JL

My name is unique. I can confidently say that not only am I pretty sure there is no one else with my given name/family name combo on the planet, I’m pretty sure there never has been. I am the only [name] that has ever lived.

Apple

Killer wig, incredible orb on the tail, somewhere between wizard and queen, looks like he’s going to be overthrown as king of France by a revolution, 9/10 would storm the Bastille to steal his wig

Google

Absolute polar opposite polar opposite energy of the Apple emoji. This guy’s owner spent hours grooming and bathing him and he’s gonna immediately run outside and dunk himself head-first in a mud puddle. 10/10

Samsung

This is a sheep but I still approve. 7/10

WhatsApp

Hi! Hello! Yes, hi! I see you! You’re a good boy! Yes you are! (please stop looking at me) 6/10

Twitter

Solid effort. Looks regal but approachable. 8/10

Microsoft

Looking slightly…. uh… what is going on with your head, man? Are you okay? did someone bonk you over the head with an oversized cartoon hammer? 3/10, concerning…

Facebook

Oh hell yes! Now this is what I’m talking about! This! Dog! Is! Gay! 20/10

Skype

The planets, aligned