1b. Diegoâs First Day.
Welcome to Funtimes At Work, a Five Nights At Freddyâs fanfiction! What follows under the cut is the first chapter of the story, âDiegoâs First Day.â This chapter is 10,074 words long. In order to make this post easier to manage, the chapter is cut in half. This half is 4,421 words long. This chapter half is available to read under the cut.
âSo now itâs just us two,â the caretaker pointed out.
âDonât remind me,â Freddy began, âIâm only letting you sit next to me so you donât annoy anyone else. Balloraâs giving her performance by now and I only have,â a pause as he checked his internal clock âforty-five minutes before Iâm due for mine.â
âRight! And I do believe youâre to clear all of your acts with me?â
That was met with a glare that, if looks could kill, would result in a fine red mist being all that remained of the fleshy one.
âI already told you, we call the shots.â
âBut you need my signature.â
His own words, used against him.
âFine. Itâs just a standard comedy routine with some slapstick with Bon-Bon moving over my body like a spider.â
âI think I can sign off on that.â
âBut you havenât heard how it ends! We get this little guy on stage, his nameâs Diego, and we decapitate him!â
That was squealed out, once again highlighting the bearâs love of dark humor.
âOuch, Freddy, ouch.â
âIf it helps, the blade would be sharp! I donât like rusty ones!â
âWell, arenât you ever the professional? Alright. Iâm just going to go pick up some chips, you donât mind if I eat them near you right?â
âWhy would I ever take offense to my enemy doing things that prolong his life?â
âExactly! Youâre the best, Freddy. I need to think of a cute nickname for you. Fred. Freedy Freddy. The Fredster!â
The unusual ursine could only posture an odd glare at the man who seemed entirely oblivious to just how deeply he was unwanted, and for that matter, unneeded. Freddy wasnât sure why Corporate insisted on giving him a manger: Baby didnât have one and she was just fine.
After a few blissfully quiet minutes, Diego returned with a pack of nacho-cheese flavored Doritos. Delicious! Opening the bag and taking some, Freddy glared at him.
âDid you want some?â
âNo.â
âWhy the staring?â
With a shrug that could only scream âeh, what the hell,â Funtime Freddy decided that honesty was the best policy. Implicitly, he just wanted to be so honest heâd spook Diego off from continuing his ventures in employment here.
âIâm trying to decide how to kill you.â
âGo for poisoning my food. I canât help it, I just love eating.â
âWell now thatâs too obvious! Maybe Iâll stuff you inside my chest and let you starve. Do you know how fun that would be? Your filth being your own extinctionâŚâ
âBut then youâd have my filth all in you! Donât you deserve better?â
Freddy was growing increasingly frustrated at Diegoâs apparent inability to be threatened. What was it with this guy?
âYouâre really trying to die, arenât you?â
âI have faith that you wonât actually kill me.â
âIâm a giant bear with a temper. Do you really think only faith will save you?â
âA question for theologians, Fred. Iâm just a psych major trying to earn some extra cash.â
âIs that extra pocket change really worth having to deal with me,â he cooed out as if in love.
âItâs pocket change to you, but to me itâs a lot. Hard to argue with sixty thousand a year.â
âSalaried.â
âTheyâll work me well over that, Iâm sure, but itâs good for now.â
So, Freddy also had access to Diegoâs pay-roll information. Lovely. The bear already knew where he lived, what harm could come from him knowing exactly how much he was paid?
âSixty-two thousand, three hundred ninety-five dollars, and thirty-four cents a year.â
âRight on the dot, Fredster!â
âDonât call me that.â
âWell, whatâs your preferred nickname?â
âFreddy is all I want you to call me.â
âCan I at least call you âfriendâ?â
âHe-,â it seemed the bear attempted to swear. He seemed frustrated with his inability to. âThere arenât even any kids nearby! But, the answerâs no.â
Diego took out his phone, just to check the time. Ten-twenty in the morning, just forty minutes until showtime!
âSo, how do you warm up for the show?â
âWe donât. We just go and do it.â
âSigns of a true professional.â
âDiego, Bon-Bon and I have done this for thirty-five years. We know how to do this with our suits powered down.â
âThat reminds me, Freddy! Are you the endoskeleton, or the suit?â
âAre you just the bones or the flesh?â
âGood point!â
The two sat in a, strangely comfortable, silence for a few more minutes. Freddy woke Bon-Bon up and placed him back on his hand. The time was ten-thirty, and he was ready to go.
