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I. Roles:

     1. Dominant: Also sometimes referred to as a top. Dominants can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. Dominants take control of scenes or partners in their relationships with submissives. 

          a. Dom - A male identified Dominant

          b. Domme - A female identified Dominant

     2. Submissive: Also sometimes referred to as a bottom. Submissives can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. Submissives give control of scenes or themselves to their chosen Dominant in their relationships with them. 

          a. sub - The abbreviated form of submissive. Can be any sex.

     3. Switch: A person who feels comfortable adopting both Dominant and submissive roles within BDSM. Switches can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. 

II. Dynamics:

     1. BDSM provides room for individuals to create an infinite amount of roles within the Dom/sub community. Partners are encouraged to create a relationship that works well for them, using the framework, rules, and etiquette within the community. That being said, there are many commonly used roles, which have created the basic dynamics that make up BDSM. 

          a. Dominants and their submissives: Those who do not find one of the three more common dynamics to their liking often simply refer to themselves as Dominants and submissives. This removes much of the structure of the other dynamics, and allows them to create a BDSM relationship without further defining their roles.

           b. Masters (Male Identified Dominant Role), Mistresses (Female Identified Dominant Role), and their slaves (submissive role): These relationships often begin with contracts, drawn up by the Master, and signed and agreed to by the slave. A dungeon setting or an abundance of leather is often an indication that a couple is playing within this dynamic. Those who are more sadistic or masochistic often play here as well. 

           c. Owners (Male or Female Identified Dominant Role) and their pets (submissive role): In this dynamic, submissives take on the role of many types of animals, often including bunnies, kittens, foxes, or puppies. These relationships often include cages, eating from pet bowls, submissives on all fours, and include such fashion as tails, ears, and leashes. 

          d. Caregivers (Male Identified Dominant Role is Typically Daddy, and Female Identified Dominant Role is Typically Mommy) and their littles (submissive role): This is often characterized as being the most nurturing of the dynamics. Littles often employ an innate or artificial age regression referred to as little-space, and will take on characteristics usually held by children ages 3-17, depending on what resonates with them. Caregivers use rules and tasks to provide structure within the relationship. The wearing of diapers (ABDL), pacifiers, onesies, stuffed animals, coloring, and other fashion and activities of youth are typical within this relationship. This dynamic has become immensely popular in recent BDSM history, especially within the Tumblr community. 

III. Common Dynamic Abbreviations:

D/s: Dominant/submissive                                                                                   

M/s: Master/slave, or Mistress/slave

O/p: Owner/pet

C/l: Caregiver/little

DD/lg: Daddy Dominant/little girl

DD/lb: Daddy Dominant/little boy

MD/lg: Mommy Dominant/little girl

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

rope and photo by me

People ask me for info about rope bondage and Shibari, here are a few basic starters…

1. Would you rather be blindfolded or blindfold me?

2. Would you rather orgasm while performing oral or during intercourse?

3. What was your high school sex fantasy?

4. What’s your favorite position?

5.  Which part of your body do you consider the most sexy?

6.  Do you like to swallow?

7.  Who do you fantasize about when you’re alone?

8. Your last sexual encounter; good or bad and why?

9. Where is one place you would never have sex?

10. Top or bottom?

11.  Best sexual complement you ever got?

12. When was the first time you masturbated?

13.  Have/would you ever have sex outside?

14. Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

15.  Do you sleep in pajamas, underwear, or nothing at all?

16.  If you had a sexual “to-do” list, what would be on top of the list?

17. Is a weird “sex face/orgasm face” a total deal breaker?

18. Do you have a gag reflex?

19. Is your sex life award-winning or a total flop?

20. Are piercings sexy?

21. Can/Have you ever squirted before?

22. List your kinks.

23. How did you discover you were kinky?

24. What was your first kinky sexual experience?

25. Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?

26. What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?

27. Something that never fails to make you horny:

28. Where is one place you would never have sex?

29. The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when:

30. Whats the best way to sexually bind someone? (handcuffs, ropes, etc.)

31. Whats the fastest way to make you horny?

32. Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

33. Two things you like/dislike about oral sex:

34. How big is too big?

35. One sexual thing you would never do:

36. Three spots that drive me insane:

37. Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

38. Is it good sex even if you don’t cum?

39. Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? Why/Why not?

40.  If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be now?

41. Do you like giving head? Why/why not?

42. Do you own any sex toys? If so, how long have you had them?

43. Do you watch porn?

44. Have you had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

45. How would you react if you found out your parents had sex on your bed?

46. Spanking: turn on or turn off?

47.  What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

48. Biggest sexual fantasy?

49. Kitchen counter, couch, or on top of the dryer?

Would you rather be given an enema or have a urethral sound used on you?

