I'M ALIVE, I'M ALIVE, I AM SO ALIVE.

there's a laugh that bubbles up within her chest, looking at him with a rolling rock of her shoulders. "ooooh i mean out here, you will for sure. it gets like... fucking hot in the summers. and the fall, and, like, all year around. it's awesome, i guess. but. i mean, i would have never seen SNOW if it hadn't been for family vacations to visit like, my dad's side out east." blink. oh. outdoors? "you should see the orange orchards out here. they stretch for fucking miiiiles... if you ever wanna get lost, that's the place to do it."

outdoors, flying away. she loved when she could just DISAPPEAR sometimes.

slotting her hands within the warmth of her pockets, she swings within her step, a stumbling one and a half ahead of him. "surfing? like. maybe a couple times as a kid, but like..." eyes bug out wide. that sucking of her lower lip that melts into a grin, she laughed, making it clear just how DISASTROUS an affair that had been. "kinda wish i was good at it though. yanno? seems kinda freeing, being out there on the waves. like. i imagine that shit must be so... calming." and she kinda loves the idea of that. "wh... well, anyways. gotta find good things in a move, right? fuck. i like, have never been new like that before. kinda wonder, like, would you not wanna start things like a clean slate sort of deal?"

With images of orange orchards and hot days spent learning to surf now filling his head, Gabe was open to seeing it all. He'd already made friends here, but that was easy enough for him — sociable, friendly, had fantastic taste in music, and a sense of humor that bordered on wacky just enough to keep it fresh.

Maybe that was why he'd naturally gravitated towards Rue.

It didn't matter that they'd met under weird circumstances with him throwing up his entire stomach and her chasing a cocaine high. Gabe just felt they were kindred spirits. The conversation flowed well; they both yapped bullshit, but in a way that kept things interesting and made him want to discover more about her.

"Well, who says you have to wait for a big move before you can start over? What's stopping us from becoming a new person every day?" It wasn't like somebody held a rule book over their heads, ready to slam it down on their skulls for daring to want a change in their lives.

"I swear I re-invent my personality every three to five working days." But he also forgot things, too. A lot, actually. It was kinda weird. Kinda fucking him up. He had these random lapses in memory. Obvious things that he knew he shouldn't forget. Like his mom's birthday. His dad's job title. His sister's favorite band that he always made fun of.

im the perfect stranger who knows you too well...

he just seems like a NICE GUY. which is a nice change of pace in east highland.

"shit, if you're a vampire, shit might track, you're pale as milk. i think cali might change that though." the hot summer sun never seems to leave here, save the chill nights, the empty space there where SEASONS ought to exist. she kind of liked it ; the only time she'd ever really seen snow was with a friend on a train, whisking themselves off across the country, believing that they could run away from it all. "i mean do all cannibals look like hannibal lector? personally i think cannibals got it wrong. people seem like poison. why eat that?" in more ways than one, she supposes.

"oh... what? did a like, steak kill your family or something?" it's a bad joke ; rue grows quiet, then shrugged slightly, a chagrined smile. "sorry... i mean, cool? so then like, in terms of BREAKFAST FOODS, definitely more of a chicken and waffles kinda guy. i got it." rue tucks that knowledge away, along with everything else. "ok. so that's foods, and like... a bunch of shit. how about like, what's your favourite thing to do on your own? like, hobbies and shit? what are you into?"

"A rampaging, murderous steak... don’t say that too loud, or Hollywood might hear and turn it into a five-part movie series." Man, why did movies suck these days? It was all just remakes nobody asked for with the saturation turned way down. Come on, inject a little color into things!

"I'm into sports, like soccer, so I guess my vampire skin will tan soon enough." The California heat was no joke, but he didn’t mind it. The warmth made him feel more alive... which was a weird thing to think, so he kept it to himself. "I like outdoorsy stuff, which is probably why I dragged you out here like this." It was typical of him to want to go to a party and then instantly feel like leaving, as if to escape it. He always felt torn between two moods—it made his head throb.

he seems sort of like the glass half full kind of person. talking about the positives, the silver linings, but like, rue already knows. people fucking hate leaving shit hanging, awkward, while she knew how to work within it, stretch it... few people realized how you could get out of so many situations, by allowing things to slide, slippery, into awkward grounds, most people simply couldn't STAND IT. "yeah. it's nice until like... everyone knows your business. and never fuckin' like... lets you forget it. until you never really escape your mistakes. i dunno. it'd be nice to do that whole... fresh start bullshit... you know?"

well, yeah, not EVERYONE gets that. shitty. whatever. that's fucking life.

the night's punctured by her laughter, her squinting expression, puzzled but amused. he's funny, this guy. "like yanno, in the simpsons or something? yeah sure. but no, seriously it's not seriously like that. people here just like... i dunno. it's a place that's kinda big but small enough, you know? everyone goes to the same stores and shows off what LITTLE MORE they got then anybody else and feels like big shit in a small town or whatever. like... but it's... it's got nice parts to it. like. places to bike around and lots of like, cool places to just... you know. hang out. i go to the convenience store a lot, one of my friends, like, works the counter. he's pretty cool, plus he always gives me a discount on drinks, yanno? uhhh... but yeah, guess it depends what you're into. which. what are you into??? you're not some like, cannibal or whatever, right?" that nervous laugh - it escapes her.