âWe should head back to the Auditorium.â
âOh, we? Are you inviting me?â
Giving Diego one of his signature âI really want to kill youâ glares, the two entered the elevator. It was a short and quiet ride to floor one. Freddy took a deep breath in, and reactivated his entertainer mode. He took his place on his stage, standing perfectly still: it was as if he had no free will at this moment. The children entered the room, and Diego entered his office. He had a camera on his desktop pointing out the window: just so he could record this performance.Â
It lasted two hours, which was much longer than Diego wouldâve thought. From eleven to one, Freddy never broke character. He also didnât threaten anyone, and everything went on without a hitch: truly, he was a master at his craft. Diego mused that, perhaps, thirty-five years and layers of programming would allow you to master anything. He checked Funtime Freddyâs schedule: his first show was from eleven to one, then three to four-forty five, then five to six and he was done for the evening.
The time was now one-fifteen, and Diego was in the auditorium helping the janitorial staff to clean up. He needed something to do, at least, and he figured it was always prudent to get in the good graces of the custodians. Freddy pitched in as best he could, which was surprising - maybe it was something he had to do? A facet of his entertainment mode, and nothing more. Perhaps just there to teach the kids to clean up.
Perhaps he was just doing this to have an excuse to get closer to Diego and remind him of just how much bigger, stronger, and smarter he was.
When the party was fully cleaned up, the caretaker went into his office. The bear followed.Â
âYou were excellent, Freddy!â
âI know I was! Iâm an entertainer!â
âI wonât lie, itâs a little creepy how easy it is for you to switch between being independent and being bound to your programming.â
Oh, he was going to exploit that. He was going to exploit the utter hell out of that.
âWell, anything for the birthday boy! Bon-Bon, letâs make sure he has an extra-special birthday blast!â
The bearâs posture was straight, robotic, and a strange blend of janky, mechanical, and yet organic, and smooth.Â
âMaybe I should not have told you that that was creepy. What if I said it was cute?â
He immediately snapped out of his programming.
âNow I never want to enter that mode again.â
âWell donât let me be the cause of that.â
âWould it make you feel so guilty you quit if you were?â
âNot particularly.â
Freddy huffed out. Nothing ever was so simple with Diego, now, was it? He made his first caretaker quit only a week into it, and his second two months into it.
Was he losing his touch? Then again, he could be patient. Heâd simply out-last Diego. Something would get him to leave, something always did.
At any rate, the two moved into Diegoâs office. The caretaker huffed as he sat back down in his chair, happy to be able to relax - though in truth that wasnât in short supply at this job.
âHey, Freddy?â
The animatronic looked up, waiting for whatever it was the human had to say.
âTake this.â
Diego pulled out the taser from the drawer, keeping it in its pouch, and handing it to him.
â...What?â
âYou heard me. Take it. I donât want it. Do whatever you want with it. Toss it from the rooftop for all I care.â
âYou realize this is the only way Iâll ever do anything you say, right?â
âI donât care. Itâs not right to just shock you into submission.â
Bon-Bon piped up: âsee? I told you he was different!â
âThis is just a play, Bon-Bon. Heâll say that we stole it and ask for an even bigger one.â
Diegoâs heart nearly shattered into a million pieces. He was already quite the idealist, quite the bleeding heart, so this was entirely⌠heart-wrenching for him to hear.
âItâs not. Here,â Diego stated as he pulled out a sticky note-pad. He quickly scribbled a short message on it, âread it.â
Taking the note, Freddy read it out loud:
âI, Diego VĂĄzquez, do not want this or any other electrical compliance device used on Funtime Freddy or Bon-Bon.â
Did he even have the authority to say that? This had to have just been some symbolic ploy at Freddyâs trust. Itâd be broken, in due time. It always was. He took the note anyways, and the taser he simply held in his hand. He could turn this on Diego. He could make him feel as hurt as he did.
Yet he wasnât heartless. He was not as evil and as uncaring as heâd like to think he was. It would be unjustifiable to use this on Diego. He simply put the taser back on Diegoâs desk and got up. âKeep it. I donât need your pity.â
âFreddy.â
He began to walk out of the room.
âFreddy?â
He stopped. Bon-Bon seemed to have told him to do so, in their sort of shared circuitry.
âWhat?â
Bon-Bon tried to assuage his concerns.
âFreddyâŚâ
Diego got up and moved to him. Diego was five-eight to Freddyâs cool six-foot, not counting his hat.
He gave Freddy a tight hug, just rubbing the bearâs back.
