Pup's Place

It prohibits access to her own sex (although she can not reach it anyway due to the mittens and cuffs) and at the same time invades it with squirming motions that presses in the most intimate places as she moves. 

She has no way of sitting or kneeling as the bar hits the floor and presses even deeper into her. If it is long enough it will hit the cervix, and that HURTS. The only thing she can do is lean against something for support at best.

With each move the chains connected to her ankles will pull the bar in different directions, and as the pivot point is in the crotch shield each pull below will be translated in an equal push in the opposite direction above the shield… that is inside her!

As the walk is an alternating movement, the bar itself will also shift back and forth, so as soon as she move, the insert moves. It is impossible to not get wet during such a circumstance. Even the most stubborn mind will have to give in to the body’s natural lubrication, and when that starts… the arousal is already coming. 

Even with the movement inside it is unlikely to be enough to get over the edge, at least not easily. So it will only be frustrating in more than one way, with no hope of orgasming despite the intrusion between the legs.

Add to all of this that the corset restricts the breathing a bit, and that there is no way to see a thing with the hood securely in place. Not to mention how useless the hands are. She can move, but to what use? Without possibility to see where she is going it is a huge risk to take, even though the movement will turn up the arousal too. But what if she trips and fall?

The sharp eye might notice the use of a vibrator tucked in under the shield to further enhance the frustration. It is out of control, possibly low enough to only tease and leave her starving for more. And there are also padlocks to make sure the chains and cuffs that connects to the inhibitor bar can not be removed by someone else.

The final questions are why this is so incredibly erotic in all its horrid evilness, and why it despite its violating nature and the hate relationship to it is something that haunts the mind and comes back as a need to experience again… and again… and again…

Vanilla, Fetish world, it doesn’t matter. If your guy, your fuck buddy, your Dom, your Daddy is always busy. If he always backs out of meeting you to hangout or do a play session, etc. If he always says “I was going to call but I was so busy” or “I meant to text but I’m so busy”. If it’s days between times you talk, or the only time you talk is when you Initiate it, you need to realize you aren’t a priority. You need to decide if that’s acceptable to you.

this isn’t expecting a partner to give you hours a day of undivided attention. that is, quite frankly, overkill, unrealistic, and selfish.

but if it’s putting up with going days without a single call, or a text, even just to express their hectic situation…

and, as the OP said “no one is always busy”?

Uh, hate to tell you but aftercare and safewords do exist for vanilla sex. It's getting your partner a glass of water after. It's cuddling and compliments. It's asking if they're feeling good during. It's words like stop, no, easy. It's asking if there's anything to make it better next time.

Imagine that you have a goal of getting in shape. After trying different diets and exercise programs, you find that you keep straying from them and inevitably you find yourself back at square 1.

You want it to be different this time, so you finally take the plunge: you hire a personal trainer.

You tell your trainer “ok, I have a goal to be able to run the Boston marathon by next year.”

“Ok”, says your trainer, “how much time do you have every week to devote to this, and are there any types of exercise you are unwilling or unable to do?”

“Well, I have an hour a day on weekdays and can make 3 hours on Saturdays and Sundays, and I have some shoulder problems so I can’t do too much upper body work and I’m unwilling to do stairs because I want to keep my knees healthy”.

So your trainer, working within those limits, draws you up a diet and exercise program, says “this is what I need you to do at minimum, and we’re going to start here work our way up”.

You start your program, and your trainer keeps you accountable. When you slip, your trainer reminds you of your goals and tells you how to make up for the missed exercise or the extra calories.

Now, the most important part of all of this is that even though the personal trainer may be the one giving the orders, ultimately that trainer works for you, not the other way around. And if that trainer steps out of line, you take your business elsewhere. You hold ultimate power, even if it doesn’t look like it in the moment.

Congrats, anon. You just described a power exchange relationship in completely vanilla terms!

Hope this helps!

One thing I love about this analogy is that exercise isn’t all one thing. No one would describe a personal trainer as someone who forces you to climb rock walls, because while some might do that, others will have you do lunges, or push ups, or lift weights, or jog, or all kinds of things. Same with Dom(me)s. They don’t just “beat” people. They might cuddle with you or spank you or tie you up. It’s not all one thing, and what you get depends on the trainer or the Dom(me) you have, what you like and don’t like, and what you want out of the relationship.

The other good thing is that people might be exercising for different reasons. Some might be doing it because they like it, some because they hate their body, some because they have a goal like running a marathon, some because of other reasons. You can’t say all people who want a personal trainer have internalized bigotry that makes them hate themselves, because not all of them are doing it to get skinny and pretty, right? Likewise, you can’t say all subs have internalized misogyny and that’s why they like this. Aside from the fact that not all subs are women, women who are subs are that way for lots of reasons.

