i wanna thrive not just survive

► basics;

Full Name:  Gabriel Dean Williams  Age: Thirty Four  Birthday: August 7, 1987  Sexual Orientation:  Heterosexual Relationship Status: Single  Religion: raised non-denominational Christian;  Occupation: Associate Professor, Bellevue College 

“You’re too kind.” Robbie smiled. But he was genuinely proud of himself as well. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted really, my own restaurant. And while Kingfish isn’t fully mine… it’s close enough.” There were still other people’s names on the lease. While an integral part of running the place it wasn’t Robbie’s restaurant. One day he wanted a place with his name on it… but he’d probably have to pass on most of his duties to someone else. “Definitely have long hours. You blink during the summer or holiday seasons and suddenly the month is over.” He shook his head. “Some days I just go home and sleep until the next day. If you ask the restaurant gods nicely you can get some free time here and there.”  

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“There’s a lot to be said for mostly owning something.  If someone else handles the contracts and you get to handle the operations.”  Gabe gave a shrug.  “I’ve never really worked in a field where I could own anything about the company.  I guess in theory I could go be a private investigator, but that’s never appealed to me.” 

He nodded as he absorbed the rest of the comments.  He couldn’t relate to something like having a busy season and an off season, at least not in a detailed way.  He could absolutely relate to going home and sleeping off a long stretch of work with many consecutive hours of sleep.  “The restaurant gods.  Are they finicky or are they more generous?”  

“I’m the head chef at Kingfish. Started there as a prep and line cook actually.” He explained. “It wasn’t my first job, but it’s been the longest. my favorite definitely. But I might be a little biased.” After all he was essentially running the place next to the managers.

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“That’s impressive, working your way up from prep to head guy,” Gabriel complimented.   And it was genuine.  He’d moved around a little in his primary jobs, but nothing quite that vertical.  In fact, he’d been told it wouldn’t be possible for him to press further into management than he already had without a more advanced degree.  When that hadn’t interested him, he’d jumped ship for a federal position instead. 

“There’s nothing wrong with being biased in favor of what you’re doing now.  I feel like, to some extent, I’ve always been looking for that kind of excitement to go to work each day.  Do you have long hours, or is there some freedom?” 

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“Do I seem like the kind of person who would further her education for the drama of it all?” she joked. Even if she objectively loved pettiness, she saw no need to give anyone any more power. Her college degrees would be for her, not out of spite. 

There was every chance she was setting herself up for heartbreak. What was it someone said about insanity and repeating patterns? Evie never learned. The worst-case scenario was that she learned Gabe couldn’t be trusted once and for all. Yet she found herself wanting to try. 

“I know,” she murmured. Talking wasn’t her strong suit, but it eventually became wholly necessary. “Only time will tell. I think we should at least discuss it.”

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“No,” Gabe admitted, his eye roll mostly sourced from his reluctance to be agreeing she was right about something like that.  “But that’s why I don’t think this will be an issue, at least not professionally, for either of us.”

He didn’t realize how much he’d wanted this until the moment something a lot like hope broke open inside him.  There were a lot of deeper issues at play, things that had lay long-dormant and unresolved inside him.  Maybe it was stupid of him to have been holding out this kind of hope, but clearly it was there.  He wasn’t sure it’d been there all along, but it had definitely been stoked into something now.    

“Why don’t we do this?  You can ask me whatever you want.  Like Twenty Questions, only not just yes or no answers.  I’ll answer anything you ask with honesty, no matter how hard it might be.  That way, it’s all on your terms.”   He sighed.  “I don’t think you were hiding anywhere near as much as i was before, but if you extend the same offer, I’ll keep my questions easy.  Do we have a deal?” 

-

“A lot of people go for the arm first, bicep.” Ingrid motioned to the man’s arm. “You have a good fit, so it would be a compliment for you.” Ingrid then walked back and grabbed a journal. “How about an emblem? It’s simple and has a decent composition that would work for your arm.”

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Gabriel nodded, watching her move.  “Bicep or even forearm, maybe?”  He eyed the journal she brought back.  “An emblem.  That could work.  What kind of emblem were you thinking?  Or at the very least, point me in a direction, maybe.” 

Gabriel was slowly losing any inhibitions he had about spending time with Joey.  In fact, what a lot of it came down to was how much he missed her.  She’d been easily the most important part of his life for over ten years.  Even now, the familiarity and comfort of it hadn’t all departed.  A family dinner after Valentines day, which he’d very nearly dodged but hadn’t been super comfortable for, had prompted his mom to point out the obvious.  Even if his romantic relationship with Joey was over, they still had a lot of history.  It was both simple and complicated, but in the broad strokes, she was important to him.  The dissonance was in trying to pretend that wasn’t true.  While he knew they hadn’t blatantly talked through much, like he knew his mom had been hoping, a pattern had emerged.  The once a month coffee date had evolved into lunch every couple of weeks.  Being around her, while sometimes a little awkward, was never exactly hard.  And in terms of awkwardness, it was getting better now that the shock had worn off.  