âWhat⌠are you doing?â
âA hug, Freddy. Youâve been hugged before, right?â
âBy children. Maybe a few parents.â
âAnd by employees?â
A pause. That was all Diego needed to hear, or rather, what he needed to not hear. Freddy didnât try to return the hug, though, Bon-Bon did. Popping off of Freddyâs hand, he clinged to Diegoâs shirt. âEven if he wonât say it, we are appreciative! We just arenât used to being treated like people, Diego!â
âI guessed as much, Bon-Bon. Itâs okay. You donât have to trust me. You donât have to love me. You donât even have to like me. Just know that I wonât hurt you, okay?â
âI know you wonât Diego!â
Freddy remained silent. He just closed his eyes, daring to let himself feel okay for once.
Maybe he could allow himself the gall to dare to dream of a brighter future. Heâd hate himself, however, if he opened his eyes to see Funtime Foxy, Ballora, and their caretakers watching from the entrance. Rock snuck a picture.
This, this was worth its weight in gold.
Eventually, the hug came to an end. Eventually. The three took their sweet time in pulling away from each other.Â
âAre you okay, Freddy?â
The bear raised a hand and put it over Diegoâs mouth, not intending to harm him, just keep him quiet. He was deep in the chambers of his mind, remembering everything. He remembers the first day he performed, the first day any of them performed: the eighth of December, 1986. It was a frigid Monday in Utah when the pizzeria had opened, and an even more frigid reception. They were state-of-the-art, sure, but the Fazbear Murders hadnât exactly had time to fade from the public memory. He remembered his original purpose well: to murder children. Thatâs something he actually hated, despite his crass jokes about the subject. Though all the Funtimes had at least been complicit in murder, Funtime Freddy had actually taken a life himself. Circus Baby had too, or at least, had held a child until William was able to extract and finish the job himself.
He hated those memories.
But now? He could remember. He felt safe around Diego, in a strange way. Perhaps it was the manâs willingness to hand over the one weapon he had against him. Maybe it was the constant propaganda being pushed into him by Bon-Bon. Maybe it was something else entirely, but at any rate, he felt safe enough to remember.
Maybe heâd tell Diego one day. But that day was not today. He still wanted to be seen as a jerkass bear, at least, for a few days longer.Â
He hated being seen as a mushy softy.
Diego could only stand there, noticing the others watching. He gave them a gentle wave, signaling with non-verbal cues that he had no idea what Freddy was doing. They seemed supportive, though.Â
Diego held Bon-Bon in his hands, cradling him as if he were a baby of some sort. After a few more eternities of this, Funtime Freddy opened his eyes.
âThis doesnât leave this room.â
âI promise I wonât tell anyone.â
That was the truth. He wouldnât tell anyone, they had all already seen it. Even Baby had stopped by to examine why four people were all gazing into Funtime Freddyâs area without calling for paramedics.
The group scampered once Funtime Freddy opened his eyes, though. Best not to be caught interrupting an intimate moment.Â
Sooner, rather than later, it had turned into two oâclock. Just four and a half more hours and the day would be over: a rather unusually productive first day in the history of Circus Babyâs pizzeria.Â
The two had decided to take a walk: this was the mid-day slump, when no one really came. Mornings and evenings are usually their busiest times on weekdays, though, Monday as a whole was a rather slump-y day. Not many people, apparently, celebrated on the first day of the business week.
Funtime Freddy and Diego walked about the area, Freddy himself taking a more active role. He was telling Diego about the history of the pizzeria, even what it used to look like before it was all extensively remodeled.Â
âHuh. You know, I always thought the wall in the auditorium looked a little weird, but I had no idea this entire floor was something else.â
âThe crews did an alright job. I donât like how boxy the rooms are, but itâs efficient I guess.â
âI would guess so. Oh! Hi Sam!â
There she was: the manager extraordinaire, staring at the two of them as if she had seen a ghost.
âIs⌠is everything okay?â
âAm I going crazy, or is Funtime Freddy actually being nice to you?â
In response to that heinous accusation, Freddy (gently) elbowed Diego.
âIt was nice while it lasted,â Diego chuckled.Â
âFreddy, are you going to try and run Diego out of a job?â
Bon-Bon actually responded, Freddy more than happy to let him handle the softer side of the emotional spectrum: âmaybe heâll stay for a whole three months!â
âI think Iâd like to stay longer.â
âAh, excellent! Now, Freddy, do you mind if Diego and myself have a private conversation?â
âNot at all, Sam! I was getting tired of talking to this meat bag anyways!â
With that, he was off. Back to his usual, slightly unhinged, self.
