Better the Devil You Know, Than Your Pirate Soulmate : You've never believed in soulmates, until a certain red-haired pirate kidnaps you from your wedding, insisting you're his
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Cross Guild
The Obvious Solution: After years of loyal service to The Cross Guild as their assistant, you can't take it anymore. They treat you like dirt even when you do your job flawlessly. Unknown to you, The Cross Guild knows they need you. And they're not willing to let you go. The obvious solution? Why, marriage of course.
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Mihawk
Sugar Coated Steel: Welcome to Cake It to the Limit! Youâre the newest judge, known for your colorful bakes and charm, determined to prove yourself. Too bad Dracule Mihawk, Michelin-star menace, has already labeled your work âchildish.â As tensions rise on and off camera, will this rivalry crash and burn⌠or get a little too heated?
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The Baker and the Bat: In your sleepy little town, love is baked into every loaf. Your familyâs bakery has long been a place where soulmates are gently guided togetherâby day, a cozy cafĂŠ; by night, a sanctuary for otherworldly patrons. Among them is Mihawk, a quiet vampire who visits for simple bread and leaves without a word. But something about him lingers, and you begin to wonder if the magic in your shop is meant for you as well.
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Mihawk Arranged Marriage: When you had entered an arranged marriage of convenience with the infamous Dracule Mihawk, your dream of falling in love and marrying for love had been long since shattered. However, they had slowly started to build back up when Mihawk began to treat you gently. As you attempt to shove these feeling back down, as you know you'll be rejected. Your feelings cant possibly be returned, right?
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Drunk One Shot With Mihawk: You are drunk in the cold, at 4AM in the Waffle House parking lot and your husband, Mihawk, has come to rescue you
Mihawk x Librarian: This is just some headcannons of Mihawk falling in love with a Reader who is a librarian teehee
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Vampire Mihawk: You are Mihawk's drug. His revitalizing little love. More than a blood bag, he is completely and utterly in love with you as he describes the intoxicating sensation of drinking your blood.
Doflamingo
Love, Like Power, Is Not Freely Given: As one of the Marineâs most trusted diplomats, you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders, but what happens when someone offers to take care of you? Do you give in despite everything Doflamingo has done in the name of power or will you succumb to your burden? Doflamingo cannot force you to love him, but he might not have to
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Multiple Headcanons
How they spend Valentines With You
Nami x Vivi:
Darling, We're Made of the Same Stars: Nami struggles with being in love with a princess while being a thief. Vivi makes sure to quell these fears
Don Quixote "Corazon" Rosinante:
Lessons in Love: In the bustling halls of the daycare, you find it far easier to deal with children than adults. Enter Corazon with his child, Law. With both his intimidating stature, and overprotectiveness of his son, Corazon is a tough nut to crack. After a couple of accidents involving fire and a school play about pirates, your friendship begins to blossom into something more.
Sanji:
Sanji x Anxious Reader: When Sanji notices your anxiety towards food, he decides you need the comfort of a friend
Tales From the Gas Station
Jencer
What You Call Sacrifice, I Call Mine: In Jack's last ditch effort to save the people of his village, he offers his life to an ancient god of war and blood. Unfortunately, the translation of the ancient text was a bit off. They're married now.
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Batman/DC
Jason Todd
Reinforced by Hand: She said she liked guaranteed happy endings.
He said those donât exist in Gotham.Then he gave her his number anyway. One bookstore, one blindfold (get your head out of the gutter), and a confused Batman later, Jason realizes he might be in trouble. (OC x Canon)
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As If It Were Meant To Be: After a humiliating day at your dead-end charity job, the last thing you expect is a knock at your door telling you you're royalty. The second to last thing? Being told you're to be married to the infamous prince, Jason Todd. He's a problem, you're the last resort solution. Neither of you asked for this, but you might be the only ones who are able to understand each other.
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Bruce Wayne
The House Was Never Empty Until You Arrived: It was supposed to be an arrangement. A contractual solution for a problem, to stabilize the Wayne family. But somewhere between frequent visits, calling her "mom" within a week, and quiet comfort, the house starts to feel like a home. Bruce Wayne has handled crime lords, corruption, masterminds, and the worst Gotham has to offer. But he has no idea how to handle love.
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What The Camera Doesn't Catch: When Bruce Wayne agreed to be the bachelor on a reality dating show, he expected a lot of things; women fawning over him, beautiful sets, framing first dates, even fake love just for his money. What he didn't expect was you- his handler. You handle the behind-the-scenes effortlessly, through the director's strict vision, bachelorette's whiny complaints, and his children's uncontainable energy, you guide everything perfectly The only thing you can't handle, is his newfound attention
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Jason Todd is for the ones who never got to experience teen love.
the ones who never got a gift âjust becauseâ, never went to parties, never got promposed to, never even skipped class because you were always the good kid.
because he didnât get that either.
he never got football games, riding his motorcyle to school, or that messy teenage rebellion that you look back on and cringe.
none of that sweet, stupid, carefree stuff that everyone takes for granted
so you figure it out together.
he shows up to your first date nervous, trying not to act like he's not blushing so hard he's combusting, and you take his hand anyway, both of you pretending not to notice how sweaty your palms are as you try to subtly wipe them on your pants when you think he's not looking
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I lied, I was the one being cooked not the w.i.p. đ
Anw
Bruce Wayne the prince of Gotham, could he be related to Batman, the dark night of Gotham?
