gaegarbagebaggage

Seeing them in civilian clothes this arc is actually makinf me fucking sob bcs they are too young for this shit 💔💔💔 we already know tjat but the suits just make them look more serious and mature most of the time but this really just slaps it in your face GODDAMNIT THEY'RE JUST KIDS ☹️☹️☹️😭😭😭 AND RYUJIN WANTINGTO PLAY IN THE ARCADE FUCKKK!!!!1@1@ 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Dahee in the last chapter of my fanfic Smoke and Mirrors basically 💔 (I doubt they'd use labels but it's for the sake of the joke LMFAO)

Summary:

Chapter 3 is up!! It's the longest one and I need to get it out of the way already before I keep getting the urge to keep rewriting the littlest things 🤧🤧 Summary:

A series of shared morning and night bathroom routines between the two. Escalation ensues.

Chapter 2 of my fanfic is out! Ofc the two stuck in Corps purgatory are ALSO stuck in lesbian limbo together smh smh  

Summary: 

A series of shared morning and night bathroom routines between the two. Escalation ensues. 

My first chaptered snapback fic woohoo!!

Summary:

A series of shared morning and night bathroom routines between the two. Escalation ensues.

I really do think she's made Jugyeong into this personal symbol of hers in a sense, one all-encompassing purity and goodness, because what other kind of person would've hugged her even after what she did? Forgave someone as terrible as her? It's just like how she made Samin and the rest of her family her personal symbol of immoral Aberrancy.

THEN SHE WENT AHEAD AND COMMITED TO ACTING OUT THAT ENTIRE "GOOD" PERSONA. These traits are just too damn specific. She could've said any other set of generic good traits, but no, she went ahead and described the ideal she was slaving away for in her youth word by word. She's reduced the first, foundational people of her life to symbols, roles– reframed them as something she can conceptualize and embody to garner a result. Her framework of people, of life. Hell, she even thinks she's above feeling physical pain, and weaponizes her own grief and emotions. She makes everything a concept to figure out, to rationalize, to exploit from a "higher perspective."

And she's been playing into this narrative that she's a bad person. Not quite to the extent she thinks her family is which is something she tries to hold onto, but enough to be believably someone capable of taking on the burden of her family's sins. Because then that means everything was all well within her control and she just needs to make the "right" choices going forward, just like how she thinks "to blame others is to hinder your self-improvement", rather than admit she was and still is just a scarred young girl, someone who fell victim to life circumstances. If she doesn't have control, then what does she have? Everything she's ever accomplished, it was through obsessively micromanaging every single little right course of action. Without it, how can she reform the Aberrant Corps? Avenge Jaeil? Her gift on its own hardly does anything. She needs to account for every variable and control it. And if she isn't willing to sacrifice a portion of her self-perception and moral compass to do "morally questionable" stuff in order to achieve all of that, which includes becoming a better person, then she would suddenly be posturing as something she has not earned- a good person, and it's become this cycle, just like the interpersonality cycle she's in of shutting herself off from other people then believing no one would truly understand her.

And I don't even think it'd be a stretch to say that she uses the name "Jugyeong" to punish herself with her guilt in a sense. Chiding herself for having burdensome, distracting feelings she doesn't even know if she deserves to feel so she presses herself where it's sore to desensitize herself, acting above her own trauma, "reclaiming" it by twisting it into a narrative she can exploit. The role she took to scheme the cultist seems borderline sardonic.

It's easier for Sayeon when she can file everything under black-and-white, cause and effect. Intelligence and time reversal just seems to be the worst possible assests the perfectionistic, traumatized, socially and emotionally underdeveloped Sayeon Lee could have.

Another snapback fanfic woohoo!! Excerpt:

Tear-streaked, rosy cheeks, eyebrows still slightly furrowed. Sayeon didn't look like her usual, borderline psychopathic self in the slightest.

Excerpt:

It's fine, Sayeon reasons with herself. As soon as Ryujin's fist comes into contact with her skin, she can forget all about the agonizing feelings that's been hollowing her out once she's too black and blue to feel at all.

Ryujin holds Sayeon's dark-ringed glare, unfaltering. Any other time, Ryujin would've struck by now, put some distance between them. But Sayeon's aura just isn't in it. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me? Why?”

Sayeon regards Ryujin with hooded eyes. Before Ryujin can push further for a response, there's a burst of teal essence as Sayeon decides to strike first instead.

OR