GENERALISSIMO PSILOCYBIN

You never been angry. You never been alone. You never been scared. I miss the taste of your blood. I miss your embrace. I miss your presence. Do you think of me as frequently as I do you? They're looking for my story, its not me whos giving it. Would you forgive me? Would you ever give me another chance? I know the answer, and I know its all a memory. The only person due diligence was never needed for. Do you remember when you said in another life? Do you remember when you held me and said you love me? Do you remember walking through the blinding lights of a island built on liars and snakes, and we were the only ones together. Remember standing side by side and fighting everyone's doubts? How about the time we spent the whole day and night together without separation and sharing laughs together? I'm sure you should remember the time we solidified our bond with our pain? It's funny how you were the only one who ever understood my pain, because you were the only one to have been through hell and back, yet even now I forget how regardless of that you aren't here to screw my head on when I'm losing it at night. I hope our good memories are still somewhere there within you. I hear you may have lost them, well so have I because in an act of what I thought to be healing, I lost everything I held dear at the time. My heart burns for you, how many nights has it been now where I wish I wouldnt have hurt you? How many nights has it been where I try and move on. How could I when you were one of two to make an impact on me, but you both had the same outcome, and I feel the same guilt and emptiness. Wasn't I a child with a golden heart? A house in Japan, you and your- Theres no point in rehearsing that dream in full again, there was florence aswell. I guess even with all the rest I'd like to say and what I have said. Do you remember me? as an active reminder or as a lost memory?

accessories, that's what i got to show my stories. these cuts and scars originated from pain. i remember smiling with blood in my mouth and wiping it on my chest, never had i felt so free. she wanted to drink my blood, in an act of bond and love, all she saw was a kid stripped to the bone of love and infected with intoxication and hate. i love the blood, i love the pain, i need that feeling, i watched on the side as they cut themselves and all i felt was a trance of interest. how easily the skin rips under the pressure of my human urges. i cant show them my little fantasy, i seen real craziness from women, lets slowly dance in the pool as we let the blood wash away. i love blood, its shine,its taste, its effect on me, i play with it. I wish i could wash in a bath, but with the amount of blood ive played with ive already been in one. i dont care for pussy,tits,ass or any of that nearly as much as i do the blood and scars on my body. i stand in the mirror for hours at time looking at my scars and rehearsing my poses to show them.

I got a wrist of memories and they shine real bright. Head to toe I've created a weapon, can you see it now? No family do I belong to I'm a fucking nomad. She don't care about nothing but the cuts I got on my chest. They keep tryna get an eye for me but not one tryna stay down in hell with me. My eyes still yellow from the amount of times I washed it with my guilt. I SPEAK FROM THE HEART EVERY OTHER NIGHT WHEN I CANT PUT ON A FACE NO MORE. Children really be laughing and looking up to the empire I built on hatred and pain.

Sex Idol Falling in too deep,now look at me in a demon's terrain. Slithering through the tiles, slowly unwinding and circling me. Playing it dangerously, asking for a fight, we can have it slow. Walk around in your purest form, it's your fashion show, demonstrate to me your power. Friction between skin, both girls like smearing blood in a kiss. Why do you want me in the empty parts of your mind? What do you have to hide? Water slows movement even more and takes off the masks we put on each other. Twisting the stories to her love, when I twist she'll scream, she can't fight her desires. Let’s rehearse this dance, let the alcohol do the talking and be the crutch to our lust. Speak a bit of my language and the docile one will revolt against her nailed tradition. Showing a bit of my tradition,I place a guitar on my lap and hit every note in the right spot. We just met but you've been planning this, you replayed your secrets over and over. I’m an international student but I’m on christmas holiday, so eager to touch her present. Fake love that I created has me questioning whether I'm relapsing or truly feeling for the first time. They have me in the ranks, I'm their icon, they're addicted to the erotism of pain.