Other versions cause I can't decide which I like:
Anyway to me he's palest pale man with a bit of freckles and easily reddened face and lips, and lotss of beauty marks and hooked nose and long lashes and thick bat brows and fluffy lush jet black hairâ
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itâs that love they talk about on a sunday afternoon.
adoration practically leaks from jason toddâs pores, shining like rays of light on your skin, rejuvenating at every turn.
the kind of love that makes your heart feel warm and fluttery and it just radiates off of him easily. knowing what temperature you liked the house to be at or how you always toss your balled up socks in one corner of the room than the other.
jason is not the type to hide that he loves you and will remind you constantly.
heâs not passive about it and keeps it abundantly clear that the two of you are written in the stars for him. heâs like the embodiment of devotion because itâs fundamentally rooted in him to communicate and try to understand you more daily. he doesnât assume anything, but he learns more and more.
heâs also the type of man to bring you flowers just because. at first it really is sweet. he brings them over on every date. then every time he makes an excuse to see you, heâs got flowers tucked away somewhere on his person even when you told him he didnât have to bring it on every outing.
sometimes itâs just flowers he picks up on his way to get you, intricately picked and tied with a stem, like he really took his time choosing them. other times, itâs when he picks you up from work with a massive bouquet of snapdragons cause you said you liked them once. heâll wait outside patiently, one hand in his pocket and the other gripping the flowers, biting the inside of cheek until you come outside.
itâs always to see the smile on your face and the hint of surprise even when you knew it was coming.
he lives for that look.
when you call him drunk for the first time, having a friend phone him for you at a party you didnât even want to go to, even then he brought a dozen roses. arriving to pick you up in under five minutes with a thin layer of sweat over his brow. he even apologized while he held your hair back when you threw up and continued while you drifted off asleep after he tucked you in.
ââseriously though, i wouldâve brought a bigger bouquet but the store was closing and it was all they had so i just put the good flowers from the remaining together andââ
when you woke up in the morning with the flowers in a mason jar because all of the other vases you had were currently being used, you tried to tell him they were getting to be too much. the man claimed thatâs nonsense and that thereâs no such thing while continuing to softly sing whatever he was playing while cooking breakfast for when you woke.
then, he danced with you in the kitchen to distract you from protesting. but when he spun you and you groaned all groggy and hungover, he kept you close to his chest instead, humming the soothing tune. rocking the two of you back and forth in your dingy kitchen, shifting from either leg until you melted right into him. cheek pressed to his hard chest.
the music plays softly from the kitchen and he coos by your ear while he steadily dances you over to the couch with him, lyrics pouring from his love stricken lips.
âshe looks just like an angel.â tucking your head into the crook of his neck while you bask in his warmth. still humming the same tune as he softly sings, ââwhen she walks across the room.â
itâs so easy to fall into him when heâs like this.
later in the week he thrifts you a dozen more vases that went with the decor of your house along with a couple extra trinkets he thought youâd like.
he keeps a photo of you from that morning in his wallet, tucked in his arms and mouth parted in sleep. heâs smiling with his head tilted just barely in the frame, though the focus is on you resting on his chest. next to it is a kiss you left when he pulled out his wallet to show you. lipstick mark staining his cheek in the photo.
he actually got it laminated so your kiss never fades away.
when he slowly moves his life into your home from all the late nights he stays over, he insists on paying the rent and utilities just because he can. your name is on the lease but he doesnât give a shit because he meant what he said when he told you whatâs mine is yours.
he starts buying mundane things in pairs too because, âi couldnât just buy one, they come in pairs, you canât just split them up.â
heâs made any excuse to buy you things that remind him of you, and that meant a lot since he turned out to be more sentimental than you thought. jason would buy you pastries and chocolate with the cheesiest line like i thought of you because itâs sweet like you.
thatâs how you knew i love you came in many forms with him.
at first he struggled with saying it so instead you see it in his actions. though the man is sentimental and the first time he says it and you repeat it right back, the hearts in his eyes expand and he slots your hand into his. jason never struggles to remind you after that time. the love that he drowns you in is the only kind youâd want to receive, and thatâs just the kind of man he is. and jason todd is that type of man to do acts of service for you solely because he is capable without ever being told to.
you hate washing the dishes? thatâs okay with him! jason has no problem wiping them down and scrubbing them clean.
âyou know the saying, if life is a loop full of dirty dishes and laundry, all that means is itâs a lifetime full of home cooked food and clean clothes.â humming gruffly while he scrubs, turning his head back to find you still staring like youâd fallen for him all over again and grin, âor something like that ma.â
and physical contact? heâs like velcro to your skin.
while you cook, his head is tucked between your neck and your shoulder while heâs pressed against your back. occasionally touching your hand and stirring for you.
even after having a long night and getting in after you, heâll wake up with you for work and watch you get ready for the day. heâs leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed and his hair disheveled. watching you with eager eyes as you do your skincare or dress yourself. it didnât make you feel embarrassed because it wasnât exactly lustful. it felt like he was burning the memory and ingraining you as the sole purpose of everything good in his life because thatâs exactly what heâd tell you that you are.
or you could be sitting on the couch and watching television when jason decides itâs time to strike. just moments after coming home, he plops his full weight ontop of you and groans. you make a sound that resembled a cushion losing air but he just settles a leg between yours to take some weight off of you. he pulls your shirt up just enough for him to slot his head underneath and steal some of your warmth from your skin.
you complained that heâs gotta at least wash his face. told him heâs stretching the collar of your shirt out with his head when his hair pokes out to touch your chin. but slowly, you press a kiss against his lips, watching him deepen it before it gets sloppy and he starts to trail his way back down your neck. lower and lower before disappearing beneath the fabric. he groans cause youâve got no bra on. when he rubs his face between your breasts and nuzzles until heâs comfortable, you gasp softly. the stubble on his chin rubbing against the sensitive skin, side to side until he stops to take a bite of the plush flesh.
you laugh when he settles. âdid you just motorboat me?â
jason blows against your skin while he huffs and does it again to get you to squeal and shove him away just for him to grip onto you tighter.
