PARENTAL ADVISORY, EXPLICIT CONTENT

Full Name: Gabriel Parker

Age&Birthdate: November 27, 1980 (40 years-old)

Place/Time of Birth: Los Angeles, California, 10:39 AM.

Gender/Pronouns: Cis man, He/Him

Occupation: Owner of a porn production company.

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Relationship Status: Single.

Her offense didn’t stem from the offer, but from his gross over simplification of why she declined. Her nerves didn’t stem from the offer, truly, either. The man himself provoked every flutter in her stomach. Her inability to read, or predict him didn’t sit well with her. Control use to lack in her life, in most aspects. Now, she didn’t relinquish it easily. He seemed to ask her to do so whether he knew it or not. His smile invited her in while seemingly hiding his secrets. “I don’t think anything of the offers or what you do.” She wanted to make it clear to him that she casted no judgement, but part of her knew it didn’t matter anyway. Gabe never seemed the type of man to care what other’s thought of him. 

A small sigh in place of a laugh passed through her lips. Time continued to fly by with Connor. Everyday it felt like she could blink and years would pass. She felt his childhood slipping through her fingers. “Thanks.” The word held earnest. “It’s okay, Gabe. Really. I.. I appreciate everything you did for me back then. Even the offer, I knew you were just trying to help.” Her shoulders released tension. “If you need any help with your mother’s place, I’ve kind of become an expert at the whole sorting through years worth of belongings.” She offered gently. 

                                                                * * *

     Gabe shrugged when she thanked him for what he did for her back then. He didn’t consider he had done much. He needed a maid, had hired her and since it was easier for her to bring her boy, he let her. He always prided himself in being a good boss, and years ago when he offered her the porn gig, he might have meant a bit more than a simple job. But that was something else he would not tell her, obviously. It was a long time ago, seven years ago.

     He smiled at her offer to help at his mother’s place, even if he knew already that he would not ask her. “That’s nice of you. I have tons of stuff to figure out, it’s a bit messy. Plus, I don’t know what to throw out yet. I barely knew her, wasn’t too close.” He replied, finishing his coffee cup. “But maybe when I’m done sorting out things, I could give you a call, it would probably be easier. I’m probably gonna flip the house and sell it.” He wasn’t exactly sure how he would work this out, but at least it would keep him busy for the time he would be here.

✹

               Everything had happened on impulse. Usually Nadia was incredibly organized and detail oriented, yet when she’d found out that she was pregnant and Gabriel had never gone to his vasectomy appointment all rationale had gone out the window. All that time he’d been in her bed, his, whatever surface or wall they could find when the mood struck he’d been lying to her. After his appointment it was assumed safe to engage without precaution. It was large part of why she believed he did it, because either he had to wrap it whenever they had sex or she was on birth control. Nadia was pretty adamantly against the pill and the way it messed with her hormones among other things. But neither one of them were ready for a baby or wanting that. Now, the brunette didn’t have a choice. The flight had been short from Sacramento to Phoenix and it really hadn’t taken her long to figure out where Gabe had disappeared to — he was careless that way. It wasn’t until her ass was sat in her first class seat on that plane where she thought: fuck, I need somewhere to stay! And thus began looking up five star hotels and checking out their suites via the in-flight Wi-Fi. 

                Checked into the Presidential Loft Suite at the Valley Ho Hotel, using his card because fuck if she was going to be paying out her money as well to all the overall damage he had done, Nadia had fixed herself up and ventured out that first night. Comfort was sought and had in another man’s bed, and with her particular brand of ‘fuck you luck’ came across Gabriel during the aftermath of her night with Owen. The fight that ensued between her and her boss had sent the woman come unglued over the edge. She’d quit. At the very end of it Nadia had told Gabriel no more. For the days that followed, she sat holed up, feeling sick and crying in her suite. She called her sister, sent out that SOS, and kept in touch with the man that made her feel good when she was at her lowest. Nadia didn’t know how to process all the carnage. For five years he’d lied to her, comfortably, about who he was — his childhood and where he’d come from. All that she’d done for him: took care of his business, his accounts, his schedule, put him into rehab, annulled his Vegas marriage, took care of him personally, and took him back with each apology and bit of begging. Of all the stupid shit he’d dumped her for over the years —

                Wait, how could he have dumped her if he would never actually claim her in a fucking relationship?

