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i can’t wait for my bluetooth and wifi enabled fridge to make me pay $59.99 a year for my Ice Pro Max™️ subscription or else it will stop producing ice cubes

See, this is exactly what those "paranoid" IT guys are talking about

Your nipples are older than your teeth

We highly value and encourage romance as a society while using the word ‘romanticize’ to describe unrealistic and idealized expecations.

i love that there was definitely an intelligence briefing where someone in charge heard that there was a fake airfield in progress and went, "...hey you know what would be funny?" and then everyone else agreed it was indeed SO funny that they would devote man-hours and a sizable log to making a fake bomb to drop on it while being only somewhat busy fighting a war, but never too busy for a funny craft project

Reblog if you’re a bastard raccoon down with arson.

I'm more like a feral cat with a switchblade... will that work?

I have a Space Laser.