the ugly or the divine

It’s all consuming when she sees him hold someone else’s hand, when she knows he’s holding someone else close. Pushing back with barbed comments and hurtful jabs numbs it, though she’s still left alone each time. Brie knows it’s not his fault that she’s upset — Her pride won’t let her admit it, causing her to take a half second longer to reply. She can’t help but wonder if he notices that — Brie would kill just to know what Gabe was thinking, like she used to. At one point, she could read him like the back of her hand. Now, he’s practically a stranger. “I’m the one who walked away,” She can’t help inwardly cringe at her word choice, seeing the cruel irony. “You’re the one who came after me, Gabriel.” The blonde points out, arms crossed and chin lifted, clearly on the defense. “We wouldn’t be having this argument if you had just stayed with her.” 

She notes the small amount of space put between them, and that he still remains far too close. The realization causes knots in her stomach, leaving her with mixed emotions. Overwhelmingly, longing is among them — It's hard not to think of all the times they’d been in a similar position, with his arms at her waist and hers around his neck as they snuck an intimate moment in a crowded room. The memory is part of the reason she preferred to keep a physical distance, one far enough to keep her from remembering what it felt like to have his hand caress her cheek or press against the small of her back. 

Then he says her name, and it’s like the air has been squeezed out of her lungs. She feels stupid for having that kind of reaction; The way her heart beat picks up a bit more and she becomes grateful to the dim lighting for hiding the heat climbing her cheeks. Brie can’t recall the last time he’d called her anything but Barlow — It feels foreign and all too familiar, disarming her in a confusing way. She knows in hindsight she’ll kick herself for not simply pushing past him and ending this, but there’s something about the tone of his voice that leaves her heels cemented to the ground. “I’m trying.” The words come out sounding much smaller than she wanted, though her body language remains guarded she can’t help the emotion that laced itself into two simple words. “It’s not like you’re —“ Brie stops herself, unsure of where she was even going with her sentence. She hates that this is where their conversation is headed, at a Halloween party of all fucking places.

Any sort of higher ground she felt with him is beginning to crack, only compounded by the mention of her late fiancé. Pushing for Gabe to be one of Luke’s groomsmen had been cruel — Brie’s not entirely sure why she’d suggested it, decided to punish him that way. All things considered, fate got her back for it. “This isn’t about him.” Brie finds herself saying after a moment too long, immensely frustrated with herself for having let him knock her off course so easily. “None of this is about him.” 

none of this is about him

it's not, perhaps. it's probably not. it never was about luke, it was about destroying whatever they had built together. any foundations, any trust, any love. smashed under luke's heavy steps- but everything orchestrated by the woman in front of him. perhaps her fiance's death had brought back memories for her; or maybe she was just manipulating gabe. once again.

the man couldn't stop the sigh escaping his lips, suddenly exhausted about the turn of their conversation. truly questioning his own sanity because never before he would have followed her out here. he shouldn't have, as it was the most illogical. because the same way he couldn't understand her reaction, gabe didn't have any sound explanation for his own. "listen," he started before someone pushed behind him, some kind of commotion towards the main room, that gabe ignored.

he ignored, mostly because his gaze was transfixed on brie's soft features. so suddenly vulnerable, it threw gabe off whatever high horse he'd been riding for the last few minutes. he'd never been much of a romantic, poetic individual, but at this moment, he could swear time stood still. them, with just a few inches between them, breathing the same air. nose touching, barely.

it had become second nature by now. the voices of the mob suddenly filling the air triggered her muscle memory into action. gigi skillfully navigated her way through the crowd, determined to put some distance between herself and the commotion. in the midst of her small escape, her gaze met gabriel's, and a small sigh of relief escaped her lips. without hesitation, she linked her arm with his, guiding him in the same direction.

after passing through a few doors in the back, gigi secured a spot that felt safe enough for them to stop. her voice was hushed, but the intensity of her emotions was evident as she faced the other. ' gabe... ', she began, her words carrying a quiet fury. ' i swear to god , if my dad had anything to do with this… ', her hands clenched into fists, knuckles turning stark white.

"they're looking for you, gi." he states, matter-of-factly, though the way he squeezed her fingers betrayed his stress. "they're your father's men." gabe had recognized at least one of them, which hadn't been much difficult given the fact he grew up with the woman in front of him, and was more often at her place than his own. "you need to leave, or you'll get hurt."

But that hope didn't last as a familiar voice called his name. Asking if he was okay. Glancing up at Gabe Passerini, Elio snorted. "Yeah. Just drunk. Didn't realize you were here, dude." A lie. Elio saw him, and had started moving around the crowd to greet his friend when he saw who Gabe came with and immediately had turned around.

gabe could swear their eyes met. so either elio was absolutely drunk out of his mind (which he doesn't sound like) or the guy was lying. "right, i'm pretty sure we saw each other." walking toward the faucet, gabe couldn't help wetting some tissue, making a small wet pad before moving towards his friend. "so the curious thing now is why would you lie to me, of all people?" without much preamble, gabe dabbed the wet towels on elio's neck, a feeble attempt to care for his friend who really looked bad.

She knew he'd moved on, Brie had seen it before. The blonde had spent the last few years hammering nails into the coffin that held her relationship with Gabe, turning them into what they are now -- They're not friends, barely acquaintances. She'd seen him bring girlfriends or dates to events they both attend, but something about the combination of alcohol and unexpectedly walking into a shared moment became the perfect storm. One that had her stomping away as fast as her heels would take her, confused by the way the sight of him with someone else simply hurt. She wanted out of there, to drown herself in gin and tonics and find a stranger to replace him with.