She fantasizing lusting me, while I got blood rushing and thoughts of how I could end my sins. Sometimes I wish this wasn't my life, my minds in circles. Taking me away from the dance and drinks downstairs away from the eyes, I'm letting her in, who cares, I'm so gone in the head. In a pool with a few ones, they keep tryna grab on my scars, I'm a weapon, I'm a gun. Bitches asking me to come back but I can't I'm too busy bossing my life up. Really just got discharged from the hospital? I remember just being in a corner shaking from the otherworldy beings flowing in my nerves. Nothings changed except the vessel which feels the rage, I need the deadmen to stay around to see its still my time. The moons still out reminding me its not guilty for the darkness casted within my heart, waking up to some new one trying to get something from me. I missed the tranquility of the moon and was burned in the eternal rage of the sun. We're dancing but its deeper than alcohol clouding us, its a lifetime of neglect and incapability of loving, ill draw some more blood.

If I said I miss you too, that's a lie. Spent too much time in my head alone tryna fight these demons. Spent too much time spreading love, its about time someone loved me back. Mama keep asking me how much longer I'll be. Keep fucking up my body I think it's funny.

Sex idol, I'm the sex symbol for all the boys out there. I used to be telling them to go to any means to reach the climax of women, lust and sex. I'm a solidified symbol in the industry of false truths and plasticity. I done overdosed on lust. Now I'm too desensitized to a humans touch.

I'm a speed demon, was always heading for my death. Lil one telling me how much she loves me shirtless with blood on my chest. Standing naked and I wanna swing my intestines like the shotgun. Pour me juices and they asking for more.

I feel so alone most days.

I just relapsed again I think I need help. Calling me distrustful and seeing the worst in people when its what helped me survive in a world most people wouldn't survive in. Reminiscing of when I didn't have to look over my shoulder to check who else got hurt, I took the damage alone and withstood it because rage fueled me. Kept my family straight, kept myself on both legs when the weight of death and its cold fingers tried to persuade me. They could never fathom the emptiness of my heart, I don't have anything left sometimes.

I don't got no real ones. I got myself, I got my scars. They abandoned my mother and she departed, I grew up and started understanding her. Lost my mind in women and art. Had a couple bitches naked and even then I saw nothing. It ain't easy having people cry over your shoulder and scream in your eye and still believe them to be lying. They waiting for the kid, I told them hold on. She call me Generalissimo thinking its a gig, I really conquered myself.

Better of knowing the truth than believing a lie. One day it wont be natural the way I dissapear and die. I'm not from this zone, I'm not from my home. Found more peace in my masochism than in people, because even if they killed me they told me what I needed. Ill get my freedom back and I'll see my family in the core.

Exchanging smoke and offering blood to mark our ties. Holding our memories by the string. Sharing dreams of a future away from the pain casted on us. A hope offered, one not felt since the death in the family. Yet in the end ignorance was shown, colours splattered. I stand here with the blood of promises from someone I failed to save in time. You have now found happiness without me, and me without you. However deep inside my happiness and respect there is knot of sadness.

I hear your words when I walk in peace and my heart drops. You never judged me, never spoke ill, were always there. And that's how I know it isn't you, you believe me to be some villain, you turned your back on me. Why did I have to go and lose such a great person to someone like you.

I can understand switches in mood and emotions. But nobody realises my very own switches regardless of what they say, I have to ask them to change. And that is what angers me, if it weren't for my pleading they'd continue to slither in the tall grass. It demonstrates their lack of thought when it comes to me.

Wrapped in a cloak of relapse, I can't stop. Telling me to exit my head, but how could I when it's all I have. My thoughts are getting louder recently, but it's my sin that I allow them to. How I miss the teeth that ripped my flesh off. The numbered intervals of detachment. You turned your back the worst way , you make me sick I need to throw up. I look in the mirror and the problems I have embody my form. It's all self-inflicted. I sit in a cubicle of fetish , moaning to the penetration of sin. My head spins and spins, the world will continue to spin with the knowledge of my actions. The pig reaches a finger to carve the game of life and death on my arm. Losing and now the reminder of battle stays on for the rest of the week. Walking through the endless hallways as if just having had sex. Spaced out in trails of blood that envelop me. It burns, but I yearn this heat. Even the invincible moose begins to change with the reintroduction of the rut. I know….I know I will continue to clash with my nature. Butterflies begin to flap around with the vision of splitting skin.