everything is ruined.

Oh you thought I would be your golden retriever boyfriend? Sorry I’m your husky boyfriend. AWOWOOOOOROTOTOOOOOOAUAUAUAUAUAUAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAWAWAEAEAEAEAWAWAWAWAWAAAAAAAAA

Whats wrong, you barely touched your pellets

I need a mix of wet and dry food.

What the fuck. You talk?

This, he realized, was why people were so wild about sex. He had never, ever felt like this with anyone before. And of course Ilya Rozanov, all of nineteen years old, fucked with the confidence and skill of, like, a sex god.

no-one would find it at all sexy at first but then in 20 years there'd be a thriving fetish scene where people develop elaborate codes and practices around culturally-embedded tropes from government porn

guy who can only get off when his dom pretends to be badly dubbed into quebecois french

I really can’t believe I’ve been on this hell site for 8 years

Impart me in your wisdom of ancient times

one time there was a tumblr user with the url “pizza” and she would just comment on any text post about pizza saying “omg that’s me” and then we found out she had an entire tag dedicated to saying the n word

One time somebody paid $750 for the url ‘hi’ and got deleted in less than a year for promoting weight loss scams

too much to document, but god damn we can try

Seeing that this was from 2019 is like how ancient Egypt had people who studied even more ancient versions of Egypt.

Worrying about Shane Hollander until I remember he’s a landlord. Girl you deserve worse than getting ghosted

Ilya calls giving Shane head ‘the guillotine’ when he learns what a capitalist he is btw

My hottest fanfiction take is I think people should stop posting multi-fandom oneshots as a single fic with like 50+ chapters and instead post them as individual fics