                Never had she felt so used and worn down, she’d given up so much of her life to make sure he was happy and successful. Her own hopes and dreams had long gone up in smoke and in the end all Nadia wound up with was jobless and a baby in her womb. All her life she’d prided herself on being a strong woman, an incredibly talented and intelligent woman, but she let herself be taken down and apart by a man who never really appreciated her. Gabriel fucked her over every single chance he got and she sat on the floor of a suite bawling her eyes out in a strange city — lost, alone, and somehow having to figure out what to do next. 

                The knock on the suite door surprised her, Nadia walked to the entry, dressed and put together to go out but paused before moving to open it — she could hear his voice coming from the other side. Nadia’s first thought: Roy. Of course he told where she was. The brunette cursed under her breath and was planning to pretend as though she wasn’t present, hoping that Gabe would just go away. Then there were beeps and the knob was turning. Oh, fuck, he has a key. Sucking air into her lungs, Nadia began hightailing it backward and before she knew it her former boss was entering and moving toward her. Never before had she been so grateful to have cleaned herself up — dressed as well as she usually was, hair done, makeup on. She had nowhere to go other than her stomach finally feeling okay to put something in it, the little growls telling her she needed to get moving and put some sustenance into her body.

                After listening to him speak, unable to tune him out because of the way he advanced on her, only one thing stuck out to her — “Thankful. You’re fucking thankful? Is that it, Gabriel? Thankful.” Bewildered by that, her head shook and a mix of emotions rose to the surface. This was unfathomable. “Any other things you’ve got hidden you want to tell me about? You lied about you, who you are, for the last five years and you know what? That’s not even it. There’s more.” Beginning to fume, Nadia turned away from him, she’d been stripped down at the core that even his tossing the flowers against the wall didn’t even startle her. It was frightening to feel that fucking numb. “But — you’re thankful. Okay.”

                                                   * * *

     He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out this time. Looking down at the carpeted floor, he shook his head and chewed nervously on his chapped bottom lip. Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn’t he just do things right and stop screwing up every chance she gave him? He crossed his arms and exhaled deeply, still ignoring her gaze. He should have expected that she would not want him here. Not after telling him, she didn’t want to see him again. It was a stupid move. Did he really think she would welcome him with open arms? This was not one of these cheesy rom-com movies they used to watch together. When things were good between them. Why did he always have to ruin things when they could have been happy?

     Something she told him made Gabriel question their previous months together. Lying to her about his past – his parents, because he made up that part for literally everyone he met in the industry and did not want to risk someone spilling the truth someday. But when she brought up something else, his mind started racing. He sometimes twisted the truth, embellished it. Mostly when it came to his addiction. He minimized the problem, made it look like he was in control of it each time until she had to throw him back in rehab. But since Vegas, he had kept clean until he took that plane to Phoenix. It could not be the reason why she was so furious at him. Why she called him a liar. He knew he had done her wrong, but he had been honest on his feelings for her. Never cheated – even if they were not in a relationship (which was also one of his stupid ideas) – but really, did it matter anymore? Holding his breath, Gabe was still thinking of what else he had done wrong. Except for their stupid breakups, their dumb arguments, never actually introducing her to anyone as his girlfriend – when it was quite obvious for everyone else around that something was going on between them.

     There was another thing, indeed. An important detail he should have mentioned two months ago. A lie he was not proud of, but knew it was too late to admit by the time he came out of the clinic. He had taken that vasectomy appointment to avoid any accident, although he was a bit surprised that she encouraged him in his decision at first. Gabriel had never planned on having kids. His own childhood was a mess, he never had a father figure – or at least a decent one – it just seemed like the best option. But when he sat there at the clinic, scrolling on his phone, reading articles on complications and stories of men who regretted doing it, he got cold feet. What if he was one of those guys? What if he finally decided to build a family? Cancelling the appointment was not a terrible decision itself. She would not have hated him for it, if he had mentioned it to her. Probably asked for explanation, of course, but at least she would have known. Instead, he pretended it was done. It was a coward move, and extremely naïve to believe she would never find out about it. He was extra-careful, of course – as careful as unprotected sex could be, realistically – but could not imagine her reaction if he admitted the truth. He doubted she had found out yet, unless she had noticed he had never paid the clinic. What if it was the reason why she was so angry at him?