âcanât a man just appreciate a work of art?â
a/n: idrk what this is but i love jason and heâs the cheesiest, loverboy to ever exist idc
Summary: After a humiliating day at your dead-end charity job, the last thing you expect is a knock at your door telling you you're royalty
The second to last thing?
Being told you're to be married to the infamous prince, Jason Todd.
He's a problem, you're the last resort solution
Neither of you asked for this, but you might be the only ones who are able to understand each other.
Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Gotham there lives a very lonely person. They had no idea who they were or what they wanted to be, but their heart was longing for something grand to sweep them off their feet.
In another part of the kingdom, there lives an equally lonely man. Forever plagued with duty, scars, and rumors of the worst variety.
They looked at the same stars, wishing for purpose.
The stars winked back.
Charity work was supposed to be big, important, humbling.
At least, the numbers on your computer screen certainly seem to say so.
You sighed and rubbed your neck and tried to stretch away the ache in your back.
The cursor flashed mockingly beside the title "Gotham Pet Foundation: Adopt Your Fur-Baby Today!" based in it's gray building in crates. Your boss loved the title and idea, so you grinned and bore it. You try to stay in your lane.
You had so many ideas floating through your head though: A grand park venue with smiling faces and dogs jumping for joy in their open pens, tents set up for all the necessities from beds to special kibble, specialized toys for every dog.
"-even listening?" a teasing voice snaps you back to reality.
Your stomach does a summersault as you snap back to reality, only to come face to face with your favorite co-worker leaning against your cubicle.
"yeah, yeah, totally" you say, your face heating up as you straighten your back. "but it never hurts to repeat it?"
He huffs out a laugh and holds up one of your posters and your smile becomes strained. It's been massacred. Bold scratched out lines and notes for every paragraph. Your baby, your pride and joy project
"I made a few changes" he beams at you "you don't mind, right?"
"Yeah-no problem" you force out
"Awesome, the boss already approved. Lucky you had me to save you from being embarrassed" he taps a rhythm against your cubicle and leaves
You sigh and lean back in your chair, it squeaks loudly in protest.
At the end of the day, you go to collect your things from the break room when you hear your favorite coworker and another coworker talking, you peek around the corner.
"Dude, it's so embarrassing, they're, like, all over you" he scoffs "would you even give them a chance? Great charity work"
"The little receptionist pretending to be a designer?" Your heart drops, they're talking about you.
"They're like a dog. Easy to entertain, a little cute, and it's fun to watch them chase their tail. You'd never date a dog though" they both laugh
You can barely make it to the elevator, tears cloud your vision and your heart beats so fast you swear it's about to leap out of your chest if you'd let it.
When you get home, you collapse on your bed, your voice hoarse with sobs and face wet with tears
You call in sick the next day. Indulging in your sadness like a fine wine as you eat ice cream from the carton in your pajamas. Your hairs a mess, your eyes are residually puffy, and your throat is sore.
Maybe this was for the best, you think. When one door closes, another opens
As you scrape the last bits from the carton, you hear a knock on your door. Probably the next door neighbor. Or not. At this point you don't really care who sees you.
You open the door with tired eyes and a spoon halfway in your mouth when your eyes widen at who you see.
A very well dress man stands at attention in front of your door, puffing his chest out like a proud penguin.
"Your Grace" he proclaims "finally we meet. I have come to collect you for your duties."
You scoff out a laugh. "Sorry man, you must have the wrong person, no royalty here"
He looks at the number on your door, then back at the papers in his hand. "No, I'm quite sure I'm correct-"
The syllables that came out of his mouth were achingly familiar, an arrangement of sounds that you'd heard every day of your life. That was definitely your name.
You pause, that is your name. You glance at the door, mentally calculating how fast you could shut it and call the police
He sense your hesitation and hurries "I know this is quite a lot to take in, but as of today you have been reestablished as royalty and must report to the Gotham palace as soon as possible"
You squint your eyes "Why should I believe you? Is this some sort of cruel joke"
"No joke, I assure you. Here is a copy of your birth certificate- notice the royal seal. There was no need to call you into office until as of late, you are now needed"
You look at the document, every fact is correct.
"Also," he adds "His Majesty, King Bruce Wayne is expecting you posthaste"
"I'm royalty..." You exclaim. "Shut up!"
His eyes widen in surprise.
Your thoughts go a million miles a minute. I mean of course it was always your wish as a child to be royalty, but that was every kids wish wasn't it? The elegant attire, the grand balls, the positive change you could make in a position of power.
"So this is, like, for real" you hesitantly ask.
"Yes" he confirms
"And I'm supposed to live in a palace and follow royal etiquette, yes?"
"Yes" he confirms again.
"Why me?" You ask, "Why now?"
"There was no need for you. You were not...required until now" the man chooses his words carefully
The words sit heavy in your chest- "not required". You put on what you think is a brave smile.
"Well then, what do I do with this information?"
"While a part of a smaller royal family, your presence is required at the palace of King Bruce Wayne"
He looks you up and down
"You're needed as soon as possible, but I do suggest you get changed"
Driving to the palace, it's like you see the world in a whole new light. Everything bad that has happened in your life has come to this moment to make up for it.
You pass main street, storefronts you've been in a hundred times blur past like a distant memory. The taste of fresh baked goods still in the air.
The wind whips your hair as you roll the window down, breathing in the fresh air as you get close to the palace. The air feels fresher, cleaner, like the world is finally letting out a deep breath alongside you
Maybe this is what a new beginning feels like
When the driver pulls up to the palace, you see a tall shadow in one of the windows, sending a cold chill down your spine. You blink and it's gone
Your attention is quickly brought back to a group standing at the bottom of the grand staircase
One of the men has his hands behind his back, standing at attention- you recognize this as Alfred, the family's head butler. The taller man next to him, his eyes look tired but his demeanor is dark and looming, King Bruce Wayne. The youngest man next to them waves enthusiastically, the eldest prince, Prince Richard
The driver gets out and while you're gathering your things, opens the door for you and holds out their hand, which you gratefully take.
