BEG FOR FORGIVENESS

He'd suspected it would happen; the moment his phone rings, the ache in Jean's chest that he usually carefully compartmentalizes starts to tremble. Jean had spent years of his life violently burying his emotions, knowing they rose to the surface too easily and would bring too much trouble when they did. But only a few in California, with not only Jeremy's love but Cat and Laila's, the Trojans', Coach and Adi's, and now the Condors' warm reception, and begrudgingly helpful appointments with Betsey and Carlos, and he feels like an exposed nerve ​— over emotive, constantly aware of his feelings, and unable to hide them away for long.

He wouldn't trade it for anything.

Jeremy's small, sad voice threatens to break him open and one impulse he does fight is buying a ticket to New York immediately. Instead he laughs softly, trying to infuse warmth into it the way Jeremy always does. Has enough darkness purged from him so that he can be the one who brings a little light ?

❝ Silly, ❞ he chides fondly, ❝ We are earlier than you. You are the one staying up late. And all I will say is that if you throw a game, you get to deal with Kevin. ❞

For someone who'd learned to live with distance and loss, so many pieces of his heart living on the opposite coast leaves Jean chilled and empty. As much as he prays that they are taking care of each other, Jeremy and Kevin are the last people on earth who would admit they need help.

Just hearing his husband's voice unspools the worst of it from Jeremy's shoulders. He sags into the pillows and stares at the popcorn ceiling of his flat. An expensive high rise that 2/3 of the front line called home including Kevin himself. It was "cheap" for the area, so still astronomical but within his means as a professional, and an easy drive straight to the stadium or the practice center. It was also devoid of much more than a few photos, some of Jeremy's things, and whatever was left of half his life being boxed in California.

The tightness came back.

" I got a Statue of Liberty piggy bank. You put coins in her torch and her crown lights up." It was sitting on his desk now waiting for its next offering, "Did you know France gave her to us ? Kevin told me the whole story but I, um," he laughed, " I may have gotten distracted." A photo from Jean of him with Jabberwocky on their morning run. Three hours behind where the sun was still rising while it was high above New York.

The clock flipped and it was a half hour past his should absolutely be asleep limit for staying up. He'll be a mess in the morning. Oh well. " It made me think of you. We should go to France one day but only if you want to. I wonder if she misses it? I would. I do. " Too tired and honest. It is silly to see yourself in a giant oxidized statue but that was life. It is what it is.

But the laughter continued, taken up in an even more bitter and more haggard chorus than he would have thought possible. And Akira couldn't tell if the laugh was better or worse than his own, better or worse than any laugh he's ever heard come from Akechi's mouth before. It wasn't the forced, poised laugh of the ace detective, nor the fractured laugh of the traitor behind the mask. It wasn't even the cackle that Akira had heard a handful of times when they'd fought more recently in Maruki's palace. Akira would hesitate to call it a genuine laugh, but it was certainly a laugh he'd never heard before coming from Akechi.

--And it was all in Akira's mind, right? All constructed to try to coax Akira to stay in that new reality? The bile continued to broil in his stomach, fighting with the aching burning in his chest. And another laugh threatened to emerge from his lips as well, probably a laugh closer to one of Akechi's mad cackles than anything else.

Pinch, pinch, pinch. The sensation penetrated the whirl of his emotions, of his mind, the spiteful prodding locking him back in place, in that moment as something close to a smile cranked across his lips.

How can a kiss feel like death? Akechi moans against his lips but the root is not pleasure but desperation. Pleading, " No, no, no," against his lips but never pulling away.

Akechi Goro does not love anyone. Akechi Goro is not something that can be loved. He is little more than a masquerade living long enough for the curtain call. A match strike upon final bow that will set the whole place ablaze. He will die unremarkable and unmasked, forgotten in the fallout. He will. He will. He will !

He does not kiss Akira, at least he isn't supposed to.

Maybe this was the lie Maruki had been building too and it was never Akechi who was the outsider but Akira himself. How humiliating. To dream a reality where a man like him could want him after all he did. What self serving cowardice, licking his wounds with a doll. It makes him hate them more, Maruki and this false Akira both, but he clings to one and forgets the other. He gives into the fantasy.

Is your muse a good kisser?

Is your muse monogamous? 

What would your muse’s ideal date be?

Wild date night out or quiet date night in?

“How easy is it for your muse to say, “I love you”?

How important is physical appearance to your muse?

What is the longest relationship your muse has been in?

Does your muse like a height difference with their partner? 

