fuck

In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master Ring, to control all others. And into this Ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One Ring to rule them all.

The Bannered Mare - Whiterun

Good, central location. Let’s orphans loiter and there was some tough broad I got into a fist fight with for respect. I can’t sit on the bench near the hearth closest to the bar.  Hulda gives me good gossip and pays for wood though she’s very judgmental about mages. Sven thinks I have a crush on him. Inn unknowingly(?) harbored a fugitive Redguard at one point but she took my drink orders so that was nice. Room is decently sized, bed is comfy, and has it’s own balcony overlooking common area. No complimentary breakfast. 8/10.

The Bee and Barb - Riften

The staff is rude, even after I brought Talon-Jei all his damned flawless amethysts. Old man with dead Stormcloak daughter drinks too much. Has unique alcohol for sale but bed is small, room is cramped and I can’t seem to walk past Sapphire without garnering her repeated, rude tones. Mage mercenary for hire is why I keep coming back. 4/10.

Braidwood Inn - Kynesgrove

I don’t happen through here much, not when Windhelm is a hop and skip away with more people to talk to. There’s nothing to see you haven’t seen before in other country inns. 3/10.

Candlehearth Hall - Windhelm

I find the upper floor relaxing here. Nils keeps telling me he is the cook. I KNOW NILS, OKAY? There is also a man with a dead daughter here but he doesn’t drink as much as the Riften ex-dad. Got into a fist fight with a racist, but what else can you expect in this town? The mercenary is pretty legit if you can afford him. Room is nice though a bit drafty, but breakfast is complimentary. 8/10.  

Dead Man’s Drink - Falkreath

Funnily enough, no dead daughters considering its name - or maybe because it’s ‘dead man’ instead of ‘dead woman’. Anyway, I can’t think of anything important of note here. Standard bed. Good scenery. 5/10.  

Drunken Huntsman - Whiterun

Owner is cheeky and Jenassa, the resident mercenary is oddly seductive toward me. Can buy arrows and alcohol. 8/10, would drink again.

Four Shields - Dragon’s Bridge

Lovely view but locals are a bit creepy. Kid has a goat for a friend. Cool landmark nearby. Not a place for you if you despise the legion because it’s crawling with imperial soldiers. 6/10.

The Frozen Hearth - Winterhold

Local family-run inn. Cold as fuck. Some freelance wizard is renting out the nice room already and so your stuck in a cold, cramped room. No door on the room. No complimentary breakfast. No mercenary. 2/10.

Frostfruit Inn - Rorikstead

Lovely location, lovely locals (except Lemkil), charming mercenary hanging out in the common room after you convince his dad to let him fight. Probably some daedra worshiping going on but can’t prove anything so…7/10.

Mooreside Inn - Morthal

Not much to brag about but a modest establishment. Location is drab. Innkeeper has a wizard brother and there’s a orcish bard. You don’t see that everyday. There’s vampire activity at night outside. If you have enough daylight, I’d suggest running a bit farther and staying in Solitude, there’s more to entertain there. 5/10.

Nightgate Inn - The Pale

In the middle of frost-fuck nowhere. It has a lake and a secretive orc renting out the basement. Kind of creepy. Would suggest passing by and continuing to next settlement. 1/10.

Old Hroldan - The Reach

Nice place to dodge away from Forsworn, though it’s haunted. Ghost woke me up and sent me on a quest. Child labor in use. 4/10.  

Ragged Flaggon - Riften Ratways

The barkeep is cool enough but stick around long enough and a weird awkward love square starts to emerge between Vex, Delvin, Tonila, and Venkel. I didn’t sign up for this drama. Smells gross because it’s basically a sewer. Hard to get to if you don’t know the backdoor trick and you kind of have to be in their guild before the crowd is nice to you, and even then they won’t be (looking at you, Vex and Sapphire.) 3/10.

Silver-Blood Inn - Markarth

Named after a local family of dick bags and kept by a family that only argues with each other. Only worth staying in for the unique Dwemer architecture. Dwemer beds are super uncomfortable, bring your own pillow. Mercenary is a decent fellow. 3/10.

The Sleeping Giant Inn - Riverwood

Nice location. However once I came back from a really long night of tomb raiding and couldn’t rent a room because DELPHINE wasn’t there. Her non-husband wouldn’t rent me a room, maybe because he doesn’t know how to count gold, but I was pissed and tired AF. Bad service! 3/10.

Vilmyr Inn - Ivarstead

Forgettable name, but a charming enough spot in Skyrim. A good layover before making a run up the Throat of the world. Small bar, but more seating. I’d rather have a larger bar. 3/10.

Windpeak Inn - Dawnstar

Shelters orphans so it get s a charity point. Cold room. Had weird dreams..think it’s because of that tower up the mountain…4/10.

Winking Skeever - Solitude

You can’t stop me from loving you.