1. Manipulation.

“But if you loved me you’d….” “You love me unconditionally don’t you?” “If you cared about me you’d…” “Dominants are supposed to…” “I’m a little submissive, you control me, so it’s all your fault.” “You hate me don’t you? That’s why you won’t do…” “You are such a dick, why can’t you just do something nice for me, for once.“ 

This is often done by “subs” who are out to use their Dominant for something, often to fulfill their kinky fantasies, and also often to get spoiled. The above phrases are often used to coerce the Dominant into buying them stuff, or participating in sexual play the Dominant is not comfortable with. Please remember you do not have to do anything you are not comfortable with, I don’t care how much tumblr says you have to eat her out or fuck her on her period, or lick his asshole, or buy her those new plushies and shoes every week, if you are honestly not comfortable with this, don’t let yourself get manipulated and talked into doing it.

2. Verbal/Emotional Abuse.

Putting their Dominants down, telling them how worthless/ugly/stupid/dumb/terrible they are, calling them names, and when you get upset you’re told that “it was just a joke.” “Don’t be so sensitive” “You’re overreacting.” “Aren’t you supposed to be the Dominant here?” “You control me so I can’t possibly do something to you you wouldn’t like.” Etc. This often goes hand in hand with manipulation and gas lighting to make the Dominant put up with this kind of abuse.

3. Physical Abuse.

Even if she’s a she, even if they’re 100 pounds and 10 feet smaller than you, if they even do as much as raise a hand at you or threaten to, you are being abused. Hell, even if it didn’t hurt, they are not supposed to hit you. At all. (obviously some couples like to play around a get a little rough and -both people enjoy it-, but I’m sure you all can tell the difference.) Again, if you say that this make you uncomfortable, they will often say things like examples already given. “I thought you were a big strong (wo)man.)” “c'mon, you should be able to take that, baby.” etc.

4. Denying you aftercare.

A lot of Dominants need aftercare too, and many don’t realize it, because for a lot of Dominants taking care of their submissive is their aftercare, but when for some reason this is impossible, Domdrop happens, and it can happen hard. Aftercare is not just for the sub, and if they don’t want aftercare but you know you do, and even after explaining will flat out refuse, it means they don’t care about your well being after an intense scene or session.

5. Refuses to give you any kind of love or affection or care. 

“You’re the Dominant, you should be able to take care of yourself.” “I’m the one who deserves love here.” “You’re too big and strong to be taken care of.” “Why don’t you pay attention to me for once.” “Your problems aren’t that bad.“ 

Affection is so important in a relationship, if it’s something you need, don’t ever settle for someone who won’t give you those things.

6. Does not support you in hard times.

When say, a relative dies, you may not be able to be as consistent, you still want to be their Dom and they your sub (or maybe not, thats fine too), but you also need them to support you and care for you in tough times. If they tell you to suck it up and take care of THEM instead, they are again a selfish little bitch that only cares about themselves. Take care of yourself when you need to, and you deserve a sub who will take care of you too.

7. Talk bad about things that are perfectly normally in D/s but that doesn’t fit their abusive agenda.

“Serve you? What. No. I’m a little fragile sub, YOU’re supposed to get ME drinks.” “Beg? I’m too good for that. That’s disgusting, you’re supposed to please me whenever I want you to.” “No, that’s not how D/s works.”

(obviously this is different from a sub who is simply not interested in these things, it’s the phrasing and the reasons behind it.) They’ll always make everything about themselves, and when you bring up something that isn’t specially for them, they’ll guilt you and shame you. They’re only interested in themselves and keeping you under their thumb.

8. Deciding everything without negotiation or regard for your feelings.

They never want to negotiate or communicate, play can only be on their terms, them never letting you actually decide or have a say in anything.

Your feelings matter, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t let yourself get talked into anything. Communication is everything in a D/s relationship.

9. They never obey you, they try to convince you D/s is all about the submissive.

There’s a difference between playful, agreed upon brattiness that’s fun for both parties, and using their Dom for their own selfish needs. This is often done by subs who want you to buy them stuff, care for them, spank them, etc, but they do not want to actually obey or serve you. They just want to use you and take advantage of you. Often times, disobedience is more of a sign of an ignorant or inexperienced sub than anything, but when it is paired with manipulation and other things, is when it crosses the line from ignorance to abuse.

10. You feel like you can’t trust them. They lie often.

Trust is everything in D/s, absolutely everything. If you can’t trust them, you can’t have a D/s relationship with them. If they lie a lot, even seemingly small, insignificant lies, it is a sign they do not respect you. Or they’ve cheated, or you’ve heard bad stories from their friends/co-workers, you’ve found suspicious things, etc. You deserve someone you can trust, not a liar.

11. Every single thing that would be abusive in a vanilla setting, or if you were their child, friend, or sub.

Every. Thing. All those other posts and guides and things online and everywhere that talk about signs of abuse? It all applies here. All of it. Don’t put up with what you wouldn’t put up with if it were any other kind of relationship. Cheating, slapping, name calling, lying, blackmailing.