How physically affectionate is your muse with their partner?

What would make your muse immediately abandon a date?

What physical attribute does your muse find most attractive?

Does your muse enjoy giving/receiving grand gestures of love?

What personality trait/type does your muse find most attractive?

What is your muse most likely to notice first about a potential partner? 

Does your muse like receiving gifts from a potential partner? If so, what?

Has your muse ever been heartbroken in a romantic relationship before?

Does your muse like being asked out, or do they prefer to do the asking?

Does your muse find the idea of a secret admirer charming or off-putting?

Would your muse prefer a spontaneous date night, or a planned night out? 

Does your muse like pet names? Do they like calling their partner pet names?

Does your muse fall for someone quickly, or does it take a bit to win their heart?

Does your muse consider financial status an important factor in dating someone?

Is your muse smooth when it comes to flirting? How do they handle being flirted with?

Does your muse tend to get jealous when in a relationship? Do they like it when their partner gets jealous over them?

Does your muse consider romantic holidays  ( such as Valentine’s )  important to celebrate when in a relationship?

How much stock does your muse put in first impressions? What is the best way to make a good first impression with your muse? 

Is your muse one to sit down with a new partner and formally define a relationship, or do they prefer to go with the flow and see what happens?

[ Jeremy @ his BABYYYYYYYYY ; pro years, ldr :( ] [TXT] :i'm thinking about you. [TXT] :i hate nights like this without you. / @furysburn

【 SENT. | Mon Soleil 】 I will always be here when you call for me. 【 SENT. | Mon Soleil 】 But the bed is less comfortable without you.

California is still certainly warmer and brighter and more preferable than the East Coast, but Jean cannot deny that so much of its light comes not from the sun, but from his sun. It must be late there — if it's 9:00 here, then Jeremy is truly burning the midnight oil. Jean shushes the instinct to gently chastise him and peck at him to go to sleep; these moments are the only ones that he feels even halfway back to human.

Pêche snuffles and adjusts herself where she's curled up as close to Jean as possible, and he reaches down to stroke her fur with a gentle hand and a wistful smile at his lips. Then he scoops her up and she only wiggles to get to his face and lick it, unbothered by the change in position.

It was one of those nights where all Jeremy wanted was his husband's body wrapped around his own. His arms hooked around his waist and his soft snores at the back of his neck while he slept.

Usually he was able to exhaust himself between games, the demands of being a Captain, and the general day-to-day of being the face of a professional team...but tonight he tossed and turned only aware of how empty the bed felt. How far he was physically from California and the foundation be built there for New York's impossible to turn down offer.

The photo helped as much as they made him ache.

【 TO: Petite Lune】 awwww she's gotten so big!!! 【 TO: Petite Lune】 maybe I shld throw tomorrow's game so we end the season early lol

It was half a joke. Half serious. The team had a strong season this year and they were early round hopefuls for at least the quarterfinals. When Jeremy asked Kevin how far he thought they would go he only tilted his head before smiling without answering. That had been answer enough.

Jeremy knew he should be happy but a Championship run meant February to April being consumed by the grueling play-eat-sleep-and-repeat cycle play-offs demanded. Forcing as many calories in his body as humanly possible before crashing on any flat surface. Coming awake long enough to see Jean and Laila's own games, time difference be damned, and maybe catching Neil's if he had the time or brain power.

And all while a world away from his home.