Would you rather give oral while being fucked or receive oral while being whipped?

(Female) Would you rather sleep with a vibrator in both holes or with nipple clamps suspended the the ceiling so you can’t roll over?

(Male) Would you rather sleep with a vibrator in your ass and a vibrating cock ring on or with nipple clamps suspended the the ceiling so you can’t roll over?

Would you rather be bent over and fucked or pushed against a wall and fucked?

Would you rather be fucked by five people continually all night or be denied any sexual action for a month?

(Female) Would you rather use a dildo or your fingers to give yourself an orgasm?

(Male) Would you rather use a pocket pussy or your hands to make yourself cum?

Would you rather wear a diaper or have to ask to go to the bathroom every time?

Would you rather have anal beads or nipple clamps used on you?

Have your partner tease you all over your body with hot wax or ice cubes?

Would you rather only ever have sex in a bed or only be able to have sex anywhere but a bed?

Would you rather sleep in a cage or chained to the side of a bed.

Would you rather never give oral again or never receive oral again?

Would you rather spend a day sat on a fat dildo or a day in suspension?

Would you rather be blindfolded or gagged?

Would you rather wear nipple clamps or clamps on the tip of your cock? 

Would you rather wear nipple clamps or a clamp on your clit?

Would you rather be hit a few times with a cane or lots of times with a paddle?

Would you rather be put in predicament bondage for an hour or light bondage for 5?

Would you rather be edged ten times or have two ruined orgasms?

Would you rather spend the day with a large almost painful plug in your ass or two with a small one that you have to edge yourself with every time you use the restroom?

(Males) Would you rather be led around on a leash connected to a locking butt-plug or to a cock and ball ring?

(Females) Would you rather be led around on a leash connected to a locking butt-plug or to a clover clamp on your clit

Would you rather have two cocks up your ass or one in your ass and one in your mouth?

Would you rather be milked dry then given a dry orgasm or be allowed two ruined ones? 

Would you rather be denied an orgasm or be given so many it hurts?

(Male) Would you rather wear a cock ring and a vibrating buttplug for an hour without being allowed to cum, or a cock ring and large, long buttplug that stroked your prostate for an hour without being allowed to cum?

(Female) Would you rather have a butt plug and a dildo inserted for a 3 hours without being able to cum or vibrating ones in for an hour without being able to cum?

Would you rather wear a breast harness or a crotch rope?

Would you rather have a small soapy enema or a large plain one?

Would you rather have ginger placed in your ass or tiger balm on your gentiles?

(Female) Would you rather be hit on your anus or your clit?

Would you rather be zapped with a wand or touched with stinging nettles?

Would you rather spit or swallow cum?

(Male) Would you rather have your balls stretched or crushed?

How do I find people to tie with? Make a Fetlife account and search for “[My City] Rope.” Classes, Munches or Skill Shares are a good place to start.

But I’m shyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I can relate. But the bright side is, those events tend to be EXTREMELY newbie friendly.  It’s not at all uncommon for people to wander into their first rope event bewildered and alone (I did).   

At a place like Rope Bite, they’re used to that.  They will likely see you coming a mile away, make sure you feel welcome, and pair you up with somebody else that doesn’t have a partner.  

How long should ropes be? when in doubt, you sorta can’t go wrong with 25-26 feet (about 8 meters)

for decorative self ties, or if you’re only buying one rope, up to 30 feet (9 meters) is ok too.  Longer than 30 feet will probably be a pain in the ass.  

How much rope do I need?  3 to get someone tied up, 5 to really have some fun, 7 for most non-suspension applications.

Can heavier people be suspended?  yes. here’s a photo of a self suspension i tied and shot at a weight of 242 lbs (110 kg).

Learnings and Stuff

Video Tutorials Ropey Book Recommendations

Safety Infographics

Looking for tutorials? Blogs to follow? Want to figure out that one tie you saw at the dungeon last week? This post has got you covered – written to be accessible for complete newbies, with resources even old hats at rope bondage can appreciate be they bottom or top.