     “Yeah, thankful. Grateful. You didn’t bail on me, even if I deserved it.” He repeated, finally finding a bit of courage to speak, his gaze moving to her. She was no longer facing him, and he took a few more steps, uncrossing his arms. He scratched the back of his neck nervously, filling his lungs with air before exhaling slowly. “I never told anyone about that story. I didn’t lie about who I am. I lied about my past because it was humiliating, and I wanted a fresh start away from all of it. I didn’t want my past to be me.” He paused. “But I get it, that’s not the point of all of this.” He added, visibly nervous. His gaze screened the suite for a short moment, as he tried to gather whatever was left of confidence to tell her the truth. He had no other secret to tell. She would probably kill him – or maybe emasculate him, who knew – afterwards, but at least it would be sincere. “If you really want to know everything – there’s one last thing. I didn’t tell you… You probably know already, I guess, since they probably called to reschedule. I didn’t get chopped, because I’m an idiot. I was afraid I’d regret it later. So yeah. I fucking lied about that and it was a stupid move not to tell you about it.” He paused, already anticipating a new explosion, or maybe far worse. “But that’s the only thing, I swear, Nadia, there’s nothing else, I know it’s already fucking bad enough and really, I’ve crossed the line far many times already, but please, just give me one last chance.” He added, approaching further.

      Every time Gabe walked into the bar, Spencer thought he could use a drink himself. There was always something, whether it be the white powder he tried to wipe from around his nose, or the reeking stench of booze, which was saying a lot considering they were in a bar. He couldn’t help the way his eyebrow rose in silent question, studying the man, judging him. But who was Wyatt to judge when he found himself in all sorts of fucked up situations? Women, to begin with, were one of his many issues; one in particular, but that was a different story for a different day, one he’d tell with gloves covering his knuckles and a punching bag in front of him. Now? He was focused on the blonde in front him, listening to the words echoing through his ears. Firstly he responded with, “How about a water?” Before pouring a glass with ice and sliding in front of the other, then followed by a plain coke– the alcohol could wait until the conversation was over, and he was slowly sobering up. Fuck love would have been his second response, because who needed it when all it ever did was have you end up in heartbreak? Yet, he was still hopeful and still one day holding out, for what? He wasn’t entirely sure. “You wanna start from the beginning so I can get the whole picture? ‘Cause I ruined my life for a lot of things, love ain’t ever been one of ‘em.” No, his heart would break and pieces would need to be mended, but he’d do it.

                                                                                  * * *    

 He watched Spencer in disbelief, like he had suggested to pour gasoline into his glass. “Water, is that a joke?” He asked, looking at the glass with disdain. Maybe he could use water, and it was not such a bad idea. He sighed, and grabbed the glass, taking a long drink of it, before putting it down. His gaze shifted from the wooden bar to the brown-haired man in front of him, and he slicked his hair back at his question, before scratching his beard. “I fucking ruined everything, man.” He repeated, shaking his head. “You have no idea, she’s like…Everything.” He sighed, grabbing the drink again, this time emptying it. “I broke up with her before coming here. It was some stupid fight, I embarrassed her in front of her parents. Told them my job. She didn’t want me to. I should have fixed things before leaving. I didn’t. I just left, and didn’t tell her.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m an idiot. I always do that. The last time, I fucking broke up with her and went to Vegas and got so fucking wasted I got married. She still took me back. She’s a fucking saint and I’m an idiot. But this time, I don’t know. I guess it was too much, she fucking lost it man.” He cleared his throat and began shaking his leg nervously. “She threw a coffee at my face, slapped me and told me to lose her number.” He looked at Spencer, a desperate look on his face. “I can’t do that, I love her. And now she won’t answer my calls. I just don’t know what to do, I fucking ruined it.” He repeated again, before lifting his glass. “Now can you give me something strong, please?”

Chloe often kept her head down, out of peoples way, out of mind. Her life no longer had room for trouble, but she couldn’t held the flame sparked by his comment. She held back her eye roll, pressing her lips together in a thin line. “Yes, because of my son.” Her volume remained low, but her tone switched. “A girl like me. A girl like me who has been on her own since she was 21, who has no back up plan, no one to rely on. A girl like me who now has a business to run in a hometown where I watched my mother get torn apart by gossip over her husband leaving her with 3 kids, like it was her fault. I was not being rude about your talent, Gabe. I feel for them and respect them. The fact of the matter remains the same as to how most of society views that profession - and I don’t have room in my life to take a risk like that.” She swallowed swiftly. Chloe had never spoken to him like that. Her nails dug into her palms. 

