Gerry

— That's the thought that came to my mind today when I was once again thinking about what I want to do with my life.

Prior to this thought I finally noticed a thing about myself: I actually like talking about what happens or might happen in my life. Well, who doesn't, I guess? People like talking about themselves, that's just how we are. But I want to be able to not only just talk about how my day was, but to tell a story. And that requires a bit more action from my side, which is something that I truly welcome.

So my plan for now is to post a recollection of the events in my life every week, on Sunday, and not just post it as plain facts, like a report, but add something to it. I don't know what I'm doing right now, so I thought I would go with the flow.

I welcome all, as long as you don't spread hate of any kind based on race, nationality, sexuality, gender, etc.

I made this draft almost two days ago. This storm still remains the main event of this week but tonight the night sky is so clear and bright with stars. Almost like a goodbye present for me. I love the stars. I don't even feel so cold when I look at them. Even the Milky Way is visible, even if ever so slightly.

I almost forgot to post this! Gotta keep a better eye on myself.

Tomorrow I'm gonna hop on the train and leave my home at least until the New Year holidays. Weird feeling. But I can't stay here, it would mean stagnation, and it's something I do not want for myself. Still a weird feeling.

Whatever happens, I have a home to return to, and it really warms my heart. Still scary to say that but... Things have been getting better. Almost makes me cry from relief.

This is the first entry. I guess the highlight of this week was actually this day. We went to the graveyard to visit my grandparents but it's not the most memorable thing. On our way there we stopped by a little shop and on the other side of the road there was a church. An old one, made out of bricks and with rust on its roof, at least a hundred years old, which is pretty impressive, as it survived both war and the demolition of churches in our country. Didn't take a photo, I forgot my phone at home, but I think it helped me really see it. I'm not christian but there is something very sacred in places like this in small villages, far away from any town.

Driving is still hard for me but I'm improving. Actually, many things are harder for me as of now than they should be. I'm working on it.

It's not easy to bring back the interest for things in life. It may seem like something that should come back naturally, when you're "healed enough", "fixed" or something like that, but that's not how it works. Sometimes you gotta pull yourself out to reach and grab onto the thing that interests you in this moment. Then it'd be easier.

This is the last week of me being home. Next time I'll write from another city.