Be Gay, Do Crime

cis and het? what are the chances? isn't that a little too much my guy?

whoa whoa whoa slow down! neurotypical too? nah I can't believe you. literally no one is like that. that's just so rare. where did you get diagnosed?

it’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you

Transcript: Yesterday my cousin said that my rooster wasn't a real rooster. He said he's a Walmart rooster. *chicken noises* Does this not look like a real rooster to you? *chicken makes a sound again* Sure, he's small, but he has feelings.

Men will wear earrings and paint their nails

Is this an indictment or a celebration?

A commandment

I just think it's important that Tumblr knows a man is cosplaying as the Ever Given and is blocking doorways at Dragon Con 2021.

... SHIT HE'S RIGHT

FUCK HE IS RIGHT

In a very limited sense, this is The Fall.

you know what? maybe i want to be dehumanized? not in an objectifying way but in the same way you ask "what the fuck made that noise" because it can't have been produced by a human. i'm not a human i'm a fucking space fairy moth dragon thing who wants to destroy governments. fuck.

told my parents i miss archaeology and my mom was, very sympathetically, like: “do you want to dig holes in the garden?” and i was like. yes. i want to dig holes in the garden.

These are both moods, but unfortunately I am primarily a bioarchaeologist. (IE, I specialize in digging up old human skeletons.) And, uh, home-made bioarchaeology is tragically discriminated against by law enforcement.

Only if you get caught

This whole post took an unexpected turn

Out of work paleontologists can take a page out of the Girl Scouts handbook and eat a chicken, clean the bones, encase them in a mud and plaster mix, then chip it back out. Which is legitimately how Girl Scouts earn their paleontology badge.

… I rebuilt my chicken by modeling muscles back onto the bones using clay, then putting skin on it and making it look like a dinosaur…. 

Perfect. Exactly the right way to add a part 2 to this project.

enrichment

Short men are so fruity. What are you short for? To be held by other men? To be picked up and carried hmmm? To be gently cradled in a man's arms?