her like this, and as an effort to grab onto that sense of normalcy she does what she typically does in response to her smile- she kisses Lucie.

Lastly, and to me a scene that is just BEGGING to be picked apart, is when Anna calls her mother the morning after Lucie kills herself. We learn that Anna hasn’t spoken to her mother in over two years, and from the jump her mother is clearly frustrated with Anna. She asks Anna where she’s living and how she’s doing, and Anna simply replies by saying “I’m okay.” Her mother, dissatisfied with Anna’s non-response, asks “You’re still with her?”, referring to Lucie. She then claims that Anna is “under [Lucie’s] influence.” Anna quickly rushes in to deny her mother’s accusation, but her mother doesn’t take it and exclaims “Christ! You’re still with her- it’s the same thing.” Further frustrated by the revelation that Anna is still “with” Lucie, Anna’s mother goes on a rant about Lucie, calling her a “good-for nothing” and “a bitch, a pervert, [and] a loser.” She concludes her rant by telling Anna to “get away from [Lucie].”

Anna’s mother’s choice of language when she disparages Lucie is striking. Her choice to use the word “pervert” to describe Lucie stuck out to me in particular, as it’s not typically a word used by parents to admonish their child’s friends (although I suppose we could also say Lucie isn’t “typical”). From context clues, we know that Anna comes from a religious background- presumably Christian- and therefore her mother is probably religious. Many religions, Christianity being no exception, push the idea that any non-heterosexual person/act is inherently “perverted.” It’s highly possible that part of Anna’s mother’s disdain towards Lucie and her frustration with Anna is rooted in these homophobic values and her attribution of “perversion” to Anna and Lucie’s relationship.

This can also explain why Anna hasn’t contacted her mother in over two years. Anna is used to her mother prying into her relationship with Lucie every time they talk and she’s tired of her mother’s judgment. Anna’s mother repeatedly pries because she desperately wants Anna to tell her that she’s finally rid herself of Lucie (and consequently of her “perversion”) and she’s exasperated because every time they call she learns that they’re still together and Anna has no intention of leaving Lucie.

I also want to call back to how, after initially learning they’re still together, Anna’s mother says “it’s the same thing” and her assertion that Anna is “under [Lucie’s] influence.” I interpret the use of “it” by Anna’s mother to refer to homosexuality (because the “it” is implied to be part of the reason they haven’t spoken in two years), and Lucie’s supposed “influence,” to Anna’s mother, Lucie is “influencing” her daughter to be gay and again “perverted.”

Another thing of note, after Anna’s mother asks why she’s calling her after two years, she asks if the reason for the call is to “make [her] feel guilty.” She follows this up by rhetorically asking “Think I don’t blame myself? Think my head’s not filled with all the crap I did?” It’s possible that Anna’s mother is referring to the act of leaving Anna in an orphanage, but for this to be the case, the timeline doesn’t add up. I believe this supposed “guilt” could instead refer to what transpired during their last phonecall and caused the two years of no-contact. If we assume that my explanation above regarding her mother’s prodding is correct, we can guess that the last call ended poorly because Anna refused to leave Lucie (therefore refusing to “stop being gay” in her mother’s eyes), and this led to their estrangement. When Anna’s mother refers to the “guilt” she feels, she may only be referring to feeling guilty for the harsh way she addressed Anna in the last call and not for the rationale behind her harshness. She feels guilty not for being homophobic, but for doing so in such a way that her daughter pushed her away.

This could also just be the familiar actions of an abusive person utilizing DARVO to make their victim feel like they’re the abuser. By making Anna feel like she’s at fault for making her mother spend the past two years feeling “guilty” and torturing herself with “all the crap [she] did,” her mother effectively turns the blame and offloads any feelings of guilt onto Anna.

Now, why did Anna call her mother for the first time in two years at this moment of crisis given their fraught past? One explanation is that Anna, knowing that there’s no longer any normalcy after Lucie’s death, thinks that now that the world has seemingly turned on its head, maybe- just maybe- her mother could provide a sense of comfort. Anna hopes that now that it’s been two years, now that her mother has had time to reflect, and now that nothing feels real anymore, she can confide in her mother about the fact that her lover killed herself and receive any amount of consolation. While illogical in any other moment, now that reality itself is illogical, Anna holds on to this speck of hope just to be slapped in the face with the fact that her mother hasn’t changed one bit. Another explanation is that Anna called her mother, knowing that she would behave in this manner, and believed that hearing her mother denigrate her relationship with Lucie as if she were still alive- while painful- could give her even an ounce of the normalcy that being with Lucie provided.