Despite the rage, she did as he asked. Chloe sat, eyes glancing back to the corner where Connor say, tracing over the rest of the diner to ensure no one needed her. “He’s 7. He’ll be in 3rd grade when the school year starts.” She sighed softly. Connor was so little when she worked for Gabe, so much had changed. “He’s over there.” She pointed to the booth where he sat alone.

                                                          * * *

    Clearly, he was going too far, and should have left the porn gig topic where it remained – seven years back. He didn’t know much about Chloe’s personal life, nor her past. He nodded quietly when she mentioned her mother, and the gossip. He had dealt with his own share of gossip as a child. His mother was a stripper, but he decided not to care much about it. He had other things to worry about, like his stepfather. Mysteriously, people didn’t care about that kind of story though. He was not going to tell her his own story, though. It was not something he told people. He could not deny that she was right, the job offer was taboo, and not everyone could deal with this kind of reputation. “It’s fine, I wasn’t pressuring you to accept. I’m not completely dumb, you know. I know porn is not exactly a conventional job.” He smiled at her politely, hoping to calm her down. He could tell that she was angry at him for bringing back the topic.

     Gabriel was shaking, feeling a bit nauseous as he drove to the hotel Roy had texted him. In another context, he would have possibly wanted to know why the man knew where Nadia was staying, but right now, he truly did not care. He was simply desperate and wanted to find her to talk to her. Because he knew she would never answer her phone, or at least not if he was the one calling. He was not fully sure yet if she would answer the door, and as he glanced at the GPS’ screen and saw he was approaching his destination, he felt less and less confident about what he would tell her. He could not say that he was sorry. She had heard it a thousand times before, and even if he meant it – for real, this time – he doubted she would buy it. He had spent the last week thinking of what he would say if she finally answered the phone or showed up at the door – which he doubted would happen even more – and had concluded that he had screwed up completely, and that for the last five years, she had given him way too many chances, and he had burned them all. He was not even sure what he was doing, what he was hoping for, but he refused to just let her go.

     He finally stopped the car and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, before staring at the large building standing in front of him. So, that was where she was hiding. Hopefully, she was not somewhere else, maybe with another man, who knew. His stomach twisted at the thought of it. He didn’t even want to think about it. He had always been ridiculously jealous, even during their times not together. Gabriel slowly opened the door and pulled himself out of the car, before looking at the bouquet of flowers on the passenger seat. It was probably the most desperate move of his entire life. He was never a flower guy and had always laughed at guys buying them for their girlfriends. Reluctantly, he grabbed the bouquet, and walked to the entrance like he was going to the electric chair. The woman at the reception desk gave him a polite smile, and Gabe smiled back, awkwardly.

     He wasn’t especially looking good, tired from his lack of sleep – ironically, he was sober for almost half a week, now – and nervous, anticipating another fight. « Can I help you, sir? » The woman asked, and Gabriel cleared his throat, trying to regain his usual confidence. “Um yeah, actually, I’m supposed to meet my – wife, the reservation is for your business suite. Her name is Nadia Burakgazi.” He said, already thinking how she would murder him if she knew he had called her his wife. “I think she’s probably gone shopping, so if it’s possible to have a key double, that would be great.” He continued his story, smiling, and the woman smiled back, looking at the booking agenda. She seemed confused for a moment, and Gabe worried. What if it was the wrong hotel, and Roy had misled him on purpose? « I don’t have anything under Ms. Burakgazi’s name…Oh, but you must be Mr. Parker, right? » Gabe looked at her, a bit confused. “Yeah, it’s me, why?” What if she had left a notice in case he tried to come in? Was it even possible to do that? « Can I see your ID, please? You should have told me. The reservation is under your name since it was paid with your credit card. » Obviously, she paid with his card. It wasn’t like he’d ever notice it. She was the one taking care of everything, he never looked at any receipt. Pulling out his wallet from his pocket, he grabbed his driver’s licence and his black card, relieved when the woman nodded and handed him a key to ‘his’ suite. He mumbled a small “Thanks” and left quickly, heading to the elevator, pressing the button to go to the third level.