You somehow avoid embarrassing yourself by narrowly avoiding the doorframe with your head.
"Welcome Miss," Alfred says, nodding.
"It's a pleasure to have you here" King Bruce says politely, his hands together in front of him
"Welcome!" Prince Richard smiles and walks forward to greet you
You smile back and reach out your hand for a handshake then abruptly yank it back.
"Oh! Sorry, am I supposed to bow or something?"
Prince Richard laughs. "You're about to be family, no need for that, and it's Dick" he says as he brings you in for a hug.
You stiffen in shock for a second before squeezing him back.
Wait
Your eyebrows pinch in confusion "About to be family? I thought I was a part of a different royal family, not this one"
Prince Rich- Dick's face falls, "Oh, they didn't tell you did they?"
"Why don't we go inside and I can explain the situation" King Bruce says.
"oh, the situation, that sounds serious" you laugh nervously as you're ushered inside.
You turn back to grab your bags but you see Alfred waving down some staff for them to bring them inside.
As soon as you sit down, King Bruce faces you.
"We deemed it necessary to inform you of your heritage and bring you in, because you are to marry one of my sons" he explains
You glance out of the corner of your eye at Dick
"Oh! It's not me, it's my younger brother Jason"
Jason Peter Todd Wayne
You've heard the stories in half whispered rumors and front page on crappy tabloid magazine.
Disturbances, fights- a prince with a reputation
You just got your heart broken at your shitty office job one day and now you were to be married to a prince the next.
My, how life has a cruel sense of humor.
"As you may have heard, Jason has a...particularly free spirit" he words carefully, "We figured marriage would force him to gain a sense of responsibility"
"So, instead of trying to help him, you push him into marriage?" the words leave your mouth before you have the chance to think
Dick laughs as King Bruce's eyes widen in surprise
"We've run out of options" he explains "This is also a chance for you to integrate into a royal family, I figured the newly found princess would be excited"
"Well, I mean yeah it's exciting, I just need a chance to digest everything" you sigh and lean back on the couch
King Bruce nods, "Our staff has taken your things to your room, we'll leave you to process" he stands up to leave
"Welcome home!" Dick says as he leaves
You sigh and slouch further into the couch, digging the heel of your hands into your eyes and groaning
This isn't you
This feels too big, too important.
When you longed to be a pat of something grand this isn't quite what you expected, but you didn't expect it to be so...dizzying.
"Sorry I wasn't a part of the welcome committee" a voice comes from near the wall. Your arms drop as you see him. Prince Jason.
Up close, he doesn't look like the rumors.
His gaze pins you in place, not unkind just assessing.
He crosses his arms and leans against the wall, like he's been there watching the whole time "They throw a lot at you?"
You scoff, "Yeah, I found out I was royalty," You glance at the time on your phone, "About four hours ago and now I'm engaged"
Something in his expression shifts
"Yeah, that tracks" he sighs
"Look, for what it's worth" he pauses like he's never had to say something like this before, "you...didn't deserve to get dragged into my mess"
Your chest tightens
"It sounds like you don't deserve it either" you respond softly
His mouth twitches, almost a smile, "Guess we got something in common then"
For the first time in a while, you don't feel so alone
The second voted on option in the poll as promised!!! This got away from me lol
i have this random thing that jason doesnât baby talk you but he sometimes starts talking in like âposhâ or rich people or like medieval(?)english to entertain you?
âDo not fret my dear, your loyal knight is coming to your rescueâ??????
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aka jason wildly preferring you over everyone else
4 in 1 blurbs
warnings: standard batfam arguing etc.
You sit curled up embarrassingly close to Jason on the couch, head on his shoulder. The team is still in their gear as they filter into the living room, masks and helmets discarded in scattered locations between here and the cave. The mission had been fairly simple and with all of them together it only took a couple hours to finish up.
As you waited, Alfred had kept your mind busy in the kitchen while he taught you how he makes his famous ice cream from scratch.
The clamor of the heroic partyâs return had made itself known sooner than later, and you think your face must have displayed your emotions nicely because Alfred nodded you away with a small smile and no second thought.
Youâd walked into the living room, weaving through the mess of siblings until a hand snuck out on your left and grabbed your wrist. You barely had time to look at him before Jason pulled you down to sit next him on the sofa. He wrapped an arm over your shoulder, pulling you in and leaving virtually no space between you. His armor sits heavy against you, but a welcome weight on your shoulders.
Tim plops down on the couch across from you and you can just make out a bit of blood on the side of his head, aptly accompanied by an irritated look sprawled across his face. Itâs not enough blood to be concerned aboutânot for themâbut you can venture a guess that whatever they were up to shouldnât have called for any injuries and his pique is likely directly related to that.
Though Dickâs goading aura might have something to do with it too, as he comes crashing down next to him a second later, partially sitting on Timâs cape and pulling him into an awkward angle.Â
Nightwing doesnât seem too perturbed by the younger vigilanteâs agitation and curt manner of pushing him off.
The others are too caught up in chatter to pay much attention to you, and you can be certain thatâs why Jason takes that moment to press a kiss to the side of your head. He lets his lips linger there for just a second as you lean into him.
Alfredâs own entrance is the only thing able to subside the flurry of conversations skirting around the room.
âA job well done,â he commends with a nod. âA selection of ice creams awaits you in the kitchen.â
He gives you a sly wink before retreating back through the swinging door, leaving Stephanie and Cass to practically trip over themselves trying to beat each other to the kitchen. Robin follows after unhurried, mask still on, with his hands behind his back.