So he showed up to lunch, after his turn to suggest the place, with his shoulders relaxed and his stride easy.  He knew exactly what he wanted to talk to her about today, at least on his end.  He didn’t know if anything was new with her, but he had every confidence she’d share, and he’d talk about his, and everything would be okay.  He’d been looking forward to it since they’d set the date via text a few days earlier and he’d made their reservation. (Sometimes it was still a little weird to consider them casually going to lunch with enough disposable income they could go somewhere that required lunch reservations.)

It probably wasn’t weird that he could confidently order an appetizer and a couple of basic drinks for them while he waited, either.  He thought about texting Evie about their evening plans while he waited, but it felt a little strange, so he left his phone in his jacket pocket and looked around at the other patrons, just glad his back was toward the wall and he could see most of the restaurant in an old habit that refused to die. 

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Things were different now.

Evie wasn’t a naïve uniform who felt special that a detective had paid attention to her. She wasn’t the same naïve uniform who had been heartbroken that she’d been lied to and left with the damage. He wasn’t the same man he had once been. Letting him back in was risky and it was all a matter of it being worth it in the end.

There was no such thing as a do-over where they were concerned and maturity was realizing he hadn’t been completely in the wrong, much in the way she hadn’t been completely innocent.

“I don’t think there would even be consequences,” she pointed out. Except that she was putting herself on the line with the possibility that things could fall apart again. It was infuriating that once again, he had wormed his way back in. Maybe she would always hold that little snippet of something for him. Now was the time to measure her words carefully. “I don’t know what it is I want fully, but I also know that sometimes the best way to figure it all out is to just do it.”

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“Not really,” Gabriel agreed, his voice soft.  “Unless you decide to take criminal justice and you’re in one of my classes.  Which, to some extent, would be a fair play on your part.”  

There were a lot of reasons his heart shouldn’t be soaring with her saying essentially, she was in.  It did anyway.  Her words were backloaded with a lot of uncertainty and hesitation, though, and he couldn’t blame her for any of it.

“At some point, we’ll have to talk,” he pointed out.  “Like... really talk things through if we decide to make this work.  The only thing I can promise you for certain is I’ll be honest this time around.  It makes me kind of sick I have to say those words out loud, but... they’re not just words.”

A sincere smile snuck onto Ingrid’s lips, which she hid behind her fingers. She shook her head and leaned forward, eyes narrowed as she scanned the man before her. “Nahh, I could tell you’re a softie… but now for the ink, that all depends on what you want, when you want it, how big or small. I’ve had some take like two weeks, just because we both had to agree on what looked good for them.”

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“We all have our moments,” he deflected.  “I guess the first thing in the size debate is trying to decide on placement.  I don’t think I’m going to be ambitious and look for a back piece or anything like that.  Otherwise, do you have a recommendation for location?”  He bit at his lower lip for a moment.  “I’m not in a rush, though.  And I don’t know what your schedule looks like, so I don’t want to impose either.” 

The FBI, that was quite the bit of news. Robbie shook his hand a little bit in awe of Gabriel’s job status. "Well that’s why you travel for solving cases. Congrats to you Is that something you congratulate someone for…” He more meant congrats on being good enough that the FBI accepted him in their ranks. It seemed like an elusive club to be in. “I really did. That could have been bad. Still could be…” He was always too trusting, to a point. “It’s nice to meet you too.”  

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Gabriel shrugged.  “Thank you.  I’m not sure it is.  And I left recently so I could come back home.”  It didn’t really feel like home anymore, but that wasn’t the point.  A lot of that was related to his own short-comings and faulty actions.

He chuckled.  “Could be.  You never know with the likes of me.  I might probably have my shit together sooner rather than later, though, so I might not need the hospitality.  What do you do for a living?”

Robbie was certain if he had just asked a few more questions that fact wouldn’t have caught him off guard. “A crime?” He blinked. “Shit that’s…” he didn’t exactly have words. “They brought you all the way out to Missouri to investigate a crime.” There were so many layers of realizations to be had and he wasn’t sure how socially appropriate it was to unpack it all in one sitting. “Nothing worse than being in a new place and everyone is quick to say how bad it is.” He couldn’t really relate to that sentiment. He’d never lived outside Seattle so this was all he knew, but he had many jobs. And on that front he related. Showing up happy to be working and bombarded with complaints. Usually they were completely founded. He could leave a job easily but that couldn’t be the same for the other’s situation. “We’ve gotten all caught up in every topic imaginable and I never told you my name. I’m Robbie." 

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“I worked for the FBI for the last several years,” Gabe explained.  “Some people have a set office or a location, but I didn’t.  I was a special agent so I went a little bit of everywhere.  It was good for me.”   His chuckle was appreciative.  “It definitely makes you wonder what kind of shit you just stepped in when people tell you how much you’ll hate it where you are.  I don’t know that I actually ended up hating anywhere as bad as it had been stated, though.  Part of it, for me, was the realization that I wouldn’t be there that long.  You can tolerate anything for a finite period.”