     The suite wasn’t very hard to find, and soon, he was at the door. One hand clutching the dumb bouquet of red roses and the other holding the key, he first tried knocking at the door. “Nadia…It’s me. Please, I just want to talk.” He spoke, and it appeared in his tone that he had left his last bits of confidence at the reception desk. “Oh, fuck off.” He muttered, swiping the key card and unlocking the door, entering the suite and closed the door behind him. And as he stood there, he felt even more pathetic. She didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, why was he even trying again. He knew he had to talk, fast, or she’d never let him. “Please. I know you hate me okay, and I fucking deserve it. For Vegas, for every fucking time you had to throw me back in rehab when I promised I wouldn’t use again – but every time we broke up I broke that promise, and every fucking time I let you go, it was for some bullshit reason, because I’m just a coward and I don’t even know why you even stayed for so long but I’m thankful for that. I’m just thankful you ever stayed at all.” He tossed the flowers on the small table across the wall and took a few steps in, swallowing nervously. “I should have told you I was leaving. The reason, too.”

Gabriel stepped inside the place, almost stumbling on a customer standing nearby as he headed to the bar. He barely heard when the stranger asked him what his problem was, too focused on thinking about his future order. He needed a drink, quick. Even if he probably had way enough already and could use a little break for his liver’s sake. Settling on the stool in front of the bartender, he waved his hand, before opening his mouth, the words coming out in a slurred speech. “I’ll take a rum&coke please. Make it double. And no coke.” He said, laughing at his own ‘joke’. He pulled out his wallet and handed the dollar bills to Spencer. “Have you ever felt like you just ruined your entire life and couldn’t do anything to fix any of this shit?” He paused, glancing at the man in front of him. “Because I’m pretty sure that happened. I screwed up real big this time, and I’m not getting away with it.” He sighed, slicking his hair back. “Fucking love, it’s bullshit. Never ends up well.”

               “I don’t know that! How am I supposed to know that?” Still yelling and gesturing wildly, Nadia only felt more confusion and distance when Gabriel countered her and attempted to soothe the explosion. “You lie and you use, continually take advantage of me and this stupid fucking heart!” If she could rip it out and chuck it at his head, she’d do that. Instead, at most, Nadia pounded and clawed at her chest. She was in need of some relief from the pain. Things had been bad before, never like this though — never before had Nadia felt so utterly destroyed. And what was worse? Gabriel didn’t know the weight of his actions, he’d not faced real consequences before. Whenever he spouted off apologies and begged her to forgive and return, she always eventually gave in. Now, knowing everything she did, the brunette wished she’d never had. “You missed me?” Expression turning sour, dark eyes full of bewilderment fixed on the blonde as though he’d just spoken to her in a foreign language and she couldn’t understand. “This —” Hand waving between them. “Isn’t love.”

                Regret. It was the only feeling out of the mix of them that had risen to the surface. In the end, this was all her fault. When it came down to it, Nadia wouldn’t be in this position if she had heeded the warnings and red flags, if she had walked away the second time Gabe apologized for the same thing. Instead her soft heart buried her even further and now she was in a situation she couldn’t get out of without the heaviest of consequences. Once more the wave of nausea rolled through her, causing her face to pale and her eyes to close. Nadia swallowed and tried to steady her shaky breathing, her hand laid gently against her stomach and in her head she repeated — not now, not now, not now, not now….

                As angry and hurt as Nadia was, immediate contrition took ahold of her the moment her palm laid indignation across his cheek. Never once before in her life had she struck someone. This level of emotional mutilation had remained unknown until Gabe had compounded on the harm and took her to a breaking point. “I’m sorry.” It came out of the brunette in a rushed gasp, her fingers cupped around her mouth and horror gazed at him through dark lashes. “No, no, no nono noonono —” A rushed mumble as Nadia stumbled back, unable to hear more excuses. There was no more room for them, they failed to hold any meaning rushing off his tongue, and the brunette shook her head, almost wildly, just hoping that Gabriel would stop. “I’ve heard it all before. Please don’t fucking stand there and insult me anymore.” 

                The public setting had long faded away, her ears were ringing and she was on the verge of throwing up the water she’d had this morning. She felt hot, a headache was coming on, so she pushed her thick hair back off her face and smacked Gabe’s hands away from her. “Don’t fucking touch me. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” It took her a long couple of minutes but Nadia collected herself and managed to hold down the bile. For now. Looking Gabriel dead in that deep blue, her doe eyes looking like an animal coming into the clearing in the aftermath of a forest fire, she stared him down before shouldering past him. It wasn’t until she’d nearly made it to the door when she realized she’d forgotten her things, so Nadia stormed back and practically tore her bag from the chair. “You know what I came her for?” Disgust on her face, lip curled into a snarl. “I quit.” Letting it hit him, she stood and nodded singularly. “Yeah. I came to tell you I fucking quit.” This time when Nadia made it to the door, she turned and added, “lose my fucking number.”