She was an interesting girl—kinda weird, but not in a bad way. The only kind of weird that was truly off-putting was when people lacked social awareness and made everyone around them uncomfortable. Like incels, predators, and all the weirdos in between.

"You've got a good thing going then. Free drinks whenever you want? A massive win." An easy grin spread across his face—that was Gabe Goodman's style. Always the happy-go-lucky type, with the uncanny ability to treat his problems like they were nothing more than minor inconveniences. Just annoying little blips in his life that he'd always be able to work through, no questions asked.

When she asked if he was a potential cannibal, he bared his teeth, playful and ready to tease. They'd known each other long enough, so why not? Life was too short to stay in that awkward pre-friendship phase of wondering whether or not to let your real personality show.

"Although," he said after a moment of realisation, "I don't know why I'm baring my teeth. You said cannibal, not vampire." Not quite the same thing, was it? A laugh echoed in the evening air as Gabe shook his head, hands shoved deeper into his pockets. "I guess anyone could be a cannibal, but I don’t think I pull off the look." What did a stereotypical cannibal even look like? Shifty eyes and sickly skin? Gabe hoped he didn’t look like that, though he probably wasn’t at his best after all the drinking he’d done tonight.

BETRAYAL makes them all a little bit harder, she supposes.

outside feels sobering. cool against hot skin, where she realizes that sweat slicks to her forehead, her neck. is it the drugs, or something else? rue, doesn't want to really think about that too deeply... that's a problem for later, in different moments when she comes face to face with some inevitable hurdle. mom, maybe awake later then she expected, or gia wanting to just TALK about something. these things, all these things, coming to a terrible halt on the ride she's on. she kind of wonders if he gets it, he seems to, this like, wayward and lost boy amongst east highland's streets...

"oh, uhhhh... yeah? yeah, sure." right, that's a snap, too, a remembrance that they got nowhere to go, but everything to gain. what's to lose, right? unless he's really some kind of PSYCHO KILLER TYPE, but uh, she kind of doubts it. rue likes to think that she gets it, like, how could that happen to her? and she's like, totally fast. so... yeah. what the hell. "i've lived in east highland like... all my life. i kinda feel jealous of you, it's kinda like really getting a fresh start when you move, right?"

"Yeah, feels like you're starting a new save or something." Typical teenage boy talk, relating pretty big huge life situations with something like video games. But finding stuff like that, even if was dumb, to draw comparisons to was how he tried to make sense of the world. That was how Gabe worked best — downplay big decisions, use humor as a way of avoidance, generally strive towards being as laidback as possible.

"I mean, I get feeling jealous but isn't it sorta nice to live somewhere all your life? You have all your friends here." But he supposed the opposite could be said, too. What if she grew up with someone, known them since they were babies, and then it all went wrong? A friendship severed and bad blood forming between them. Then there was no real way of escaping the awkward encounters that followed unless one of them moved away. Gabe wasn't one for the drama of growing up, but that didn't mean he was fortunate enough to get out of the line of fire sometimes. It was a normal part of life and all that, but, man, he just didn't have the energy for the bullshit.

"until you name me you can't tame me this is one old game that I can play so well"

it makes her feel like a librarian herself. could this be her in a few years? away somewhere handing out books to people like sticky pieces of candy? comedies, comedies, comedies. ❝ did you ever read romana and beezus? i liked those when i was younger. i know they're children's books, but if children can read adult books, then older people can read their books too. ❞ she scans over the library, beginning in a direction. ❝ beverley cleary also wrote a series about a boy and his dog. ❞

❝ agatha christie wrote a lot with twists. ❞ the mysteries she's read are few and far between. ❝ hers are scary, though, ❞ she says in a softer tone than normal. why would she choose to scare herself further when she is already constantly afraid? is gabe that type? johanna glances behind her. perhaps it is his smile or his willingness to let his head go spinning while reading that yes, he does seem like the type who would like it.

"I don't think I've heard of that one." He immediately thought of Beelzebub the demonic figure, which probably wasn't worth mentioning, especially when Johanna went on to say that Agatha Christie books were scary. He knew those books; hadn't read any of them but he'd seen episodes of some tv show they did on them when he was a kid. His grandmother was a huge fan.