"You offered to let me stay at your home before I even told you my name.  My social skills are slipping,” he said with wide eyes, extending a hand.  “Pleasure to meet you, Robbie.  I’m Gabriel.” 

-

As the customer rattled off his ideas and the reasons behind them, Ingrid’s eyes narrowed. She saw different images in her head, some better than others, but all had a concept with the plane and a rose that either wrapped around or through it. She had been ready to ask a question about the concepts when he asked his own. 

Even though Ingrid was a tattoo artist, she really didn’t have many of her own. She was picky, even though it didn’t seem like it. “Well, I tend to think about why I want it, the sentimental value of the design– believe it or not, I can be a huge softy and I want to show that.”

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Gabe tilted his head at her.  “What do you mean, believe it or not?  I believe it.  I think everyone can, given the right topic or circumstances.”  He sighed.  “I just think mine is buried deep down at this point.”   He chewed on his lip a little, his mind rolling even as his mouth stayed silent.  “What’s your process like for drawing something?  If I wanted to maybe use a couple of these for a base, but create something unique?” 

        Farah took in the man’s words with caution, and once Agent Williams with the FBI left his lips, pure shock struck her concerned features. This man, Agent Williams, was standing before her and a reminder of a terrible piece of her past. This news took her breath from her lungs, and the counselor couldn’t leave him standing.

“A-Agent Williams, hi,” Farah tried her best not to stutter, but the shock took over her actions and tensed body language. “Yes, I remember you and everything that happened that night. It’s hard to forget, and trust me, I tried.” The counselor had to think of something new to say and quick. She didn’t want to stay on this horrific subject for much longer. “What are you doing here in Seattle?”

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The reasons he shouldn’t be there, let alone in her bed, were left on the other side of the door. For a moment, it was easy. For a moment, the past four years were gone and she was just Evie Morris. He was just Gabe Williams. It took a moment to remember such when her head settled and she realized just who she had in her bed. 

“I’d rather not,” she agreed quietly. She swiped up a hand to rub her eyes and let her arm fall back down. “I don’t think do-overs will help anything in this situation.” 

These were the words she wanted to hear back then but was too afraid to. 

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He had already laid it out there they didn’t have to really talk things through.  Her acknowledgment she didn’t want to landed just fine.  It was like nothing could really touch him or resonate too deeply while they were cuddled together in her bed.  “You’re probably right,” he agreed eventually, his voice nothing more than a low hum through his chest as his fingers trailed lightly over her head, soaking up the feel of her for as long as she’d let him.  “But the real-time, present is very different.  And we have an opportunity, if you want it like I do.  It wouldn’t be a do-over.  I know what I want now and I’m free to do it, in all the ways that matter.  Consequences aren’t as drastic.  Your job is safe.”  It was probably too bold to say her heart would be safe also, but it was probably true.  At least, it was as true as he could guarantee without knowing the future.  “It just depends what you want.  And honestly? You don’t have to know that or tell me now.”

“You and I both.” He chuckled. “As daunting, tedious, and repetitive as it gets.” Robbie was also entertaining the idea of just throwing himself into working. But he was too social to not have a social life. Maybe that was his problem. Working in the same place every day. There was fun in uncertainty for him but he’d worked too hard to get where he is now. “If you ever need a bed I have a spare bedroom. It never gets used to be honest.” He’d never been far from Seattle in his life time. He’d been through other parts of Washington, traveled to Canada a handful of times, and frequented Oregon every now and then. But that was it. He had the heart of someone who wanted to be well traveled, but not the time to do it. “Never been to Missouri. What’s it like?" 

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“I appreciate that, thanks.  I’m hoping I can just find my own place soon.  I’ve got some money saved up and my job now isn’t too busy, I guess.  I at least have some time to look.  I’ll keep your offer in mind, though.”  Living with his parents wasn’t exactly ideal, even if he wasn’t crashing on the couch.  He hoped to end it soon, but it was nice to have a potential escape hatch if things didn’t come together as easily as he hoped.

“Cold,” he said succinctly.  “At least when I was there.  And I mean... I was there for work and I was investigating a crime, so I don’t think I had the best view of it.  A lot of the people I ran into, like, at the grocery store seemed happy enough with where they lived.  I didn’t hear a lot about how bad the place sucked, like I did other places I went.”

-

“I think symbolic tattoos could be good,” Ingrid replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “What kind of symbol are you looking for? I’ve seen specific flowers, constellations, animals,” she listed off. “I haven’t done a face yet for that kind of tattoo, so… But those can get generic, so tell me what you’re wanting and I’ll let you know if it’s something super cliché or not.”

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“I think a face would be weird,” Gabe admitted.  “Maybe a model airplane?  My dad was an Air Force pilot and we’re pretty close.  We’ve built model planes together for as long as I can remember.  It’s not really my thing, other than I do it with him, so...”  he trailed off with a shrug and flipped through one of the books in front of him.  “A rose, maybe, if I could find the right one.  That’s a little more of a stretch, though.  How have you decided on your own tattoos?”