                                                                    * * *

He felt the curious eyes of the strangers in the crowded coffee shop staring at them, and wished he could tell her to quiet down and stop yelling. But deep down, Gabriel knew it was a very bad idea to even think about doing it. He took the insults and the blame quietly, hearing murmurs around them, like he was on some kind of public trial. He knew she was right, he had lied more than once, twisted the truth because he was terrified of her reaction, terrified she would leave him, give up on him. He had omitted details, important details, bringing consequences he was not even aware of. There was nothing he could say or do, except look at her as she gestured frantically and brushed off all of his words. When she told him that what he had for her was not love, Gabriel’s eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak, closing it almost immediately, knowing she would find something to replicate. He had never seen her so furious before. Even after he relapsed after their first breakup. Even after the dumb marriage in Vegas.

Just like he was wondering if it could get worse, she noticed his bad habits had resurfaced. Foolishly, he tried explaining himself, like she would listen, forgive him about the drug use. It was naïve of him to believe she would. How long had he managed to stay sober? He was on a good path until he screwed up everything again. God was he good at ruining things. “I deserve it.” He mumbled when her palm hit his face. She had never slapped him before, even if he deserved it probably a thousand times. She had always been extremely patient, even in the worst situations.

His attempt to calm her down turned out to be a monumental failure. His hand returned to his side after she smacked it away, ordering him not to touch her. He stood there in silence in front of her, staring, his heart racing, wondering what would happen next. At this point, he was not expecting anything great. Suddenly, she moved, and he took a step back, expecting another slap in the face, or maybe a punch, he didn’t know really at this point what could cross her mind. Instead, she walked to the front door, after giving him a cold stare. Again, he stayed quiet, watching her walk away. He had not even noticed her bag on the chair when she came back, and hoped for a split-second that she had changed her mind. “Nadia…” His voice was trembling, and before he could say anything else, she grabbed her bag and turned to him. He knew there was no point in trying to convince her to stay.

The words she pronounced were far worse than a slap in the face, or any burning hot coffee cup. She quit. “What?” He whispered, before she repeated the words, walking away. It took him a few minutes, standing there in the middle of the restaurant before he finally sat at the table, trembling, trying to keep his composure. He was the nauseous one now. Her words were playing on repeat in his head, and he felt dizzy. It wasn’t like there was anyone else to blame. He pulled out his phone and remembered her last words. Of course, he’d never lose her number. He never memorized one damn phone number in his life but hers. Quickly, he began typing, immediately erasing his text, staring at the screen.  Even if he apologized a thousand times, he doubted she would bother text him back.

-

Very few people effected Chloe the way Gabriel did. The way the word sweetheart sounded passing through her lips left her confused. Similarly his smile felt disconnected from his words. He often left her perplexed, she remembered, wondering what it was he meant by certain things or if his words meant more than he let on. Chloe wasn’t a very open person. Normally relating to more reserved types wasn’t hard for her. But, maybe, it was more he held back with the facade of being forward? Her teeth sunk into the inside of her cheek as her fingers played with the hem of her shirt. A simple nod replied to his thank you.

“You’d probably hire any pretty girl who needed the money.” She pressed her lips together after the words hung in the air for a moment. Chloe didn’t really know what she meant by the statement, or what she was looking for in return. Her dark hues traced the curve of his lip. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he kind of enjoyed watching her navigate this conversation. “A girl like me can’t afford being known as that kind of .. working woman.” She had Connor to think about. She had to think about what a reputation like that could do to this business, her siblings, her son. “You still do that though.. from here?” Her brows furrowed. 

                                                          * * *

Gabriel’s blue gaze was set on her as he thanked her for her condolences, watching her tug on her shirt. He wondered if she was nervous, or annoyed. It was hard to tell, really, especially since she probably had to remain professional in front of customers. He regretted his comment on the porn gig, maybe it was not necessary. Not now, when they had just met again, after so many years. It was a joke – well, not really – but he doubted from her reaction that Chloe had the same sense of humor as him.