âWhat on Earth have you done to make him not threaten your life, Diego?â
âWell, he still does, but itâs more playful. I think.â
âIâll take that over the serious threats heâs made. What did you do to him?â
âI didnât shock him.â
âReally? Thatâs it?â
âApparently, when you treat people like people, theyâre much more behaved.â
âAlright. Just⌠donât be scared to use it, if you really have to. Sometimes he gets so riled up not even Bon-Bon can calm him down.â
âIâll take my chances. Actually, if you donât mind, Iâd like it removed from my office. I read the protocol: it only states we need to have one available on request rather than in our offices, and I think heâd do better with it gone. I donât want it near me, anyways. It just seems cruel.â
âItâs a sad fact that it is sometimes necessary. I donât want it overused, but it's better than letting them kill. But, alright. Just turn it into my office and Iâll keep it on reserve for you.â
âThanks, Sam. I think Iâm really getting through to him. Oh, also, question. Can they eat?â
âThey can, actually! They have a false digestive system. Itâs a little too complex for you to work on for, probably your first week or two, but I do think youâll eventually get trained on it. Why do you ask?â
âJust curious. I might wanna share a slice of pizza with him or something.â
âOh! Speaking of, if youâd like you could take your lunch whenever you want. I donât think I managed to tell you that, but, we donât really have a set schedule - what with all the chaos of there being children here almost constantly.â
âThatâd be nice!â
âEmployees eat free! Our way of saying âthank you.â And for you especially. Here, letâs walk,â Sam stated as she led Diego towards the break room, âI honestly thought Freddy would run you out before the day ended. Forgive me, but you're not the most imposing person. I wanted to pair Rock with Freddy, but he already had a manager at the time. They turned out to be amazing with Foxy, so, I suppose it was all fine in the end. Janiceâs been here the longest, and, I canât imagine separating her and Ballora. Sheâs gone through a lot in her life, Iâm sure sheâll tell you about it. But as for you, well, as I said youâll have to forgive me. I suppose looks are deceiving though. What did you say you were majoring in? I know youâre a college kid.â
âPsychology! Iâm doing a minor in linguistics.â
âHowâre you handling classes with a full-time job?â
âThe classes are online, and if Iâm honest, I like the time this job lets me have for them.â
âSmart thinking. You know, if you did get run out by him, I wouldâve offered you the position of being Circus Babyâs manager. Sheâs been without one for two months now, but, in truth she doesnât really need one. Sheâs always been very quiet and behaved, it was Freddy that needed one the most.â
âBon-Bon seems to keep him in-line.â
âYouâd think but, like I said, sometimes he just gets so antsy itâs horrifying. Thatâs the time when we have to shock him.â
âDo we have any idea what causes it?â
âI only wish we did. I think itâs some sort of deep-seated programming bug.â
âHopefully I donât see that.â
âAh, but you might. Well, anyways, I think you probably have the best shot of either preventing that, or, getting him down from there. He usually enters that mode when one of his evaluations is coming up, thatâs a full-body maintenance routine. Itâs done every few months, just to keep them active and safe.âÂ
âI see. Weird, then. But, hey, I think heâll be fine. My first day and Iâm already connecting with him, Iâm really liking it.â
âItâs nothing short of miraculous, what youâve done here. Weâll just have to see if this holds or not: but I feel confident in saying that it will.â
The two were in the canteen by now, each taking some pizza. Might as well, since that was basically what everyone here lived off of. That and burgers, fries, and every other greasy food imaginable. They had healthy options, for sure, but most defaulted to the greasy goodness of the prepared food here. The healthy options probably werenât actually FDA-approved for human consumption, either. They always had a weird smell to them.
âCan the animatronics eat with us?â
âIn theory. In practice they either never have the appetite, or, donât really want to.â
The two ate their pizza all while making the usual workplace small-talk.
âSo, how long have you been here?â
âSix years. I started in 2016, actually, itâs kind of a funny story. I took this job on a dare. You know all the rumors about this company, and my friends are all true crime enthusiasts. Some of them are actually on the police force.â
âI imagine theyâre sick and tired of all the prank calls this place gets, though.â
âNot as much as youâd think, actually. Especially with that Mega Pizzaplex now, you ever been?â
âJust once, to check it out. Itâs⌠shockingly big. Especially for a town that doesnât have that many people, Iâm sure you could fit all of us into it with room to spare.â
âHah! Thatâs what Iâm saying. But it gets tourists here, so, who really cares at the end of the day? Certainly not the mayor.â
âSo, what do we get? The Pizzaplex seems like they get all the fancy toys and funding.â
âYouâd be right on that. We get⌠whateverâs left behind, actually. The budgetâs really weird, but I wonât bore you with management deets.â
âWell, hey, if you have the will then I have the time,â Diego stated. He was rather interested in the finer details of management - call it his love of gossip, but he wanted to know how things worked âbehind the curtains,â as it were.