Jason kneads your thigh before pushing himself up to stand. He turns back, looking down to you. âWhat do you want?â he asks softly.
You hum, "Just strawberry's good."
Tim sits up, "Can Iââ
"No, you've got legs,â Jason grumbles, stalking off to the kitchen.
Dick barks out a laugh and you bite back a smile.
Tim looks absolutely aghast.Â
âThatâs such bullshit. You know, he used to be nice.â
âNo he didnât,â Dick laughs, shaking his head. âNot since youâve known him.â
Stephanie stumbles out of the kitchen then, the door hitting her back on the way, as she mutters a curse behind her. You can vaguely makeout Jason grunting something back before she rolls her eyes.
Steph looks at you, shaking her head as she returns to her seat, âYou live like this?â
You shrug, âHeâs nice to me.â
âYeah, I bet,â Tim grumbles.
Jason returns after Cass a minute later with a bowl of strawberry ice cream and two spoons. He expertly ignores Timâs unwavering glare as he resituates himself beside you.
He scoops your legs up over his lap and positions the bowl in between you, wrapping the sleeve of his jacket around it so that the cold porcelain doesnât make contact with your skin.
The others have set themselves up so that the four of them are stuffed up against each other on the sofa adjacent to you, very obviously examining you both.Â
And while youâre willing to acknowledge the amused stares and singular glare, Jason only sighs heavily, rolling his eyes as he glares at the coffee table.
Only a few seconds of this are allowed to go by before he pulls over a throw pillow and sets it over your knees, so that it rests atop your heads like a mini-fort, successfully blocking out his siblings' view of the two of you.
You smile and press a light kiss to his shoulder as he simmers.
Regrettably, you miss the way Damian side-eyes the pillow above you as he re-enters the room, perching himself atop the back of the couch behind the others.
âThis is so nice,â Dick preens. âHe used to just leave the room when too many of us gathered in one place. Now he has to stay.â
Stephanie watches the makeshift fort with wary eyes, scooping ice cream into her mouth. âYeahâŚI donât wanna freak you guys out but, uhâŚâ
Itâs quiet for a moment and you guess Cass is speaking.Â
Youâre proven right when Stephanie starts up again, âMy thoughts exactly.â Her voice drops into a raspy whisper that isnât really meant to go unheard, âI donât know who the hell that is, but it is not Jason.âÂ
âThis is unprecedented,â Damian mumbles, dipping into his own chocolate cup.
âDo they always talk about you like youâre not here?â you ask Jason quietly.Â
âYes,â he grumbles with a scornful look directed at the bowl.
A low hiss can be heard immediately after, âIâve never heard him whisper before, what the fuck?â
You canât hide your laugh as well as you mean to, but you know Jasonâs light swat to your thigh is nothing more than a rib.
Mumbles continue along the other couch, mostly going unacknowledged, until Tim busts out, âHe doesnât even like strawberry!â
Jason snaps the pillow out of the way, âThe fuck do you know about what I like?â
Tim resets his posture with one hell of an attitude, snarking, âWell I can name one thing you really seem to fuckingââ
Jason grabs the pillow harshly and chucks it at Tims head which connects with a loud thwack.
Damian swats it away before it can knock him off balance, though his scowl is only half worth what Timâs is.Â
âYouâre unbelievable,â he says with a sneer. âThis is why you donât get invited to movie night anymore.â
Jason doubles back at him, âSorry, is this not your own fucking house?â
Tim huffs, âYes, which iââ
âThen get your own goddamn ice cream!â
Tim huffs as he stands, sending Jason a pointed look. âIâm going because I want to.â
Jason barely gives him a sardonic nod as he stomps off.
âGet me some too!â Dick calls back, only for the back of his head to be met with a sideways grimace from Tim.
As he leaves, the focus of the room seems to shift towards Damian dripping chocolate onto his cape and it fades away from there.
You turn to Jason, lowering your voice to just below a whisper, âIf you donât like strawberryââ
âI like it,â he tells you, leaving no room to argue as he takes a bite.
Voicemail.Â
Voicemail.
Voicemail.Â
Voicemail.
Declined.
Voicemail.
Declined.
Declined.Â
âI swear to God, he better be dead,â Stephanie mutters to herself.
She shuts her phone off and tosses it into the passenger seat with a huff. Her fingers drum against the steering wheel as she scans the sidewalk across from her car.
The night before the majority of the team had been involved in a less-than-successful plan, which some have called âa display of complete idiocy and inability to circumspect.â
Then Tim had to go and make a joke about that word choice in what was apparently a bad moment. This gave way to a harsher punishment of the team being forced to clean the batcave foot by square footânotably, an impossible task.
So naturally, they had to retaliate.
The plan was to dismantle the batmobile piece by piece and leave it a collection of parts for Bruce to find. Problem being, the group as it stood didnât possess the capability to do so without doing a great deal of damage to the parts. Damage, that the family was not willing to face extra retribution for.
Fortunately, they knew just the man for the job.Â
Unfortunately, said man has devoted his life to ignoring their messages, favoring to live peacefully and distantly from them. And because that peace and distance does come with an add-on of borderline complete secrecy from his family, no one had any idea where to look for him.
So, Stephanie decided to do the next most rational thing and track down your location. Sheâd hoped he would be with you like he always is, but for seemingly the first time in the last yearâheâs nowhere to be found.
Now, was revenge for a minor-slight by Bruce so important that it required Stephanie to take all of these steps to get a hold of Jason? No, absolutely not. Sheâs pretty sure that the others have already given up on it by now and started cleaning. But itâs about the principal. And also, she does not want to clean the floors of a cave.
She jumps up in her seat when she spots you exiting a store, scurrying to unbuckle and pry the car door open.