Her statement was half-true, he didn’t simply hire people for the money. But it was an easy assumption to make in this kind of business. “A girl like you? What does that mean, is it because of your kid? That’s a bit rude for my talents. Many of them have families.” He replied, toying with his beard. “But you know I’m not gonna force you in front of a camera, right? It was just an offer, darling.” He added, before answering her question. “Well there’s productions running in Sacramento right now. It’s not like I’m in front of the camera, they don’t really need me for the making.” He explained with a smile before pointing her the seat in front of him. “Why don’t you sit down to talk instead of standing there? Tell me a bit about your kid, it’s been a long time, he must be in school now?”

Gabe looked at the Grandfather clock standing in the living room near the fireplace, noticing the needles were not moving. He wasn’t too surprised, it seemed like the house was nearly abandoned. He glanced again at the fireplace, which had probably not been used in years, if not decades. There were remains of old ashes, paired with spiderwebs – or was it only dust, he could not tell – in it, a sad reminder that someone else used to live here at some point, before his mother. He sighed, grabbing the bottle of cheap vodka stolen in the woman’s minibar, and took a long chug, grimacing at the atrocious taste. It would do the job, he guessed, at least for now.

Picking up the box cutter, he opened another treasure chest as he decided to call them, mostly out of irony, because there was no treasure in the old boxes packed in his mother’s room. Old pictures, surprisingly some of him, even. Some others of his stepfather, family pictures, but nothing really interesting. Not that he was expecting to find some answer about his past, maybe, like who his real father was – he was fairly certain she didn’t know herself, anyway. Most of the ‘memories went into the trash, and he only kept a few pictures, out of nostalgia. Before things went really wrong, even if they were not necessarily ideal. Taking another long chug of vodka, he picked up the box next to him containing mostly trash and headed outside to toss them in the garbage bin. It was dark outside, but he noticed a shadow roaming on the empty lot nearby. From what he heard, the house burned down years ago and nobody built anything on it yet. He squinted his eyes, wondering if he was not hallucinating, until he noticed the man tripping on the grass. Curious, and a bit drunk himself, Gabe rushed inside to pick up his bottle of vodka and closed the house’s door before walking in the stranger’s direction. “I wonder if they’re gonna rebuild or just leave it like this.” He said, addressing the man, before taking a chug of vodka. It was really disgusting. “Are you lost or something?”

*

               Was this actually getting worse? If in her rage Nadia had heard Gabriel correctly, he admitted lying to her for the last five years about his origins and that he’d made some fucked up story about what happened to his parents. All that pillow talk wasted where she’d practically bared her soul to the man; explained how strict her upbringing was and how much she struggled being the oldest sibling, the living between two cultures and the pressure to please her parents yet fit in with her classmates and generation, and that was only the start. Stupidly, she’d told him everything about herself. The man had made a fool out her loving him and it was making her insane, breaking her down to the point she wanted to commit violence against him. “A-are you kidding me, Gabriel?” Completely incensed, black rage-filled eyes leaked anguish as Nadia launched herself toward him, the table practically thrown down the sidewalk. “Y-you lied to me about y-your parents?” Hands neared his face, fingers morphed into talons that wished to do damage, to rip him to shreds. “I don’t fucking care if you don’t like talking about it! You say that! You don’t fill someone with lies for five fucking years!” Not trusting herself, her palms slammed into his chest, shoving him backward. There needed to be space between them even if she continued to advance on Gabe.

               “Has anything you’ve fucking told me ever been true? Like when you said you loved me and all those times you said you’d do anything for me?” Head spinning, Nadia’s ill timed morning sickness was making an appearance. It could’ve been the truth and gravity of the situation taking over her, but she began to shake. Hand splayed on her stomach, willing with all her might for the nausea to ebb away. “What the f-fuck is wrong with you?” Nearly scratching her own face, Nadia aggressively wiped the tears freefalling down her cheeks away.

               As he explained, the brunette struggled to listen. It was as though he were speaking through a seashell. Her head shook, unable to really take anything in and process — Nadia didn’t care too much about the truth now. “No. Fuck you. Everything about you and us has been complete bullshit. You’ve made a fucking fool out of me. I gave up so much of my life for you.” Still, uncaring about the very public sidewalk and how everyone was standing back, she continued to yell. The woman was completely blinded by the pain of her chest ripping open. Time and time again she’d forgiven him, taken him back, even after he’d run off and gotten himself married then asked her to annul it for him. Even after he dumped her over the most petty, bullshit things. Even after she’d taken his ass to rehab multiple times. Years ago she’d earned writing degrees from the University of Miami, she had dreams she all but gave up on because love seemed more important. Now, the earth had caved in under her feet. “Everything is against me. That’s the problem — all you fucking do is think of yourself. And all I ever fucking do is think of you, too.”

