sillyland

someone date me

my favorite pastime is ruining my sleep schedule for more alone time

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

Because it's also evil

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

You meet god

Whole, in one gulp.

Father of the Muffin Boy

Car's haunted

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

into the sky, where it turns into stars

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

....Ah

writing aaron minyard pov in fanfiction is so fun bc it's literally just *internal insult to another character* *can't sleep* *haterism* *deeply traumatic memory/thought that's almost instantly brushed aside and blown past* *extremely horny* *needs more caffeine* *external insult to another character* *haterism* *is not in the mood for this* *complex emotion about his brother* *embarrassed but would rather die than admit it* *haterism* *does not have time for this nonsense* *why is everyone gay* *complex emotion about his mother* *haterism* *just trying to survive college* *has to study again* *can't sleep* *haterism*

so embarrassing to have a funny thought and unironically be like “this will do numbers on tumblr.com!” and oh boy! numbers is zero.

yeah alcohol is cool but have you ever been someone's first choice? me neither. pass the bottle.

Reverse Mulan about a young man who disguises himself as a noblewoman and has to learn how to do passive-agressive politicking at dinner parties.

He does so to dodge the draft

we all have that one moot who we think despises us