Sheâs across the street in half a second, running directly into your line of sight. It actually wouldâve been very difficult for her to miss your line of sight, considering sheâd landed only a good six inches in front of your face. âHey!â  Â
âOh, fuckââ you jump, grabbing your chest. You take a breath when you realize who it is, less surprised now by the theatrics of the introduction. âHey Steph.â
âHey,â she smiles casually, like she didnât do what she just did. âSo Jasonâs been ignoring us and I need to get a hold of him,â she tells you.
You nod, still collecting yourself. âOh. I donât know where he isââ
She shakes her head, âThatâs fine. Can I use your phone to call him?â
You frown, âIs something wrong?â
âWith him, yeah,â she snarks. âI called him, Tim called him, Dick called him, Cass called him, Damian called him, we used Bruceâs phone to call himâthat was a bit of a long shot, but still. This is our last option. Well, not our last option, if this doesnât work I could get really invasive, butââ She shakes the thought from her head, âNevermind.â
You nod blankly, taking in the mountain of information sheâd just handed you. âHowâd you know I was here?â
She scans your eyes back and forth for a second before her own widen in realization and sheâs shaking her head. âNo, no, donât worry weâre not tracking you! I just hacked into the traffic cameras to find you.â
âOh!â you exclaim, nodding some more. âOkay.â
You hand her your phone without any further questionsâfor your own sakeâand she happily accepts.Â
âYou know I texted him 115 times?â she tells you as she scrolls through your contacts.
You furrow your eyebrows, watching her click his name and press the phone to her ear. âDid you count?â
âWell, I had the time, diâyou son of a bitch! One ring?â Stephanie scorns into the phone.
You can hear Jason groan on the other end of the line.Â
He says something to Stephanie that she follows up with a firm shake of her head.
âNo,â she says defiantly. âShe let me use it.â
Stephanie rolls her eyes, not pleased with his response. âWhat if it was an emergency?â
She listens for a second, skeptical look on her face.
She gasps suddenly, âI am not overstepping, we thought you were dead!â
Over the course of about ten seconds the shock on her face drops into just-been-caught guilt. âWell, I mean we considered it.â
You imagine Jasonâs telling her to give you your phone back as she stands her ground, pushing, âIf you promise to text me back.â
A short response on his end.
âPromise to text me back!â
Thereâs a brief lull before sheâs giving a self-satisfied nod and jostling your phone back into your hands. âHere ya go. Thanks, babe!â She smiles wide at you before jogging back across the street, not waiting for the cars.
You smile as you watch her go, putting the phone up to your ear, âHey Jay.â
You can hear the relief on the other end of the line. âHey sweetheart. You know if you see Steph in public, you can just walk away?â
âIâm not going to walk away from your family.â You look again across the street, âAlso I donât think that was an option for me this time.â
Tim eyes the way Salem traipses around his feet, yellow eyes staring up at him. âWhyâs it even here?â
Jason rolls his eyes, continuing to scroll on his phone. âHeâs hers. Deal with it.â
Tim scrunches up his mouth. âShe knows I hate it. And she, unlike you, wouldnât subject me to this just for the hell of it. So again I ask: why is it here?â
Jason huffs, looking up from his phone. âWhat do you want me to say? He wants to be.â
Tim scoffs at that, ââIt wants to beâ? Youâre the one who put it in the car.â
âNo, I didnât,â Jason says factually.
Tim looks at him sideways as Salem leaps onto Jasonâs lap and nudges his hand up. Jason follows along as requested, petting the top of Salemâs head with an open palm.Â
Tim squirms to the other side of the couch with a look of disgust on his face. Salem watches him the whole time. Â
A smile adorns Cassâ face as she signs, âShe says he can read peopleâs energy.â
Tim huffs, resting his head against his fist. âWhat does that even mean?â
The conversation is cut off by the clatter of you and Dick stumbling into the room, carrying a freshly painted headboard. Blue paint coats both of your hands and has no doubt stained your clothes.
Youâre clearly struggling a bit to keep your grip on your end, the weight of the wooden frame dragging your arms down.
Jason stands and Salem flows along with his movements easily, leaping down onto the hardwood. He comes over and helps you lift your end of the frame with a stupid amount of ease, to the point that youâre not even holding any of the weight up anymore. The three of youâless so youâmove the headboard and lean it up against the wall. After it's set down Jason steps back and looks over it gingerly.
âIt looks good,â he murmurs to you, quiet enough to not give his brother the satisfaction of his approval.
Dick had asked you over to help him paint Damianâs bed frame as a surprise for him for not getting in any âaltercationsâ at school this semester. Youâd decided on coating it with his favorite color first and then fill it in with a collection of what Dick has âon good authorityâ are his favorite animals. Itâs a fairly random assortment that youâre not sure adds to or disproves Dickâs credibility. Youâd spent the better half of the afternoon googling animals youâd never heard of just to make sure you projected their likenesses accurately. Dick had been very clear that you had to be precise on the details because Damian would know if he was really looking at a komodo dragon painting or if it was âsome common lizard.â
You sigh, âI hope he likes it. Iâm worried we did it too childish for him.â
âHe is a child,â Jason says plainly.
âBut he is not childish,â you counter. And he sure isnât. Youâd had a hard enough time convincing Damian to watch cartoons, adding a colorful animal mural to his bedroom might be one step too far. Youâre still trying to figure him out.
âHeâll like it,â he says firmly.
You smile, slipping around under his arm and tucking yourself into his side.
Not a moment later, Dick slings an arm around Jason's shoulder, grinning as he pulls his brother in close.
Jasonâs immediately louring. "No, get away from me."
Dick, unfazed and still smiling, removes his arm and takes a big step to the right. You do the same, figuring he needs his space, but you get caught by the wrist before you can do more than sway to the side.Â
âNot you.âÂ
He pulls you back under his arm, wrapping it around the front of your shoulders. You hook your fingers around his forearm, letting your hand hang.