"Yeah, they do profiles on players and go into their background. Like, how they were inspired to play and all that. I could tell you a hundred facts about soc— football." He winked, amused by the difference, even if it wasn't a big deal. He wondered what it would be like to get into American football but that wasn't anything he was into. And his soccer coach would flip if he heard Gabe was even considering it.

"I always liked those Choose Your Own Adventure books. I know they're mainly for kids, but who cares, right? Like you said, if kids can read adult books, why can't it be the other way around?" They had a ton of video games that followed that format, too. Each choice was supposed to lead the player down different paths until they got one of multiple endings. Depending on the game, the choices didn't really seem to make much of a difference, though, so there was still room for the medium to develop.

and this guy seemed like someone who had the same GRAB BAG of problems in a way, but drugs like. fixed it for him. it's almost an enviable position to be in, and she can't help but wonder how he managed to get so lucky for it. but what does she know about him? just that he's like, a guy. who does drugs. which is sort of nice because she doesn't really have people to do that with anymore since fez got all annoying about her relapsing, like, as if rehab keeps you clean... that's the lie your loved ones tell themselves, as you grind yourself into dust for the thing you cannot help but love... what an affair that was, to be submerged within.

if only she was poetic enough for that, but frankly, she's stuck in the hurt, the ache, the things that consume her because time was relevant and to her, the small things were so large in magnitude, in comparison. what had she really lived? but perhaps what mattered more was WHAT HAVE YOU LOST? that stood at the core of all of them. though he seems, like, kinda too fun to really get all mucked up in that bullshit, didn't he? he's already stumbling with his ability to get up, but when he does ( hanging on, barely, to the handle of the door ), rue's applauding, a grin spreading wider across her features. "don't be weird. that's all i ask." it's a mild ask, she doesn't expect it to be respected. it rarely is, as the door opens to the bathroom and rue lights up another joint, letting that be what permeates across the space, as if to dispel any gossip along with the way the smoke faded away in the air. "um. you're not so bad. we should hang out again if you're ever... uh... free."

"What's wrong with being weird? Well, I guess it depends on what type of weird." Because there was the good type of weird that made it funny to be with your buddies, doing stupid shit that didn't really matter. "I'm not a bad kind of weird, so you're good." What was the definition of that anyway? He wasn't a creepy weirdo, if that's what she meant.

"Yeah? I mean, I'm down for that. Would be good to have someone to look out for me the next time I'm at one of these parties." Although, Gabe felt like he'd sobered up a bit since he first flung himself into the bathroom. "We can look out for each other." Even if neither of them were particularly qualified for that when they currently both looked like they'd been hit with trucks, but it was the thought that counted.

"I thought we were going out for fresh air," He laughed, nodding to the blunt. Whatever, it wasn't like the actual air outside was probably much better what with the amount of people hanging around. As they headed downstairs with nobody paying attention to them (good) Gabe was suddenly overcome with a desire to go and do something. It was like a lift in his mood that energized his spirit and made him want to run out the door and do cartwheels on the lawn. Maybe it was the result of having made a new friend on this random night. Either way, he was itching to just go, go, go.

LADSSS it's being filmed omg this brings me so much joy

❝ i don't. ❞

getting in trouble means being sent to the principal's office which could mean getting sent to the safety officer for their school which could mean getting arrested which means juvenile detention which means... no leaving with diploma in hand on the last day of school. johanna can already see the disappointed look on her guardian's face. oh, goodness, she could be tried as an adult! her guardian could visit her in prison and---

library? oh, right! ❝ yes... i like to read. ❞ said with a sharp inhale. ( why does she have to remind herself that she isn't in trouble, that there aren't any shackles around her wrists? ) ❝ i know it's not everyone's favorite though. ❞ a small smile, despite the fact that she doesn't really understand some people's aversion to the hobby. why rot in this reality when a new one is just a page turn away? ❝ if you ever want to get back into it, i have a few i could recommend. ❞

he looks like he plays sports. not that it's a bad thing---just an observation! johanna doesn't know much about athletes and the only sports she knows anything about are because of gym ( usually participating through tears ). gabe is the kind of athlete to participate in clubs centered around keys. that fact lets her relax slightly around him. ❝ oh? what do you play? ❞

"Yeah, you could give me some recommendations! You know, I like funny books or ones with good plot twists. Sci-fi is pretty cool, too." Gabe knew it wasn't really his responsibility to make sure she settled in but he wanted to help her. If talking books would help her feel more at ease in this new environment, then he was all for it.

"I play center midfielder for the soccer team." Oh, uh, Johanna probably didn't know what that was, right? Eh, it wasn't anything he'd talk her through unless she wanted to hear more. "It takes up a lot of my time, so it's hard to sit down and read books. I used to collect soccer magazines but does that really count?" He supposed reading anything was still counted as reading. Didn't the teachers say that even reading on your iPad or phone was a good first step for anyone who struggled? But somehow Gabe didn't think reading TikTok captions would help any of them improve their reading comprehension...