❝ the gods are not cruel, they are merely curious. ❞

❝ i have seen empires rise like prayers and fall like silence. ❞

❝ immortality is a slow kind of hunger. ❞

❝ even the divine grow tired of being worshiped. ❞

❝ i once loved a mortal. now the stars whisper his name. ❞

❝ the sea does not forgive. it only remembers differently. ❞

❝ they called me a myth to make me easier to forget. ❞

❝ the sun envies those who can set. ❞

❝ every prophecy is just nostalgia disguised as fate. ❞

❝ my hands remember the shape of creation. ❞

❝ even the gods kneel to time. ❞

❝ i wore divinity like a wound. ❞

❝ there is no glory in eternity, only repetition. ❞

❝ i loved you in every age, and none of them were kind. ❞

❝ the altar still smells like your prayers. ❞

❝ lightning does not ask for forgiveness. ❞

❝ to be feared is not the same as being known. ❞

❝ my heart beats slower than centuries. ❞

❝ the constellations were once my mistakes. ❞

❝ you built temples for me, but i lived in storms. ❞

❝ love, like prophecy, never asks permission. ❞

❝ i have turned grief into galaxies. ❞

❝ mortals call it tragedy. we call it memory. ❞

❝ i spoke the world into being and have been silent since. ❞

❝ the ocean taught me patience, then drowned me in it. ❞

❝ i am both the curse and the cure. ❞

❝ eternity is not mercy. it is echo. ❞

❝ he swore devotion, and i answered with thunder. ❞

❝ the moon only reflects because it cannot burn. ❞

❝ i am the story the poets feared to finish. ❞

❝ divinity is just loneliness with better lighting. ❞

❝ mortals die once. gods die endlessly in legend. ❞

❝ the fates never speak, but their silence threads everything. ❞

❝ i have loved across lifetimes, and each time, it ruins me. ❞

❝ creation was easy. enduring it was not. ❞

❝ my name has been worshiped, cursed, and forgotten, in that order. ❞

❝ the stars are just old gods pretending to be light. ❞

❝ i do not dream. i remember. ❞

❝ he prayed for glory. i gave him consequence. ❞

❝ thunder is only my heartbeat caught in the sky. ❞

❝ i built the world, but i cannot rebuild myself. ❞

❝ every offering is a confession. ❞

❝ i envied mortals their endings. ❞

❝ the divine bleed in metaphors. ❞

❝ i carved your name into eternity, and eternity flinched. ❞

❝ even olympus trembles when the heart remembers. ❞

❝ i have walked through centuries and never found forgiveness. ❞

❝ the gods are not kind, but they are honest. ❞

❝ i loved you like ruin loves beauty. completely. ❞

Akechi & his mom loose backstory and thoughts !

tw: suicide (non detailed), survival sex work, & allusions to child abuse

on survival

@furysburn asked: AITA: I [20M] escaped a...sports team lead by my not brother R [20M] a couple of years ago after I had an accident. Things were fine (kind of ish) until N [18M] joined the team and is now loudly rage baiting R at every opportunity including saying he & I talk about R's daddy issues all the time which I have NEVER DONNNNNE. Well because of said rage baiting / other circumstances that would take 3 books to explain he got kidnapped (he's fine now!!!) by his serial killer father and I had to explain that N is actually N [18M] (Alias makes this really hard) and I maybe said "You were always going to lose him" to his situationship A [19M] (who is also kind of my situationship but also not?? (I also don't really know what situationship means??? my teammate A [20F] uses it for us and she said it was the best explanation for "Whatever the fuck you two had going on" sooooo) Anyway, while I know it sounds bad it was more about how we would always inevitably lose him and my own way of processing grief through avoidance & hard truths and now this is too self aware. AITA?????

SEND ME IN-CHARACTER AITA ASKS

hi, A(19m) here

situationship means we're apparently in a relationship without being in a relationship. i'd remember us fucking tbh. but outside of that (please stop listening to A20f, she's not worth our time), you are so worked up over N and what he does/did. just because i gave him my protection doesn't mean i stopped looking out for you too. it just means you're both mine. i don't enjoy sharing what's mine, and to think you'd get so worked up over circumstances completely outside of anyone else's control, especially when i have the means of looking after you, is disappointing.

K, i will only say this once, so pay attention. i care about you. i care about you in ways i can't even explain in proper words, but you are also so infuriating, because you channel that grief and despair into something i couldn't give less of a shit about, and you try to drag me into it. i play that sport because i care about you. you need to stop letting your paranoia and whatever else is going on upstairs control you, and start having faith in other people. don't think this sounds like me? it's cause i'm feeling calm and reflective for once.

stop worrying about N so much. he's as much of a moron as you are, and it's so endearing watching you two go at it and trying to find normalcy in a world where it doesn't exist. play your sport with each other, drive each other to insanity or to perfection. i don't really care. but what neither of you are allowed to do is to stop being mine. i don't give that trust lightly, and just because i present one way to the world doesn't mean you have a clue what's going on in my own head. i will fight god himself for both of you, so keep being that same stubborn idiot who doesn't know wtf situationship means, because i will always be sitting in the bleachers watching over you. come mafia, serial killer fathers, idiot brothers who ―by the way i know he broke your hand― off themselves for one bad game, or whatever else comes to wreck our lives, i'll be there. so for once in your stubborn life, have faith in me and even N, because we care more than you realize. and i'm willing to bet that you care just as much without saying so.

p.s. does this mean we're like. in some weird 3 way situationship? now i'm confused. i'm going to throat punch A20f for putting this idea in your head, and now mine. fuck you.