âYou really are something special now, arenât you? Alright, well, since you are working here Iâll let you in on it. So our budget is actually delivered on a âfirst-come first-serveâ basis. Means we have to fight against each other if we want anything.â
âDamn.â
âDamn is right. Pizzaplex has the larger staff so they, by default, get most of the money. We mostly sustain ourselves through our sales.â
âWould not have guessed that, hm. It just seems so unfair, I mean, this place might not be half as big as the Pizzaplex but weâre still here. And weâve been around longer than⌠most of the Fazbear chain restaurants, actually. How havenât we burned down yet?â
âA question I ask myself every single day Iâm here,â Samantha stated while giggling. Honestly, it was miraculous all by itself that the place wasnât in utter shambles at the end of every day.
The two had finished their lunch and were back up to the first floor. Diego found himself back in his office, having given Samantha the taser for safe-keeping. The time on Diegoâs desktop read two-forty-five, with the first few children trickling in for Freddyâs three-o-clock show.Â
It was rather uneventful, all things considered. Just a repeat of the earlier show, although with the names obviously replaced during the birthday song. How Freddy hadnât gone mad from just doing this for three-and-a-half decades was entirely beyond the caretaker.
The show came and went, and the cleanup was frantic. Then came the five to six show, and with that, the day was over. It had all been a rather uneventful evening: Diego was mostly cooped up in his office replying to emails and finishing up some virtual trainings when he wasnât taking stabs at his coursework. The time was six-fifteen, and his shift was over. Janice stepped into the auditorium, waving to Diego.
âYour first day is done, congratulations! Howâd it go?â
âYou know, I think it went pretty well. I think I got through to Freddy, so, Iâm counting this as the most successful first day in the history of first days.â
She looked around, to make sure Freddy couldnât hear. He was currently being looked over by maintenance personnel, throwing his usual fuss as Bon-Bon tried to calm him.
âThat hug you two had was adorable! I donât think Iâve ever seen him be so calm.â
âI surprised myself with that, actually. I think it was really Bon-Bonâs doing, without him I really do not think that wouldâve ever happened.â
As if on cue, a gentler voice cut through them: âit was, as always, a pleasure to see. Itâs rare to see such a careful personality get along with Freddyâs by any metric,â a line uttered by of course none-other than Ballora.
âBallora! You two really do go together very well.â
âWe could say the same for you and Freddy,â Ballora replied. In all truth, she was not at all wrong to say that.Â
The day had come to a close, and now it was just a quick little post-first-day debriefing with everyone. Rock and Foxy had made their way into the auditorium, and Samantha wasnât very far behind. Everyone took a seat at the tables, the animatronics included, as they all went over the dayâs sales and such. Diego and Freddy were mostly quiet, just observing the others do it - Diego mostly for the sake of learning, Freddy for the sake of not liking to speak at these things. He wasnât in this for the money, but, well it was his lifeâs purpose now wasnât it?
The entire time, Diego had a very affectionate Bon-Bon resting a paw on his shoulder. Freddy seemed mostly okay with this. Mostly. He still didnât exactly trust Diego, but he might see how Bon-Bon would. That rabbit was always too trusting, too eager to see the good in people even if it was just a façade. That had gotten them hurt a few times, but Bon-Bon seemed relentless in his optimism.
The meeting had drawn to a close, and Diego bid Funtime Freddy and Bon-Bon a very simple goodbye. He couldnât wait to start his second day at the job, and quite frankly, Freddy might admit to himself, and only himself, that he would be counting the hours until Diego returned at six am. He would certainly have a nice little chat with the other animatronics about Diego, how sweet and incorrigible he was. How utterly, painfully, incorrigible he was. Thatâs what the animatronics liked to do, at night anyways.
They enjoyed their gossip. Thatâs how they bonded and passed the time as they waited for morning: night was a place of being worked on and being left alone. None of them particularly enjoyed the sensation of being left alone, or even of the man-handling the nightly maintenance crew were known for, but that was the simple fact of it.Â
Freddy watched as Diego exited the building, got into his car, and left.
What a weirdly beautiful day it was.













