i'm supposed to be retired

❝ there  are  only  three  rules.   first,  you  must  never  use  your  powers  for  personal  gain.  second,  you  must  never  escalate  a  fight,  unless  your  enemy  forces  you  to.  third,  you  must  never  reveal  your  identity.  nobody  can  know  you  are  the  power  rangers. ❞ — affiliated.  priv.  sel.   RED   &    PINK  

Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are… stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, six: uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage.

— What I did today, I did for my family.

Lilo & Stitch (2002) dir. Chris Sanders, Dean DeBlois

#the umbrella dance academy

❛ pine has no place in this loft. it’s the wood of poor people and outhouses. ❜ ❛ are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan ? what is this prison ? ❜ ❛ know this : your caveman ideas about manhood are so over.  manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty and paxil. ❜ ❛ guess whose personalized condoms just arrived ! ❜ ❛ we’re broenemies. he’s my fremesis. ❜ ❛ can we just take a moment to celebrate me  ? ❜ ❛ damn it ! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere. ❜ ❛ ___ is delicate. like a flower. like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself. ❜ ❛ i can’t talk right now. i’m writing a strongly worded email to my florist. ❜ ❛ i’m gonna have to run all the way home and i have my slipperiest loafers on. ❜ ❛ can you please get my towel ? it’s in my room next to my irish walking cape. ❜ ❛ bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons. ❜ ❛ you have found my flabbergast button,  and guess what ? you’ve pressed it. ❜ ❛ it’s like you’re ripping the side block out of my mental jenga ! i’m totally falling apart. ❜ ❛ it makes me angry and scared all the same time. just like when i hear the phrase ‘ academy aware winner anna paquin. ‘ ❜ ❛ man to man, you didn’t wanna wear something, i dunno, a little more form-flattering ? you know, like a pile of towels ? the number eight ? ❜ ❛ you’re listening to the radio and writing with a pen. what decade are we in ? ❜ ❛ walk with dignity, you giant toddler ! ❜ ❛ do you just walk around all day thinking about other people’s feelings ? how do you get anything done ? ❜ ❛ she has a flip phone ! she’s either poor or a time traveller. ❜ ❛ if you’ll excuse me, i have to go water my succulents. ❜ ❛ without ash to rise from, the phoenix would just be a bird getting up. ❜ ❛ now, as my best friend, i expect you to be willing to sacrifice everything for me at a moment’s notice including, of course, unfortunately for you, your dignity. ❜ ❛ you were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost ! ❜ ❛ where do you even buy sheets like this ? they have the thread count of a paper towel. ❜ ❛ they don’t hate me because i’m old, they hate me because of my personality. ❜ ❛ hey, m. night shyamalan. i’ve got a twist ending for you : shut up ! ❜ ❛ back in high school, they used to call me ‘ the sex haver’. ❜ ❛ my whole life is you. ❜ ❛ ARE YOU A CRIMINAL ?! FROM THE STATISTICS ? ❜ ❛ i look like a 70′s divorce attorney. ❜ ❛ i simply want a demographic breakdown of all the guys who hit on you. ❜ ❛ i’m like a sexual snowflake. each night with me is a unique experience. ❜

idk what you’re referring to but probably