Falling Out, Loving.
Went through a small process over the last few days, so I thought I'd share what I learned. I had a crush on someone. I fall for people very very rarely, but when I do, it is the same as any new interest - I dive into it with all of my being, with all of my intensity. And sometimes, it happens very quickly. It seems to not be based on anything, but sometimes I just know I get along with people.
So this happened. This person made it very clear that they are not interested in a romantic relationship with me, but that they are compatible with me as friends. It is very nice of someone to not beat around the bush. Well, as you know, falling out of love, or out of a crush, takes time, and is painful. So over the weekend I had three days of heartbreak, for a relationship that I realized would never be.
As a result, I came through the other side. I was no longer smitten. I realized this person is flawed, as is, well, any person. And though it took a couple of days, I managed to feel better, once I've hit acceptance, of how things are. And then, I realized I love that person. Now, I love my brother, I love my friends, all of them, all of you. So it is not romantic love. Romantic love is just a manifestation of loving a person.
I can see that person's downsides. I can love and appreciate them for who they are, because love is about the other person, unlike a crush, that is about an idealization which a person is fitted into, about a hole in yourself that another person is fitted into.
So, I fell out of infatuation with this person, but now I can just love them. If they'd tell me they want to be in a romantic relationship with me, that'd be great. But I don't expect that to happen, and it doesn't matter. Just like if a partner of mine decided to undergo sex-change operation, I might not be sexually attracted to them anymore, but it wouldn't mean I don't love them.
And that is a process I went through over the weekend. And due to how clear the revelation has been to me, and how quickly it all happened, it feels just so *mature*, which feels silly to even say, but there it is. It should be obvious in any relationship, and perhaps I didn't realize it before, but I think it just usually takes longer to get there, and some don't, and thus break up.
So, this explains my mood swings of late. It is freeing, to love someone as they are. You are ready to accept what they give you, and do not begrudge what they do not. They are they. You are you.