(1) Tutorial Websites and Videos  

Beautiful Bondage 

Cam Damage

Crash Restraint Website

Crash Restraint Youtube

deGiotto Rope

EpicRope

Esinem Website

Esinem Shibari Classes   

Evie Vane’s Videos 

Kinbaku Luxuria

Kinbaku Today 

Kink Academy  

Kissmedeadly Doll References

Miss Eris 

ReKink Rope Bondage Tutorials

Rope Baby  

Rope Connections

RopeTopia Resources

RVA Rope

Secondfloor Lotus Studio

Shibari.Ph Resources 

The Dutchy

The Twisted Monk

Two Knotty Boys Video Downloads

(2) Safety and Technique Information* 

* = most of the website and video list also covers safety information

Kinky Clover Rope Bottom Guide   

How to Be an Awesome Rope Bottom

A Guide For Rope Bottoms and Bondage Models 

Bondage Safety for Bottoms

Resources for Rope Bottoms 

Safety with Rope

BDSMWiki: Beginner Rope Bondage 

Blackout: What to Do When Someone Faints

Crash Restraint Rope Advice  

Fixing Problems Before They Happen

Free: Bondage Safety 

Rope Incident Reports

On Circulation 

On Nerve Damage 

Pain in Kinbaku

Nerves in Rope Bondage

Nerve Injury Reference Card 

Nerve Injury Treatment and Management

Remedial Ropes

Self-Suspension

Shibari.Ph: Read This Before Trying Bondage  

What is Shibari?

Who Can be Suspended?

(3) Books 

The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up by Evie Vane

Better Bondage for Every Body by Evie Vane

Rope Bondage The Smart Way: A Step By Step Guide To Using Rope Bondage In BDSM by Pete Riggs

Shibari You Can Use by Lee Harrington and RiggerJay

More Shibari You Can Use  by Lee Harrington and RiggerJay

Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes by Two Knotty Boys

Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes by Two Knotty Boys

The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage by Midori

The Beauty of Kinbaku by Master “K”

Essence of Shibari: Kinbaku and Japanese Rope Bondage  by Shin Nawakari

Rogue Hojojutsu by Douglas Kent

Complete Shibari Volume 1: Land by Douglas Kent

Complete Shibari Volume 2: Sky by Douglas Kent

Bondage For Sex by Chanta Rose

Tie Me Up! The Complete Guide to Bondage by Stephan Niederwieser 

(4) Tumblr Blogs  

@schwein-child , @goodmorningm0therfucker , @kissmedeadlydoll 

@camdamage  @ropebaby , @hornyropebunny @tohjiro 

@japanesebdsmofficial  @squirmforgood @evilthell, @amaury-grisel-shibari

@rumen-basheff , @kanan0690, @theropediary @jewelryandfire 

@cubicletocollar, @em-ties, @strictly-dirtyvonp, @secondfloor-fet

@gaping-lotus, @jesseflanagan, @nawayoi  @uncoiled-rope , @boshai, 

@tieduptee, @furi0usge0rge, @daddysprettypinkprincess, @shibarikuma, 

@daddyrigsme, @shaktibliss @nikolasromanov, @tied-yuno,  

@kinkyropecuriosity @danielriquelme-shibari  @tentesion, @wykd-dave, 

@ella-winters, @squirmforgood, @bondage-gifs, @master-rene-will, 

@orpheusblack, @alekzander-kinbaku, @misunguided  @untitledminor,

@tied-yuno, @kbnawa, @ropedisco, @cordineclubarchives, 

@tiedandtwisted420, @fred-rx, @skinny-redhead, @nikolasromanov, 

@enbydea, @neckropenightmare, @hangknot, @se7enbondage 

Tumblr blog list from @thebeautyofrope‘s awesome post because I simply could not do a better or more complete job myself

so you just bought rope and you wanna know where to start?  here’s a suggested curriculum of free tutorial videos.      

these are all self-tie friendly.

1.  karada (aka diamond harness, aka body harness)

2.  pentagram harness

3.  how to coil rope

4.  how to join ropes

5.  basic crotch rope

6.  rope corset

7.  basic chest harness

8.   futomono 

9.  single column tie

10.  double column tie

11.  diamond crotch rope

new and improved!  updated 7/24/18

Safety

Anatomy for Rope with IPcookiemonster Shibari Safety by DeGiotto Rope Shibari Safety by Esinem.  (Part One) (Part Two)

Beginner

How to Coil Rope by Degiotto Rope How to Join Ropes by @wykd-dave​ Twisted Monk How-to:  over a dozen beginner-friendly faves, including: *karada (aka diamond harness or body harness) *pentagram harness *single column tie *basic chest harness *strapon harness *basic hair tie @ropebaby​‘s youtube channel, featuring: rope bra basic crotch rope diamond crotch rope rope corset and more! Futomomo by Degiotto Rope Triangle Chest Harness by Tied Up Tee  Hishi Body Tie by Epic Rope Hishi (Diamond) Leg Tie by EpicRope

Ties for Partners (Intermediate)

Hogtie by Twisted Monk​ Hishi TK by EpicRope​

Hip Harnesses (Intermediate/Advanced)

Crystal Heart Hip Harness by @shibarikuma​ Dynamic Hip Harness by Moco Hip Harness by Nina Russ Tobutsuru Hip Harness by stefanobirdofprey Peach Tie by Tifereth

Advanced