               With experience came a keen, sharp sense — Nadia knew how to spot Gabriel’s tells and something as simple as the way he twitched his nose dropped yet another bombshell onto her. “Wait a fucking second.” Roughly, his chin was in her iron grasp and her dark, black smudged eyes narrowed as she took in the look in his own. “Are y-you—” How many times could Nadia come unglued in one fucking week? “Are you on drugs? Were you doing lines last night?” Then it happened, her palm struck his cheek. “You stupid fucking cokehead!” Having never felt this way before, so — unhinged — Nadia took a few steps back. Stumbling into a seat that someone had tucked behind her just before she collapsed. Pregnant and beyond distraught, she was overloaded, couldn’t handle anymore. Was this how it would be? Would she be telling her kid one day, ‘sorry honey daddy won’t be around for a few months’, because his ass was in rehab once again?

                                                                          * * *

There didn’t seem to be any way Gabriel would win this morning. Or at least, not for now, by telling her the truth. He admitted her he had lied about his parents, and she exploded, once again. He was probably too proud, or he had never really gotten over his past – even if he would never truly admit it, and seeing a therapist was not exactly in his plans – and he preferred telling anything else but the truth. The issue with lying was that everything ended up discovered. In that case, he didn’t expect it to be such a big deal. He wanted to give her more details, explain why he never told her the entire story, but with the curious gazes of the other customers around them, he preferred not to. Before he could do anything, or open his mouth once again, she pushed him back on his seat, which seemed unnecessary since he was on the other side of the table. Over the last five years, Gabe didn’t remember seeing her this angry.

His stomach twisted at her question, and he felt guilt. Of course he had been honest, multiple times, even. When they were together, not fighting, when things were going well. “I’d never lie about such things, you know I love you. I fucking missed you, and I know I’m an idiot.” He replied, before noticing how she looked dizzy. He decided not to comment, deciding that maybe she partied last night, or it was the flight that was making her like this. He preferred selfishly to think that it was the flight, and not that she had woken up a drunken mess this morning. Maybe even with another man. His train of thoughts was interrupted when she spoke again, and this time he saw the tears on her face. “Nadia, please…” He said softly, refraining to stand up, knowing that she would not let him comfort her, especially when he was the only one to make her cry.

Her response to his explanation hurt, especially when he heard that everything about them was bullshit. To Gabe, it didn’t mean bullshit, even if he had his moments – several even  - and he wasn’t exactly the greatest – boyfriend? He never really agreed to the term. They were never really anything at all, which was another problem between them. Maybe she was right, and he was truly making a fool out of her. He tried to find an answer, but at this point he didn’t know what else to say. He had already played pretty much all of his cards, and she was still mad, even worse than before. He could swear she had never been like this before, and he never expected her to be like this for such an insignificant thing like him going on a trip to Phoenix. There had to be something else. He finally stood up slowly after wrinkling his nose again, and walked to her seat. He wanted to talk outside, away from all the curious people staring at them. Before he could say anything again, she was quick to speak. And this time, he wished he could just disappear.

Indeed she would notice about the coke quirks. He always had the same little habits when he was using again, and it wasn’t hard to notice it, especially after five years of dealing with him. He held his breath for a few seconds when he felt her fingers holding his chin, and it wasn’t for a kiss, unfortunately. His gaze met hers, he looked tired, but thankfully he was no longer high. At her question he shook his head frenetically. “I swear, I’m sober!” He yelled, ignoring her question about last night. Her palm hit his cheek and he gasped, clenching his jaw and looking down at her insult. “I promise, it’s not gonna happen again, it’s just… There’s so much shit going on…” He tried to explain, gesturing frenetically as he watched her collapsing in the seat behind her. “And I was alone here… You weren’t there, I was going insane, baby I’m sorry, it was fucking dumb.” He could hear people whispering around them, and he tried his best not to lose his patience, his hand reaching to cup her face. “Maybe we can go outside to talk, have some fresh air? You look a bit… Sick?” He suggested, unsure if he was about to get another slap, a punch in the face or if she would agree to his suggestion.