Anti-Ana

and like honestly? i have anorexia but this is why i constantly talk about the dangers of the “health and fitness” industry and diet culture bc we have essentially normalized certain symptoms of disordered eating but it’s ok if it’s under the guise of health i guess???

like how is calling it “clean” eating NOT a way to moralize food

how is intermittent fasting NOT the same thing as skipping meals

how come when i buy clothes that don’t fit, it’s something i have to tell my therapist about because it means i am putting pressure on myself to fit into them, but if a “normal” person does it then it’s just motivation for them?

where is the fucking line???

and more importantly when are we going to start acknowledging that the entire world is pro-ana but that’s too harsh of a description so we slap some health buzzwords on it to make it palatable

when are we going to take responsibility for encouraging disordered behavior instead of labeling those of us with EDs as the crazy/imbalanced ones

Your girl has gone 30 days binge-purge free~~~

In that time, I’ve eaten between 1100 - 4000 calories a day, depending on how I feel, what I’m up to, what food is around, and how my training is going

I’ve overeaten junk food but stopped when I’ve had enough without telling myself fuck it and binge eating everything damn thing I can get my hands on

Just this week alone, I’ve had a few days of eating like 5 donuts at once or two pints of ice cream, but not freaking out, and just continuing on with life without completely freaking out, and eating normally without over compensating later

My training has been going really well - recently hit a 2 plate (225 pound) deadlift and a 175 pound squat (bench is still #YOLO) at ~100 - 105 pound body weight (I may actually make my weight class without resorting to dangerous measures for once???)

My physique and body composition are actually improving (ABS ARE COMING BACK WHATTTT) because shockingly when you fuel your body with what you need, your body will respond appropriately 

Not to mention, I’m no longer dangerously dehydrated from purging/over-exercising. I’m not constantly doubled over in pain from heartburn after a binge session. My throat is healing from the purges. 

I don’t spend hours at a time in the bathroom or doing way more training than I need to compensate for binges. 

Lots of stuff, both mentally and physically I still need to work on, BUT I’M GETTING THERE

Also, not related at all, but I’m also over a year and a half sober from alcohol~~~~ (unless you count like cooking wine or whatever, but I don’t)

Sorry I’ve been relatively absent. I’ve been needing some time to take care of myself. Eating disorders, physical health, and mental health are all exhausting and working to recover is hard, uncomfortable, and sometimes feels impossible.