garbàhge

something: happens

me:

Oh would you look at that I easily found the unedited original

  Okay. Guys. Guys. Two things.

1) I’m a martial artist. I’ve been studying since I was seven. I wouldn’t even hesitate to say that I’m good at it. I have done work as a fight choreographer for film, and I am trained in stage combat as well.

2) I’m a contortionist. Yes. Again, since childhood. I had to take a few years off due to some back issues, but I’m getting back into it again. I am Dick Grayson levels of flexible. Yes.

And this pose? 

No.

Let’s forget for a minute that it is a supremely stupid and impractical pose for fighting because hey, it’s a comic book. If it looks neat, it doesn’t matter that a real fighter would never, ever do that, right? I mean, why use real positions when you can use made-up ones? Actual showy martial arts moves certainly don’t exist.

And it’s not like they look cool, or anything.

Hey, did you know that the makers of Avatar: The Last Airbender brought in martial arts experts to demonstrate moves, to make sure that they were both making sure things looked cool but also getting them realistic, thereby making iteven more awesome?

Yeah. But. As I already said, let’s move past the whole it’s “stupid for fighting” thing.

I am, actually, physically capable of posing like Cassie above, if we stuck with just the torso twist and had the arms by the hips instead of up the way they are. It isn’t natural or comfortable of course (this is, keep in mind, coming from a person who can, and does, often browse the internets while maintaining a floating middle split), but it is physically possible for me, even with the intense exaggerated curve of the spine and position of the lower half of the body.

However, I am unable to imitate Cassie’s full pose. And Wonder Woman’s, considering the even more exaggerated swayback? It isn’t difficult, it isn’t uncomfortable. It is impossible.

To further demonstrate, this is me doing a fairly extreme torso twist:

As you can see in the picture, I can position myself so that my upper half and lower half are, well. My chest is facing the floor and my knees are pointed towards the ceiling. I’m not sure how clear it is in the picture, but my shoulders are pretty much in line with my knees. And yet, the way Cassie’s torso is situated, coupled with her arm placement, how Wonder Woman’s shoulders are pulled back as she pushes out her chest while twisting her lower half in that direction? Nope. Can’t.

Now I’m sure there are some people out there who probably are able to mimic the way these two (and so many other female comic characters) are positioned above. I’m also pretty sure that there aren’t many, and that these characters can’t. Regardless of the fact that they were drawn that way. I’m going to go ahead and say they can’t. And non-super female characters, who have to work at what they do? Have an even less chance of being able to achieve this position.

Also, and go ahead and brick me for saying so, but I’m so turned around by how bad the art and positioning is that I really can’t find them sexy or anything. Which, you know, was probably the whole point of them being drawn that way. I guess some people find torso dislocation sexy? I’m not one of those people.

Just seriously. People. I understand artist license. I understand exaggeration. I understand suspending disbelief.

But if a martial artist who is also a contortionist can’t mimic a pose you use constantly for female fighters, there might be a problem in, you know, your choices on basic anatomy. I can’t be the only one who thinks this.

Just sayin’.