‘ that’s a claim everybody can make, since we all unanimously know it’s not true. hangovers are just a punishment for what you do to your body, unfortunately. ’

“nobody ever says it and means it, it’s just the regrets of their past night speaking. honestly, i used to never get hangovers, i don’t know what happened”

“ we’ve all been there. too bad that promise only lasts till the weekend.”

“If i had a dollar for every time someone said they’d stop drinking, i’d have more money than i knew what to do with”

“I’ve heard a good cure for hangovers are steam rooms… Sweats out all the toxins and the alcohol.”

“I never heard that, but do you think it actually works?”

“it’s all fun and games until you start threatening someones life. well you could do that but it might be a little cold and lonely. you should, go live out in the wild. or be a cave woman.”

“it’s all fun and games until someone actually gets hurt. threats don’t mean anything. i won’t be lonely if i have a friend with me, and i’ll obviously have heat so it won’t be cold. caves are a huge nope for me, so i can’t be a cave woman”

“that’s why you have to drink like… three bottles of water after getting totally wasted. it significantly eases the hangover for the next morning, i promise.”

“i never drink after drinking, because then i have to pee a shit ton more, and i just get too lazy to even move, so i usually just deal with the hangover”

“i never will and it’s kinda crazy and scary. it’s not mean, it would be mean of you to do that to the penguins. make sure you live with them in their natural environment though.”

“i think that’s the fun part about it, you not knowing. well, it wouldn’t be mean to build a house right near them so everytime i look out my window i see penguins. and i would, i mean, living with wild animals like that would be pretty cool. maybe i’ll go live with those safari people”

“i know, it’s so weird. like i understand the basic idea of it but do they need to follow me even when i go to the bathroom or when i’m doing my morning routine. it’s alright, it’s not the worse thing that can happen.”

“they’re just waiting around for something bad to happen, you know, they have to catch everything on camera. although, i really wish they didn’t follow us to the bathroom, it’s a bit weird. i don’t mind them anywhere else, but i’d like to piss in peace”

“…..oh. well…anyways, diseases are on my mind at all times, of course. can’t be sick in this cutthroat business.”

“i don’t remember the last time i was sick, which is good because i can’t afford to get sick. i’m serenity, by the way. i’m not sure if i introduced myself or not”

“you’ve hurt my delicate esteem. i may never be able to regain the confidence lost at your cruel words. nothing is ever my fault. taco bell is a great place, i am kind of sure i am married to it.”

“that’s my purpose here. to wound everyone’s esteem, didn’t you know? ah, you’re never wrong, interesting. really? well, then i’d hate to drive a wedge between the two of you so i’ll be sure to stay far away from taco bell”

I’ve been laying in my bed, wishing I had never woken. Begging God to rid my head of every word you’ve ever spoken.

Now I’m lost in this hole and I’m sure I am stuck, And I can’t run away ‘cause I’m lazy as fuck. So I sit on the floor as I gather my thoughts, And they’re full of broken promises that only piss me off.

“i’ve lost the ability to be able to tell whether you’re serious or kidding so i think for my own safety i’m going on the run. but they need to be out in the wild, they have rituals and traditions they can’t do in a backyard, it’s not fair on them.”

“well, then i guess you’ll never know if i’m kidding or not. now that’s mean. now that’s just mean. well, fine, thank you for crushing a dream. i’ll go live among the elephants then”

“this guy at taco bell once gave me free cinnamon twists without charging me. he’s the best, i hope he’s doing well in life. i had bought a twelve pack of tacos. i ate them all and ended up hating myself.”

“that guy sounds like an amazing person, i bet he’s going far in life. well, you’re the one who’s at fault for that, nothing good ever comes out of eating tacos, although they’re great, they’re the devil. my dad calls taco bell, taco hell, which kind of fits”