Getting Artsy

I have suspected there was something seriously "wrong" with me for 6 years and after a lot of search I realised the reason for it about 4 years ago. I haven't told it to anybody until after I filled out that really long test for the psychiatrist, because that was the point where I believed myself. I believed that it is not my fault.

At this point I have told some close family (I needed to in order to fill out the childhood portion of the test) and today I have my diagnosis and medication for it.

Sounds like a success story right?

From one perspective it is, and I am thankful for the long way I come. But on the other hand it is also really invalidating and lonely. Family members keep telling me that they don't think I have a problem and treat me as if I was a hypochondriac. Others laugh at me as if I was unreasonable and talk about other people with similar conditions as if they were zoo animals or circus freaks.

I feel really lonely. I do not feel like I can share my feelings with anyone.

I don't know why this affects me this much, since I literally didn't open it for 6 months, but I am still very upset.

To be fair I didn't really use it that much, because I worry too much about what people would think. I didn't even have much followers. I think I got 0 in the fist 3 months, and then got 2 of them 😂

Somewhere inside I always wanted a big Instagram, and I love putting in the effort, I have helped many friends with their accounts. I just don't have the confidence to share my photos. I am afraid of what people might think.

My family laughed at me, trying to convince me how overdressed and ridiculous I looked for wearing something that actually fits me instead of what they wanted me to wear.

To be honest it feels like they just want to pull me back so they don't look as ridiculous when they go out in public in whatever they wear, because a a beige summer dress will always look better than a neon green bed sheet or what ever that was.

A couple years ago I probably would have changed to avoid hearing all the empty criticism they said, but for the first time today I kept strong and stuck to my decision.

This is a storm in the distance

How do I find friends again in my 20s.

Why do I feel so alone if I am around people.

Whe aren't my old friends happy for my succes.

I just started shooting film, and I have shot 3 rolls of film so far. One is scanned, the second is getting developed, the third is in the fridge ❄️