Gabe's voice finds her, muffled by the sound of some club remix of a Nicki Minaj song. For better or worse, she'd know that voice anywhere -- Brie keeps moving, hoping she could lose him in a sea of club members and party goers. The feeling of his hand on her elbow, forcing her both literally and metaphorically face her demons, is unexpected. "Get your fucking ha --" She stops herself as her back bumps into the wall, forced to look up at him. The party is far too crowded for them to not end up in such close proximity. Despite her heels, she still has to look up at him, and in the dim lighting, Brie can see that he looks good. The blonde pushes the thought out of her head, forcing herself to focus on how annoyed she is with him -- It's safer that way, not letting herself dive into anything deeper than surface level bullshit. He never failed to stir something within her, despite how hard she tries to push it down.

"My problem? You're the one who just fucking cornered me." She counters, yanking her arm away from him. Her tone is laced in sarcasm and frustration as it usually is when it comes to Gabe -- But the context of it is what outs her. It only occurs to her then that this is the closest they've physically been in years. It makes her heart skip a beat. "Sorry I don't want to watch you suck face with some random girl." Brie rolls her eyes, though she knows exactly who Cat is. Had it not been for that moment, she probably would have been friends with the biker -- But there's some sort of instinct in her that won't let her show kindness to someone she knows is sleeping with Gabe. In hindsight, she'll probably see the flawed logic of it all -- In this moment, she can't see past what's right in front of her. And right now, it's the last person she wants to be around.

whatever happened with brie years ago, it was over. dead and gone, hidden away in that small shoe box amassing dust in the back of his closet. the man he was with her, buried deep, deep under the weight of the man he was now. whatever happened between them didn't exist anymore, and dwelling on it brought nothing but frustration, and anger. truth was, brie left him. no matter how she twisted it, the decision has been hers. the accusation has been hers. and the walls shaking with the door closing, it was hers.

gabe had been a spectator, watching the end of his relationship on the sidelines.

there hadn't been a place for him there, after all. his words not as important as her mother's -- oh, how he had loved her. tenderly, passionately. how the barlow women had just taken his heart out, left a bleeding hole there, without much remorse. nothing, no one, had been able to fill it up. he had forced himself to stitch it up, clumsily, to make sure the wound wouldn't reopen.

it already festered and tainted him, he couldn't do it again with her. not anymore, not ever.

her words hit him square in the face, like a slap. "what is it with you that you can't act like a fucking adult? why is it my fault you're bothered by her?" why was it his fault she decided he was the worst fucking asshole on earth for trying to move on from her for years? he's looking at her; they're too close. closer than they've ever been in years. she smells good and he wants to take a step back.

uncharacteristically, gabe wants her to understand. understand the hurt that fills his veins everytime he thinks about her, everytime they're in the vicinity of each other. for once, gabe wants to hurt her as much as she did him. the thought scares him suddenly, and his hand drops, leaves the softness of her skin. his hand flexes at his side, he takes an imperceptible step back.

"why can't you move on, brie?" her nickname, whispered angrily contrasts the last time he ever used it. contrasts with the memories associated with it. if he focuses enough, gabe thinks he can recall her laughing, scrunching her nose as she laughs, hard and deep. he hasn't seen or heard her laugh for years, now. "you forced me to move on when you forced me to be one of luke's groomsmen. though that's a moot point now, isn't it?"

When he finally leaves and now it's Nico's time, he sighs and lets him do his worst-- which he's sure Gabe will enjoy every second of. "The sad sack that just left laid down his bike and took me out after him," he explains, shaking his head. "He's paying for my fucking bike, too." Nico shakes his leg impatiently, his nerves still on edge from it all. Looking up at Gabe. "I just need a Band-Aid and I can go. I really don't need you to get gloved up like you're performing some botched surgery."

it's growing up with those people, always looking down on you for being somewhat different. gabe dabs some alcohol on the wound a little bit too harshly, when his father's face comes to mind. fucking mc men with anger issues. "say, were you that disrespectful to dr. huang as well or do you just have a thing against me?" gabe taunts while drying the skin and reaching out for butterfly stitches with the other hand.

even though she had just ordered gabe to change seats, there was a gravitational pull of his presence. as she leaned into his shoulder, a surge of cool outside air bounced off of his thick jacket onto her warmly flushed cheek. ' was fine. ' she replied tersely, categorizing the day as one of those uneventful buffer days when everything unfolded with predictability. she had clocked in at work, and before she knew it, she found herself on her way to gino's.

with a playful twinkle dancing in her eyes, she couldn't resist delivering a teasing remark, undoubtedly fueled by the beer ( and the secret other she had while waiting ). ' y'know it's not polite to tell a lady she looks tired, ' she chuckled. ' matter of fact, ' she continued playfully, ' you look pretty damn tired , too. they've got products for those dark circles nowadays, ' gigi teased, her thumbpad delicately brushing against the skin beneath his eye.

the pizza and wine arrived before he could do anything about the fact gigi's finger was in his face, just listening to her tell him how it was. he did notice how his own question had been diverted, pushed aside. it was usual, for her. always keeping her feelings and experiences close to her chest... they were way too similar. "keep you unlady-like fingers out of my face", he grumbled, reaching out for his glass of wine and tasting it, offering it to gigi for her opinion. the vinegar lingered on his tongue, grimacing. "it's just... i have exams soon. and work hasn't been particularly easy."

he found that it was always easier, to push gigi to open up as long as he did the same. both bearing vulnerabilities to the other, secrets wavered in the story of their friendship. the pizza smell made him lean back even more, stomach churning at the idea of eating. "idiots keep calling at 3am, getting hurt like fucking idiots. sinclair has been a fucking pain man, always complaining he can do everything himself. fucking annoying."