You hear a double-clap from the other side of the room that has you both turning around to face Cass.Â
She signs something to Jason with a fond smile on her face.Â
You look back and forth between them as Jason waves her off. âWhat?â
He shakes his head, âItâs nothing. She saidâshe said weâre cute.â
You smile up at him and he deflectsânot so subtlyâand starts nudging you back towards where the group is gathered, now all standing.Â
Dickâs quick to start bragging off to the room about how great of a job the two of you did and how really complex and daunting it actually is painting animals for a child.
As he talks, your eyes find Jason, whoâs definitely about to roll his eyes any second now. A bit subconsciously, your hand comes up to brush Jasonâs white streak of hair back, away from tickling his forehead.Â
On the other side of Jason, Tim does the same, sweeping Jasonâs hair back in a much more mocking manner.Â
This gives way to Jason smacking his hand away, harder than he needed to.
"WhaâYou let her do it!" Tim protests, overplaying how much the slap hurt.
Jason scowls, "She can do whatever she wants."
Tim drops his shoulders, looking at Jason as if heâd been scandalized. âOh but I canât?â
âNot if it involves touching me,â Jason grumbles.
Tim steps closer, putting a finger to Jasonâs chest. âYouâre such aââ
From the floor, Salem hisses up at Tim, successfully startling the teenager. âAuahhââ
He stumbles backwards, grimacing at the cat.Â
âFucking demon,â he hisses, walking away.
When Timâs far enough away and Salemâs seemingly satisfied, he brushes up against your leg, purring.Â
You peer down at him with a furrowed brow.Â
âWhatâs Salem doing here?â
âIâm not doing this shit with you.â
âNo, come on, 9 out of 10 times is what you said. How âbout just once? Beat me one time at anything, Jaybird.â
âAnything?â Jason asks like he knows damn well Dick canât swear on that word.
Rightly so, Dick backtracks. âSomething agreed upon.â
Jason throws his hands up, partially in exasperation, partially relenting.
Dick smoothly turns his back to him, announcing, âOpening up the room for ideas.â
Damianâs eye roll is almost audible from the corner armchair, where his attention is unmoved from intently sharpening a blade heâd recently come into possession of.
Bruce similarly remains unbothered in his seat, trying to read despite the distractions.Â
âOoh, okay. Okay.â Stephanie wiggles up a little on the couch. âYou could race!â
Dick shakes his head negatively, âI literally just busted my knee up two days ago, Steph.â
âConvenient,â Jason mumbles.
âYou were there!â Dick exclaims with an open mouth.
Steph continues, âUmâŚâ
Cass waves to the room from her position upside down on the couch, head hanging down next to Stephanieâs legs. Attention successfully acquired, she signs, âStaring contest.â
Jason grimaces, âThat sounds like a nightmare.â
Dick gives him a faux-smile.
âYou should play chicken,â Damian chimes in, holding up his knife.
âNo,â Bruce drones monotonously as he flips a page.Â
âTic tac toe?â Steph suggests.
Cass is already shaking her head as she scrunches up her mouth in thought. Â
Jason rolls his eyes, âWhat are we, five?â
Dick nods, cracking his knuckles as he thinks. âNo, we need something that really proves our worth.â
Bruce looks up from his book, staring numbly through his brow, but remains silent.
âYou could arm wrestle,â Steph suggests.
The elder brother twitches at that, âUh, no.â
Cass moves past that before a joke has the chance to be made. âHandstand contest?â she suggests.
Jason shrugs, âYeah, sure.â
The elder brother looks at him incredulously. âYouâll do a handstand contest with me?â
âThatâs what I just said.â
Dick scoffs, âJaybird, Iâm an acrobat, youâre just some guy.â
Jason, not giving him the courtesy of eye contact, pulls his sweatshirt off from his back. âWell, youâre a lot of things, arenât you?â
Dick throws his head back with a squint.
Jason fishes his phone out of his pocket and Dick follows suit, offended stare maintaining all the while.Â
No exchange is required as they both toss their phones across the room, landing together with a rough clatter on Damianâs lap. Damianâs resulting glare is borderline disgusted.
Dick starts them off, âAlright, go. OneâŚtwoâŚâ
Both men push up onto their hands, muscles flexing as they find their balance. Dickâs form is better, of course, but Jason looks to have a stronger foundation.  Â
They both hold strong as several minutes go by with the brothers only maintaining the attention of some of the room, and the interest of none of it.
Stephanie huffs and tilts her head, thoroughly unentertained with the consistency theyâre both managing.Â
âStarting to wish theyâd picked something that moved along a little faster,â she murmurs to Cass.
Dick glances over at the younger brother, clearly displeased with his lack of trouble keeping up with him. He shuffles closer one hand at a time, using the decreased distance to poke at Jason with his foot, trying to knock him over.
Jason kicks him back harder, âHey! Donât be a dickââ
âVery funny,â Dick leers.
They both end up finding a struggle to keep balance and are forced to mind their own. Â
A chime rings out from the corner that has heads turning briefly in his direction before coming back to the competition.Â
âWhose was that?â Dick calls out.
Damian leans over and inspects the screens with disinterest. âToddâs.â
Jason adjusts his position, âWho is it?â
Damian responds with your name.Â
âAnd?â
He picks up the phone shrugging like he couldnât care less, âShe wants to know if you want to go see some movie.â
Thereâs a brief silence before Jason drops out of the handstand, standing up.Â
Dickâs blood-flushed face peers up at him, bewildered. âWait, what?â
The family watches with wide eyes as Jason picks his sweatshirt up off the floor and tugs it back on.
Stephanie gawks, bordering on laughing. âAre you serious?â
âYeah,â he says simply.
