Now, apparently “Vanilla” is plain and boring and baby did not appreciate being called plain and boring, and so here is a list of the pet names she’s given me in last few minutes:

- My saltine cracker

- The concept of Kansas

- My dearest manila folder

- That beige color they paint offices

- Bleached white rice

- You blank word document, you

- My perfect suburbs Republican

WHAT I SEE:

“Peter sweetie you’re doing amazing but I think we’re gonna crash.”

“Dad if you would just let me drive for one second—”

“Petey dear, that’s no way to talk to your father.”

“Thank you, Stephen honey. He’s been so passive aggressive lately!”

“dAdS wE’re g0nNa cRaShHhhh1!!1”

“Magic seatbelts, everybody!”

___________________________________