#the beginning

Journal | 2026.08.06 | 15:44

The peak casts a long shadow—the mountain a weight left behind. You might have already forgotten the terrain’s rough assault, but your broken boots will not.

Breathe in. Breathe out. “It’s over,” you tell yourself. Breathe in. Breathe out. “It’s over,” you repeat. Again and again, a spell meant to bewitch you; make you feel it to be true. The relief; the freedom.

You do not.

For right ahead, just within reach... another mountain awaits the climb.

Some tales cannot be told in just a few words. Perhaps not even in a million ones.

The tale of hope. Of waiting. Of dejection. Of pressure and always running behind. Of working. Of distraction. Of excitement and an inspiration running along.

The tale of tragedy; a looped melody. Of complications and investigations—so much drama to be a series plot. The tale of rejection and loss; the acceptance of its cost. Of plans and peace. Of resolve.

The tale of a last ditch effort. Another impossible challenge. Another success waiting to be found. The tale of descent, shorter than it has the right.

A tale that ends, and yet does not. Never to be told in full, because it cannot.

And now?

You think you’ve won. Do not be foolish. You might close the book, but the loose ends will forever wait to be tied. You will need to pick the pen back up. And you will need to keep writing.

Aug 10

Hi! Hello! Welcome! I cannot believe this day has finally arrived. It was a long journey to where I am now, but here we are! It’s been over a year since quarantine became mandatory in New Jersey, and my life had done a complete 180 since then. Last March, I quit my full-time job working at an accounting firm. Office work wasn’t something I was passionate about (surprising, I know!). I wanted to take the time to slow down and focus more on my schooling and my side hustle: selling drugs! No, not the fun kind! I had been working at a local pharmacy for almost four years at this point, and working with my family of coworkers and beloved customers was the only in-person interaction I had for months. While working in health care during this time was emotionally draining and anxiety-provoking, seeing those faces behind those absurd KN95 masks kept me sane through it all. A bit of a paradox, but I am really grateful for our time together and those rare blissful moments during all the chaos.

Despite the bonding experience, my mental health had taken a toll! I struggled with maintaining a regular sleeping cycle, a balanced diet, and any sense of emotion regulation. Let’s just say, if I had three panic attacks a week, I was thriving. Besides being anxious for the obvious reasons, I had ended a relationship with a guy I thought was my soulmate. We had originally broken up in April of 2019 but were on the verge of talking and trying again when (shockingly to no one but myself) he changed his mind. Things got messy, and it was over for good. I know everyone says this, but he was my best friend. That was the hardest part for me. When March came around, I was finally ready to start dating again. I had begun talking to this guy with who I had mutual friends. We stopped talking after about two weeks into the quarantine. I felt stuck. Here I was a 27-year-old woman, single, living with her parents, barely being able to pay the bills working a minimum wage job. I had reached a low point mentally that I hadn’t been in quite a while.

All the talk about life and death, made me realize I hadn’t really lived. I mean, obviously, I am alive, but I had basically been in survival mode skating from day to day. I wanted adventure! I wanted excitement! But I really just wanted to be happy. I wanted to not feel like I was drowning in sadness constantly. I missed out on a lot of life experiences because of my poor mental state, and I didn’t want to miss out on anything else because of it. So I did what any emotionally distraught person would do, impulsively quit my job and leave every sense of familiarity behind. The conversation with my peers went something like this…

Me: “I quit my job, and I’m moving!”

Friend: “OMG! That’s amazing! Where?

Me: “The beach!”

Friend: “OMG! What beach?!”

Me: “No idea!”

Friend: “……???? ……. Well, do you have a job?”

Me: “Nope!”

Friend: ……

As you can imagine, this conversation didn’t go over well with many people, but surprisingly, my stubborn parents were on board. As long as I was able to find a place for a reasonable price, I could use some of my inheritance left by my late grandmother. I had also saved over $5k to spend on the gross amount of weddings I had in 2020. Seven! I had seven weddings that year and was set to be in two of them! All canceled! Thankfully, this savings and my inheritance was just enough to hold me over until I got my foot off the ground. Now, I just had to find a place! This was the hard part!

I knew I wanted to be out in nature since that’s where I am most out peace. I had seen one too many episodes of 20/20 to ever live in the woods on my own, so the beach it was. I chose the Jersey Shore since it was close enough to home and where I originally went to college. I had a lot of friends in the Monmouth County area, and since the weather was still summertime we could easily see each other at a safe distance. The problem was it was SUMMERTIME! Everything was ridiculously expensive! I’m talking 3K for one week in a run-down one-bedroom 2 miles away from the beach expensive! Dear Lord, I could go to Italy for that much; although, I wouldn’t dare go to Italy right now (sorry Italy!). After scouring Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, Airbnb, and even contacting my real estate guru friend, Santini, I had come up with zilch. Even though the prices at Airbnb were the worst of all of them, I felt the need to check the website again. Sure enough, there was a tiny house less than a block away from the beach for $1,300 a month. It seemed like a God-wink! Keansburg, New Jersey here I come!

I had been living in Monmouth County when I went to Monmouth University, so I knew the area pretty well. I had never Keansburg, but it was only an hour away from my parent’s home which was a huge win. When I asked my friend if she had ever been there, she said, “Oh yeah, I know Keansburg. A lot of my clients live there.” She works with drug addicts. Thanks for your comforting sentiment, Alyssa! It was too late, I had rented the space and was ready to go. On Friday, August 21, 2020, I quit the pharmacy and was ready to embark on a new journey.

— That's the thought that came to my mind today when I was once again thinking about what I want to do with my life.

Prior to this thought I finally noticed a thing about myself: I actually like talking about what happens or might happen in my life. Well, who doesn't, I guess? People like talking about themselves, that's just how we are. But I want to be able to not only just talk about how my day was, but to tell a story. And that requires a bit more action from my side, which is something that I truly welcome.

So my plan for now is to post a recollection of the events in my life every week, on Sunday, and not just post it as plain facts, like a report, but add something to it. I don't know what I'm doing right now, so I thought I would go with the flow.

I welcome all, as long as you don't spread hate of any kind based on race, nationality, sexuality, gender, etc.