Dick lets himself fall into a kneeling position with a huff, âYou would rather go to some movie you donât even know the name of than win a bet?â
Jason moues at him, âUh, yeah.â
He tosses a twenty at Dick, and plucks his phone from Damianâs hand as he strolls past him, typing out a reply.
Cass sits up a bit and signs up to Stephanie, âDoes he even like movies?âÂ
Bruce, now attention now fully removed from his book, watches Jason exit with the slightest hint of a smile. Dick sits dumbly on the floor, staring after him with an open-mouth.Â
Damian twists the knife in his hands around contemplatively before rising to stand.Â
âI will go,â he announces, dropping his blade onto the seat of the chair. Jason grumbles a no but Damian follows after him just the same.
you know what happened to the last guy that didnât reblog? ⌠đŞđ§¨đĽđľâ°ď¸đŞŚ
Summary:
When Bruce Wayne agreed to be the bachelor on a reality dating show, he expected a lot of things; women fawning over him, beautiful sets framing first dates, even fake love just for his money.
What he didn't expect was you- his handler.
You handle the behind-the-scenes effortlessly, through the director's strict vision, bachelorette's whiny complaints, and his children's uncontainable energy, you guide everything perfectly
The only thing you can't handle, is his newfound attention
The first rule of reality television is that nothing is allowed to look like itâs going wrong.
Even if everything is.
In front of the camera, Bruce Wayne is effortlessly charming, arm around the back of a bachelorette's chair, blinding smile and nodding to whatever she's saying like he's drinking in every word, nodding every couple of seconds to pretend he's interested.
If you weren't watching so close, you might believe it.
Off set, things are going a bit differently
Another bachelorette is whining about the lighting for her interview, the cameraman on camera two is trying to keep the camera steady despite having stood for hours with no break, and Damian, one of Bruce's kids, is complaining about the state of the set, the roses apparently not to his or anyone with taste's standards.
Which is why, if something's wrong- you fix it
"Camera three, cut in wide, camera two rotate out and take thirty. Take the bachelorette to the garden with natural lighting, and look for replacements for the roses"
"...the roses the six year old doesn't like"
"Pick and choose your battles" you say, not breaking stride, you catch Damian's eye and he nods once approvingly at you.
The highest praise you've gotten all day.
"Cut!" the director yells, Bruce stands up, smoothing back his hair, and offering a hand to the bachelorette. She's giddy, giggling as she take it and runs off to makeup.
Bruce heads towards you with his signature smile.
"So, how does it look?" he asks
"We'll have to cut some of your dialogue, you've reused a couple of your practiced lines, it looks unnatural"
His smile staggers
"...I don't practice lines" he starts hesitantly
You raise an eyebrow "You sure? The signature 'Bruce Wayne' charm works in small interviews, but you'll need to think of more for long term content" You say, writing a note down.
The corner of his mouth turns up a bit, "I didn't realize I was so predictable"
"That's reality TV" you smile and turn to walk away
"Oh, your kids are trying to unionize the craft service, you might want to wrangle them in" you say over your shoulder
As if on cue, a crash comes from the back of the set. You don't even have to look up to know who it is
Jason is running from a table laughing victoriously and holding a box of donuts meant for the crew above his head. The vegetable tray, sadly leaking ranch on the floor.
Bruce's eyes widen as he runs off to catch his eldest as you laugh under your breathe and call the newest intern over the mic to clean it up.
The next scene is supposed to be "family bonding".
Bruce's children laid out in the garden with blankets, low tables, pillows, enough flowers planted to suffocate someone with allergies, and snacks that look simple but cost more than a week worth of your groceries.
Bruce is off to the side, carefully monitoring and ready to step in if anything goes wrong.
It takes less than a minute.
A bachelorette named Heather tries to bond with Damian first.
"Aren't you the littlest thing" her voice gets higher a couple octaves as she reaches to pinch his cheek.
His face sours as he recoils away
Another woman names Sarah tries her luck on Tim.
She grabs a cupcake, offering it to him, unwrapped, "Here you go baby" she coos.
He looks at the cupcake, then at her.
"That's unsanitary" he frowns
The director is visibly reconsidering his life choices.
"Cut" you yell, despite not having the authority.
The kids all sigh and go to spread out.
"Hey, rugrats, over here" you call over to them.
They look at each other confused but go to you anyway
You crouch down to the, "Hey," you start softly "I know this is uncomfortable and I'm not asking you to do anything you don't want to but I am going to need a favor"
Jason narrows his eyes "What kind of favor"
"Well, my job is very important but it has a lot of moving parts. I need a couple of helpers to do some tasks"
Dicks eye's brighten "Important tasks?" he asks hopefully
"Very important" You nod
"Jason, craft services needs someone to get more donuts from the office, no one knows how much though, some could go missing and no one would be any the wiser" you sideye him and his eyes darken in mischief.
"Dick, I need someone to charm the director, make him laugh and calm down, think you can do that?" he smiles and nods.
"Tim, we need someone to do inventory on our fancy tablets, our intern messed it up but you look like you can handle it" he nods, very seriously
"Damian, I need your keen eye, you've pointed out flaws I didn't know were there" He smirks
"But, the most important task you need to do first is to help the ladies look good, you're completely in charge of what we're doing, they just follow. All you need to do in smile, got it?"
They all nod and smile as they head back to set, the ladies smiling nervously at their sudden eagerness
Across the law, Bruce is watching
Not the set
Not the ladies
You
He watches as his kids orbit you, delighting in their new tasks, someone finally thinking of them more than set dressing.
You didn't patronize the, you trusted them.
For the first time since shooting, his smile is genuine.
I know this wasn't even an option for the vote but this idea invaded my mind. I have been watching far too much Hallmark
(Currently also working on Royal Jason Todd x Newly Royal Reader đŤĄ)